Friday 8 January 2010

Scary Stuff!

I find this blogging lark very enjoyable and definitely therapeutic. It has been a really good outlet for me to rant and let off steam. In recent months more and more people that I know have started to read and this feels quiet difficult. On the one hand I would really like a good readership and would love some comments, on the other I am very conscious that my blog is completely self-absorbed and was aimed at being for my benefit so actually it might be really quite rubbish for others to read.

Quite a few months back I found out a really good friend of mine in NZ was reading it regularly and I had to block this knowledge out as every time I whinged or wrote something revealing I just felt stupid, exposed and embarrassed. I managed to overcome that. Then mentally a couple of months ago I gave my Mum my blog URL and now she and may Dad read it and again I feel quite exposed. I often want to explain to her that just because I write a 'feeling down' post, it does not mean I am ready to slit my wrists. It is just a one moment feeling and it passes but it helped me to write about it.

Now I have started to read loads more peoples blogs (although where some of these fab Mummy bloggers get the time to comment on 101 blogs I have no idea!) and leaving comments allows people to link to my blog and I had not consciously recognised that at first. So I expect there are people popping in here that I do not even know about, or maybe not as I am not really getting any comments. I wish I knew if my blog was OK but I am too scared to ask. I have joined British Mummy Bloggers if the hope of getting some good advice. I could just ask people there to pop in and look but not sure I am ready yet.

So I am in that position of 'do I want people to follow my blog, read it and comment on it?' or is that just too scary and I want to be left alone to whinge to the world! I suppose like everything I should just give it up to God and not try to orchestrate things and see how it goes.
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