We don't do elegant........... but we have fun!

So after giving Miss M the love she was after (sounds a bit perv - doesn't it?, a cuddle and kiss just to clarify!) JJ announced that he really wanted to bake some cakes. So I thought why not, what else should someone who has a real problem with sweet foods do but cook some cakes on a Sunday afternoon!

We all enjoyed ourselves, the house was a mess afterwards but they did taste yummy! and soon I will sit down and watch Slumdog millionaire and enjoy the fruits of my labour.

I have linked this post up to Naturestores fab messy play carnival. Pop over and see all the other wonderful entries. Mich x

Time to get off the PC...

I have not been on here long so far today, about 20 minutes but I have let dh go out as he was feeling pretty down so I knew a trip to a great Church in London would cheer him up. This leaves me here alone, feeling a bit poo with the kids. I thought I would have a quick catch up with the blogging world and a little lady (Miss M) has just come and crept onto my lap, wrapped her arms around me and announced 'Love me'. How can I refuse? I am off to play Fisher Price!!

Catch you later when the tiny people are in bed.

Songs and Stories Meme

Another meme (I love them - are you fed up with them yet?), this one is to try and identify a song which tells a story for me, one that takes me back in time to a certain place. I was tagged by Sandy at Baby Baby for this meme which originated from Fraught Mummy. Have I mentioned Sandy's blog before? It is one of the earlier ones that I found and it is excellent, I really like her style - very honest and fully inclusive.

This was not an easy meme for me, as I mentioned the other day I am not really an objects person. Much more so that I rely on my memories and songs always form a big part of those. So when faced with choosing just one song it has taken me days to think about this - literally!

I have literally taken another walk through my life the last few days thinking of all different songs. Here is a brief summary -

• Adam and the Ants, Stand and deliver - my first record purchase
• Wham, Bad Boys - in my friend Mandy's bedroom dreaming of meeting George Michael!
• Pet Shop Boys, West End Girls, age 14 hanging out with the girls who lived in West End! lol We thought that was so cool, a song about their village!
• Sister Sledge, We are Family - with all my best girl friends at Uni
• Bon Jovi, I will always love you - the first time my heart was seriously broken
• Otis Redding, Sitting on the Dock of the Bay - 1994/5 - listening to this in the dark at night, cuddling my boyfriend (now dh) after a very long hard day working in a hotel
• Tina Turner, Simply the Best - my karaoke song. I adore singing!
• Will Smith, Men in Black - a fab Holiday to Spain with dh in the early days
• Eric Clapton, You look wonderful tonight - the first song at our wedding, sang to me by dh as we danced
• John Lennon, Beautiful Boy - for my baby JJ, born 2003
• and I can not think of a tune for my girls - I will have to ponder on that

So after lots of thinking the song I decided to choose is Cliff Richard's Living Doll. This is another song played at my wedding and danced to by my Dad and I. As a small kid we always had music on a Sunday night and we danced together and this is a song that symbolises my Dad and me. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and I am very lucky to have them. I think it goes without saying that many women have a great relationship with their Mum and are close but I am lucky enough to also be really close to my Dad. As a child I was often referred to as Doll, Doll Doll, or Dolly and now my Miss M get called the same and as she has been told it was my childhood name she also calls me Doll Doll sometimes - very cute.

My Object Meme

I was tagged a few days ago by Young Mummy (my first tag, how exciting is that!) to join in with the my object meme. This was started by The Dotterel (Bringing up Charlie) as a response to the BBC's new programme The History of the World.

So, the idea is that I pick a single object that tells the story of me or my family in some way. It can be anything: a ring, a piece of clothing, an old teddy; anything as long as it says something special about me or my family.

I have been thinking long and hard on this and not having much joy. What I have learnt is that I am not much of a possessions person, I have hardly anything that I have kept for years and years and has special meaning. A few pieces of jewellery, a million photos, oh and a husband too ;)! I am much more into memories, places, songs and people, than things.

I thought to myself 'if there was a fire - what would I save?' and not much comes to mind - just those photos again and the really special jewellery, which I tend to normally be wearing anyway. I nearly ended up taking a photo of my camera and video camera as they are the key to my treasures but I figured that would just be sad!

In the end I thought I would share with you a picture drawn by a special little girl, Miss B. She was just 5 when she drew it and it is a picture of my twinnies, I love how they are holding hands and hope they will always be such good friends.

Wordless Wednesday

18+5 weeks PG

28+5 weeks PG

31+5 weeks PG

33+1 weeks PG


The end is near..... 36+5 weeks PG!

A twin pregnancy journey. Boy - do I never want to be that big again!!

If only I could bottle it.

I was driving to work this morning and thinking about how yummy my kids are at the moment. Specifically I was thinking about the chatting that Miss M and Miss E do now. Their speech is coming on leaps and bounds and they can really have a chat now. I picked them up from nursery yesterday and rather than asking the staff if they slept in the day I asked them and it amazed me that they could give me a good description of what had gone on in the day.

Miss E calls me darling. Have I mentioned that before? I adore it. It is something she started a few months ago, mimicking me and now I even ask her to call me it as it just melts me. She has this funny little voice and sounds Mediterranean, yesterday I was even 'my darling'. I really hope I am always her darling.

It is that special feeling of wonder and amazement that you get when your children do something for the first time. You know, your heart swells, life feels just a little lighter and you give them a big bear hug........ that is what I want to bottle. I felt a little sad this morning that my girls were growing up and soon their speech would be non stop and would probably annoy the h*** out of me and I would not get to stop and look on in awe as they chatter away together. That is the beauty of twins, everything that a small child does as they grow is exaggerated and you get to watch it happening in stereo.

I realise I must not be sad as every age has something special for you to learn and go through with your child. I think it is just far easier to notice their development when they are little like my twinnies but not so easy to see their emotional or spiritual development when they are bigger like JJ. I must remember to take time to reflect on the kids more and to enjoy those special moments that pass so quickly. In the car earlier I listened to Snow Patrol and Chasing cars and that line 'if I just lay here' struck me and yes that is what I need to do sometimes, stop and pause..

18 Jan - Worst day of the year?

I was listening to Heart radio on the way to work this morning and Jamie Theakson said that 18 Jan is reported to be the worst day of the year - what with the aftermath of Xmas, debt, weather etc etc and I was just sat there thinking 'not for me!'. I feel good today!

I thought I would just do a little update on my personal recovery journey, as I think I have been being a bit of an ostrich just recently and burying my head in the sand. Not really sure when the last time I blogged about my food obsession was!

