That’s Important

As I wandered around my house this morning making beds, opening curtains, collecting up the dirty laundry and emptying bins I was musing to myself about how important those functions are. No, of course they don’t make a successful home, you can easily get by and be perfectly happy with a half-full bin or an unmade bed but for someone like me who likes order and tidiness they are important.

Yes I could make the kids do all those things and sometimes I do but in the main I like looking after my family. That is one way I show them how much I love them by tending to their needs and even pre emptying their needs. Being a stay at home parent is hard work and really valuable work and it has taken me some time to fully acknowledge this for myself.  I’ve always hated the rivalry between parentsfollow that choose different paths, those who work outside the home, do paid work at home or stay home without any remuneration at all and I choose to champion all causes. Like everything in life I feel you need to do what suits you, what really makes you feel grounded and content, not what society expects or you push yourself to do and certainly not what pays the most money.

Over the last thirteen years of being a parent I’ve taken on each of those roles and what I have discovered is that they each have their own unique challenges and there is no one right universal choice. We all have to make the choice that suits us, our personalities and our circumstances. I personally found working outside the homefollow the hardest by far but that could be because I did it when my children were younger and I also still undertook voluntary work and looked after my home without any help too.

At the moment I have the joy of being home, dabbling in a little paid work, doing lots of voluntary work and really having time to develop my relationship with the Lord and my children. I don’t often have to feel compromised anymore like I did four or five years ago when it was my of the kids assemblies, but I was due to be delivering a training course and then I realised I had forgotten to book their lunches too! Those times were just overwhelming when I would race home after work to pick the kids up from after-school club, chuck some food in the oven for them, bombard them with spellings and timetables questions whilst I cooked and then race out the door again to Cubs, gymnastics or Rainbows.

Yes, the change to a slower-paced life has been really good for me and for my family too but it has taken me nearly three years to fully accept that it is OK for me to sit in the morning and read my book for an hour or to enjoy a coffee alone on the return trip from the school drop. Those snatched moments of peace and reflection are when I am renewed and ready for whatever the kids present that day. Let’s be honest, it’s not as if I get to sit down in the early evening, everything keeps going until eight or nine at night and the smaller ones are finally tucked into bed.

Thank you Lord for bringing us into circumstances when I can start to learn that I am loved for who I am and not just what I do. Even if I have ticked nothing off my long list all day I am still valuable as I am your daughter and I have taken the time to do the small things that the day has demanded, things like –

• Toasting a bagel as my boy had got up late and needed to run out the door
• Making small trees for the girls Cub Scouting camp shoebox dioramas
• Organising all the cards and gifts for the next month ahead
• Printing off photos for a friend
• Speaking words of affirmation to my kids
• Kissing and hugging my hubby
• Steam cleaning the floor in the little toilet for the 800th time as the nasty smell just won’t lift
• Changing the kids bedding to light summer duvets
• Walking round the lake and stopped to marvel at how awesome the sight is
• Checking our bank account and made sure bills are being paid on time
• Speaking sweet words to a little lady who couldn’t get to sleep because of the heat
• Cooking lasagne and banana bread as that is what small people fancied
• Contacting a local family to see if they want to meet us at Church on Sunday

Yes I have been present in the day and have enjoyed it and that is far more important than ticking things off a list and allowing life to whizz past me.

Thank you Lord that you have made this path for me, I feel as if I am in the right place, doing the right thing. Mich x

Coming Through the Hard Times and Making Space

There is nothing boring about being a Christian, just as you feel happy and settled I find that the Lord has something new in store for you and bang, along comes a new challenge! It’s good of course but it does make for some interesting times, ones that are not perhaps comfortable and not even very welcome.

My husband and I have been having a really challenging time of late, from mid-April to mid-June was particularly awful. I won’t go into all the details but suffice to say we felt at the end of our tether and had to cling on to each other and to the Lord very tightly. It would have been all too easy to just shout ‘No, I can’t go on’ but of course we can go on. He is our rock and we must turn to Him.

“He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:2 (NLT)

Things are looking up now, we are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and we’ve even booked a summer holiday for us all to look forward to. Truth be told after the time we’ve had we needed to do something different to give us a positive future focal point.

