Talking to your Daughter Once she Starts her Periods - The Practicalities

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

As parents, we're fully aware that we need to prepare our daughters for when they start menstruating. The NHS states that the average age in the UK is 12 years old, but it can be as young as 8, so it is important to have conversations early on with your child to ensure they feel ready for when the big day comes along.

Chatting to your child about puberty, menstruation, sex and other sensitive topics doesn't have to be difficult. if you can approach it in a matter-of-fact fashion and show that you won't be shocked, your child will probably be more open to talking to you. Have a look at my post from a couple of years ago with some tips for having an effective talk with your child.

What I've found is that it is all good-and-well having good, open conversations so your daughter feels prepared but actually when the time comes and they start their period, it is important to have another conversation. To actually talk them through some of the practicalities of having their periods, discussing items such as -

1.  Help her track it
We know that a young woman's period will last for between 3-7 days and will appear around every 28-30 days, but it is super easy to forget when you are due on and be caught out. So get your daughter a calendar, diary or online app like Period Tracker or Clue (here's a recent article on Good Housekeeping suggesting the best tracking apps) so she feels in control and gets to know her own menstrual cycle. 

Too much Pressure on our Girls! It has to Stop #BeALady

Miss E - artistic, expressive, loyal, hard-working, conscientious, honest, great sense of humour,
true to herself, authentic, brave, determined, self-disciplined, diligent, caring and creative

I came across a video today and it makes for a very interesting, powerful and scary watch. The video has been created by Girls. Girls. Girls. magazine and it shows Cynthia Nixon narrating the words of Camille Rainville.

"Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. You need to lose weight. Go on a diet. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine."

To be truthful it made me feel sick, as these are the messages that I've heard for the last 46 years and my girls are hearing every day now. They are not new messages, but it is time for them to stop.

Girls, women, ladies, call us what you will. We are people, just like men are and as such we deserve to live our lives as freely as men do.

We can be who we want to be.

We can look and dress in a way that pleases us.

We do not have to conform.

We do not have to live up to your standards.

We have value and worth without doing anything.

We are lovable and likeable.

We are so much more than a body.

We deserve respect.

We are unique, every last one of us and that is exactly how God meant it to be.

Christmas Gift Guide for Teen Girls - 10 Great Ideas

{This post contains samples given to me for review and also affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, any affiliate links will be marked with #ad}

Teen girls can be tricky to buy for; I have two of them and they really are chalk and cheese, so it is clear to me that no one solution suits all of them. The thing that they do have in common is that they are like magpies and are attracted to pretty, shiny things in beautiful wrapping. 

My girls still badger me to do them a stocking each and apparently it is the best part of the Christmas presents but I am finding it gets more and more expensive as they get older, so you have to become creative and make sure your stocking is a realistic size!

e.l.f Make-up sets - From £6

My girls are going to be thrilled to receive these elf cosmetics (#ad) sets. The prices are so reasonable with the pack of three lip balms and 3 eyeshadow duos both selling for just £6 each at Boots, and the Haute chocolate eyes shadow set is £12. Extra good is that they are all included in the Boots 3 for 2 gifting deal. The colours look really pigmented and totally on-trend. 

Personalised Notebook from Norma and Dorothy - £22
This is a really stunning notebook (#ad) that Miss E will love using as her artist's sketchpad as the pages are blank. It has a nice hardcover and is spiral-bound, so it is easy to use and firm to lean on. The personalisation is in real gold foil and makes the book unique and special. There are loads of gorgeous personalised gifts on Norma & Dorothy and they all come beautifully packaged.

Happy, Happy Birthday Girls!

Morning friends, for my benefit and yours, I'm bringing you a Reasons to be Cheerful post, so we can both get a dose of much needed positivity.

End of Term
As I type this I am just waiting for the kids to all arrive home from school, they have a half day and it's the end of term. I am so pleased that school is over for practically seven weeks. They really need this break and I really need at least one or two mornings a week when I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn and be on form!

