Letter to all Mums from God

Image Credit: Liane Metzler

Hey Mumma,

I was chatting to God earlier this week and He told me some things I have to share with you. Well, not just only you but all Mums, Moms, Mams, Mamas, Mummas and Mummys.

There are a few things that He wants you to know and He’d really appreciate it if you listen up good, if we all listen up good.  He finds Himself repeating these messages time and time again but thankfully He is a patient father and loves to teach us. He knows it takes us a while to let the deep lessons sink in and that sometimes we need to hear the same thing ten times before it really takes a seat, so do keep coming back to this letter and ultimately to Him.

First up, He wants you to remember that being a parent is hard, this isn’t an easy ride that you are supposed to sail through. There will be challenges for you and for your kids but that’s good as it will result in growth for you both. Lean on God, He is your strength in these times.

Following on from that it is worth remembering that ‘easy and convenient’ probably aren’t the answer to being a good parent. Children need boundaries, responsibilities and consequences that they can count on. Those children who push back and challenge us as they grow are probably tomorrow’s leaders and innovators, so celebrate them.

But don’t feel overwhelmed as everything that God wants your child to be is already in them. It is not our job to make them but just to point and guide them, we need to be there to help them discern good decisions and learn from the bad ones.

Remember though that you are not doing this parenting lark in your own strength. You are raising mini warriors for Christ and He has your back. You don’t have to earn God’s favour by striving, you already have it because it is who you are in Christ that matters most. I love this quote –

It’s not what we do that determines who we are,
it is who we are that determines what we do.

Parenting, it’s a massive responsibility, right? And we want to keep our children innocent and allow them to mature at an appropriate rate, so sometimes we shelter them and don’t let them know about the awful things going on in the world as that would make them sad but guess what? God says that we need to allow our children to see and hear some of the sad things so they grow and develop into compassionate and loving adults. Of course, we must keep things age appropriate and we have to remain available as their back-up and support but sheltered kids with a great life can grow up to be selfish adults and no-one wants that.

He knows you sometimes feel invisible as a mum but be reassured that being there for your kids builds their security. Service to our family is so important, He sees it and He is so pleased, so next time you feel your kids or husband are taking you for granted let it go as God appreciates you. Don’t be tempted to run back to whatever it is that makes you feel visible or gives you a sense of worth, just nestle into the crook of God’s arm and know you are in the right place doing the right thing. Your worth and your security is rooted in God so stop searching beautiful mama.

Read these promises and just know that everything will be all right. You might be feeling truly shattered right now, or unloved, or ugly, or broken or beyond redemption but you’re not. You are a precious daughter of the most high and He wants to speak to you in the way you need to hear and say –

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. Jeremiah 31:3

• No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39
• And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
• Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22
• Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29
• But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm. Proverbs 1:33

And lastly, He wants to spend time with you and you’re not to feel bad if you can’t find dedicated bible study time or time to attend church. Just snatch those five minutes in the bathroom or as your child is in gym club and He will cherish every one of those short stolen moments and will rejoice in refilling and renewing you.

Thank you for reading friend and bless you for your loving heart and faithful service.

From one Mum to another, be blessed. Mich x

Be still and know I am God

As I sat in the prayer centre the other day with my daily bible I felt God lift my hand and write me a letter but once I had finished I knew for sure that this letter isn’t just for me, it is for us all. So here it is shared with you. Take heart ..

Hey Michelle,
Relax, don’t worry.
I’ve got your back.
You’re mine,
I won’t allow harm to you.
You must know who I am?

I’m God. The big I am.
There is no-one above me.
I am the name above all names.
I love you.
So why are you fretting?

Just relax and allow it to wash over you.
Be still and know I am God.

I have great plans for you.
Plans for good, not to harm you.
They may challenge you.
They may push you into areas unknown,
But it is all for good.

You are mine,
and one day we’ll be together for all eternity.
Until then – trust me,
Rest in me and be encouraged.
For I am good and my love endures forever.

Go on, do it, whatever it is, I have confidence in you.

Love your Father.

So friends now is the time. Not tomorrow, next week, or next year. Now. He has confidence in us, let's make these changes we need to.