A friend reminded me today that it is in our tribulations we experience the most spiritual growth. It is not when we are sat happy and content on the mountain top that our character evolves and matures but when we are at the bottom of the pit and we are placing our faith in the Lord and saying ‘your will be done’. I can definitely see this for my husband, some good has come from a horrid situation but of course it is harder to discern for myself, so I can’t tell you that I’ve changed but I do trust that good will come.

“These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” 1 Peter 1:7

What I do know is that God is changing things for me. He is clearing the decks and opening up space for the future. I have to admit that I feel a little lazy right now, like a lady of leisure. The only thing I can sense God asking me to do at the moment is to connect with people and to be there for them. It is very nice having coffee and time with lots of different people but it also feels a tad decadent, like I’m slacking off. But I suppose it goes back to the message that God has consistently been giving me for over a decade now – to be and not to do.

Of course in just three short weeks the school summer break will be here and then I’ll be busy with my three children and it is definitely right to focus on them and to make sure they are supported and encouraged over the summer. We have lots planned already and at least two or three weeks with nothing at all. I do throughly believe that kids need the space to break through the boredom barrier, this can be when some of the most fun times happen. JJ will be 13 in the Autumn and I want to ensure that he still acts like a child this summer and has some crazy fun with his sisters.

People keep asking me what I’ll be doing once the summer is over and I have no idea. God has asked me to step back from volunteering at the conference centre where I live, I’ve finished life coaching (for now) and you’ll have noticed I’m blogging far less. So there is time available, I have space to take on new ventures. Just this weekend I am training with TLG follow(Transforming Lives for Good) to become a coach working with a child who is having a tough time at school. I feel so encouraged that from September I’ll be able to help at least one child explore their behaviour and improve their level of learning but that is only a couple of hours a week.

There are plenty more hours in the week to fill but I do feel that it is not my place to do so. If I fill my time just for the sake of it, God won’t have the space to allow His (perfect) plan to work out and thus what I’ll do in September is sit and wait. I’ll take steps to exercise and get outside so I’m looking after my physical wellbeing. I’ll read, pray and soak so I look after my spiritual wellbeing and I’ll invest in my important relationships so I’m looking after my emotional wellbeing. If I manage to do all three of those things in good measure I’ll be looking at a balanced life and a productive and happy Mich.

It sounds good.

Life can be a roller coaster

This summer has been such hard work, it has drained me and tested me.

But this summer has been amazing, a time of change, of new beginnings, of time with God.

My life feels as if it has slowly climbed up the massive highs of the roller coaster and then plummeted down the big dipper, only to loop the loop at least twice over and then swoop up again.

I'm looking forward to the even keel that must surely follow this. you know the mundane, the day-to-day, the boring, the routine. Oh how I am longing for some routine right now.

I'm dearly trying to stay in the moment and enjoy each day as it happens but that does not mean there are not challenges in doing that.

There have been days I've sat on the sofa and cried as I've felt so lonely and then my online friends have picked me up. My 40th birthday was a low point if I'm honest, its hard when you have not got anyone local to just call and say 'coming out today?'. The women living here on the estate are lovely but they already have their friendship groups and lives established, I hope with time we can become more friendly.

As well as the lows there have been times when my heart has swelled with gratitude and I know I am so lucky to be here, as I walk through the woods or over a meadow by the stream I marvel in this wonderful landscape created by the Lord. Our family made a move of faith coming here and it feels right. I now need to sit tight and wait on the Lord and see what he wants of me, I'm so tempted to start offering to volunteer at the conference centre but I sort of feel I ought to allow myself to get to the point where all the jobs are done and I have an opportunity to get bored. I wonder if only then will I spend enough time in the presence of the Lord to truly hear what He is saying to me.

Friday we came home from holiday and our house sale in Hertfordshire finally completed and I at last feel as if East Sussex truly is my home. We have been here five weeks now and there was no trepidation about returning here after holiday, it feels like we have been here an eternity, this place is right. This is where God wants us to be and I know there are loads more ups and down to follow. The kids start school next week and the girls are really nervous about it and so am I but it will be OK for God tells me so.

Jeremiah 29:11 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

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If you want a different result then things need to change...

I was down in the dumps yesterday. I think the high of moving house had worn off. We went to Bexhill-on-sea on Thursday and found a lovely park, the kids had fun playing and I sat and read my book - all good it sounds. But then I started to look around and hear the chitter chatter of all the other Mums with their friends and I realised I need to go through that again and make new friends here. Sad moment number one.

