How Prepared is your Child for their Move to University?

Photo by Dom Fou on Unsplash

{This post is a collaboration with BBC TVL, but all thoughts and experiences are my own}

Isn't it funny how the same day can be both one of the best and also one of the saddest days of your life? It really is bittersweet sometimes and I'm trying hard to remain optimistic and focus on the good things but equally, I know I need to acknowledge my grief, and that might sound over the top but that is what it is for me. I am mourning the end of an era. This summer my near-19-year-old JJ headed off to the University of Bristol to read Maths. 

He's worked hard to go there and he certainly deserves to be there after achieving four A* results in his A Levels but I'm going to miss him so much. I adore my firstborn, we have always had such fun together and now he is 175 miles away, so I'll probably only see him a few times a year. What a contrast this will be to the daily time we have spent together for the last nineteen years.  

I got him to make me a playlist for the car, so I can feel as if he is still sitting next to me on our shared journey to work for me and college for him, but I'll miss his baritone tunes. I suspect Imagine Dragons will feature strongly in my car journeys for a while as I try to remain close to him. But that's enough Mich, I don't want to be downcast, I need to look on the bright side. Parents are here to raise their children to be independent and to go off and live their best lives whilst being good citizens and remembering the greater good. I don't think my husband and I have done too badly at all with JJ. We are both very proud of him and all he has achieved so far.

He's certainly been thorough with his preparation for the big move and had a uni checklist in play from early on, which was reassuring to me. In fact, it was as if a switch had been flipped about a year ago, he downloaded an app (todoist) to help him stay on track and know what tasks needed doing and when. I laughed at him at first as he was very specific with what he added, down to remembering to brush his teeth and put on deodorant, but it turned out to be a great way to establish some really useful and healthy habits. He now remembers to take a brisk walk each day and to change his bed once a week, without any prompting from me!

Some of his preparation was to do advance reading before he got to university and he even had some online tutoring over the summer to help him with topics that he had either yet to encounter, or he had struggled a little with. It's very easy to find a suitable tutor for all levels of study by looking on Tutor Hunt.

5 Tips to Teach Your Children About Personal Hygiene

Image Credit: Pexels

{This is a collaborative post}

It is essential to teach your children about good personal hygiene at a young age. Teaching them how to keep themselves clean and hygienic will help them stay healthy as they grow older. Here are five tips for teaching your children about personal hygiene:

Explain the Meaning of Good Personal Hygiene to Them

From a young age, you can be having conversations with your child about how important it is to keep ourselves clean and to practise good hygiene. Explain to your children what it meant by personal hygiene, it is, of course, more than just having a bath. Talk about how personal hygiene is the practice of keeping their body clean and healthy, as well as their hair, face, hands, feet, nails and teeth too.

As well as explaining you'll want to demonstrate to your child how to clean themselves well and help them understand that they must thoroughly wash their genitals too as this can be an area where bacteria easily breeds. By explaining personal hygiene to your children in a way that is age-appropriate and easy for them to understand, they will be more likely to remember and practice it as they grow older.

Show Them How to Clean Their Teeth

Another vital part of personal hygiene is oral health. Teach your children how to brush their teeth twice a day for a full two minutes each time. Make sure they are using a toothbrush that is the correct size for their age and using toothpaste with fluoride. If your child is old enough, you can also teach them how to floss their teeth, wrapping the floss around their fingers and gently inserting it between their teeth, using a clean piece for each new tooth. Remember to help them understand that they need to be gentle when flossing so that they don’t hurt their gums.

Making the best of the teeth you have is so important but it won't always be enough to give you the smile of your dreams, so as your child grows they may need help from an orthodontist or once they are adults maybe even visit cosmetic dentists Glasgow.

How To Be A Happy Mum

{This is a collaborative post}

Being a mum can be a hard job. We often feel as though we are being pulled in dozens of different directions all at once, and it can seem like, no matter what we do and what choices we make, someone is judging and telling us it was the wrong decision. This can lead to unhappiness, and that is a shame. Being a parent is such a wonderful thing that letting others dictate your happiness means you miss out on the enjoyment of being a mum. Therefore, it needs to stop, and here are some excellent ways you can be a happy mum, enjoy your children, and forget about everyone else.

Find The Right Balance 

Motherhood is a balancing act between being with your children and taking time for yourself, between working and staying at home, between being ‘you’ and being ‘mum’, and so much more. What works for one person in terms of balance might not work for another, which is why it is essential you work out what suits you. Then, of course, be willing to flex this in time if you need to. 