Off to Whitstable
We have lots of fun things going on over the summer, starting with a few days break in Whitstable next week. We will be heading to Dreamland, Margate and also the Dockyard, Chatham, as well as lots of other fun times that are not yet planned. It's good for me to go with the flow. Of course going away does mean I need to have a good clean this weekend, as one of our volunteers is coming to stay to look after the cat.

Happy 12th Birthday Girls
This week the girls turned 12 and they had an enjoyable birthday. They were thoroughly spoilt and are now proud owners of a new phone each and then Saturday we are off to Brighton for them to have a good shop with the money they received. JJ will be pleased to avoid the shopping and he will be at Lewes Police Headquarters for the day joining in with some training with cadets.

Family Fun Afternoon
Last weekend there was a family fun afternoon at church and it was a nice, chilled event. We enjoyed time with friends, a BBQ and some fun games.

Prize for my JJ
I went to school this week to watch JJ receive a prize for mathematics. It is a subject he really enjoys and is naturally gifted in and I feel very proud of that, as it is not one I ever did well in at school. We then enjoyed a pizza together whilst the girls were at a youth BBQ.

He also came home with his prefects tie and badge this week, ready for year 11 duties. I can't believe he'll be taking his GCSE's next May, time goes far too fast!

Summer Ball
I better head off as I have a couple of jobs to do before I take the girls to their summer ball at youth club tonight. They'll be eating, dancing, playing and having a powder paint fight and I'll be serving the food and washing up, something isn't fair there! lol

Enjoying time Outdoors
Anyone who has been reading my blog for a while will know we live in the most amazing place, but the one downside is that we don't have any outside private space. This has been becoming harder and harder for me, as I love to be out in the fresh air, but despite however nice my neighbours kids are, I just want to be alone. So I got an event shelter, one with removable sides and I've been so enjoying just having some private space outdoors.

I hope you have a great week ahead.

Becky over at Lakes Single Mum is out host for the month of July.  Head over and check out more cheery reads.

Back to School - Reasons to be Cheerful

Thursday has rolled around again, I’m not sure why this year seems to be going past in a whirl but it’s ok, that’s life I suppose. You just have to embrace every day and take what you can from it.

Last week saw my girls starting secondary school and I’m pleased to report that a week later they are still dead happy and loving being at big school. I think they’ve still being lulled into a false sense of security at the moment as they haven’t had much homework yet, but they are more than ready for the change.

Both of them have been talking about a new friend each, so I pray that those friendships grow and I’ve said to the girls they can have their friends over for dinner when they fancy. They also start at our church youth club this Friday and I hope that will be a place where they have fun and grow in their faith.

Model for A Day #MySundayPhoto

This is Miss E, she is normally behind the camera, as she is a keen photographer and is lucky enough to have herself a superb 4K Panasonic Lumix camera. 

When we were on holiday a couple of weeks back, we spent a day at Felbrigg Hall, a lovely National Trust site and quite promptly Miss E handed her camera over to her sister and told her she was her model for the day!

They had a lot of fun together, posing and snapping photos. 

Easter Happy Holiday Days

We've had a lovely couple of weeks with the kids off school but I have to be honest, I am now ready for them to go back to school. I haven't really done any work and my house is feeling neglected BUT if you asked my girls I bet they'd say they've had a wonderful time and whilst JJ hasn't done half as much with me as they have I bet he'd say he was happy too, as I let him indulge his online gaming passion with his mates these last couple of days!

Easter was spent at home relaxing and we had a great early morning service up by the cross on Easter Sunday morning. Then Monday we headed to Bridgwater and stayed over there before a stop at the beautiful Dunster Castle.

You Can Be Who You Want to Be! Stay #PrettyCurious

It was open afternoon at my girls school last week and they were keen to show me all their hard work

I think it is a very sad world to live in where any child has their dreams and horizons clipped and is expected to develop in a certain way and do certain things when they grow older. When my Mum was young (she is now in her late 60's) it was very much expected that once she married and had children she would give up her work and stay home to care for her family.