I’d love to hear how you are getting on and really happy to pray for you.

Be blessed, Mich x

Guest Post: Why am I a Christian when there is so much suffering in the world?

Bleak Beach image provided by Shutterstock

Today I am really happy to share this guest post with you, written by my friend Liz who is a kind and generous soul.

You may have seen the tragic and heartrending picture going round the newspapers and social media of the 3 year old boy from Syria, whose body was washed up on a beach in Greece. The picture is trending under the #KiyiyaVuranInsanlik ("humanity washed ashore") hashtag on Twitter. The little boy came from a group of Syrians fleeing the Islamic State group. His name was Aylan.

Why, if there is a God, would God allow this suffering? Why did Aylan, his brother and his mummy, and countless thousands of others have to die in this terrible tragedy of our times?

I am a Christian. I firmly and passionately believe that there is a God, and that God is good. You may ask me why I am convinced of this, when evidence appears to point so much to the contrary. The first thing that I would say is that there are times I ask this as well, ask God why, but time after time I become assured once again of God's overarching love for every human being.

Giving children what they need not what they want

Parenting is probably the hardest job I’ve ever had to take on; it is full on and there is little respite available. I have such respect for those who have to parent alone, at least I can talk things through with my dh and walk away to cool down when I need to as he is there to tag team with.

Just recently I have been pondering quite a lot about how children desire things and it is our job as parents to act as the gatekeeper and to decide what is good for them and if they can have it. If the rules were left up to a child they would generally choose to eat ice cream all day, not go to school, stay up late and do as they please. We of course know this would make them fat, lazy and poorly educated as well as tired and irritable, but they do not have that wisdom that comes with age.

Rarely do they acknowledge that we know best and that we only want the very greatest things for them so the hard bit comes when our child retaliates and argues with us as the sensible options we are offering often seem boring or staid. However we know that boring can help them to develop into a kind and well-rounded young adult.

I really feel it is our job as parents to be disliked at times. When JJ wants to argue with me about when he will do his homework (I know I’m lucky that he is willing to do it at all) it is my job to lay down the law and insist he does it when I say. There are times we talk things through and I offer him choices or we compromise but there are also times when I feel it is very important to put my foot down and remind him I am the parent and he will do as he is told. I do end up laughing mostly though as afterwards he will tell me that he is so glad his homework is out the way or he loves it when his room is tidy! I suppose that is the joy of him being slightly older at 10 years, he is starting to learn that Mum does know best.

At age six I think the girls have not really comprehended yet that I know best and they just think that sometimes I am a spoil sport and I will stop them doing something fun for the sake of it. Miss M hurts herself constantly after doing something we have asked her to stop but does she learn? Oh no, she does not appear to absorb the lesson at all. I take heart that JJ was like her at her age and thus there is hope that she will grow out of this demanding and exhausting stage she is in right now.

I was reading a devotional book the other day and the writer shared a story about how her husband had gone for a job as a head teacher of a large and prestigious school, together they had prayed he would get the job. Then when the verdict came that he had been unsuccessful she was so cross at God as she just knew the job would be perfect for her husband and he would be able to do so much good there. Within a few months she fell seriously ill and her husband needed to be available to care for her and to work in a job that did not take every ounce of his energy. Of course God’s beautiful plan started to make sense when later she thought back to this time but at the time it just seemed so painful when something they really wanted did not come to fruition.

As always I think I have something to learn from my children as very often I‘m impatient and I know what I want for my family and I’ll be honest I’d go as far as to say I think I know best. But of course that is stupid and presumptuous, I have no idea what God has planned for my family and I know His plans are always far better than I could ever imagine. It is a lesson for me to do as my children do and to listen to my heavenly father rebuke me and teach me that sometimes I have to do things I don’t want to but they will be for the very best.

We all need guidance in life, we are growing and changing every day and when we rely on our parents (be them physical or spiritual) then we probably won’t go far wrong.