For example, you might choose to work full-time, part-time, or not at all. You might work from home or prefer to go to an office. No matter which you choose, you will have your reasons, and you will work out your happiness from it. Don’t listen to anyone else about this; you need to do what’s best for you and your family. As time goes on, you can easily make adjustments depending on where you feel you are needed most, so remember that nothing is set in stone, and you can change anything that needs to be changed. 

Tips on How to Handle a Disrespectful Child

Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash

 {This is a collaborative post}

Some children act disrespectful, imitating what they see in a TV show or video. Or some young children of school age may be imitating their classmates. They may roll their eyes or utter the word, ''whatever,'' when you ask them to do something. Others pretend not to hear you. In the disrespect range, these actions are quite mild. But if your child is displaying physical aggression, disregarding rules, and doing some name-calling, these are already serious issues, and you need some additional help.

Seek professional help

Whether your child is displaying mild or serious behaviour, it is vital to address the disrespectful behaviour as soon as possible. If you allow it to continue, they are likely to carry the attitude and become ruder as they grow older. Take your child to a child behaviour therapist for an evaluation to help get to the root cause of their disrespectful behaviour. Their actions may signify that they need help in learning socially appropriate ways to communicate effectively, dealing with their frustrations or managing their anger. Seeking help could be the kindest thing you do for your child if you are concerned that their behaviour is more aggressive than that of the average kid. 

Accepting Yourself as You Are #TheSelfieTalk

Image Credit: Dove

I was very interested to see that Dove have a new campaign, the #reverseselfie where they take an image that has been shared on social media and roll back the time, removing any filters, edits etc.

When you arrive at their webpage, titled “building self-esteem in the social media age” the first statistic that greets you is “by age 13, 80% of girls distort the way they look online” and as you read that you might feel pretty shocked, sickened or saddened. I know I did. Why? I thought to myself, why do they feel the need to edit their pictures and make themselves look different? Just look at those images above, that young girl on the right is almost unrecognisable by the distortions to the image on the left, and a 13 year old has become 20. That's truly what you call a lost youth. 

As I mused on this for a few days, I started to wonder if the problem really is as big as many adults assume? Are young girls intrinsically unhappy with the way they look and feeling pressure to be different? Also, Is it any different now to when I was 13, 34 years ago, before the age of social media? When I was at school I remember there being girls who wouldn’t come to school without a full face of make-up or their hair pristine. Isn't this just a newer version of that?

I suppose the big difference now, is that back in my day if you had bad hair, maybe 100 people saw it at school (if they even noticed you) but now if you post a bad hair day picture on social media there is an infinite amount of people who could look at it and it could go on being viewed for days, weeks or even months. Nowadays you have keyboard warriors too, those who want to share their opinion, even if it is negative. Believing that by sharing a photo, you invited their criticism or comment. 

So when I found myself in the car with my twin 13-year-old girls last week I asked them about posting pictures on social media and how they feel about it as I've noticed they both rarely post anything to their Instagram grid preferring to share stories instead. There are also a lot of filters and specific poses or effects used. For instance, I notice they like to take photos of themselves in the mirror, so it is a reflective look and maybe their tongue will poke to the side, or they make a sign with their hands. I'm pleased to say none of the trout pout or porno style shots has been in evidence from my girls. 

One pointed out to me that many of the filters or apps she uses are for fun, they aren’t about looking more beautiful or perfect. They might be a selfie in a face mask, or with silly big eyes, they are just a bit of fun, a way of expressing herself with her friends.

The other said she didn’t know anyone who actually took the time to use a photo editor to slim their body, change nose shape, elongate their neck etc. So that felt encouraging. She said that young people just want to post a photo they are happy with on social media and to show their best self. How is this any different to many adults, she questioned? And she is right, I wouldn't put a photo up where I felt I looked awful. For me, it won't be about a full face of make-up, but it might be about hiding my crooked smile, left from when I had Bells Palsy, or making my huge tummy not look so big. We each have our insecurities and just because I do not share photos of them on social media, does not mean I am tricking the world. I'm just posting what I am happy with and that is about me, and not you.