The year started well and I was abstinent for the first 2 days of Jan and then things slipped, I was being lazy and I think the devil got the better of me and I just started to eat what I fancied and when. I know I have had too much food, not completely excessive amounts but far more than a moderate and healthful diet needs and I have also been eating my trigger foods such as chocolate and biscuits.

I got a kick up the bum when my food sponsor emailed me last week and asked if I still wanted her to continue as I was being lazy and trying to work my own way round the program (my words not hers) rather than just following the simple guidelines of abstinence and 301. This was a shock to the system, I really admire my food sponsor and value her input so this made me think about what I was up to. I have spent the last week or so in thought and prayer and come back to that same conclusion again that nothing really is as important to me as recovering. It is the key to living a normal life and helping my kids grow up to be rounded too. To diet and obsess all my life is just not helpful. So yes I feel I probably have gained some weight in the last couple of weeks - no idea how much as I have no scales now! but my clothes still do up, so that is a good sign.

Yesterday was a wonderful day, I spent an hour in bed in the morning praying and reading and I did some of my steps workbook. I am currently working through step 3 which is turning my will over to God and following His will instead. I am finding this hard but do know it is necessary so I am praying for willingness. I went to Church in the morning and evening and spent some lovely time playing with my kids and dh cooked us a roast, he even cleared up afterwards while I was out - little things make such a difference to me and make me feel more in love. I am such a woman, my love language is definitely that of 'acts of service'. Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? It is an interesting topic.

So I am committed to finding myself a proper sponsor to take me through the steps and hold me accountable. I will start to attend another ED meeting in March and onwards so I can find someone suitable and maybe someone will show up to the workshop at the end of Feb.

I will call my food sponsor tomorrow lunchtime and talk through with her and ask her to continue and we will set some guidelines so I am accountable rather than just 'flying by the seat of my pants!'.

I also commit to start reaching out and calling ED friends and asking for help when I need it, I know it is what could make the difference and I must choose to do it.

So there you go, this is where I am right now. Feeling good, currently abstinent and looking forward to a night out with some girlfriends tonight.

Bloggers Haiti Appeal

The blogging community is coming together to make a donation to buy some shelterboxes for the affected people in Haiti. Isn't that wonderful! I love to hear of good human nature winning over and people coming together to do something selfless. Unfortunately I won't be able to make a contribution to this worthy appeal as dh and I have already made a substantial contribution to the aid supplies in Haiti via Compassion, and I would urge you to make a donation, it does not matter where (as long as you know it to be a trustworthy charity!) but just help how you can and if you cannot financially donate then please pray.

Here is the link for the bloggers for Haiti just giving page, this has been running about 24 hours and already there is in excess of £1300 donated. A superb effort and well done to EnglishMum and the other bloggers who created the page and had this great idea.

I am so sad about the situation in Haiti and feel completely powerless, all I can do is pray and make a monetary contribution. Our family sponsors a child in Haiti (through Compassion - hence the instant donation when this happened) and we write to him and pray for him and his family. Carl Henri lives only 4km from the centre of the capital so it is pretty sure that he will have been affected by this disaster in some way. At the top is a couple of pictures of Carl Henri, the one on the left is when we started to sponsor him 4 years ago and the one on the right is the one we last received from him a couple of months ago. Each month we have a standing order and our £21 is very well spent ensuring that Carl Henri can attend a church based community project and develop spiritually, emotionally, physically and emotionally. Why don't you check out Compassion and see if you might like to sponsor a child, it is a fab way for us to teach our own children how privileged and lucky they are. JJ enjoys writing to Carl Henri and drawing him pictures and it is always nice to hear that our birthday or Christmas additional gift has bought him a Pig, football or pair of shoes.

Blog Comments - respond or not?

One question -

Do you respond to the comments left on your blog? What is the done thing?

I know I feel 'left out' or 'like the little kids still in the playground' when I see that others have been responded to and not me but then quite often I am commenting on blogs with 20 - 40 comments and I can not a) ever imagine getting that many comments or b) imagine having enough time to respond to everyone.

The best people to respond so far seem to be those with very busy blogs.

I am trying to respond to those who comment as I really appreciate their input and it is very nice to feel read and understood but equally I do not want to appear patronising and respond to something that does not require it - IFYWIM?

Oh, what to do?

What do you do?

Today - I look out the window and what do I see?

I look out the window and what do I see?
Green, green grass,
I am as happy as can be!

Good bye snow!

Just my thought this morning as I looked out to no snow and no ice - my idea of bliss.

What makes me Mummy......

(This equally could apply to Daddy too as we do have a very good Daddy in this house but seeing as I am writing this then it is all about me, me, me!!)

1. sewing badges on JJ's beaver outfit
2. kissing the small people when they get hurt and putting on the special cream/ plaster
3. praying for them to grow up to be happy and rounded people
4. being a taxi driver and dropping JJ to clubs and parties
5. getting the best cuddles from the kids
6. going into their rooms at night once they are sleeping and tucking them in, giving them the final kiss while they look all tranquil
7. having to discipline them when they go off the rails and wishing I could ignore it but knowing I am doing them no favours if I do
8. and of course having given birth of them. They came from this still large and flabby tummy, at least something good came from it.

Too busy to love?

I read a good article in Christianity magazine a few days ago and it has stayed with me. The title was 'Too busy to love?' with the gist being that research has shown 90% of people think their relationships could be improved. Could yours? I know mine could. I am not saying I am terrible but I could certainly give a little more attention to those I love dearly. For instance I am on this PC way too much!

The emphasis was that basically too many of us nowadays live our lives in the fast lane and forget the really important stuff. I read a good post earlier about the wonder that kids see in everyday life (and I would link to it, but can I find it now!!! grr).

The author says that the people who do any or all of the following are the least stressed -

• go for daily walks
• start their day in prayer, reflection, reading the bible or silent contemplation
• take their full lunch hour
• make sure one day a week is spent 'not working'
• take all their holiday allowance
• say 'no' when they have to.

Guess what? I can tick 5 out of the 6. not bad huh?

How many can you tick and are you feeling stressed by all this snow?

I feels real nice to be able to tick those off. Anyone who knows me or has read my blog for some time will know I have trouble relaxing and I love to be busy. So it is good to know that I am making some headway in my recovery and my personal growth towards being a human 'being' instead of a human who is always 'doing!'