Perhaps because of this my Mum was determined that I should undertake any career I chose and as such I was the first in my family to go to University, where I studied Hotel Management. My parents have always been very proud of my career and supported my choice to keep working once I had my own children. I did change fields at that time and moved to work in a large entrepreneurial University near my home as a HR Manager. During my ten years at the University of Hertfordshire (UH) I undertook my Masters and worked in HR and training, supporting our staff to deliverer the best education to our students.

Working at UH was very inspiring and an eye-opening experience as the disciplines taught were vast and it was the first time I was seeing women in high level positions in the fields of engineering, medicine, technology and science. I can clearly recall the first time I went along to see Prof. Dr. Kerstin Dautenhahn (professor of Artificial Intelligence) KASPAR showcase and felt so proud that a women was leading in a field that is traditionally dominated by men.

Thank goodness the UK seems to be moving in the right direction and thanks to forward-thinking schools, colleges, universities and employers we are seeing some positive trends for girls going into STEM (science, technology, engineering and maths) careers. However it is still not enough, only 1 in 4 people working in core STEM roles are women and this means we are underrepresented (source).

Christmas Gift Guide for Tween Girls - From 50p to £50

{As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, any affiliate links will be marked with #ad}

Can you believe there are only 42 sleeps until Christmas?  It's not long is it? Just over a month in fact. 

Are you sorted yet or are you like most of the population and you are only just starting to think about what you might buy your tween girl? You'll probably know I have twin tween girls so I have been buying a lot of different items ready for Christmas as they are true to form and asking for completely different gifts!

Read on to see some of the gifts my girls are getting and I hope they'll provide you with a few good ideas. There is the whole price spectrum covered here from a couple of quid stocking filler up to a £50 main gift. Let's start big!

Gifts for Under £50

Unisex Kids Lacoste Watch from WatchShop.com - £49.00

I'm really envious of Miss E getting this watch for Christmas but alas it is too small for me. The colour is stunning and I love its simplicity. As Miss E has dyslexia it was important to have a clear watch face with numbers rather than roman numerals, so this watch from Lacoste (#ad) really fits the bill. It's available in quite a few colours as well to suit your child's tastes. 

The watch comes with a Lacoste 2 year guarantee but it feels sturdy and as the strap/ face casing is plastic, resin and rubber it will be durable for a youngster to wear. It is also water resistant to 50 metres so I don't have to worry if she gets in the bath with it on.

The watch comes in a super cute box too and what girl will be able to resist those eyes peeking at her in her stocking? 

Num Noms Nail Polish Maker - £39.98 

I'm sure if you have a tween girl you've heard of Num Noms (#ad). What started out as small scented collectables have now branched out into all sorts of things, but one thing remains all their products are super cute, pastel coloured and sure to be a big hit with a tween girl.

The RRP for the Num Noms Nail Polish Maker set is £49.99 but I see it is on special at many stores and the best price I saw was £39.98 at ToysRus. I just know that Miss M is going to be over the moon to be able to make her own scented (think strawberry, blueberry and banana) nail polish colours on Christmas day. The styling is perfect and the cuteness goes right down to the three nail polish containers, there is nothing ordinary or boring about this set and of course it all smells fabulous too.

This playset comes with a gorgeous scented Num - Heavenly Froyo and of course this cafe playset can also be used with your collection of Nums for imaginative play either as you make polish or once it has all gone and you just add it to your other playsets to make a Num Noms town.

Available from Smyths Toys and other large retailers.

Scottish Friendly's No Spend Weekend Challenge

Money just seems to disappear when you have kids, right? That is one reason I said yes to getting involved with Scottish Friendly's no spend weekend challenge and I think I did well. Come and read all the ways we had fun as a family without spending money.

My lovely friend Cass at Frugal Family often talks about no spend days and to be honest I had never heard of the concept before. So simple but yet completely alien to me and I kept meaning to give it a go but it never happened. So this weekend challenge was a good chance to put it into action and see if a spender like me could go cold turkey! I wasn't expecting miracles if I'm honest.

Friday After School - Pressing Fresh Juice!
Once a month all the families who live together in our community come together for an event to engage the children and we eat together.