5 Big Challenges That Mums May Face

Image Credit: Sasin Tipchai on Pixabay

{This is a collaborative post}

Everybody knows that being a mum is one of the hardest jobs there is, and many feel like they are out of their depth. They think that the challenges they face every single day are unique to them and that all of the other mums out there are handling things a lot better than they are. But that isn’t true at all and the reality is, it’s a steep learning curve for everybody and all mums face the same set of challenges every single day. If you are feeling overwhelmed, have a read through this list of some of the biggest challenges that mums face, and know that you aren’t the only one.

Judgment From Other Mums 

This is a big problem and even though we don’t mean it, we can all be guilty of judging people from time to time. When it comes to parenting choices, everybody has to decide what they think is best for their own child, but this can lead to a lot of judgment from other mums. Things like breastfeeding, for example, can be very controversial and mums that choose not to might feel judged. If you feel that you are constantly justifying your parenting choices, you need to change the way you think. The truth is, there is no right way to do things and if you are doing what you genuinely think is best for your child, you’re doing enough and it doesn’t matter if other people don’t agree with your parenting style. 

Being Ignored 

Kids all go through those stages where they will ignore whatever you say, and it’s so frustrating. A lot of mums worry that it’s their bad parenting and they haven’t done enough to discipline their child, but that's not the case, kids are just difficult sometimes. Check out this list of funny things that mums say to their kids and you’ll realise that you aren’t the only one that is constantly saying the same things over and over, only to have it fall on deaf ears. It’s so frustrating, but you just have to keep going and eventually, you will get through to them. They all grow up in the end!

Living your Children’s Lives

JJ at his happiest, with a big pizza in front of him!

Sometimes it can be really tricky not to try and impose your world view and to live your child’s life for them. And I don’t mean the extremes, we all know parents who are a failed musician or weren’t encouraged in their desire to be a model and now have a child who is excelling in that hobby or career.

I’ve always been keen for my children to be unique, just the way God created them to be. So whilst in my heart I had this desire that JJ would be an amazing musician and would lead worship in our church, I knew from an early age it probably wouldn’t happen as he didn’t show any interest in playing an instrument. I could have signed him up for lessons and bought a guitar or keyboard, putting all my energy into him mastering his craft, but that would have been about me, not him, and that’s not fair.

So despite my unfulfilled aspirations (singer, runner, artist) I let my kids be and waited to see where their personalities would take them. If you asked me I’d probably have told you that I had this part of parenting nailed, I wasn’t projecting my desires onto the kids and they were free to do what they fancied.

However, as I was chatting with JJ during the recent Easter break I realised this isn’t quite true. I do have expectations and norms that I was subconsciously expecting them to conform to. Not to attend clubs, master hobbies or attain beyond their means but just in regard to how their life might look, how they spend their time. I’ll explain.

The Priviledge of Being the Default Parent

I remember early last year coming across the term 'default parent', it was an article in the Huff Post from 2014 that for some reason was popping up in my Facebook feed. I must admit it wasn't a term I was familiar with, but a bit of googling led me to find it is pretty well used and often in a derogatory fashion.

M Blazoned, the writer of the Huff Post article suggests "the default parent is the one responsible for the emotional, physical and logistical needs of the children", and she points out that generally it will be the mother. 

Most articles I read were from mothers who were fed up and worn out of being the one that the children always come to. Often, they were juggling a paid job, childcare and taking care of the family home, and frankly they were burnt out and wondering why it all fell to them when they had a partner who could technically take half the load.

Mums and Their Work - Is Your Family Flourishing?

We are all aware of the age old debate about mums and should they be working? Out the home, in the home? Or not at all?

But how crazy would it be if we expected a women not to work just because she has birthed a child? Work isn't only something you are paid for, work is everything you put effort into and therefore as responsible adults we all have to work. Looking after your child is work, cleaning your house is work and being paid to man a shop or helping your elderly aunt are both work too.

Oxford English Dictionary definition -"Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a result."

Each one of us is unique and this is just the way God planned it. We don't need to be jealous of the next woman because she can plan an Instagram perfect party and execute it with panache for twenty 5 year old's. Changes are it is part of her gifting - organisation, an eye for beauty and indulging her child are all things that build her up and she enjoys. I'm willing to bet that she isn't doing it to show you how wonderful she is. In fact I'm willing to bet she hasn't even thought about you!

Harsh, but true. We need to remember that we are the centre of our own tiny little world but we need to get outside ourselves and stop making everything about us. Let's think the best of our sisters, of all those other mums, who like us are probably just trying their best and muddling through however they can. When we build another woman up and support her she grows and that's really important. Just look at nature, when you grow green beans and you offer them a bamboo cane, they cleverly wind their tendrils around the cane for growth support and keep on flourishing. 