Grace in Small Things

I have just visited Cool Zebras blog and read on her lovely post on the simple joys. It reminded me that I have not done a grace post in a while. So here are 5 wonderful things that make me smile -

1. Miss E smiling at Daddy and saying she is a 'Lucky girl' as he let her share his drink, such a cheeky face
2. Smelling the roast dinner cooking as I type
3. Spending a few hours this weekend making card for my friends and family
4. The wonderful joy of dh and I dancing with the kids at Church this morning. We all had a ball!
5. The super day in yesterday me and the kids had, I have attached a couple of pics of the girls in the afternoon. All that relaxing wears you out don't you know?

Today my eyes are open!

I have had a lovely morning so far today. I was awoken by a small voice shouting 'Mummy I need you', which when you think about it is just super. We all love to be needed and the little ones that need me are just divine. The silly thing is some mornings that might just annoy me if I had gone to bed too late or been woken in the night but I really must keep at the forefront of my mind how much I adore my little people.

Once I had dealt with my twinnies and they were happily playing together my big boy got up and came for a snuggle in my bed, he then went off downstairs to play on the PC and enjoy his lego games. I stayed in bed for about 40 minutes and listened to the giggles coming from the girls rooms and just chatted with them through the wall while I prayed, read some of my ED literature and generally pondered my life (Does that make me a selfish/ bad Mummy?). It was bliss and a way I would love to start each day but realistically as a working mother it won't happen. So I must treasure the times it does. It has set me up into such a good mood for today and this is why I say my eyes are open today as I have been enjoying the little things. For example:

Once I got up at about 8.30am I went in to see the girls again and we sat and read and then they decided that their Alfie teddies would like to be zipped into Mummies PJ top, I smiled at this game but what really got me laughing was when Miss M came and sat on my lap and said 'My in there Mummy'. So yes, M got zipped in my top with me and we snuggled. Miss E declined to join us but found it very funny and kept poking her Alfie in with Miss M and I.

We then went into the bathroom to brush our teeth. They watched me first and then did theirs and it amused me to watch Miss M clean the sink afterwards in just the way Mummy does!

While putting on their dressing gowns, Miss M announced that she was now Nanny and pulled out a hanky from her pocket, one I had no idea was there. My Mum stays every so often and always dresses up snug in her dressing gown and has tissues in her pocket, so it was very special to see them trying to be Nanny as well as Mummy. Normally they are me dressed in high heels with a handbag, announcing 'My going to work!'.

Then once downstairs after our porridge Miss E said she wanted to do a Noddy puzzle. I got it out and put it on the floor as I needed to do some organisation for a quiz I am organising for the school PTA. I did not expect the girls to get far as they are not even 2.5 years yet and it is a 35 piece puzzle. I kept looking as them as they wondered off came back together and slowly pieced their puzzle together. I was very proud to see that they did get the puzzle together. It just shows what twins can achieve together. I am such a proud mummy that I have posted a picture of all the kids playing nicely and of the finished puzzle. I suppose I now ought to dress the girls and think about what we might do this afternoon, it is still snowy here - will I venture out to the shops - who knows!

I am now listening to 'My done a wee, wee' in a sing song voice and then an extra chorus of 'my done a big one' from Miss E. Again another proud mummy moment that only another Mum could understand. Roll on Spring and I can properly potty training these beautiful little ladies..... they are nearly there already!

(I only know at the moment how to get pictures at the top of my post, that will be my next thing to learn, how to insert them at the appropriate place in the blog entry! - It is all a journey).

Scary Stuff!

I find this blogging lark very enjoyable and definitely therapeutic. It has been a really good outlet for me to rant and let off steam. In recent months more and more people that I know have started to read and this feels quiet difficult. On the one hand I would really like a good readership and would love some comments, on the other I am very conscious that my blog is completely self-absorbed and was aimed at being for my benefit so actually it might be really quite rubbish for others to read.

Quite a few months back I found out a really good friend of mine in NZ was reading it regularly and I had to block this knowledge out as every time I whinged or wrote something revealing I just felt stupid, exposed and embarrassed. I managed to overcome that. Then mentally a couple of months ago I gave my Mum my blog URL and now she and may Dad read it and again I feel quite exposed. I often want to explain to her that just because I write a 'feeling down' post, it does not mean I am ready to slit my wrists. It is just a one moment feeling and it passes but it helped me to write about it.

Now I have started to read loads more peoples blogs (although where some of these fab Mummy bloggers get the time to comment on 101 blogs I have no idea!) and leaving comments allows people to link to my blog and I had not consciously recognised that at first. So I expect there are people popping in here that I do not even know about, or maybe not as I am not really getting any comments. I wish I knew if my blog was OK but I am too scared to ask. I have joined British Mummy Bloggers if the hope of getting some good advice. I could just ask people there to pop in and look but not sure I am ready yet.

So I am in that position of 'do I want people to follow my blog, read it and comment on it?' or is that just too scary and I want to be left alone to whinge to the world! I suppose like everything I should just give it up to God and not try to orchestrate things and see how it goes.

Favourite Photo Meme

I love photos and have millions of them, I am forever taking them and I am not particularly good or arty but I just adore the memories that they hold. I needed some cheering up after my crappy walk home so have been looking back and here is the favourite pic I came up with (well for today anyway!).

On my wedding day (I am the bride!) with my three best friends from Uni, one of which has now deserted me and gone away to NZ and I miss her loads and loads xxx)

Sticky Fingers is creating a gallery of loads of bloggers favourite photos, so I have been brave and will add mine in too. All this sharing of my blog is giving me heart palpitations!

I just want to say thanks to New Mummy Tips who showed me how to do this clever linking and Mad Mummy who pointed me there for help.

Snow, snow go away. Never come back another day!

I am fed up of the snow already and most people I speak to are as well - even the kids! I suppose us Southerners are just not used to or prepared for this kind of weather and whilst the novelty is there for 48 hours, beyond that it is a pain! I walked JJ to school and back today as his Head Teacher is ace and one of the very few who keeps her school open as much as she can but on route I saw just one snowman. Before Xmas when we had snow nearly every garden had a snowman and this time - just the one, that must tell a story.

Anyway I have had a pretty nice day at home today with the twinnies. JJ's school was open between 10.30 - 2.30 so he got to run off some energy and I only had 2 to annoy each other rather than 3. Actually, the girls behaved really quite well but did manage to wet themselves about 6 times in a matter of 2 hours - yes nappies safely back on now. No accidents yesterday and then this - they are so unpredictable and all the time this very cold weather is here I won't be officially potty training for a while yet.