There have been so many occasions when I have been disappointed that something didn’t work out and then later I see the reason why, so when a door closes don’t give up hope, keep faith and all will be revealed in God’s good time.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

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My picture:His words - refining

Do you ever get the feeling that the Kingdom of Heaven is near?  Since moving here last summer I certainly do, this feels like a really thin place and that is wonderful for experiencing God and hearing from Him but it also seems to be that you are incredibly open to spiritual attack and efforts from the dark side to try and wear you down.

There are so many challenges about living here and I know that reading my everyday blog you would never know that as I always seem upbeat but the truth is I am upbeat, I'm really positive for the future and I believe that being here will have an amazing effect on me and my family as a whole.

This week the Lord has reminded me that He is the refiner and He will throw off my sinful ways and make me new and just how He wants me to be.  This is both exciting and scary at the same time.

At lunch this week a lovely new friend told em that a silversmith must sit and watch his silver as it is in the furnace refining for the only way he knows when it is just ready is when he can see his reflection in the metal.  Wow, how much that struck me, God watches us as He refines us and then when He sees Himself reflected back from us He knows His work is done!

And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness. Malachi 3:3

Fancy joining in?
As with other weeks if you would like to join me in using your picture and His words to share how God has spoken to you recently then do a post and leave me a link in the comments and I'll add it into the body of this post so you get some linky love and people can come visit.

 May our Lord be with you. Mich x

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Grace in small things - simple fun, teaching & writing

Happy Thursday.  I hope you are well and having a blessed week. I'm feeling good and as such it is my duty to be thankful and to give the glory to our heavenly Father.

I have seen Him work in so many ways in this past week and here are some of the things that have made my heart sing -

1. A day working with the reception team here (I volunteer, yes working without being paid, that novel isn't it?? lol) and learning new skills and making new friends
2. Having a couple of meals cooked for me and being able to enjoy delicious food without all the hard graft
3. I led a couple of short training sessions with the young volunteers yesterday and boy did I love it. Being back in my 'trainer' shoes and being able to impact and effect people was a delight
4. Being offered a fabulous opportunity to visit a Tearfund project in the UK and write about it
5. Going for lunch with a couple of new friends, enjoying time to chat and eat as I get to know them better
6. Helping to lead the group of young people at Church last Sunday. They were so open and engaging it was a delight
7. Laying on the bed and blowing raspberries on Miss E as she squealed with delight
8. That my shopping can be delivered to my door and that allows me to get involved with voluntary work and not have to worry about it
9. Working with a group of inspiring Christian women to envisage a new web resource for Christian women....  watch this space
10. Our house being nit free at last... the buggers have gone!

I'm linking this post up with Becky over a Lakes Single Mum she is the January host of Reasons to be Cheerful (#R2BC) my old linky which I have now passed along for it to work its magic on some new people.

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My picture: His words

And here is the verse in full -

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)

This week I've been reminded again that not everything can last forever and we never know how long a season will be. So it is really important to live in the moment and to treasure that day, for it will never come again.

I've not created a linky this week, but if you have a post then leave me the URL in the comments and I'll come visit and add a real link into the body of this post, so you are always here for others to find.

Wishing you a blessed week, Mich x

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My picture: His words - Preparation

I have to be honest and say that never did I think I would be showing you a picture of a dumper truck full of mud here on the blog but when I was on one of my walks last week around the estate here I felt compelled to go over and photograph it.

It really seemed to signify to me that it is important to put in the ground work and to prepare ready for what will come. In this case it is a large vegetable plot being made ready for the next crop to be planted but I sense for me this was twofold, one was that God knows the hard work we put in and He appreciates our efforts and the other was that I need to prepare for when He comes again. I have the song 'Prepare ye the way of the Lord' whizzing round my head as I write this.

I'm trying to figure out what 'preparing myself for when He comes again' actually looks like but I'll pray on it and I know He will reveal all in His perfect time.

Wishing you a blessed week. Please do link up if you feel you have something to share.  Mich x

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My picture: His words - Trust

This week I have been learning all about trust. There have been various situations present themselves and the normal humanly response might be to panic and worry. I am trying not to be too human in my response and instead I choose to trust in the Lord and know that His plan is perfect and it will all work out.