In the same way God extends His grace to us and that is something none of us deserve but it acts as a support framework to allow us to feel forgiven and able to grow. We all need to follow Gods example and extend grace to everyone we meet. Especially every Mum as the likeliness is that she already believes she isn't good enough.

Talking Body Shapes and Size

Image Credit: Fat & Lean woman

I think it's been really good for my girls spending lots of time by the pool during our holiday in Spain, they have seen people (and let's be honest by people, I mean women) of all shapes and sizes wearing whatever it is that pleases them and of course that is how it should be. We are all different and our character and style is unique, so my desire to wear a one piece bathing suit is different to someone else's desire to wear a g-string.

There have been some strange comments like 'Mum, do you think all these people know how big they are and they are wearing bikinis?', 'you look really big in that Mummy' and 'can you swim if you are that fat?' I've been challenged by each of these statements both as a mother and a larger lady but pleased that they have presented the opportunity to again talk with my girls. The conversations have gone along the lines of people being able to wear whatever makes them happy, that bikinis are not just for super slim women, that I am more than just my size and that people of all shapes and sizes can swim really well.

It does trouble me where they have both got this body size obsession from. You might jump to the conclusion if you've seen me that it is down to me as I'm large but I never express dissatisfaction with my body size/ shape in front of them and I have never commented on others either. I am really open with the girls, I acknowledge that I am overweight, but I do not flinch when they touch me, they see me exercise and they have seen me eating more healthily as they know it is not ideal to be as big as me. However, I have always been really clear that it is not 'bad' to be fat but it can cause health issues and that is why I should try to be healthier. I tend to talk in health and fitness terms rather than size or weight as I feel it is much more important.

Perhaps just my being fat is enough to have scarred them? Maybe they are scared of ending up the same way as me? Maybe the cruel playground comments about me have upset them? Or perhaps it is the things I allow them to eat, the way I allow them to live their life that will lead to them being fat? I don't know, parenting and trying to navigate the minefield that is raising kids is immensely hard and like everyone else I'm just trying to do my imperfect best. Yes it worries the inner me if I see there is more weight on their little bodies than I think is ideal but I never give them any indication of this and I remember that each one of my three children is growing and changing and puberty is approaching and their bodies now will not at all be indicative of their bodies as adults. I would never ask them to change or diet.

What is it about living in the UK that makes people obsessed with how women look? The hotel where we were staying had people from all nations and us Brits were very much in the minority but I noticed it was only the British women that sat there with their arms crossed over their tummy and wearing a one piece swimsuit. The Russians, the Germans and the Spanish, to name just a few of the many nationalities were all in bikinis and as brown as berries. Maybe that is it, they are more used to the sun and having their skin on show?

I don't really have any answers, that is the difficult thing. All I know is that I need to keep encouraging my girls to accept themselves just as they are and when they are older if they decide for any reason that they don't like what they see when they look in the mirror then they need to take positive steps towards change or acceptance. They just have to be careful not to allow their bodies to become an obsession.

My prayer for them both is that they will be brave and bold enough to just be the wonderful and unique person that God created them to be, it makes no odds if that person is a size 10, 14 or 22.

Just look at them, aren't they fabulous?

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Realising They Have to Make Their Own Mistakes

Isn’t it a hard truth to face, that we have to let our children make their own mistakes?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve made so many mistakes in life. Some of them pretty big ones and I’d love to just do a brain dump or even sit there for a few hours (read days) and chat through my mistakes and the consequences of them if it could help my children not to have to go through the same painful experiences I’ve had.

But it just doesn’t work like that. Those painful experiences have also been my learning experiences when I have grown, changed and learnt resilience. I pray all my children learn Godly resilience and are able to stand firm in their relationship with God and get through whatever trial life has thrown at them.

Life throws up new trials every day, whatever age we are. Yesterday has been an interesting one with my 8-year-old twin girls and I won’t go into too much detail but my husband and I had to have a serious chat with them and make them realise that their actions have consequences and that by disobeying my direct instructions they were putting themselves at risk.

I think they got the message as we had some graphic conversations (at a level an 8-year-old can understand) and I continue to pray for their protection and for them to grow in wisdom and obedience.