The reason I want the snow to go away is that it is so hard to get out. On the journey to school this morning I took the girls in their tandem buggy and the wheels creaked under the inches of snow and it was so heavy to push - they are about 4.5 stone between them now, my back felt like it might break. So I decided I really must not do that again this afternoon and took the girls walking to school in the snow. This was too much of a novelty and they kept touching the snow and I knew that Miss M would melt down at any minute as she was cold and that stressed me out (isn't it funny how the thought of things stresses us out rather than when it actually happens we go into 'I am British I can cope mode!' lol). We had both girls fall falt on there face at least once, cheeks were blue, hands were bright red (the gloves kept getting removed) but we did manage to get home with no one crying. There was just one shouty Mummy who had used the bribe of chuppa Chups lollies to get the kids to walk home next to me and not to run onto the road, which of course just looks like the path at the moment.

I am seriously considering whether I will send JJ to school tomorrow, don't know if I can take the stress. Oh why do my parents not live just round the corner? I can hear my Mum saying now it was me who moved away............

What to do when it is snowing?..............

.....that was the question for us earlier. Work closed, nursery closed and school closed. Decision made; we will stay in for the day and play!

but anyone who knows me will know how hard that will be. I just do not do staying in for a full day. I want to be good at snuggling on a sofa and watching TV but I find it hard. So to break up the day we had a chip shop picnic and we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves!

The walk (or trudge as it really was - back ache - oh yes I have that now after pushing a double buggy in 6" of snow!) broke up the day nicely and got us out for an hour of so. The rest of the day has been doing puzzles, playing games, stickers and JJ on the PC.

In 2010 I will......

* Fall in love with my husband all over again

* Spend lots of fun and frivolous time with my kids

* Worry less about cleaning the house

* Continue my journey of recovery from the disease of compulsive overeating

* Live one day at a time and try to enjoy every moment

* Hand my problems over to God, they are his to deal with - I just need faith!

All this thinking back to 2009 also got me thinking forward and I received a good email from one of my friends with the moral being 'Know where you're going in life...
you may already be there'. Money really does not buy everything you want, I have to remember that!

Top 5 Moments of 2009

I have started to read more and more parenting blogs and I am really enjoying them. There are some fab writers out there disguised as Mummies. One of the blogs (http://themadhouse-themadhouse.blogspot.com/ I really wish I knew how to do one of those cool looking links with just a word!!! - maybe time for a training course at night school?) has invited other bloggers to list their top 5 moments of 2009, so here are mine -

1. Early April 2009 - Spring Harvest Christian festival at Butlins, Skegness. Dh, I and the kids all went and it was amazing. We had such a fun time together as a family and also got to spend lots of time with God and in prayer and reflection.

2. Late April 2009 - I restarted this blog once I started to go to the ED meetings. I am so pleased to have found a wonderful group of supportive people and a program which will help me through life.

3. June 2009 - Holiday to Butlins, Bognor with dh, the kids and my Mum, Dad and Brother for Mum and Dad's 40th anniversary. They had wanted to go abroad but I could not face that with 2 x one year olds and a 5 year old. This was the first holiday where there was light that the girls would sleep in a foreign environment and adapt to being away, having a different routine and being quite adaptable. It was the rest and relax that I really needed.

4. Late August 2009 - I went away for the weekend to Birmingham with a group of twin mummies. I had never met any of them before in real life, just through a twins forum that we chat on most days. It was amazing and I have made some great life friends.

5. October 2009 - I went away for a retreat to Ely with a group of friends from my old Church. I spent a lot of time alone in prayer and thought and I made a wonderful expressive collage with a daily prayer to help me give up my will to God in regards to my eating problems. What really made the weekend was coming home and spending time at the park with dh and the kids - we had such unplanned fun it was amazing!

There are so many more wonderful times in 2009 that I could write about, but I think these are my top 5.

What are yours? Have a think, I enjoyed this time of reflection.

It's a New Year

Stating the obvious! Can you tell I did not know what to call this entry? lol

All is pretty well for us, I have enjoyed Christmas and New Year, there has been nothing massive going on but the company of my family, dh, kids, lots of sale shopping, some relaxing, playing with the kids etc has all added up to a happy Mich.

Dh was working last night, so I spent the evening with my Mum, Dad and Brother (32) and actually had an enjoyable and sober NYE. We watched some trashy best song of the noughties program and then Mammia Mia and I sang my heart out.

Today has featured more sale shopping and it has been a successful year, I have loads of new bits, most of which were bought by my parents. I am a lucky girl! I was thrilled to be buying things in a size 20 rather than 22 as well.

I think I have put some weight on over Xmas but I am not too worried. I had a couple of abstinent days over the holidays and on others I enjoyed some treats but I can not remember binging or completely over indulging on any day.

Today, so far I have been abstinent and I am very grateful for that. My Dad got a big tin of shortbread out of the cupboard this morning and they have been calling me ever since, I pray I can resist them tonight. I adore them but I really do not want to eat them as this abstinence is hard earned and means so much more than a 2 minute fix.

I go home tomorrow so I can avoid more of the foods that are not good for my recovery. I think I will get dh to help me clear out anything left at home that should not be there. I will do my usual trick and take it to work to fatten everyone else up!

Crimble

I am loving Christmas so far this year. I have been off work for over a week, we have had a good few inches of snow, I have been relaxing and the kids have been cute ... mostly!

Today has been lovely, dh drove the kids and me over to a big garden centre which had a nice kids grotto, we rode a train, looked at all the cute displays and visited Santa. Then had a nice big breakfast and back home for a couple of hours of chilling. Off to church for Christingle service, where the kids sort of behaved but it was good anyway. They had chips for tea and watched a DVD of themselves as babies, which they all really enjoyed and then off to bed after 1 pressie. Thanks Aunty Sue for the gorgeous presents for the kids.

Dh and I then wrapped the last of the pressies, filled the stockings and enjoyed our Indian take-away and a glass (or two!) of rose. One good film later, I am back on here for a quick catch up and about to make another DVD, now that we finally have the movie maker thingy working!

Generally my food has been pretty good, I have not felt as if I have gone without but I have been conscious to be healthful and moderate in my eating. I am pleased to say that today is one of abstinence. Tomorrow may be another story, but I will face the day one at a time.

So Happy Christmas to all my friends and family, not sure when I will be back on here.

The fantasty was better than the reality! lol

I have had 3 good days of abstinence and today would of been the fourth but I gave into the calling of some gorgeous looking cadbury thick chocolate biscuits. I had four of them instead of the yoghurt I had planned for after my tea and guess what they were not that great. In my mind they were going to be amazing and taste so fab but really they were gone in a moment and not that satisfying at all. Oh well, lesson learnt hopefully.

