Tips for enjoying Christmas during a Pandemic

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

I did wonder if I should title this post - tips for surviving Christmas during a pandemic - but no, I figured I should be positive. For the great majority of us, we CAN enjoy Christmas and not just have to survive, endure or get through it this year. 

We're still a week away from Christmas day and there is plenty of time for each of us to check ourselves and start changing our mindset from negative to positive. We know now that the rate of spread in the UK is still high and for many areas (especially London, the South East and Wales) the spread is rising exponentially. So, it is time for every one of us to act responsibly and to have the smallest, safest gathering possible this Christmas. 

It won't be normal - there won't be boozy nights with friends, trips to the panto, ice skating with the kids or frantic sale shopping and now we know that for sure, it is time for us to accept it and make the best of what we have left. I'd like to suggest that we can still have a good time or even a great time and I wanted to share some tips for doing so. 

Take a Positive View

My first suggestion and it applies to everyone is to look on the bright side. I know from personal experience and from being involved with the Reasons to be Cheerful gang for over a decade that looking for the good in a situation makes a difference. When you choose to be grateful and offer thanks for the things that you do have, it changes your mindset and it can easily become a habit. Of course, you have to be willing to put in the effort and I think it is good to write down each day the things you are thankful for. Aim for three a day and when you are struggling just seek one positive thing, even if it is as simple as - you have a home, warm clothes, food to eat. Start with the basics and keep recording what you are grateful for and your list and your heart will grow, I promise you. 

A few years ago I wrote a post titled 'Keeping perspective: It's Just One Day After All!' where I talked about not following the crowd and remembering that Christmas is just a short snippet in time, and I think it is more important than ever this year to remember that. Don't spend money you don't have, mourn the things that are missing or be anxious over whether the turkey will be perfect. Try instead, to be calm, loving and present in the moment.

Oh and on the note of being positive, make a concerted effort to stay away from negative people during this time. You don't need anyone to steal your joy! You really can control your own thoughts and positive affirmations go a long way. I have a typed sheet on my mirror that reminds me of who I am, for me, it is about being a child of God and I focus on His promises but for you it might be more general affirmations like - I am a beautiful woman with a good heart, I am generous, I am loving, I will have a great Christmas day, I treasure time by myself. All the things you want to believe and need to hear, write down and say them aloud to yourself as you start the day.

What Does He See When He Looks At Me?

Just look at that picture. Is there anything as gorgeous as a child fully at rest, peacefully sleeping? It's all the more precious when that child is a live wire and you have had to coax and train her to be able to fall off to sleep without a fight.

Last week dh and I went out for the evening and when we got back I went in to check on each of the kids as I always do, but this time I stopped and really looked at Miss M and captured this picture. In that moment I remembered how important it is to focus on the good in a person, every person.

It goes without saying that I love Miss M, adore her in fact. She is so like me but that doesn't necessarily make things easy. It makes them harder if anything, as all those little traits I don't like about myself, well she has them too and all those rough edges I've been working on and smoothing out over the last few years since deepening my relationship with Christ, yep they are evident as well.

I don't know how I did it....

Loving time to spend with these nutters!

Most days I find this going through my head, I am amazed really. How on earth did I use to work, volunteer and look after my family and home? Now I’m not working outside the home it completely baffles me, I can see why I used to look tired and withered most of the time.

Here I am now with loads of time on my hands and still I don’t sit around and twiddle my thumbs, in fact I’d like a few more hours in a day. I suppose it is a change of priorities and activities rather than having stopped. Things before which had to be pushed to the side can now be undertaken.

It gives me an immense amount of satisfaction now to be able to do reading, times tables, spelling and homework with the kids every day. Before I struggled to do it twice a week. I tried to push the guilt away, who did it help if I felt bad that I was not doing enough educational things with the kids but realistically in the short time we have been here Miss E has made really great progress with her reading, something she struggles so much with. When I see that progress I know it is totally right than I am not working right now.

The smallest things gives me joy at the moment, like the fact I’m able to use up those plums that have not ripened. Before they would have ended up in the bin as there was no time for anything else but now I can use Maggy’s recipe and enjoy plum cake with custard. We can have roast dinners on week days, I can make curry from scratch and hot puddings come from the oven not a shop-bought container. Never has so much flour, eggs, butter and sugar been used in my house!

I have an immense respect for working parents, having done it for 10 years myself I know it is hard work and right now I’m blessed to be trying something different out. I felt the benefit of not working this week when late Sunday afternoon Miss M broke her elbow. As I spoke to dh on the phone as we waited in our local A&E all I could say was thank God I can just stay home with her and not worry. If we had been back in Hertfordshire one or the other of us would have felt compromised trying to sort out work around caring for our babe.