Sometimes things are not easy, I recall hearing a number of years back that God is not so much interested in our comfort as He is our character. For sure all these troubles and toils that we go through certainly make us stronger and develop our character.

I took this photo earlier in the week as I had a walk around the grounds where I live. I love seeing the birds everywhere and hearing them sing. On this day the clouds were amazing, long white lines sweeping through a crisp blue sky. I love the contras of the stark empty branches and the rich sky colour.

If you fancy joining in then please do, I'd love to come and visit you and see how God has been speaking to you.  Please go and visit others in the linky, there will only be a couple of us and it would be great to encourage each other.  

Wishing you a blessed week ahead, Mich x

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Christian mummy blogger would like to meet...

...other Christian mummy bloggers.

In fact not just mummy bloggers but any female bloggers who are dedicated Christians. Particularly if you are based in the UK or are an expat. I know there is a whole community of Christian mommy bloggers in the US but I am sure there are more of us here than just the handful I know about. I want to be inspired by you, encouraged by you and yes, even challenged by you.

I have a wonderful community of blogging friends around me at the moment and I am sincerely grateful for all the love and time they offer to me and each other but I have an unfulfilled need and that is to talk blogging and digital media with other women who share my faith.

We are called to be in this world and not of it and I want to have a strong group of women around me who can challenge me when I get too caught up in worldly nonsense. Women who are willing to use God's word to encourage, strengthen and rebuke me. And I want to do the same for them, let's be grateful together and rejoice in His goodness and ask the really tough questions and work through them together.

I have a vision for a group of strong Christian women coming together in a safe and private space where we can spend time in a virtual pastoral group and help each other. I was thinking of setting up a Facebook group.

Are there any Mary's out there who might like to chat to this Martha and help her develop more of the dedication and peace they know? Or I'd love to know a few more Martha's too because you can always rely on them to get things done.

So tell me, are you up for joining me in a private Facebook group where we can talk blogging and faith and get to know each other more and challenge each other to live differently and with purpose?

Leave me a comment or send me an email if you want and then friend me on Facebook, so I can invite you to join.

I really hope this works, I feel such a need for challenging Christian conversation with like minded ladies and whether you want to join the group or not if you are a Christian women who openly expresses her faith on her blog I'd love to read it and I know others would too, so please put a link in the linky below.

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Being obedient

I know what I should be doing and what is good for me, so how come I so often don't do it?

• I should go to bed and be ready for sleep by 11pm each night, I know that when I do I feel good in the day, I achieve lots and I don't bite at my children. So how come it has been 12/1am for the last two weeks since dh has not been here?
• I should eat a moderate amount of food and not over indulge because then I feel good about myself and full of energy. The truth is I eat too much, become sluggish and fall into very bad habits!
• I should spend time with God every day and make sure that is a priority

and I'm pleased to say I have been working hard on this last one. Yesterday I felt called to have a day with God and to just lay aside all the other tasks that are on my to-do list. I feel so much better for taking this time and using it wisely.

I'll show you how my day went -

Did the normal and got the kids to school for just before 9am and then came home and did a few jobs around the house. At 11am prompt turned off the computer and left the house, heading for St Albans. The weather was beautiful and this is where I was heading - can you see it nestling above the trees?

A friend had told me about a new car park and I had no idea how to get to my destination, so I just ambled through the park with the Lord as my guide. I delighted in all I saw and thanked Him for this fabulous day. It felt right to sit down and watch the people go by for a while, seeing them feed the ducks and chatter away as I listened to a Joyce Meyer podcast about intimacy with God.

It's funny looking at that picture, it looks as if not another soul was in the park but actually there were loads of people, I must have just captured a moment when it was just myself and God's beautiful creation. After half-hour or so it was time to continue my journey and the walk up the steep hill led me to here -

St Albans Abbey and Catherdral

First stop was the cafe and I sat down to continue my bible study, at the moment I'm looking at the book of Hebrews and I'm not finding the explanatory text I'm using particularly easy but that is a good reason for me to keep going and learn more. I'd worked up an appetite and enjoyed a hearty brunch.