Friday morning I awoke and went to have breakfast and then like a bat it whacked me, sad moment number two. I felt completely overwhelmed, it seemed as if there was so much to do - boxes to unpack, seven stone to shift, kids to parent through tricky behaviours and trials, friends to make, work to establish, blogging to be done etc etc. I really felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and could easily of had a good cry. Thankfully some great friends talked me though it and a trip out with the kids gave me back some perspective. Yes there is lots to be done but no time pressures. This is not a race I have to win in one week, I'm here for the rest of my life and things will take however long they take.

We have made a big move and I need to acknowledge that. Things will be different and at times difficult. This is the first time I have ever moved and not had to go to work, so where I make my friends will have to take a different angle. I had not realised I would be alone with the kids so much, I need to get my head around that. It is new.....  and yes exciting too. Dh has a whole different set of challenges to me, he has a very big job and needs to plan all the changes he will work with his team to implement, so his place of work becomes even better. Efficiencies he will drive and people he will nurture and develop, those are his talents but they take up a lot of head space and I need to remember that.

I went to a service last night run by the volunteers and that was the first moment I felt things click. I know it is right to be here but I have to be patient as I wait for God to reveal his plans for us, or me specifically. But as I sat amongst the 40 or so people in that room and listened to them singing together in harmony with the voices of about 30 different nations I knew I was supposed to be there. It was beautiful. We all lifted our voices in praise and thanked the Lord for what He had done for us and praised His holy name. As I listened to a young volunteer talk about how we all expect far too much happiness nowadays I knew he was right and I was taken back to that morning when I had felt so sad. The reminder that I am here to serve God and not the other way round was a poignant one.

The decision was made during that service that I need to plan and push myself and make the changes that need to happen. I want different results and thus I need to change what I do. 7am this morning saw me up and dressed, heading out the door for a walk/ slow jog round the nearest lake and it felt good. I found myself a lovely bench to be able to sit on and pray and muse and this will be my daily me time.

Feeling so much better than I did this time yesterday and getting ready to make more changes, all for the better....

Catch you soon, Mich x

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Summer plans #GetGoodSummer

You'll know (because I have been constantly boring you) that my family are moving to the countryside at the end of July and this means we have the whole month of August to enjoy before the kids formally start at their new school. What will we do with our time I start to wonder to myself?

I keep seeing posts about the plans people are making for their summer holidays and then the lovely Clare at Clarinas Contemplations tweeted me to see if I might like to join in with #GetGoodSummer, the idea being that you don't waste your summer and you set yourself five goals to achieve over the summer period. I read her post and thought it was a lovely idea and I understand that for some summer may pass by in a haze of days achieving nothing. But for me this year I want to have the whole of the month of August doing not a lot!

For at least the last twenty years I have spent most every day working to plan, living by to-do lists and knowing exactly what I will do and where I am going, so what I really need is to do nothing much. I will set myself five goals for the summer and join in with #GetGoodSummer but it will be all about the chill time.

I saw that Jen at the Madhouse is having a free range summer and inviting other bloggers to link up with her each week over the summer.  This sounds perfect for my family, one of the main pulls of moving to the countryside is that our children will be able to be free-range kids learning the boundaries and growing in responsibility as they are allowed to go out and explore and enjoy the 220 acres of countryside that we will be living in. I love the idea that kids should be allowed to get bored, it is in those times that they find their real creativity and start to really enjoy themselves.

So what are my five goals over the summer months?

1. Be more absorbed in my kids than my house. It would be so easy to move in at the end of July and then to spend the next month getting my house straight, buying all those last things we need, unpacking every box, finding a home for all our belongings but then I'd wake up one morning and be ready to play with the kids and realise it was September and they were at school.  They can't happen, the house can wait.

2.  Spend time every single day with God.  Just me and Him, in silence, in prayer, in meditation, in singing - in whatever suits that moment but it must happen every day as I need to start as I mean to go along and not allow anything to get in the way of the most important relationship in my life.

3.  Tell dh I love him every day. I have missed my husband so much in these last couple of weeks of being separate that I need to remind him how much he means to me. Becoming complacent in a relationship is not OK and we need to start our date night again and both make more effort.