I understand I’m really blessed to have been able to make this decision, not everyone can. I have a husband who understands this is right at present and we have agreed that we will make financial sacrifices to be able to do this - plans for future abroad holidays and large purchases are gone but for us we really are feeling a difference in our quality of life.

For sure I’d urge anyone to seriously consider giving up work and spending some time at home to really be with your kids and to be able to feel as if you are on top of things. Turn back the clock and never would I or anyone who knew me say that I’d ever suit being a stay at home mum but we’d all have been wrong. For now it feels good and that’s enough for me.

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What does my blog say about me?

I made a bit of a decision a week or so ago that I would not be taking many sponsored posts on Mummy from the Heart any more. It is a strange time on the face of it to make that decision - I have finished my paid job, registered self-employed so I could do more blogging work and dh is earning less than he did fifteen years ago! It's a bit comical really but it feels right, I got the feeling that God did not want me constantly selling my blog to the highest bidder.

My blog started out as a way to record the great things my kids and our family are getting up to, it then progressed into a peek into the life of an average imperfect Christian. I knew that my blog was supposed to show people that we are not all freaks and that life is very normal as a Christian, we just know that God is on our side and this helps us to get through some immense times and to remember to live with intention and compassion.

Somewhere along this five year journey I feel like things got a bit lost and my blog became a money making machine instead of a beloved friend. I am of course very tempted when I get offered £80 or £100 to write a post but it just does not feel right any more, I don't really need that money. Yes I might want it but that is quite different and no one died happy because they were rich.

I found when I was taking sponsored posts that I would feel pressured and that might make me short with my kids or less inclined to sit down and have a game of monopoly or to read a book with them. I also know I lost readers because of this and I'm sad about that but you never know they might come back now things will be a bit more me and a lot less brand around here.

I took a look through my blog today and wondered if a stranger arrived here today what would they learn about me? What am I telling/ showing them are my values and the most important things in my life? Back in July they might have learnt that I was avidly trying to earn money as we had a mortgage and no wages to pay it!

Right now I believe they will look at my blog and learn that I live in a beautiful place in the countryside and that I'm really appreciating the land and space here. They will see me spending lots of time with my kids out and about and doing cooking and baking. It will be evident that I'm a Christian and live for Jesus and as a result of this I find joy in most things and choose to be grateful every day. They will also see that our family is very lucky and we get to review some great holidays, days out and products.

I'm pleased to say that they will see Mich. They will see what I'd like people to see, the real me. I sure hope it stays that way.

Have you ever viewed your last 20 or so posts and seen what a stranger would view if they landed on your blog? What impression would they get of you? and is it the one you want to be presenting?

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Life can be a roller coaster

This summer has been such hard work, it has drained me and tested me.

But this summer has been amazing, a time of change, of new beginnings, of time with God.

My life feels as if it has slowly climbed up the massive highs of the roller coaster and then plummeted down the big dipper, only to loop the loop at least twice over and then swoop up again.

I'm looking forward to the even keel that must surely follow this. you know the mundane, the day-to-day, the boring, the routine. Oh how I am longing for some routine right now.

I'm dearly trying to stay in the moment and enjoy each day as it happens but that does not mean there are not challenges in doing that.

There have been days I've sat on the sofa and cried as I've felt so lonely and then my online friends have picked me up. My 40th birthday was a low point if I'm honest, its hard when you have not got anyone local to just call and say 'coming out today?'. The women living here on the estate are lovely but they already have their friendship groups and lives established, I hope with time we can become more friendly.

As well as the lows there have been times when my heart has swelled with gratitude and I know I am so lucky to be here, as I walk through the woods or over a meadow by the stream I marvel in this wonderful landscape created by the Lord. Our family made a move of faith coming here and it feels right. I now need to sit tight and wait on the Lord and see what he wants of me, I'm so tempted to start offering to volunteer at the conference centre but I sort of feel I ought to allow myself to get to the point where all the jobs are done and I have an opportunity to get bored. I wonder if only then will I spend enough time in the presence of the Lord to truly hear what He is saying to me.

Friday we came home from holiday and our house sale in Hertfordshire finally completed and I at last feel as if East Sussex truly is my home. We have been here five weeks now and there was no trepidation about returning here after holiday, it feels like we have been here an eternity, this place is right. This is where God wants us to be and I know there are loads more ups and down to follow. The kids start school next week and the girls are really nervous about it and so am I but it will be OK for God tells me so.