I am not going to beat myself up as I lost my abstinence today. At 8.30pm I was over it and starting my abstinence again. It is Christmas and there is so much good stuff out there and if I can resist at least some things I will be doing far better than any other Christmas ever before!

A good couple of days

Who knows that has changed. I think all that effort I made to get to my much needed ED meeting on Thursday night in the snow is paying dividends. This is day 2 abstinent - no chocolate, sweets, biscuits, cakes or ice cream. Thank you Lord. There has been so many times in the last couple of days when I have been offered things or had things available that I wanted to eat but I just had to think of how wonderful it feels to be abstinent, it means such a lot to me. Far more than a 5 minute fix of chocolate does. I feel slimmer and more in control.

It was hard at my Mother in Laws (MIL) today as she has so much yummy stuff there and she always cooks far in excess of what is needed, but I ate a moderate meal and stayed to my food plan, avoiding all my no-go foods.

My period has arrived today and I am finding that when I eat better I have less pain, which is great. It has been a tough day today in general, so again it is even more excellent that by Gods grace I have stayed abstinent. Our shower pump appears to have broken, I have lost one of my lovely pandora style bracelets, I can not get the video camera footage to make a movie and get onto CD (this is my third attempt in just over a year, having spent about 30 hours doing this!!!!! grrr) and these are all things that would normally seem unmanageable and drive me to food - but not today!

For today, I am sane and wish to get well and to stop eating compulsively. Thank you Lord.

Snowtime fun!

It has snowed here, which is not really my idea of fun but of course the kids like it! So I made an effort yesterday and let the kids play out twice and I even helped to build a snowman. Luckily they are all pretty young and do not like to be cold for too long. JJ still got to go to school so he did snowball fights there and got the boy rough stuff out of the way. Ads was at work, which is a shame as I don't think he has ever been here yet when it is snowed, it is always just me and the kids.

I am feeling pretty good and have been managing to relax the last couple of days and not being hyper busy. I have played with the girls loads and tonight will have some time with my boy (he has gone to work with Daddy today - his idea of bliss! I love it that they have such a nice relationship). Food has been pretty manageable and I am feeling positive for a Christmas without too much excessive food.

I obviously needed my ED meeting tonight

It was the night of the big work do, I have been looking forward to it, have a nice outfit ready, it is a free buffet and bar, loads of music, bands, tribute acts and even a casino in a brand new multi-million ££ complex and I just could not be arsed to go tonight! So I didn't. I seemed to be coming up with every excuse under the sun not to go, the adverse weather being the main one.

However, there I was at 7.40pm tonight driving 10 miles to my ED meeting, instead of going to the party! I then left only about 40 minutes after the meeting started as I could see the snow had settled and was looking worse and worse. It took me near on an hour to get home and I saw accidents but I made it here thanks to God. I was worried on the drive home and like jelly when I walked in the door but I also felt good that I had overcome one of my irrational fears and driven quite a distance in nasty snow on ungritted roads.

My eating has been pretty crap for days now and my head seems to be everywhere, so I was pleased I made it there and I feel quite strong and willing to be abstinent at the moment. Please Lord may that last. I want to be willing to hand my eating over to you. Please help me not to shop for unwise choices and help me to clear the things out the cupboard that should not be there. I really wish to be well and have clarity of thought. Help me to stay in the day, focusing on just that one day at a time and not projecting for the future. Help me also to mind my own business and to stop being judgemental or interfering in what others do. Only I can live my life and only they can live there - help me to remember that please.

Lord I trust in you and thank you for loving me. Amen

Totally Insane!

It is official, I am nuts!

I was at work yesterday and I noticed that people had been bringing lots of yummy foods into the office - cakes, chocolate biscuits, sweets etc and boy did I fancy some. I managed to resist until lunchtime and then packed myself off to aqua to get out the office and not to think about food.

Well on the way over there I remembered that they sell the most lovely chocolate chip shortbread and I started thinking about how I could swap my foods around for the day. The plan was shreddies, tea cake for breakfast. Chicken roll, crisps and satsuma for lunch. Jacket with tuna and salad for tea, then a granola bar. So I decided that I could have have the shortbread as part of my lunch, dump the granola bar and have the satsuma after dinner.

I obviously knew this was the wrong choice as I struggled the whole way through the aqua, asking God to stop me buying it but desperately wanting it and to taste how nice it was. I could even hear my food sponsor in my head telling me I had gone into treat mode because I had done aqua and that what was important was sticking to my food plan and getting through the day without the focus on food. Not deciding that swapping them would be OK as mainly the calories would still be the same but that I would still be 301. Too much thinking can drive you nuts....

So I spent an hour in the pool completely obsessing about food. Insane!

I then went back to work and ate my lunch, chicken roll, crisp and shortbread and yes I enjoyed it and stayed away from other food for the afternoon. Upon getting home at just after 5pm I just did not try really and stuck a penguin bar in my mouth, then when I got back from JJ's concert I had my tea, minus the salad and ate some chocolate after too.

I spent the drive to bible study obsessing about what I could buy to eat to take with me for us all. I managed to avoid the shops and got there with nothing, to find chocolate flapjack on the table (along with satsumas for me -they do try to help me! bless) but of course I went for some flapjack and then a satsuma for good measure.

As always I pondered not telling my food sponsor about how weak I am at times, but that defeats the object and I only lie to myself. So here I am confessing all and repenting and praying that I will be able to manage to be abstinent from now.

I hate this disease, I do not want to be controlled by food anymore and I hate being so weak to it.

Christmas has arrived!

The kids decorated the tree today and I think they did a pretty good job - what do you think?

12th Stepping...

I was really pleased on Friday night when I went to M&S. I had the chance to tell someone else how fab my ED program is and to recommend that they attend. I really think the lady will go along and try a meeting for herself now.

The 12th step of the program is all about living the program and passing the miracle onto others (my wording not theirs!).

I decided to get measured for a bra as I was out without the kids and I was sure I was wearing the wrong size. The lady told me my size was right and how to choose the correct fit of bra. I just happened to say that I expect the size was now OK as I had lost a couple of stone. She said 'this must be God telling me something, as you are my fifth customer today who has lost lots of weight, how did you do it?. I went on to tell her about ED and she said she had called her local group earlier this year but been nervous about attending but after having a chat with me, she felt better and would definitely try the group. We spent over 1/2 hour talking and when I came out I felt really good to have passed on some knowledge. I pray for this lady, that she may come to ED and find peace and serenity in the program.