Once they were in bed I sat down to do my daily bible reading and yet again I was really captured by the devotional insight written by Max Lucado. Today it was based around the verse from Luke 15:11-32. Why don’t you read this story, commonly known as the Prodigal Son? It might be that you have read it dozens of times before or it might be that it is your first time but it was so reassuring to me to read God writing about our children making their own mistakes and coming back from them.

Then Jesus said, “A man had two sons. The younger son said to his father, ‘Give me my share of the property.’ So the father divided the property between his two sons. Then the younger son gathered up all that was his and traveled far away to another country. There he wasted his money in foolish living. After he had spent everything, a time came when there was no food anywhere in the country, and the son was poor and hungry. So he got a job with one of the citizens there who sent the son into the fields to feed pigs. The son was so hungry that he wanted to eat the pods the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he realized what he was doing, he thought, ‘All of my father’s servants have plenty of food. But I am here, almost dying with hunger. I will leave and return to my father and say to him, “Father, I have sinned against God and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son, but let me be like one of your servants.”’ So the son left and went to his father.

“While the son was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt sorry for his son. So the father ran to him and hugged and kissed him. 21 The son said, ‘Father, I have sinned against God and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Hurry! Bring the best clothes and put them on him. Also, put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get our fat calf and kill it so we can have a feast and celebrate. My son was dead, but now he is alive again! He was lost, but now he is found!’ So they began to celebrate.

“The older son was in the field, and as he came closer to the house, he heard the sound of music and dancing. So he called to one of the servants and asked what all this meant. The servant said, ‘Your brother has come back, and your father killed the fat calf, because your brother came home safely.’ The older son was angry and would not go in to the feast. So his father went out and begged him to come in. But the older son said to his father, ‘I have served you like a slave for many years and have always obeyed your commands. But you never gave me even a young goat to have at a feast with my friends. But your other son, who wasted all your money on prostitutes, comes home, and you kill the fat calf for him!’ The father said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. We had to celebrate and be happy because your brother was dead, but now he is alive. He was lost, but now he is found.’”

I recognise so many of the personality traits of this younger son in one of my children and I do worry they will go off the rails. I can’t understand why they want so much more than life is already providing them with. Where does this sense of being disgruntled come from and whoever said they could expect everything they desire?

I don’t know the answers to my own questions and frankly, I don’t think it is really useful to keep meditating on them. Two of my children are happy with their lot in life and one of them feels that everyone else has it better. Have we parented them differently? No, I don’t think so. I just have to accept that each person is as God intended them and know that these tendencies to rebel and question everything will be used for good by the Lord.

My job is to pray and give thanks, he was quite clear when He told me this the other day, and who I am to argue with Him who knows everything?

So I pray for your children and I pray for mine that whatever mistakes they do make, they know we will always be there for them, supporting them, forgiving them, and welcoming them with open arms just like the father in the story told in Luke did.

With blessings, Mich x

I Never Want to Tidy Toys Again!

I've been feeling a bit poorly over the last week and to be honest it has made me a tad grumpy at times and certainly my patience and tolerance for noise and mess has been low. After a number of nights with interrupted sleep and only limited rest we decided not to go to church Sunday morning as I just didn't think I'd be able to function for the rest of the day and my husband had been out at Night Church until the early hours of the morning.

The girls and I had made a deal to get their homework done and to tidy their bedrooms before lunch and then the afternoon would be more relaxed with a photography walk and a cream tea after. The morning started well as I had managed to get about six hours sleep and we got all the homework out the way pretty early and with minimal fuss.

It was then time to start the clear up of the bedrooms and before we could even start that I realised the lounge was a mess from where the girls had been up before me. In truth they had been really good and got themselves some breakfast and turned the TV onto low to chill and do some colouring whilst I continued to rest but for a few minutes all I saw was the mess in the lounge.

Term Time Holidays - Yes or No?

Image Credit: Mayan Ruin from Shutterstock

It's quite a major debate, isn't it?  I am constantly seeing posts across my social media feeds with parents asking other parents if they should take their child out of school to go on holiday. We all know that the price of holidays depends on the popularity of the time of year and it is pretty logical really.

When JJ first started school we took him on a term-time holiday each year as it meant we could enjoy a break with my parents for next-to-nothing and seeing as I wasn't earning major money it was just what we needed. Time to be a family, have fun together and recharge our batteries. We didn't have any qualms about doing it as he was just 4 or 5 years old and the the few days he missed school were not crucial in the overall scheme of things - he is a bright boy.