This month we were focusing on harvest and how good God is in all He provides in our life. We all went down to the walled garden in the grounds of our home and gathered some fruit and veg and then set about cleaning, preparing and pressing the fruit to make fresh juice to have with our dinner. We ended up with apple, apple and rhubarb and apple and beetroot juice.

We had a great staff dinner of pasta or jacket potato with bolognaise, cheese and salad and of course the fresh juice and we finished off with melon chunks from melons grown in our green houses.  JJ and my husband headed off to church for his youth club and the girls and I had a game of monopoly before bed.

6 Top Tips for a Great #TeenTalk #Ad

Mother and Daughter image from Shutterstock

I know some people cringe at the thought of the conversations they need to have with their children as they grow up but I've actually found that having a very honest and open relationship with my children is the making of it. Unlike the 68% of parents (1) who find it hard to broach the subject of puberty I just dove right in and had a really successful chat with my near 10 year old twin girls a few months back.

I don't recall many conversations with my own Mum about growing up; how my body would change, getting periods, having the ability to do anything I put my mind to, choosing to say no, about becoming sexually active, about being responsible with money and all those sorts of things. This seems strange when I think back as I have a really great relationship with my Mum but thinking about it now I don't think she had anyone to do it with her and she wasn't the sort to read parenting manuals etc.

On the other hand, I love to read and to find out information and thankfully I like to talk as well, so I thought it would be useful to share six of my top tips for having those 'can-be' awkward #teentalks.

1.  Talk to your child shoulder to shoulder rather than face to face
I learnt this trick with JJ when he was younger, he would always open up when we were driving in the car. So I used this to my advantage and had some of the more tricky conversations whilst we were driving along.

The first one I can recall was picking him up from Scouts about three years ago (so he'd have been around 11) and there was a bumper sticker on a car that said something about pornography and he was laughing at it. I then asked him if he knew what it was and he mumbled 'not really', so I told him, in language that was appropriate to his age and he was really shocked but this then led on to a conversation about how his body will change and his mind and that one day he will start to find girls attractive. It was all going well and about 15 minutes in he said 'Mum, can we talk about something else now?' and that leads me into my second point

Reasons to be Cheerful - Happy Mothering Sunday #R2BC

Lucky me, the girls made me breakfast in bed

Happy Thursday friends,

How are you doing? I'm having a funny old week. there is nothing particularity wrong but I've had that horrible feeling that sometimes crops up. Do you know what I mean? Where you just feel something isn't right and is a bit off-kilter but you've no real idea what is causing the way you feel. No matter, I'm going to press through it and not give in to the doldrums.

This coming Sunday
This week's #R2BC post is all about celebrating Mothering Sunday. Firstly I am really looking forward to this weekend when I'm away in London with my Mum. Just the two of us for around 36 hours doing whatever we feel like doing. We are staying at the 4 star Mercure Kensington hotel and planning to hit the theatre, shops and at least a couple of good restaurants. To be truthful whatever we do will be fine by me as we always have a lovely time in each others company and this breakaway is long overdue.

The last time we had a weekend in London together was in 2014 as we planned one in 2015 but my Dad got taken to hospital and we had to cancel. Then in 2016, we had a weekend away with my girls to a Haven caravan park, which was nice but nothing beats time just the two of us in 'the big smoke' as my Mum would say!

10 Fabulous Tween Girl Christmas Gifts for under £25

 

{Many of the items in this post have been gifted to me in exchange for inclusion in my gift guide. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, any affiliate links will be marked with #ad}

The big C is practically here and if you are anything like me you want to be getting organised and be able to tick some of those gifts off the oh-so-long list.

My twin girls are 9 going on 13. So I thought I'd share this list of ideas of what to buy for your tween (8-12-year-old) girl.

1.  Smiggle (*ad) is such a massive hit with my girls and all the kids in their class, to be honest. So you can't go wrong with any gift from there but how about this gorgeous DIY journal. It retails for £18 and with the cute fur heart detailing on the front and the stickers, glitter and gems you can style it any way you fancy.  Of course, you have their iconic pop-out pencil boxes with all sorts of pop-out drawers and left up pen rack. The newest ones are even smelly - good smelly of course and you can invest in one of those for £15.