What is the obvious thing to do when you are in the Cathedral? Go for a prayer walk around it of course -

It is a beautiful place and I felt very comfortable spending time in prayer with the Lord. After this I walked slowly back to my car and again sat down to enjoy the warm weather and beautiful views while listening to part 2 of my podcast about seeking God and knowing Him on a one-to-one basis.

By the time I got back to pick the kids up I was a far happier Mummy and I can honestly say there was no shouting yesterday. It really does pay to be obedient and do what I know is good for me.

What about you, what have you done recently that has been really good for your soul?

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I can do all things...

It is a busy time for me at the moment, what with relocating, the children moving schools, dh and I both finishing our jobs, dh starting a new one, I'm starting a business and the normal day-to-day managing the lives of a family of five. Today I have been off work but I had a bit of mental to-do list, it got to about 4.30pm and I was sat in John Lewis enjoying tea and cake and many, many things were ticked off that list.  I feel good but I don't feel smug. I know that every time something goes right in my life I need to give thanks and praise to the Lord, for He is good.  It is Him who gives me the strength, skills and aptitude to get though all the little things that life throws at us.

Yesterday I have managed to make the beds, empty and load the dishwasher, put a wash on and make a lasagne before I took the kids to school at 8.30am. Once back I made a couple of movies for Fathers Day as gifts for dh and my Dad. Then it was an hour conference call with my new client that I am excited to start work with in July (more to be revealed soon). After that some general blog maintenance, emails and whooping for joy on Facebook, followed by lunch and a couple of phone calls. Work emails came next and then packing up my bedroom ready for the big movie. Ten boxes later and it was time to head out. Oh and don't forget I sorted out the dry washing and put it away before popping another load on before I left the house.

My trip out included a charity shop drop, collection from the sorting office, sending my Dads fathers day gift, going to B&Q for an ariel, getting petrol and going through the car wash.  Then heading to town to get some money out, go to the jewellers, buy some teacher leaving presents, meet dh off the train and enjoy tea and cake in John Lewis (while doing a spot of blogging (this post).

When we got home there was tea to cook, serve up and clear away, the kids to shower and read with, certificates to be made for the work away-day I'm helping to run and a choice of 4 or 5 other tasks from the list.

As I type this Monday afternoon - I feel really good, I am enjoying this hour to myself and a time to blog and enjoy. I really can recommend John Lewis chocolate victoria sponge cake - divine!  But then at £3.50 a slice, you expect it to be... but this was my 'me time' for the day so I'll enjoy it and not be distracted and moan about the cost.

What I come back to at the end of each day is this -

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

To God be the glory.

This morning Liska tweeted me and said she was starting a new Tuesday linky called 'T'you'sDay' and it is all about us parents carving out some 'me time'. I tweeted her back and said I'd join in once I moved as I did not expect to get much 'me time' before that but then today sitting here in John Lewis I was reflecting that I have had a lot of 'me time' today.  The things I had to do were mainly things I wanted to do and were about me and my family.  I did not begrudge doing any of them.  Then the last hour sitting and blogging and then being joined by my husband was just perfect.

For me all I had to do was change my perspective and I had carved out some me time!

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If you like what you have read and want to stay up-to-date then subscribe by email for free and receive blog posts directly to your in-box - just click the link Subscribe to Mummy From The Heart... by Email or perhaps you like to keep all your blog reading in one place, if that is the case you can follow me on BlogLovin too!

I See You...

I woke this morning and saw You in the gentle breath on my face,

the warmth of Miss M as she slept in my embrace.

I went to wake my other daughter and I saw You there too,

as perfect Miss E reached up to kiss me good morning and ensure I was not blue.

Downstairs I went into the chores of the day and then into my big boys room,

where he was snoozing soundly and I saw You there as I kissed him from his tomb.

My drive to work was peaceful and I felt Your loving embrace,

as I anticipated the day ahead and marvelled at Your grace.

This landmark day in my new job sailed past without event,

well thank Heavens for that, as I've given chocolate up for Lent!

Back some hours later and the kids have gone to bed,

and yet again I see you and find you in my head.

Today I woke and sought You and to my joy You were there,

everywhere I looked there were glimpses of Your care.

