Monday 2 September 2013

Life can be a roller coaster

This summer has been such hard work, it has drained me and tested me.

But this summer has been amazing, a time of change, of new beginnings, of time with God.

My life feels as if it has slowly climbed up the massive highs of the roller coaster and then plummeted down the big dipper, only to loop the loop at least twice over and then swoop up again.

I'm looking forward to the even keel that must surely follow this. you know the mundane, the day-to-day, the boring, the routine. Oh how I am longing for some routine right now.

I'm dearly trying to stay in the moment and enjoy each day as it happens but that does not mean there are not challenges in doing that.

There have been days I've sat on the sofa and cried as I've felt so lonely and then my online friends have picked me up. My 40th birthday was a low point if I'm honest, its hard when you have not got anyone local to just call and say 'coming out today?'. The women living here on the estate are lovely but they already have their friendship groups and lives established, I hope with time we can become more friendly.

As well as the lows there have been times when my heart has swelled with gratitude and I know I am so lucky to be here, as I walk through the woods or over a meadow by the stream I marvel in this wonderful landscape created by the Lord. Our family made a move of faith coming here and it feels right. I now need to sit tight and wait on the Lord and see what he wants of me, I'm so tempted to start offering to volunteer at the conference centre but I sort of feel I ought to allow myself to get to the point where all the jobs are done and I have an opportunity to get bored. I wonder if only then will I spend enough time in the presence of the Lord to truly hear what He is saying to me.

Friday we came home from holiday and our house sale in Hertfordshire finally completed and I at last feel as if East Sussex truly is my home. We have been here five weeks now and there was no trepidation about returning here after holiday, it feels like we have been here an eternity, this place is right. This is where God wants us to be and I know there are loads more ups and down to follow. The kids start school next week and the girls are really nervous about it and so am I but it will be OK for God tells me so.
Jeremiah 29:11 
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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