4.  Be mindful of my overeating. I'm not actually sure what is the right way forward with my food. I know I am eating too much and the wrong things. I need to loose weight but I don't know how to do it. So for now I commit to being mindful of what I am eating, I will plan my meals and adhere to my meal plans.

5.  To get moving.  Like the goal above I have no real idea what to do exercise wise, I mentioned about walking the lakes and that is fine. But realistically for August I'll have the kids in tow all month, so I need to find things to do with them - basketball, catch, swimming and just generally running around. I need to catch the exercise bug and as long as I end the summer fitter and enjoying getting moving more than when I start, I'll be happy.

So there we go, 5 things to keep me focused over the next couple of months.

Do you fancy joining in with either of these summer linkies?  Head over and see the hosts and find out more....

Catch you soon, Mich x

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Grateful for time #R2BC week 25, year 3

This week I am really grateful to have time on my side.  We were supposed to move next week but that is not happening, now dh will go this Sunday as planned and he starts work on Monday but the kids and I will stay here until the end of July and hopefully our sale will complete then.

I've now finished work, so I have some time over the next 3-4 weeks to really focus on me and I have badly neglected myself over the last few ultra busy years. This is what I am looking forward to -

I am of course also really excited about BritMums Live tomorrow, catching up with all my old friends, meeting lots of new ones and learning a few new blogger tricks is a very tempting proposition.  I hope I get to meet some of you there, please forgive me if I don't recognise you but if you see me on the butterfly stall do come and say hi, I'm sure I'll know your blog name.

Blogger of the Week

Talk of BritMums Live leads me on nicely to our blogger of the week.  This week my shout-out is for Ruth of DorkyMum, she dips in and out of #R2BC as the mood and her life circumstances dictate and I like that, we are here for the every week and the infrequent joiner alike.  On Saturday Ruth is sitting on the Blogging for Good panel with me and that will help steady my nerves, knowing she is there too. She is a lady who has such integrity and is good fun as well. Her blog is extremely well written and she is not afraid to say what she thinks. Go check her out...

Now it is your turn
I'm handing the baton to you and it is your turn to let us all know what is making you cheerful and grateful this week.  Write up your post, add in the blog-hop code, link up and then visit a few other people to comment.  I will aim to get round very one this week, even if it is Monday.  Sorry I didn't get to visit you last week, time escaped me and I was poorly and uber stressed with our house move (or lack of more correctly).

Wishing you a fabulous weekend whatever you are doing.  If you are coming to BritMums Live you will spot me pretty much attached at the hip to this one -

Seasider Clare and I in January this year

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But what will you do?

The view from my front door, I could just sit and stare at that for quite some time!

Do you know how many times I have heard this question in the last few weeks?  Dozens upon dozens, anyone that hears about our family's move to East Sussex congratulates me on the wonderful move and the job that dh has secured and then they look at me quite worried and say 'but what will you do?'.

To which I usually reply 'I don't know' and then they take this as me being a bit worried about what the future holds, but the truth is so far from that it is unreal. 'I don't know' means I will wait on God and see what He speaks to me. What does He wish for me to be doing? Where is my purpose for Him? Answers may come in moments or they might take years and that is OK, I am on an exploratory journey and I will wait and see.

Our family have made a very informed decision to change our lives and to do something which we feel God is calling us to do. I know very definitely there are times that I have heard from God and seen His truth realised. Years back he gave me a vision of 2 pregnancies and 3 babies and thus when my 6 week scan in 2006 showed I was pregnant with twins it was no surprise to me. I just felt secure and comfortable as I knew my babes were a gift from God.

Similarly for years I have known I would live at a Christian conference centre. I always thought I would be running it with dh, maybe this is the future or maybe my vision was slightly offline, I'm not sure but what is happening is close enough that I believe it to be of God. It is certainly not me that has been brave enough to say 'yes lets move 100 miles away, sell our house, leave all that we know, change our kids schools, reduce our income by two thirds and leave you jobless Michelle'. Oh no, that is God right there who has prepared dh and I over the years to know that He knows best and we must walk in faith and follow.

2006 was a very significant year in my Christian walk, in July I was struck with Bells Palsy and facial paralysis for quite a few weeks and from a number of sources I received the same message 'Michelle - stop doing and start being' and I feel that this move is part of that.  I am being released from the bondage of having to work and finding purpose in that work. I am a child of God and that is enough, my purpose is to 'be' and the good things I do should come from that sense of being and that confidence in Christ.

