Tuesday 31 March 2009

Feeling good today

It is just gone 1pm and I am at work (yep should not be on here! lol) but I am feeling good so thought I must just get this on here in case anyone is reading and they have come to the conclusion that I really am a miserable old cow (all I do is moan on here).

I left the house at 6.30am this morning and was at the gym shortly after that - I did about a 45 minute workout and was sufficently sweaty at the end of it to know it had done its' job! I have been great foodwise so far today and consumed loads of water - as my hundreds of trips to the loo will verify.

So I pray I keep this up today and just take one day at a time and celebrate each little success. Someone recently told me that if you had a vase of beautiful flowers and one died that you would not bin them all, you would just chuck out the dead one. I agreed - they then asked why did I give up my diet each time I had a small set-back. So I must rememebr that one small set back is not the end and DEFINATLY NOT an excuse for me to pig out!

Monday 30 March 2009

Human beings NOT human doings.....

I keep over and over receiving the message that I should be 'being' rather than 'doing'. Do you understand what I mean? Have you seen Evan Almighty, where the Lord is trying to get his attention and everything he comes into contact with is Gen 6:14, as the Lord is really trying to get him to hear and accept that message. In the end Evan has to listen, as the way the message is being delivered is more and more outrageous.

Well, back in 2006 when I got struck by Bells Palsy I understood that this was God asking me to stop and take a look at my life. I was being too much of a headless chicken and running around in circles and he wanted me to 'be' and appreciate things more. I then was prayed for by a wonderful lady called Rita and her prayer was for me to start being and stop doing. I started to slowly get rid of all the things that were clogging up my life and started to take time to just be with my family, alone or with God.

When I started going to City Church last year I started to feel that I should probably start to get involved with things there, although I did feel hesitant. I then received a phone call and card from a lovely lady Choe, who I had seen but never met before. She told me that God had laid me on her heart and provided the following scripture - John 6:28-29. This was about all God asking that I trusted in the one whom he sent and that I relied on Jesus. She spoke about how this was my season for bringing up small children and that was all that was required of me. I found this so encouraging and a 'pass' not to have take on too many obligations. Of course I must still serve but at the moment my service is as a mother and wife.

I cleaned upstairs yesterday and felt so much better for having achieved (done) something tangible that day and then I realised that I am still aiming to do too much. I must stop defining myself by the things I do and searching for fulfilment in those things.

I have really been trying to be better at being and not doing so much but this is hard for someone like me, whose nature is 'to do'. Yesterday I was reading Christianity and the first article I came across by John Buckerridge was about being more and doing less., so it appears I am not the only one who struggles with this.

As mentioned before, this Christianity lark is a journey so I will keep on trying and travelling........

Tomorrow never comes...........

Message for anyone reading who has not the slighest interest in my food/ diet rantings! Don't read the blog posts which have the tag diet, the are just intended for me to look back over and feel disgusted that I am such a crappy dieter.

I got up this morning all determined that today was the day it will start again, my friend L is joining me and we have decided to meet weekly and diet plan. I am already being good with my exercise so that is a positive start.

Then I find myself in a work meeting and they have proivded yummy packs of biccies, half way through I remember I should not be having these. Instead of stopping I think 'oh well, there is always tomorrow' and now since then I have had 2 chocoloate bars - yes I have to admit it to myself and anyone reading - 2 - how crazy is that. It is only 1.30pm in the afternoon. It is official I am a fat, addicted to food pig.

So what I am saying is why does tomorrow never come. How do I allow myself to get in this situation - it is so weak and weakness is not something I like in my life. Most things I have great control over but this area alludes me.....

Sunday 29 March 2009

Thank you A

Feeling very grateful this morning, and refreshed too and that is thanks to my lovely Hubbie A.

M was not feeling at all well last night, really bunged up and A bought her into the travel cot in our room and helped her off to sleep. She was a bit restless in the night but nothing too much. Then when she and the other kids woke this morning A got up with them, cooked us all porridge and kept the kids entertained. I on the other hand stayed in bed and enjoyed a bit of a read - bliss! How to start a good Sunday. Right off to prepare for the roast chicken dinner now - yummy.

Saturday 28 March 2009

Top tip on getting toddlers to eat

So who has a toddler who willfully just does not want to eat? Yep, we have all been there. Well here is my top tip, just pulled out my repitore today. Buy a couple of cheap plastic wipe clean placemats, the type that have a character on. Jacob used to have farm animals and noddy. The girls have pooh, tiger, eeyore and piglet.

Then you get the kids to pretend to feed the characters and once they have fed the characters they just sort of feed themselves too and think it is a fab game. It is a tad messy but when it gets the food in them - I do not mind!