Then things changed, the twins became old enough to go to school and JJ was learning different kinds of subjects and we felt he might miss out by not being at school. Also the ten days discretionary leave that a Head could issue changed and now Head Teachers can only authorise leave in exceptional circumstances and those circumstances are left up to the Heads discretion. It is a bit of a minefield to be honest now.

Parenting: What to do?

Sometimes parenting is the most difficult job in the world. You are desperate to get it right and then situations present themselves that you have no idea how to tackle and you just have to learn on the job. Yes there are tons of manuals; books ready to tell you the best approach and there are online forums and web articles and in fact dozens of resources but really does anything beat your own intuition?

Every child and every situation is different, I've seen that with just my three children and if I am honest I look at my oldest JJ at age 12 and think that my husband and I aren't doing such a bad job. Yes he is addicted to his computer but he is a good guy all round. He's smart, he cares, he tries hard, he is polite and he is fun to be with. So I think we are right to be trusting our gut and parenting in the way that feels natural to us.

I'm having behavioural challenges with one of my girls at the moment. They are having a tough time at school and keep pushing the boundaries and acting out. This of course leads to consequences from the teacher and the last thing I want at the end of the day is yet another email to tell me of that days mishap!

Sometimes I dislike my kids...

I absolutely love this photo

I'm not sure you are supposed to be up-front and say that out loud but it is true and I'm always keen to be honest. You know - Mummy from the Heart and all that....

The first time I realised I didn't always like one of my kids I remember panicking and thinking perhaps there was something wrong with me. Maybe I was always supposed to feel complete love and adoration for them, maybe I should find their quirky ways endearing and not rage-inducing? But no, talking to other Mums I found out I was pretty normal. There will be days and times when you could happily give your kids away.

After spending four weeks of near 24 hour a day contact with all my kids I can readily tell you that there have been times I have been driven a little crazy. Three kids in a family is a difficult number I've come to realise, as there is often one of them feeling left out and that means the dreaded bickering. That, along with the following are a few of the times when I sadly dislike my kids -

Pressure, pressure everywhere

It is a crazy old world we live in nowadays; everyone and everything is so driven, so target focused and so opinionated. Whatever happened to live and let live? Or don't worry, be happy? OK they are cliches but for me I don't think they will ever go out of date.

I've come to realise that many of the things that make me unhappy or uneasy are from the pressure I feel. Pressure to conform, to be perfect, to be online everywhere, to be the best parent, have the most successful blog and to always succeed. Logically I know none of these things are right, never once did Jesus say 'my disciples, you must strive to be the best and only then will I accept you'. No, never. 

Instead what bible says is 'For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.' (John 3:16 ESV) That message is for every one of us, He accepts and loves all of us, we just have to make the choice to accept Him back, I also love the verse that days  'Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?' (Matthew 6:26 NLT).

Parenting with Grace

The terrible twosome laughing together for once!

As I undertook the mundane (but quite enjoyable to me) tasks of tidying the kid's bedrooms and changing my bed the other morning I listened to a podcast from the God Centered Mom. I've been subscribed to this channel for a while but not really listened before but after the podcasts, I listened to today I'll be back and I'd say check it out if Godly parenting is your kind of thing.

More and more as I grow as a Christian I've been thinking about how I shine my light and demonstrate Gods love to all those I meet. Of course, this needs to start with me - being kind and forgiving of myself and then with those closest to me. None of them is perfect so I must not expect that from them and when I speak tenderly to my husband even though he may have annoyed me or lovingly to my children even though they may be screaming at each other I'm doing the right thing and emulating Christ.

Let me assure you it is not at all easy to be as Jesus was. He was the son of God made into man and sent here to experience our world, he was perfect and wholesome. I am broken and flawed but I have given my life to him and now I am dead to my old selfish ways and Jesus lives in me, I just need to let him and not fight it.

How do you stop kids bickering?

Can anyone give me any wisdom please? Is it just part and parcel of family life, that my kids will bicker, argue and try to get one up on each other? Or is there some kind of parenting fail here?

I have 7 year old twin girls and an 11 year old boy and in particular one of my twins and my son will do whatever they can to wind the other one up. Going into the other ones rooms, leaving notes, taking things, making silly noises - just anything to bait the other one. It is a game I think they both secretly enjoy and to some extent I am keen not to rise to it and to just let them sort it out themselves but very quickly they become really quite noisy and one or the other ends up crying and shouting 'Muuuuum'.