In fact I pray for everyone with the disease of compulsive overeating. That we may all find our higher power to lean on and that our emotional, spiritual and physical recovery increases each day, one day at a time.

I am delighting in my kids at the moment

Need I post more than that title? We have had such a great time together since the weekend, they are all behaving much better. Who knows why, maybe it is as simple as the change in my attitude and approach to them.

Saturday we had a party, Sunday me and dh took them all to a party at a soft play and then had the Xmas tree festival at church, which they all loved. Monday was nursery for the girls, Tuesday with Daddy, Wednesday half nursery and half with me and today in a moment we are off to toddlers and the I am going to work to make up some hours from when Maddie was ill, so Daddy will have them and cook dinner! yay

I am really looking forward to our weekend. Fri and sat at my Mum and Dads for some family time and then Sunday is church and Xmas tree decorating.

Miss E has really developed in the last couple of weeks, so coy and funny. She is forever asking me 'What's that?', 'whats in there?', 'Why?' etc - very cute. It has not got to the annoying stage yet.

Progress with JJ

Yep, I am pleased to report that my lovely little man is returning. Kevin the teenager (aged 6!) is disappearing. We had a real good chat last Friday and when I went to school and discovered he had got mad at his teacher and shouted at her that was the last straw. So we started a sticker chart and we are trying to fill a santa hat before Xmas eve night and if he does that we can put a cotton wool bobble on the top of the hat and santa will know to leave his pressies. It really seems to be working. He is thinking about things, saying sorry when he needs to, trying to eat better and generally being much more loving and far less rude. It is wonderful, we had soem time together last night playing post offices as a well doen for his efforts.

He got a sticker for star of the day yesterday as his beahviour at school was so good and I spoke to his teacher this morning who said his calling out in class has been much improved. She can really see him making an effort.

So Mum, don't worry I am not bringing a little bu**er down to see you this weekend. I am bringing that little man JJ that you adore. xx

For Today...

My reading today was very good. It spoke to me and thus I will share it. It basically said that 'we pray to God but continue to row to shore'. This is then explained as 'surrender does not mean I take no action: it means I take action and surrender the results'. This makes alot of sense to me. If I work it and hand the complexities over to God he will be kind to me and extend Grace and I will get the result that I need. Although I have not been abstinent the last few days I have been really tryign and by the grace of God when weighing this morning I saw I was 15st 3lb, so that is only a 1lb gain in the last week or so and considering some of the things I have eaten I am pleased with this.

Some days are harder than others

Being a Mum is not easy! I have a feeling I might have posted about this before..................lol

I am still having fun and games with JJ and his bad attitude. He is in his room playing as I type as he lost TV today due to his rudeness this morning and more than anything, due to his not wanting to apologise for his poor behaviour. I spoke to some Mums at the school today and they all seem to say the same thing, that their kids have grown some attitude in the last couple of weeks. In one way I am pleased to hear this, at least it is not just us but in another I also wonder how I will help JJ to lose the bad attitude when all his friends have the same.

Yesterday he came home from school and told me' Loser, whatever minger, your mama works in McDonalds'. Now let me say this was not directed at me as a derogatory remake but more to show off what the new thing he had learnt was. He told me he was taught this at breakfast club by one of the women that runs it. I did complain to the manager, we will see the outcome. I wonder if this is explains some of the behaviour, if he is being exposed to this kind of rubbish twice per week. He knows not to repeat this again!

Then you have the twins, they just wear me out and wear me down sometimes. M is the minx really - into everything and you say no and she laughs and runs off. I have to end up threatening or having a big voice to get her to tow the line. E is much better at doing as she is told but she cries and whinges and I really hate that - it grates on me.

It is all just silly stuff, but it makes things so much more difficult. I have to go out and collect dh in a moment and I turn round and they both have nappies, skirts and tights off. Just something extra to take another 5 mins before we leave the house! I feel like shouting I give up! M is like a puppy dog quite happy to pee wherever so my carpet is taking a beating. E has got pretty good and enjoys using the potty and getting her sticker.

I am off out to ED tonight and boy do I need it as I have been struggling and I am so hungry at the moment but I want to hold out until my dinner. I will really enjoy it then.

Update on me and my eating!

I feel a bit out of control at the moment, I got up later than I wanted to this morning - did not do my daily reading. Missed my aqua at lunchtime today due to a meeting overrunning and have eaten too much today, perhaps the result of no food plan. So tomorrow, I pray for a better day, I expect I have regained a lb or 2 in the last week, unfortunately things do move that quickly for me, so I need to focus and hand it over to God in the hope of regaining my abstinence.

I have planned a swim before work tomorrow so that will give me some thinking and praying time in the water and lunch is already prepared so there is no reason to go off track.

Wish me luck.....

A better day

I am pleased to report that today JJ stayed fairly clean at school and he got his pudding after tea. I only observed him being slightly rude once today to Miss E and when I corrected him there was no arguments and an apology to E, so hopefully things are sinking in. At bed time I gave him a big hug and let him know I was really pleased with his progress today. He says he is going to try hard again tomorrow - lets hope so.

This hurts me far more than it does you....

Do you remember a parent or other adult saying that to you when you were a kid? I do and I could never understand it. Well now I am the parent, the adult and I do get it.

I mentioned yesterday that we have had enough of JJ's bits of unrespectful/ rude behaviour and are trying to tackle it at the moment. He has been told that if he rushes his food or does not concentrate at meal times and as a consequence he or the table/ floor gets messy then there will be no other treats/ puddings/ nice drinks that day. Also if he speaks in an unrespectful manner (ie: with Kevin the teenager attitude) or forgets his manners then I will say to him 'JJ think' and he will need to rephrase and apologise.

This has been in practice for 2 days now and both days he has lost treats etc. He did earn back the right to have a cake after dinner last night as he really helped me in a difficult situation with the twins and I told him how much I appreciated his grown up behaviour. He has also been warned numerous times for his attitude or lack of pleasantries and that seems to be working he has got better and I even got an unsolicited apology today when he thought better of the way he spoke to me.

It did hurt me yesterday and I felt a complete cow as we were at a school fete and all his friends had cakes and I would not allow him one and then he kept winning sweets and just handing them over to me. However, I have to stay strong and show him that we mean business and of course I will be completely fair. We have still had time together and cuddles and stories but there is bits he will lose out on too.