When I remember to seek You I am never let down,

If only I remembered to do it every day then my face would never frown.

How I love you Father and wish to serve You here,

my time on earth has purpose when I keep You near.

The Sunday Soapbox & Song - I'll Follow You...

Do you ever listen to a song for the first time and it just sends chills through you?

Some songs affect me so much and I find myself on the brink of tears listening to them. Most recently those songs tend to be modern Christian worship songs.

I've shared before that I have a little crush on one of the prominent worship leaders here in the UK. He just has these too cute dimples in his cheeks.... but anyway that is going off track a bit!  It is his voice really that I find so irresistible and the words that he manages to sing and how he glorifies God when he does it.
So today is Sunday and traditionally us Christians head off to Church today and generally have a day filled with awareness of the Lord and the part we play in making His world a better place. So today, I just wanted to share this song with you, this is one that is really speaking to me right now.

It talks of living a life that please God and boy, how I want to do that.  I have many problems and imperfections but I can only keep trying and I will be kind to myself and acknowledge that I AM making headway.

The songs starts off with 'May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart bless Your name'.  Whether you believe in God or not, don't you agree that the world would be a much better place if we all took time to cleanse our hearts and think about the words we spoke before we said them. The God of the New Testament, Jesus we call Him, is a man who showed us Christians how we should aim to live....  by loving others, all others and by taking the kind path rather than the righteous one. If we all tried to be a little kinder in the world there would not be half as much ugliness and war.  Simple when you think about it!

So there is this weeks challenge for us all. Be kind, in every situation, be kind.

It may be tough.......

Doing it for Jesus! Lent has Begun...

Well, today Lent has begun but I started my abstinence on Monday as that felt easier to get into the right mind set when I was feeling motivated and able.  I do not think God minds if I give an extra couple of days!

This year I have decided to give up all excess food, particularly anything that I turn to for comfort or release from anything I am feeling.  If you have read my blog for a while you will know that I have a real problem with food. I consider myself to be an addict and I have the disease of compulsive overeating.  Normal eaters can have a treat and then stop, people like me have no idea when to stop, the reflex just does not seem to be there and we keep going and going....  it is very sad really.

At the moment each time I feel any kind of emotion that steps away from the norm I want to eat:  happy and excited means it is time to treat myself, sad or angry then it is time to console myself. You get the picture?  When I feel these kinds of feelings what I should be doing it turning to God and praying.  Food is not the answer for me.  In the same way that drugs or drink are not the answer to many people.  I just cannot handle the excess food, it sends me into a spiral of feeling and looking fat, being unhealthy, getting down as I look bad and my clothes hardly fit and then eating to comfort and make myself feel better for a very short time before looking in the mirror or at a photo makes my unhappy again. It is a very dangerous downward spiral.

I have had this realisation for near on 2 years now that I have a problem.  I have been attending a weekly fellowship, 12 step meeting to try and get the help I need.  I have had periods of abstinence from eating compulsively but nothing sustained.  I keep focusing on the weight I have lost, which is a lovely thing to happen but the fat is just a symptom of my problems, not the actual problem itself.  It is only when I put the overeating to bed and eat to live in a healthy and moderate fashion that I will have the clarity of mind to discover what my real issues are..... and then to do something about them.  The weight loss is actually just a nice side-benefit.

So why is this time of abstinence any different to the others I have experienced over the last couple of years?  Firstly, my commitment to what foods I will stay away from this time is far wider than it ever has been before.  I have been scared before to say I will not have chocolate or such at all. I start to project and wonder how I will live my life without this drug but today I realise I just have to do this one day at a  time.  It is important to stay in the moment and not to project my worries and sabotage my own good efforts.

Secondly, this time I am not doing it for me (like I have with every past diet) or doing it for my kids (which is what the last 2 years have been about), I am doing it for Jesus.  My Saviour and the One I aspire to be like. I am very much human and being human means I am completely imperfect but I know that Jesus just wishes for me to try my very best and to pick myself up and keep on walking, one foot in front of the other.