My son gets involved in every conversation and we often have to remind him he is not a parent and whatever is going on is not his business. Then one of the twins will try and wind up the other one as she is an easy target and will end up playing the victim and whinging, without retaliating.

I watched the Railway Children the other day and was in awe of the respect and good behaviour demonstrated by the children in the film. I just dream of my children accepting what I say, not arguing back and being nice to each other. We have always had a mantra of it being better to be kind than to be right but kindness towards each other seems to escape them.

Don't get me wrong they are not terrible. I haven't got feral children or anything but I'd just love some ideas for them being nicer to each other. My husband and I seriously considering taking away all screens and tech for quite a period of time and making them play together and share together. This will surely mean they have to sort it out and start being nice to each other, what do you think?

I took the two main culprits for a walk together the other day and threatened them with a boot camp together and they both quite liked the sound of that! Here they are having some fun (ahem) together -

If you look, you'll see JJ has a stick he is threatening to throw towards Miss M. He had no intention of doing so but it was still enough to provoke a reaction! 

Then being the kind big brother, breaking off a large stick for Miss M to carry and play with

Photo bombed by JJ's fingers!

Helping each other jump the stream

There are of course some harmonious times but I really would like to see more of them, so if you have any good ideas then please do leave me a comment.

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You are hard work, contrary, fun and beautiful...

...and I Love you Miss M.

You are my baby, my last born, the little blondie and you know how to press every button I have.

I remember once having a conversation with someone about you and they reassured me the ones who are a challenge to parent are the ones who will go places. They won't settle for second best, they won't be pushed out the way, they are not afraid to cause a stir. In fact they are the ones who could change the world as they make things happen.

I'm often at a loss as to how to parent you. Each child is different and I seem to have been able to work it out with JJ and his needs and Miss E is pretty easy going and as long as she has hugs she is happy, but what about you babe, what do you need?

Conversations about Fat

Last week the girls and I were sat in our lounge. Miss E and I cuddled up on one sofa watching a DIY program and Miss M sat on the other playing with her tablet and chatting away to us. It was an easy family hour, all content in each others company; we were relaxing and letting the busyness of the day fade.

Then all of a sudden Miss M looked at me and said 'Mummy, M, R and L at school all say you are fat' and she looked sad. Great, thought I, the nasty comments from other kids has started already, they are only 7 but remaining calm I quietly asked 'Oh what did you say to them?'

As quick as anything Miss E butts in 'you're not fat mummy, you're skinny'. This is of course ludicrous as I'm a size 22 and definitely a larger lady but I love Miss E's loyalty and desire to defend me.

Miss M is still looking sad, in fact looking like she wishes she had never bought the conversation up in the first place. I don't want her to be put in this position so I speak 'you know I'm fat babe, but does that make me a bad person?'. 'No Mummy, you are lovely, they made me sad saying you are fat' Miss M quietly comments.

'I know darling but you don't have to be sad because someone talked about me, it is none of their business, they obviously don't have anything better to talk about' I reassure her. 'So what did you say to them Miss M?'. Shyly she looks up and says 'I told them you are still my mummy and I love you'.

'Good, you did the right thing, don't get into an argument. Just play with other people if they make you sad'. All the while Miss E has been wittering on in her worried little nervous style, about how I'm not fat, I'm her lovely mummy. The three of us then progress to have the same conversation we have had many times before, that being fat does not define who a person is. They will have the same personality whatever size they are and it is not wrong to be fat. What is important is being fit and healthy, some larger people have excellent diets and run marathons and some very thin people eat junk food all the time.

We cannot judge a book by it's cover and really, is it any of our business what anyone else does or how they look? Both girls agree that no, it is not anything to do with other people and we end the conversation with Miss M looking less worry laden.

Following this conversation, the subject of me being very fat is again at the forefront of my mind. Hang on, who am I kidding? The fact that I'm obese never leaves my mind, as much as I wish to be able to accept this is who I am and the way I am, I just can't do it. I don't want to be this size, I know I look 8 months pregnant and I'm not happy with that.

This of course means I need to do something about it. I need to drop the excuses and practise what I preach, it is time to hand my issue to the Lord and have confidence that He will help me beat this.

It is not just about me anymore, it is about all those I love and how it affects them too. Please Father, help me I beg you.

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