Jeremiah 29:11 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

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Marriage - No one said it would be easy

I've been thinking about marriage a lot just recently.  Not really my marriage but just the concept of biblical marriage and how society's views towards it have changed. It really saddens me to see so many people rush into marriage and assume it will be so easy and when it is not they bail out. A few weeks ago I was flicking through the Sunday papers at my parents-in-law and on the front page of one was a story about Denise Van Outen and how 'the spark had gone from her marriage' and thus divorce was to be the outcome.

I have no idea what goes on behind closed doors so maybe something really awful has happened in this relationship but the paper said they had spent so much time apart pursuing their entertainment careers that they fell out of love and grew apart. Gosh, that is so sad. How can the pursuit of fame and money be more important than your marriage?

When my parents were growing up back in the 1960's the known norm was to seek a spouse of the opposite sex and get married and that marriage would be for life. I like that - a lot. Nowadays people do whatever they fancy and I expect many reading this would say hooray, thank goodness for that. Not so for me, as a Christian marriage is a really important decision, one to be cherished and nurtured. Here is what the bible says -

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honour among all

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife

Ephesians 5:22-33 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the Church

I didn't go into my marriage thinking that every day would be a dream, nor that I would always feel 'in love' with my husband every day. I fully realise that a good marriage is about hard work, compromise, upset, difficult decisions and angst as well as the flip side of joy, delight, companionship, support, respect and contentment.

I'm sure my vision of marriage does not fill some people with the desire to run out and do it, they want to read about passion, excitement, heady heights and amazing moments but those things just last a few weeks, months or if you are super lucky years. I'm in this for the long haul - til death us do part.

And if you are married then I hope you are too. Your marriage is really important and it must be cherished. If things feel hard and you are pondering separating or divorcing then please talk to each other. Try harder, see if you can work it out, seek external help. Explore every avenue, be really honest with each other and forgive if you need to. Don't hold onto those past hurts because they help no-one.

In short please don't give up on marriage. Join me in the forever club.

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If you want a different result then things need to change...

I was down in the dumps yesterday. I think the high of moving house had worn off. We went to Bexhill-on-sea on Thursday and found a lovely park, the kids had fun playing and I sat and read my book - all good it sounds. But then I started to look around and hear the chitter chatter of all the other Mums with their friends and I realised I need to go through that again and make new friends here. Sad moment number one.

Friday morning I awoke and went to have breakfast and then like a bat it whacked me, sad moment number two. I felt completely overwhelmed, it seemed as if there was so much to do - boxes to unpack, seven stone to shift, kids to parent through tricky behaviours and trials, friends to make, work to establish, blogging to be done etc etc. I really felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and could easily of had a good cry. Thankfully some great friends talked me though it and a trip out with the kids gave me back some perspective. Yes there is lots to be done but no time pressures. This is not a race I have to win in one week, I'm here for the rest of my life and things will take however long they take.

We have made a big move and I need to acknowledge that. Things will be different and at times difficult. This is the first time I have ever moved and not had to go to work, so where I make my friends will have to take a different angle. I had not realised I would be alone with the kids so much, I need to get my head around that. It is new.....  and yes exciting too. Dh has a whole different set of challenges to me, he has a very big job and needs to plan all the changes he will work with his team to implement, so his place of work becomes even better. Efficiencies he will drive and people he will nurture and develop, those are his talents but they take up a lot of head space and I need to remember that.

I went to a service last night run by the volunteers and that was the first moment I felt things click. I know it is right to be here but I have to be patient as I wait for God to reveal his plans for us, or me specifically. But as I sat amongst the 40 or so people in that room and listened to them singing together in harmony with the voices of about 30 different nations I knew I was supposed to be there. It was beautiful. We all lifted our voices in praise and thanked the Lord for what He had done for us and praised His holy name. As I listened to a young volunteer talk about how we all expect far too much happiness nowadays I knew he was right and I was taken back to that morning when I had felt so sad. The reminder that I am here to serve God and not the other way round was a poignant one.

The decision was made during that service that I need to plan and push myself and make the changes that need to happen. I want different results and thus I need to change what I do. 7am this morning saw me up and dressed, heading out the door for a walk/ slow jog round the nearest lake and it felt good. I found myself a lovely bench to be able to sit on and pray and muse and this will be my daily me time.

Feeling so much better than I did this time yesterday and getting ready to make more changes, all for the better....