I consider myself to be a baby Christian, I committed myself to walk with Christ back in 2002 and in many ways I have grown enormously and in others I know nothing but life is a journey and it is fun to learn and grow.  Last year was the first time I did anything for Lent and really started to understand the significance of what this time is about.  When I gave up blogging for the Lent period last year it was like my bindings had been undone, I felt so free and enjoyed the time.  It was hard at first as I my blog had become my confidant and close friend but it did not feel anywhere near as hard as this year's forsaking of comfort food will feel. Blogging was a habit of 1 year that I conquered, overeating is a habit of at least 27 years that I need to hand over to God and pray to get a handle on.

Whilst I know the next 46 days will be hard for me, there is nothing wrong with that.  Hard work is good for the soul and is nothing I am scared of. I pray this Lent will be my most faithful time yet where I reflect, ponder, pray, repent of my ill-doing, give up my comfort foods as a measure towards fasting (one day I may feel I can actually do this), take time to be with God and activley try to follow Jesus example set in the wilderness.

Wish me luck....  and if you are a person of faith, I would love a prayer!

...and what about you?  Are you doing anything for Lent?

Being God Centered not food centered

Seeing as this blog came about as I wanted to keep track of my food issues, I seem to have lost focus on that just recently, both in real life and on here. I have been to a different ED meeting tonight, it was further away from home but I really felt earlier it was time to be brave and try a new meeting. I love my meeting but I think I can get too comfy and complacent.

I believe that I need to find a sponsor to help take me through the steps and to keep me focused on being abstinent from eating compulsively. I have suffered over the last year (can you believe I have been in a 12 step fellowship for just over a year now, how quick times flies when you are having fun etc...) with a description of what abstinence is. Some people say it is no sugar, others no sugar and no white flour, others weigh and measure every piece of food and have nothing nice at all. I heard a description on a podcast the other day, which I thought was just fab and I would like to adopt. Abstinence is being God centered rather than food centered and this just clicked and I liked its simplicity. So for now or until God reveals otherwise this is what I will work to.

As soon as I got home tonight I have text my food plan for tomorrow to my food sponsor and I have had a bottle of water. I had to drive home past a Maccy D's and it was tempting to go in there but for now (praise God) I really feel as if I would like to get abstinent and stop allowing food to rule my life. This is great news for me and for all those close to me, especially the kids as it means I will be sane to help ensure they do not end up eating like I do. I already see indications of a problem with JJ, he is food obsessed. If you ask him why he loves Mummy, his instant answer is because I cook for him! Oh dear. In the last couple of months dh and I have noticed that JJ has put some weight on around his middle, so we have cut back on some of his treats and portion size and today I really noticed a difference. Of course we have not mentioned this to him as it would not be right to make a 6 year old aware of any weight issue.

Anyway enough for tonight, I need to head off to bed, altogether I am tempted to watch the results for the election come in, but alas I do have kids and do need to get up at 7am tomorrow and I have date night planned with my hubbie tomorrow so I must stay awake for that.

Thanks for putting up with my rantings, I promise to get back to being the normal nutty me in the next few weeks and to stop posting sad posts and feeling sorry for myself.

A gracious God...

is all I can put my weight maintenance down to. I weighed this morning and was 15st 13lb, this is a loss from last week but I do not feel I have put in the work to deserve a loss. I am still eating stuff I should not and eating too much at times. I am being very conscious of what I eat and praying each day as well as reading my OA literature but I do sort of feel that I am paying lip service and not really trying my best at all. I read the other day about someone who just prayed for the willingness to be abstinent and this behaving 'as if' was enough to help them kick into the right mind frame and actually becoming willing.

Lord, I offer myself to you. Please be with me and stop me taking that first compulsive bite. Nothing will ever be as satisfying as when I am able to have 3 meals a day and no more and to stop thinking about food the whole time.

I also read the other day that in turning to food whenever I have an adverse emotion I am in effect turning away from God, as I am not trusting that he will get me through whatever is going on. This is sad, I had not thought of it like that before but I suppose it is true.