Talking Body Shapes and Size

Image Credit: Fat & Lean woman

I think it's been really good for my girls spending lots of time by the pool during our holiday in Spain, they have seen people (and let's be honest by people, I mean women) of all shapes and sizes wearing whatever it is that pleases them and of course that is how it should be. We are all different and our character and style is unique, so my desire to wear a one piece bathing suit is different to someone else's desire to wear a g-string.

There have been some strange comments like 'Mum, do you think all these people know how big they are and they are wearing bikinis?', 'you look really big in that Mummy' and 'can you swim if you are that fat?' I've been challenged by each of these statements both as a mother and a larger lady but pleased that they have presented the opportunity to again talk with my girls. The conversations have gone along the lines of people being able to wear whatever makes them happy, that bikinis are not just for super slim women, that I am more than just my size and that people of all shapes and sizes can swim really well.

It does trouble me where they have both got this body size obsession from. You might jump to the conclusion if you've seen me that it is down to me as I'm large but I never express dissatisfaction with my body size/ shape in front of them and I have never commented on others either. I am really open with the girls, I acknowledge that I am overweight, but I do not flinch when they touch me, they see me exercise and they have seen me eating more healthily as they know it is not ideal to be as big as me. However, I have always been really clear that it is not 'bad' to be fat but it can cause health issues and that is why I should try to be healthier. I tend to talk in health and fitness terms rather than size or weight as I feel it is much more important.

Perhaps just my being fat is enough to have scarred them? Maybe they are scared of ending up the same way as me? Maybe the cruel playground comments about me have upset them? Or perhaps it is the things I allow them to eat, the way I allow them to live their life that will lead to them being fat? I don't know, parenting and trying to navigate the minefield that is raising kids is immensely hard and like everyone else I'm just trying to do my imperfect best. Yes it worries the inner me if I see there is more weight on their little bodies than I think is ideal but I never give them any indication of this and I remember that each one of my three children is growing and changing and puberty is approaching and their bodies now will not at all be indicative of their bodies as adults. I would never ask them to change or diet.

What is it about living in the UK that makes people obsessed with how women look? The hotel where we were staying had people from all nations and us Brits were very much in the minority but I noticed it was only the British women that sat there with their arms crossed over their tummy and wearing a one piece swimsuit. The Russians, the Germans and the Spanish, to name just a few of the many nationalities were all in bikinis and as brown as berries. Maybe that is it, they are more used to the sun and having their skin on show?

I don't really have any answers, that is the difficult thing. All I know is that I need to keep encouraging my girls to accept themselves just as they are and when they are older if they decide for any reason that they don't like what they see when they look in the mirror then they need to take positive steps towards change or acceptance. They just have to be careful not to allow their bodies to become an obsession.

My prayer for them both is that they will be brave and bold enough to just be the wonderful and unique person that God created them to be, it makes no odds if that person is a size 10, 14 or 22.

Just look at them, aren't they fabulous?

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Can You Transform a Child's Future? #GiveABackPack

I don't expect you realised that being the kind of person who reads this blog that you have the power to change a child's future.

Not just change it but transform it and make it better. In fact help it alter beyond recognition. And I'm not talking about a child that is your own. As parents we tend to realise that we can help shape the course of our children's futures. I'm talking about giving hope, dignity and the knowledge that someone believes in them to a child living in difficult conditions in Eastern Europe.

We tend to take education for granted here, it is standard for all kids in the UK to attend school five days a week and the implications are pretty high if we let our kids skip school. But life is very different elsewhere and it is universally acknowledged that education (especially for girls) can be the difference between a family staying in a cycle of poverty and no prospects and a young adult being able to break free from their chains and gain a valuable job with a bright future.

Happy 9th Birthday Little Ladies #R2BC

This last week has all been about my little ladies birthday. They have turned 9 and the celebration feels as if it has gone on forever. I think they have had a good time but we are all ready for the end of school now as the tiredness has arrived along with the heat.