Kids are so honest

Last night I was going out with my twin mummy friend, off swimming. I was on here for too long and then as I got up to go JJ called me over for a cuddle before he went to bed. I said to him 'I will have to tell L I am late as we are in love and were enjoying a cuddle'. 'No mummy' JJ replies, 'oh, are we not in love baby?' I say. 'Of course we are mummy but you can just tell L the truth and say you were on the computer again!'

Yet again, he really made me smile and reminded me why he is my best boy.

Friday 27 March 2009

What a great age

The girls are just at such a gorgeous age at the moment. They are between 20 - 21 months. So well into toddlerhood and certainly not babies any more but there are still times when all they need is for Mummy or Daddy to give them a big hug.

It is the little things that amaze me and have A and I staring at each other as if to say Wow, both with big grins on our faces. When E is crying (she has a habit of having stuff stolen off her by M, or stumbling and falling) M will toddler over to her and give her a pat and say 'ahhh', if E is really lucky she might even get offered M's dummy - such love!

E is my little tidy up queen, she has been learning well off Mummy. Whenever they finish with a plate, cup etc she brings it to the kitchen and chucks it through the stair gate at me, lol lucky everything is plastic at this stage.

Being the organised sort I am, I bring down clothes for all the kids the night before, to make our mornings easy. Mostly I remove the hangers and they are just nicely laid out. A couple of mornings ago I had not done this and I found M hanging the clothes up on the large radiator in the dining room. Again another mimic of Mummy; when there are clothes that can not tumble dry I hang them there to dry. Seeing me she shouts 'da dar' and gives herself a big clap.

Thursday 26 March 2009

Update from yesterday..........

The boy was lovely, his Dad was lovely and stayed for a cup of tea (I have now have a friend who is a carpenter! useful), they were happy with the dinner/ pudding I provided and Jacob is going to them after Easter.

Stress - oh why oh why did I stress??????


Shall I do something radical?

Now doesn't that sound an interesting title? lol Well before you get your hopes up, remember this is just me and I am not too radical or outrageous at all. I think middle of the road sums me up OK.

No the radical thing I was referring to was a diet (yes I know I am currently a diet bore - my life really does focus around food! - hence the fat!)

I really do not seem to be able to control myself, so something has to give and there needs to be a big change. I am thinking along the lines of doing a meal replacemnt diet for a couple of weeks. I did this with the Cambridge diet back in 2006 before I got Bells Palsy and I lost 2 stone in about 2 months. I am not thinking of doing this long term, just maybe a short sharp shock to the system to break my habit with food.

Or my other option seems to be going to something like Overeaters Anonymous but that seems a very scary prospect. Think I will ponder on this for a couple of days and see what comes to me.

Wednesday 25 March 2009

I'm nervous

Isn't it amazing what can make a grown woman fee a bit nervous? Jacob is having a friend over for play and tea after school today and there is nothing new about that, as it happens most weeks. Normally, though it is with one of his close group of friends, all of whom's Mums are my friends.

This little boy coming today seems lovely and I have seen his Mum and Dad a few times but I know nothgin about them. Coudl this be a disaster? Mostly I just collect the kid and walk them home with Jake and the girls but this boys Dad wants to collect him and bring him round and settle him in - what on earth does this mean???

I am also stressing about tea - I was just planning to do a nice easy tea (my normal tactic when I have loads of kids to deal with) of sausages, mash and beans but now I am wondering if this kids parents will think I should of provided some veg.

I think I should stop thinking and stressing so much....................lol

Twiglets - arrgghh!

Well I had yet again decided that this morning would be the start of my diet/ healthy eating - call it what you will!

So I had been good for breakfast just having some cereal. Then I got to work and wanted to snack - like I always do. I had taken some twiglets into work with me, expecting to eat the pack over a few days, it was a large 150g pack. So I am munching and munching and boy are they morish. I look down and practically the whole bag has gone, so thinking whoops, I look at the calorific content - OMG! they have 96 cals per 25g serving, so I had eaten nearly 6 times that and about 550 calories.

Hence diet out of the window yet again! It just goes to show that even things you might think are OK, are not.

Learning for the day: no more twiglets for me.

Tuesday 24 March 2009

Need to be more like Mary

At home group last night we discussed the story of mary and Martha and talked about which of the characters we could relate to. Well, anyone who knows me will know I am a Martha: not only will I be running around trying to make sure everything is ready I will also be getting cross with others who are not doing as much as I am. We are a womens home group and all but one of us related to Martha, it does seem to be a trend amongst women.

But..............I would like to stop and take more time to be still and to listen to God and learn to hear what he is saying to me. I have got very good over the last year at doing my daily bible readings and I will be due to finish at the end of April but as always this is a journey and there is still a long way to go. So the next task to tackle is to pray more and just take quiet time with God, that washing will still be there when we have finished and I might even feel more psoitive about it after soem time out with God.