Dh took his TV out of his room today as he told a fib this morning, instead of just telling the truth. He only realised this before bed tonight and we had a big cuddle and chat whilst he sobbed for his lost TV. I explained he can earn it back over the next few weeks but that he must realise how lucky he is to have a TV at age 6. (Now for anyone reading this who only knows me a bit - do not judge - it is not on much, he asks before he watches it and as a mega active child it is useful to calm him to sit for a while and watch a bit of TV).

So that is where we are with the operation polite child! I will update you more in a few days.

No Shouting Pact!

As the title says JJ and I have made a no shouting pact. I am terrible at shouting at the kids to get myself heard - they just feel so loud at times but most of the time the shouting does not work as they are used to it and ignore me!

I have also noticed that JJ has become terrible for shouting at the twins and they react so much better when he speaks to them lovingly. I just hear him copying me and it breaks my heart, so we all have to stop. It is amazing the ways God works to get you to listen to a message he is trying to tell you.

So we are all not shouting at the moment. He is finding it far harder than me, I suppose as an adult it is easy to stop myself and think before I act/ talk but it is much harder for a impetuous kid.

We are also working on JJ's messy eating/ hurrying/ poor manners at the table. I have had to put some serious consequences in place as the softly approach has not worked for any length of time. So now when he gets messy, rushes and spills stuff, is sitting badly, using his fingers etc he is not having anything to eat in the day other than his 3 meals with no treats, sweets, desserts, snacks, milk or anything else. It is just 3 meals and water - enough to keep him healthy.

I made a mistake!

Whoops, I have now realised why I got a D in maths at GCSE grade. I said that I have lost 40lb to get to 15st 2lb and I have not. This is a shame but not the end of the world and it was a genuine mistake. I started at 17st 9lb and have thus lost 2 stone and 7 lb. I had calculated those stones at 16lbs in each stone and I have realised this is not correct. There is of course 16oz in each lb! doh

So what I have actually lost is 35lb and I think I just got overexcited and thought it was 40lb.

Thankfully my period is practically over now and I feel more balanced, less tired and generally more sane, so hopefully I can really get my eating back on track. Like I said on Tuesday it has not been terrible but just not the wonderful abstinence I had for 2 full weeks. I was pleased yesterday that I was at the school fete for about 3.5 hours and all the 100's of cakes (yes there really was 100's) were looking truly amazing and I did manage to stay away from them all.

Grace in small things

How can I not do a grace post when I am feeling so incredibly grateful?

1. Watching JJ being invested into Beavers tonight. He was so excited!
2. Having a snuggle in bed with Miss E this morning.
3. That I only have to focus on one day at a time and with God's help anything is possible.
4. Watching a great Joyce Meyer DVD last night and then singing my heart out to worship songs on the way home.
5. Having now lost 40lbs!
6. Having the PTA accounts all up to date and balanced.
7. having a helpful hubbie.
8. Listening to Miss M singing Little Donkey and asking me to dance with her

Looking forward to eating moderately every day

each day I read from a book called 'For today' and the reading I had today really stirred something in me. It talked about my past life being filled with diets and that these generally had a life span, ie: you would diet for Christmas, an occasion or a holiday and when that date came you would over indulgence and the downward spiral would start again.

It mentioned the change in my thinking which makes it a pleasure to use the power of my program to eat moderately on days when excess is the norm. That is very comforting to me, I think about Christmas and wonder how I will survive this Christmas without binging. The answer is I will not buy many of the old foods that we once enjoyed and for those visiting my house I am sure they love me enough to understand that it is more important for me to appear inhospitable and not offer them excessive food and to remain abstinent.

So today I am reminded that what I was first told when I entered ED is true, that even the worst abstinent day is better than any day where I was eating to excess.

Quick update from me

Wow, just seen I have not blogged for almost a week. I wonder what I have been doing to keep me away from here? well PTA accounts mostly. It feels good to get things sorted but I do miss my blog.

I am doing pretty well, I broke my abstinence last Wednesday (period coming, broken nights sleep etc etc) and got straight back on the bandwagon on Thursday and then since then I have been on/ off/ on/off. Not doing terribly but not keeping consistent like I was. Definitely think some of it is down to it being the time of the month and wanting chocolate.

I weighed myself Sunday in the belief that I would have put on weight and instead found I had lost some. I was 15st 2lb, so this is now a total loss of 40lbs! How exciting is that?

So I am living day to day at the moment and praying for God to guide me to make wise choices and to help me be abstinent again.

Much better day, the dummies are back!

Things are going so much better today, not sure if it is my positive attitude or if the girls really are being behaved well. Whatever, it makes my life much easier.

We had a lovely afternoon, they both napped at the same time, we played, they let me see the auditor without being too pesky, they ate their dinner well, Miss M even ate her breakfast (a first in about 3 weeks!) they hardly squabbled and then went to bed without a single problem. Wow, can this continue.............. I sure hope so.

Don't get me wrong, there was little bits that were not great, Miss M taking the wax crayon and drawing over my glass window, she snatched things a couple of times and ran off but positive affirmation seemed to work with her today. I kept telling her how I loved her good behaviour and she kept giving me more and more.

I even manged to get two beds stripped, covers washed and put away, downstairs all cleaned and I have done some of the PTA accounts as well as working for 4 hours. Fab, fab, Fab!

I wonder if some of this good behaviour was about her having had a better or more settled sleep last night. A few times recently Miss M has asked dh and I about 'scareys' or spiders and she keeps waking in the night crying. So last night after a few nights of absolutely terrible screaming we let her have a dummy back (and of course that means Miss E got hers back too - we have to be fair). Yesterday and today she had afternoon naps and then both nights she went off to sleep without a hitch.

We went to the dentist yesterday and they gave us all a clean bill of health and said that both girls showed no sign of movement in their teeth/ jaws due to dummy usage, so that reinforced our decision to give the dummies back. Just at sleep time mind. I have been very strict that unless their head is on the pillow they can not have their dummy, so as soon as they get up, they go away until the next sleep time. Hopefully this approach will work for us, enabling us to have chilled, content and happy girls and less stressed parents. I am a much nicer person when I do not get woken in the night and have to deal with a naughty toddler all day.

Kids! arrrgghhh

They are trying me at the moment. I am working hard to keep my temper and patience and not always succeeding!

Miss M is the worst one - so defiant, always saying no, running in the opposite direction and not wanting to eat much at the moment. She has a cold and I assume feels a little crap but with the amount of fuss she creates you would expect her leg has been cut off!