Easy Sunday morning, yeah right! lmao

I was all set to come on here at about 9.30am and post how amazing it is to realise that things with 3 small kids have got far easier over the last few months. It is a Sunday morning and I have changed the girls beds, washed all their sheets, given everyone breakfast, emptied the dishwasher and put it on again, tided the kitchen and even had an hour to myself to read, exercise, shower and get ready. I also have to say I only woke at 7.30am so it is not as if I had an early one. The girls are now happy in the garden and JJ is upstairs with his cars. Dh is feeling poorly so it looks like we will not be off to our church this morning and I might take the kids to visit our old church who have a much more kid friendly short service at 11.30am.

I do feel very blessed to have 3 wonderful children who are really growing up. I was feeling calm and serene and then just as always, as I sat at the PC I heard JJ start shouting and telling the girls off and generally sounding like he is the parent of the house (do I really sound like that? They say kids mimic their parents). I head to the kitchen and there is 2 small twins with half a dozen eggs smashed on the floor. God obviously wanted to take me back to reality and remind me that yes whilst things are getting better there is still the testing times! Luckily I am in a very good mood today and I can see the funny side and am over it already!

I hope anyone reading has a great Sunday. x

My recovery today

As I have mentioned every day is to be treated as a new entity and I should only really be thinking about and living for that day and do you know what? I am getting better at it! yay I feel as if I am making some steps forward in my recovery in general and that my emotional health is improving. I am still not abstinent, I had one really good abstinent day and the others over the last couple of weeks have just been OK, not terrible but still with many foods/ snacks that I did not need/ should not of had. I weighed yesterday morning as I had no real idea where I was weight wise and I was 16st 1lb, so much better than a week ago but not as low as I have been. Since being back home I have got straight back into doing my crunches in the morning as well.

I wish I had a laptop over the last week as I have done so much thinking and realisation and now I sit at the PC, it is hard to remember it all and capture it. I have moved onto step 2, I think no 1 is now in hand and I have truly realised and come to believe that I am powerless over food. I am now working on step 2 which is coming to believing that a higher power can restore me to sanity. This other ED meeting I went to this week was good as it appeared there were alot of long term members there and loads of recovery in the room. I think I need to get out and see some more ED meetings and be inspired by people with long term recovery. My group is a fairly new one and lacks people who are able to become my sponsor.

Whilst at Mum and Dad's I went to church (one which I really love and have visited many times) and again I got that message to do less and be more. I had some realisation that whilst I appear to be a good student of my ED literature I was not actually doing anything with the info I was reading. The stuff is only useful if you actually absorb it, think on it and perhaps apply some of it to your own life. I realised that I do not allow myself any time for thinking.

Whilst at church I wrote some notes and I have just seen that one of them was that I would dump any to do lists. Realistically they just stress me out and make me want to do more. shhh, don't tell anyone but I actually think sometimes I just write things on them to feel needed and also to feel as if I have achieved something. I have been known to write things on them that are already done, just so I can put the line through that thing. Crazy!

I also put down that I would ensure I take 1/2 hour every day to just be with God and focus. This should not be just before I go to bed as then I end up falling asleep. Thinking about it I did do this each day whilst away, I also took time to go down on my knees at the end of each day to thank God and chat to him. Since I have been back home I have not done this, so I must make a special effort tomorrow.

My last item I wrote about was the need to turn more over to God and to stop trying to trust my own or the worlds wisdom. Only God knows the perfect plan for me and often it will be very different to my own but I truly know it will fulfil all my needs and be the best for me.

So I am going to sign off now, as I am getting very tired and it would be nice to half hour mindless TV before I head up to bed to pray and sleep.

Worship to bless God and not to satisfy me!

There was a good sermon at church this morning, the youth and worship pastor led it and I can really relate to what he spoke about. He talked of us worshipping to bless God and doing it for God as it pleases him and not because we want to, or because it satisfies a need for us. It is just plain rude when we pick and choose which song or style or music we like and only join in at our convenience.

Boy, could I relate to this. I have been so guilty of this in the past. I can remember myself saying that I hate a particular song, or won't sing as I do not know this one etc etc. I hope to be far more conscious of this in the future and to just really give my couple of hours each week at church to God to bless him as he is sovereign and rules. I really love to sing and I must try to do more of it, just because God loves to hear me and to know that I am thinking of him.