Please Lord give me some self-control.......

OK, what is wrong with me? Why is it that when it comes to food I just have zero self-control. I just seem to sabotage any diet that I go on. I know many people would say to dump the word diet and to just move to healthy eating as a way of life and that is what I want to do. I am not following any of these strange or excessive meal replacement diets or such. I am eating real food at each meal and very often my meals are great calorie wise. It is the in between those meals times that it all goes to pot!

I am drinking much more water but often I still feel hungry. Or to be honest it might not be that I actually feel hungry, just that I am bored, feeling down, tired or such. I have definately identifed a problem in that I eat to try and change my emotional state. LogicallyI know this does not work but I do not seem to have the strength to change it. I get so tired sometimes - like now but that is what comes of a couple of late nights and early morning, then a workout at the gym at 6.45am this morning.

I am pleased I have joiend the gym and am gettign out exercising a few times a week. I think I just need to understadn that this transition period may be a bit hard. Hopefully in a months time I will be exercising more, enjoying it and also feeling more in control of my eatign habits.

Let the weight loss commence....................... and then I can be a great role model to my kids and help them to stay fit and healthy - never suffering the pain of being fat and taunted for it.

Saturday 21 March 2009

Frustrated Blogger!

The amount of times I have tried to get on here in the last couple of days with 'great' (yet to be judged) ideas of what I might blog about!!! I wish I could just think the thoughts and they transmitted straight to here.

Trying to get the the PC while fighting my 5 year old off cbeebies and tiny pop and keeping my 1 year old twins from screaming at me takes quite some doing.

So now I am here, it is 11pm and I can think of nothing I want to say, or is it just that my brain has shut down and I am tried as it is bed time.

Friday 20 March 2009

Doesn't the sun make you smile?

I love this time of year, in fact more so this year than any other time. Perhaps I am becoming more appreciative in my old age. You can tell I am getting old as I am so excited that I can start to hang my washing out again on the line. Every load hung out there is a pound saved on the tumble dryer and in these times of crazy energy bills, boy is that saving needed.

Everyone seems a little happier when the sun is out and even my internet friends all seem that bit more chirpy, even though we are only talking in cyberspace.

We have been taking advantage of this lovely Spring weather as you just never know what will happen in the UK, it could be snowing again tomorrow. So off we go to the park again after school with all JJ's little chums from school. The girls love being there with the big kids and fall over constantly but that does not seem to worry them as they are let loose and I think they secretly plot to run in oppsoite directions and see just how ragged they can get Mummy! Oh well, it is only an hour and then I am off out with the school mums tonight for a good laugh. The last night we spent the night together I got home at 2.45am! I do trust this evening will be an earlier one....

Thursday 19 March 2009

Mum - A change of perception!

Ever been sooo bored with the word Mummmmm, always said in a drone. Those of you with young kids probably do not have this yet, but let me assure you it will come.

All I hear from JJ is Mummmmm in that drooney voice, which he assures me is not a whine. Sometimes I just want to shout no, I have changed my name and in fact I believe in my darkest moments I have actually told him that before. 'No more Mum, I need a rest!'

Well today I decided it was me that needs to change not him. He calls me so much as he adores me (not me being big headed, he often tells me I am the best!) and I should be very thankful for that. Just imagine how awful my life would be without my three little people shouting Mum at me.

So from now onwards when I hear Mum, I will actually think 'I love you' and not get het up that I am needed yet again. Afterall. that is what us Mums are for: to be needed.

Back again!

Well long time no see! lol I have decided that I will try and write some bits down most days - mostly about how I am trying to get control of my eating and be a good role model to my children. I am incredibly worried that they will grow up to be fat and unhappy with it, Like A and I are.

So I weighed in this morning and took my measurements and I had a wonderful time at the gym and swimming yesterday. Might try and get to aquaaerobics tonight if A does not mind.

Just had a nice salad with small JP and some philli, was very yummy and now snacking on carrot sticks. I have already raided the cupbaord as I want choccie - but luckily none is there!

The water intake has been pretty good today too. I discovered the other day (the same time as discovering that my body is 47% fat ekk!) that if you have acaffinated drinks they negate the positive effect of the water you have drunk. So I a avoiding diet coke and already drink decaf hot drinks, so that is good.

I also got my abs trimmer out today and did 3 sets of 15 this morning - every little bit I do will make a difference, so I must just keep going step by step.

So I was 16 stone 5lb this morning and my waist measured 45" - isn't that disgusting. Oh well, here is the start of something good and watching me shrink.

I have lots of things to look forward to and hold as targets - hen night and wedding in may, holiday in June, theatre in July and meeting all the other fab twin mummies in August.