Miss E is generally a little poppet, but she can whine for Britain. Happiest left alone, her brother and sister like to take over her games, steal her toys and generally annoy her.

JJ is so absorbed in his own world it is not true. We have blocked all the TV channels again except cbeebies, Nick Junior and Disney playhouse as we find as soon as he watches stuff like power rangers, Horrid Henry his behaviour just goes off the scale. TV is like E numbers for him!

I was so pleased for them to go to bed today as I need some rest. Miss M is having me up at least once per night and then waking at 6.30am. Me and dh just never seem to get a lie in.

I have attached a cute piccie to remind myself that they are not always complete pests!

Quick Hi

My Mum came up to see us on Wednesday and has been here since, hence the lack of posting. It is so nice to have her here. Dad is up tomorrow to collect her so that will be nice to see them both.

I just wanted to do a quick update to say that things are going pretty well here. I am trying to spend time with God each day, making sure I am reading my ED literature, praying and going to meetings. This is my 10th day of abstinence - isn't that wonderful! Thanks so much God. It is really amazing, when I stopped trying and started to purely rely on God that is when it all clicked and I am able to just eat moderately at the moment. My abstinence is no chocolate, cakes, biscuits, sweets or ice cream but I am allowing myself plenty of foods that would not normally feature on a diet, such as custard, chips, take aways etc. As long as they are planned as my meal and I only eat a moderate portion I am happy and staying within plan and doing what needs to be done to look after myself.

I weighed on Thursday morning and I was 15st 5lb, so that is another couple of pounds lost. In total I have now shed 38lbs from my heaviest weight when not pregnant. This was in December 2005. I am motivated to keep going but have to keep reminding myself this is a forever lifestyle change and not a quick fix solution and things will take a good while.

My ED meeting on Thursday was good. It was about step 4, which is where we write our fearless and searching moral inventory, so quite a scary step but I do not mind. When the time is right, I look forward to getting everything down on paper and freeing myself from some of my baggage (stuff that I do not even realise affects me).

Right off to have some blood taken now for testing for diabetes...

Grace in small things

Today's reason to be cheerful are -

1. I have been abstinent from the act of compulsive overeating since last Wednesday 7.30pm and I have not had any chocolate, cakes, sweets or ice cream.
2. Miss E's belly laughs
3. Miss M sleeping straight through the last 2 nights
4. JJ reading to me last night - doing 24 pages each with about 4 lines of reading. He is progressing so well now. We had his parents evening last week and they said he was polite, likable, caring and above-average bright as well as clumsy and a bit self-centered! whoops. He can't be perfect!
5. I enjoyed listening to an ED podcast this morning whilst working out at the gym
6. Work is going well at the moment, my balance between work and home is good.
7. I have an evening in tonight and I am so looking forward to it

Still 'in the zone!'

Yep, I am still doing well. Day 4 of abstinence and it definately gets easier thanks to the grace of God. I need to be very careful I do not get complacent and start to eat things I should not. There have been challenges over the last few days but I have resisted - poppadoms at the Indian last night, no after dinner chocolate (it sat there untouched) and I did not go near the buffet table at the party either. Then today I resisted all goodies at my Mother in laws and also stopped picking my dinner when I was full, walking away from a plate of yorkshire puddings.

Here is me last night, before I was going out. I am quite pleased with how my outfit came together - what do you think of the tights now Mum?

Calmer kids....

I have a twin mummy friend who has really chilled kids. They are happy to sit down and relax at times and I would love that. She tells me that they are chilled as she is chilled, which leads me to believe mine are hypo because I am! lol and I know really that is not far form the truth. So for the last week or so I have been trying to be more chilled and to be home more and just sit with the kids on the floor/ sofa and play, watch TV or chat and it is really worked, they seem to much more chilled out today.

The three of them are all sat on the sofa watching TV as I type, waiting in their PJ's to collect Daddy from the station in about 5 minutes (see the photo above). Yesterday me and the girls got in my bed together at 2pm and watched TV for an hour to relax, it seems a sensible solution to them having given up their daytime nap - they at least get to relax and be calm.

Food Plans

My food sponsor has gone away on holiday and I do not want to pester her, so I will write my food plan on here each day and then update it to see how I have done.

Today - 6th Nov
Plan is - porridge and 2 crumpets for brekkie, vege soup, 3 ryvita and cheese for lunch then an apple, tea is jacket potato with tuna mayo and sweetcorn and salad. Then plain yoghurt with some prunes in it.

Whoops, I have forgotten to report on my foods plans for the last couple of days but all has been going well. What I have actually eaten today (8th Nov) is -
Shreddies, 1 crumpet, banana, roast pork dinner with yorkshire puddings, scrambled eggs on 2 toast. So as you can see it is not that I am missing out on nice food, I am still eating well, just cutting out the crap.

9th Nov -
Yesterday I had - porridge, bagel, chicken salad, yoghurt, chicken and veg stir fry and a granola bar. I kept to plan! yay

10th Nov -
Plan today is - oat krunchies, bagel (whcih I have kept to so far) and planned is lunch chiken sub roll, crisps, grapes and then for tea ??? as Adam is cooking but I will stick to one moderate plate and then some tinned fruit and custard afterwards.

Keep it up Mich!

Felling good about food this morning, really going to try hard to hand it all over to God and to eat moderately and without compulsion.

I weighed this morning, I know I should not of. I will have to be very careful not to transfer my obsession from food to weight! I was 15st 7lb. This is very exciting for me, this is the least I have weighted since the 1990's. Got to keep going now - I really want to reduce the risk of all those awful diseases that I could suffer at the moment due to my excess blubber and of course I want to set a much better example to my kids.

Off out to twins club now, catch you all later.

Yay, celebrate!

I think the chair I listened to last night at my meeting has got through to me. She was saying that you get out of this program what you put in and that we should not over complicate things. Just abstain one day at a time and it will all fall into place by the grace of God.

Well, I am celebrating my first 24 hours of proper 301 abstinence.

Today I have had - porridge and banana for breakfast. Vege soup and 3 ryvita with cheese for lunch, tea was homemade potato and onion flan with salad and after some yoghurt with prunes. I have actually really enjoyed my food today and not felt hungry at all.

Of course I have thought about food many times, I am a food addict after all but I am pleased to say that with God by my side I have been able to not pick it up.

Now for the challenge I have a friend coming over to watch a girlie DVD now and I must keep away form the food whilst she is here! I will report tomorrow. I will now go and say a quick prayer.