Catch you soon, Mich x

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Let go and let God

I'm sat in dh's office at his new work as this is the only place I am able to get any internet at the moment. When I started to type this post 20 minutes ago it was titled 'I need a good grumble'. I had got about four sentences in when a colleague of dh's popped her head in the door and said hello.

Within ten minutes she reminded me that I don't need to be getting so stressed about any kind of small rubbish in my life.  God has my back, He is awesome and I could not be in better hands.

I need to let go and stop worrying.  Let God do His job and allow Him to be God Mich, that is what you need to remember.

Today the kids trialled their new school and they all enjoyed themselves, JJ even uttered the words epic and that in itself is epic. The major thing about this weekend was them coming to their new school and that worked out, they are happy and feel good. End of Mich, stop worrying about the small stuff -

• So you have extremely limited internet access here, God obviously has other plans
• So the house is taking longer to sell than you had hoped and you are now worrying about money, you know He will always provide for the faithful
• and Miss M coming off her scooter last night and you all spending 3 hours at A&E? Well, at least you know where it is now and she is fine
• Then your burger at dinner tonight was inedible, maybe you were supposed to eat less

You have so little to be grumbling about in your life Mich, chin up and thank the Lord for the blessing of a weekend ahead as the five of you together. As Miss M said the other day, we need some family time.

Thank you Lord for all the blessings you bring to my life, help me to remember them and count myself lucky as one of your children.

An extremely old picture of us all but the only one I have available to me right now!

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I want to be a Firework!

The last couple of weeks I have had a post going round and round in my head.  I keep wanting to ask you dear readers, How do I learn to love myself?  Do not get me wrong, I do not hate myself and there are no worries about me doing anything rash like self-harming but I have realised of late that I do not love and treasure myself as much as I should.  I can easily find fault with myself and when I am not performing at my optimum I am very hard on myself and seem to find it impossible to accept that my best for that day is good enough.

I am completely a woman of contrasts, I will happily tell you all that it is right to try your best and that good enough is just that but apply that logic to myself and I go deaf.

What is even more sad is that I know this, deep down I know this and am able to write it in this post but I just do not feel it.  I have wondered if I need to look in the mirror and start to tell myself that I like what I see.  I like my hair, I like the colour of my eyes.... there is a start!

I think I am a bit lost on my journey through life at the moment if I am honest.  I am not necessarily unhappy and certainly not depressed but I just get confused about what is right and what is good enough.  Many people would say that I need to give myself a break.  I am not interested in comparing myself to other people, I know I measure up on that count, it is about how I measure up to my own standards and expectations that I have a problem with.  Of course, realistically these are too high and it could be that character defect 'perfectionism' at fault here.  The great ED (Eating Disorder) workshop that I went on recently was titled Progress not Perfection and I do think that is an excellent sentiment, if only I could buy into it with my heart and whole being.

So there I was pondering this today and I sat down for 5 minutes to fold the washing and Katy Perry came onto the music channel.  She started to sing and I thought 'ohh I love this song, I had no idea it was her or that those were the words'.  What really struck me though was watching the video that goes with it.  It is truly amazing and I have now been inspired to be a firework.  What particularly struck a cord with me was the curvy young woman stripping off to her bikini and joining in with the fun at the pool party.  Life is for living and in that split second she seemed to realise that and put all her self-conscious feelings aside.

Now, if only I could follow suit and know that I am a firework and love myself enough to stop stuffing my face with unnecessary food.  I kid myself that it is a comfort or a treat but I know that deep down I eat to stay fat.  What I do not yet know is why, but one day I will find this out and for now I know that progress on this journey is enough....

Positive affirmations

A few weeks ago I was speaking to my neighbour and he said how patient dh and are with the kids and that we are a lovely family. He has no idea how we deal with 3 small kids and stay calm and they hear them in the garden enjoying themselves with us etc etc. It was lovely to hear but I assured him he obviously only heard the good bits. He talked about hearing me trying to bath them and being very calm but firm - I went a bit red!

Then 2 days ago I was speaking to his wife and she started to say the same thing, about what wonderful parents dh and I are and that her and her hubbie think we are a lovely little family and they are lucky to live next door to us. How fab is that?

I think I ought to listen to them and get a bit of perspective/ balance as I always assume I a miserable/ impatient and agro with the kids - maybe not!

Then yesterday out of the blue a lady came up to us in the John Lewis restaurant and said she had been watching the kids and that they were gorgeous well behaved kids and that was all down to me, 'great mummy, great kids' she said.

So for today, I am taking all this praise and not letting me head get too big but believing for once that I am an OK parent.