Having a birthday on a school day is never the best thing, so we arranged for their birthday treat with friends to be on the Saturday and let them open their presents spread over the weekend and on Monday too. They went to a new craft shop with a friend each on the Saturday and made either mosaics or decopatch, I also had a go at the decopatch and really enjoyed myself, I'll definitely do it again.

Sadly Miss E's friend was feeling quite poorly so we didn't head on to McDonalds and the park as we had planned but instead went home for an impromptu birthday lunch and play with their local friends. I then treated them to a trip to our Orangery tea room for an ice cream and milkshake, they felt very grown-up girls just the five of them together and had lots of fun searching in the fountain for lost coins.

Great Excitement with Vertbaudet

I've not seen my little girl, Miss E so excited for a very long time. We picked the parcel up from the post room and she was beside herself with joy, 'do you think they are in there Mummy?' she asked and luckily for me they were. What is the 'they' in question? A pair of denim dungarees that she fell in love with upon first sight.

Both my twin girls have winter coats fromVertbaudet currently and they are wearing brilliantly, they wash up well, have kept their vibrant colours and the mock fur remains soft and beautiful. Therefore when they asked the girls if they would like to choose something else they both happily sat down with the laptop and started to choose.

In honesty Vertbaudet clothes are more suited to Miss E as she likes clothes designed for her age group, that are comfy and fun in design. So the denim dungarees she picked are a perfect example of this. Miss M on the other hand, despite being just 8 years would love to dress like a 14 year old and I have to hold her back and limit her clothes choices to things that fit with my modesty code. I'm pleased to say that Vertbaudet do not offer the mini adult clothes that so many of the high-street shops do.

We're off out for a run Mum!

This was the shout I heard most mornings about 8.30am during half-term week. My twins are just 8 years old but already they want to get out and have a run.  I'd love to tell you that they have got it from dh and I but my running efforts this year were pretty appalling and thwarted by health ailments and dh's well, who knows the last time he ran anywhere! lol

No, it is lucky we live in a close-knit Christian community with about 50 young adult volunteers as this means my children have some superb role models to follow in the footsteps of. One of the things they seem to be copy-catting right now is having a bi-daily run and I can't moan at that. Nor the fact that JJ has been using our new gym on site, that is fabulous too.

It was a complete coincidence that Miss E moaned to me on the Wednesday of half-term that she had no suitable footwear as it is muddy round the lake and wellies don't cut-it when you want to run and then we received a package of three pairs of truly stunning Adidas trainers with waterproof GORE-TEX® technology. The kids were over the moon when they unpacked them.

My Girls are Stylish this Winter with Vertbaudet

Winter can be an expensive time as you have to kit the kids out - new coat, boots, hats, scarves and anything else that was lost last season and all this just after you have sorted the September school uniform and before Christmas comes along to empty your pockets. So I am always glad to find somewhere selling winter coats at reasonable prices, especially if they are high quality.

This year Vertbaudet, the online and mail order retailer got in touch with me and introduced me to their range of coats and to be honest I was blown away. I am used to shopping in the high street stores or supermarkets where you have a choice of about 4 coats and if there is not one your child likes well it is tough really, as they have to have something and you don't want to trail around for too long! No such problem with Vertbaudet as they have 57 coats for girls and 33 coats for boys aged between 2 - 14 years.

Chestnuts, Chestnuts Everywhere - Photo Blog

We've had some fabulous weather just recently and the girls and I have been getting out and making the most of it. It is not always necessary to spend lots of money to have a great time together, getting outdoors and foraging for a sweet treat can be really satisfying.

The chestnuts are dropping by the dozen right now and we wanted to get some before all the deers ate them up. We headed out with some friends to go collecting and we didn't have to go far before we found an abundance. Between Friday and Saturday we collected a great haul and the kids got to partake in some of their favourite pass times - tree climbing and mud jumping!

 The golden nectar that we set out to find, they are stunning just to look at, let alone eat!