So going back to that original question - what will I do? I honestly don't know but that is OK.  I'll always be me - a wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, blogger, foodie but most of all I am a child of God and I am fully available for the Lord to use me as He sees fit. 

What I will do is be ready and available. Ready for the next challenge and task that God decides to place with me and use me in. He has a plan and his plan is perfect, even when we don't understand it.

How is God using you right now?

Writing this post has made me think about this great song, have a listen. It talks a lot about waiting on the Lord and that is where I am at -

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Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 - Week 5 - Open to All!

Week 5 is here and I am being cheered each week visiting you and seeing all the wonderful things that bring smiles to your faces. I also love that even when you have had a bad week you are using this as an opportunity to count your blessings and to realise there is always something to be cheerful about.

You probably know what to do by now, write your post giving your three reasons to be cheerful and link it up, nick the blog hop code if you fancy and add that to the bottom of your post and that makes it easy for your readers to join in too, without having to visit me here, although if they want to visit me that is never discouraged! All the info is on the Reasons to be Cheerful page.

To spread the word we need to get tweeting too, use the hashtag #Reasons2BCheerful.

Grab the beautiful button as well and plonk that where you fancy - in the post, in your sidebar or don't if you do not want to, I won't shoot you!



<center> <a href="http://mdplife.blogspot.com/search/label/reasons%20to%20be%20cheerful"><img width="150" alt="Reasons to be Cheerful at Mummy From the Heart" src="http://i902.photobucket.com/albums/ac230/RebaMc/reasonstobecheerfulv2-1.jpg" height="150" /></a></center>   Here are my 3 reasons to be cheerful this week-

1. I have been poorly at the begining of this week and this allowed me to have some down time: time in bed, time to read, time to think, time to pray and time just to be with me..
2. Due to point 1 my healthy eating has also been given a kick start and I am pleased to be 'in the zone' right now.  I need to lose this weight and to overcome my obsession with eating and food.
3. Miss E has stopped wetting again, the smartie after each trip to the toilet has worked and habit has kicked in and she is back to being dry again. The excitement of starting school must have dulled.
4. I bought myself flowers today and they have made me smile, along with the clear blue sky and new hair!
5. I have a good chance to win £250 for charity. Please vote for my blog HERE  Thanks x

So there you go, easy as 1,2,3.  Your turn...

and just before you go. Do you know Jen? She is a super fab, friendly blogger and every two weeks she hosts a linky called Blog Gems - Air your Archives, she gives a prompt and you link up an old post and gain some new visitors. She has a linky open now, go and visit and join in.

Also, just this week I found another gratitude linky, this one is hosted over in Australia by Maxabella, who has a very stylish blog.  So now you can link up your Reasons post there as well and maybe make some new friends from across the other side of the world. I have some fab Aussie blogger mates and they are some of the friendliest bloggers I know.

An Attitude of Gratitude

Today is a good day, no scrap that, today is a GREAT DAY!

Right here and right now I am in a good place.

I am a lucky woman, I am loved, I have the capacity to love back, I do not feel aggrieved, I do not feel hurt, sad, bitter or disappointed. I am just simply Happy.

Today anything is possible...... the world is my oyster.

For all this love in my heart I want to do a post showing my attitude of gratitude. When I have this attitude the world is a far nicer place. Have you noticed that when you wake up happy and in a good mood your day goes much better? Wouldn't life be simple if we just made a choice each day to be happy and fulfilled and not to let the small stuff grind us down.

So here is my list of things from the last few days that have led to me being in this good place - long may it last!

1. Taking JJ to his snow ringos party and watching my little man love whizzing down the slope in -4 degrees.


2. Going to camp and just sitting there for a few hours, enjoying watching my kids play and simply chatting to other adults. How amazing to have stepped out of the rat race that is my life and just to 'be' for a few hours. Arriving Saturday I saw my handsome husband without an ounce of stress on his face after spending a day in the great outdoors with 23 kids!


3. For Miss E being a pretty good patient when she was poorly over the weekend. She tried to be a poppet even when she felt too poorly to eat or drink.


4. For all the great trainees I have on the training course I am running this week.


5. For the amazing time I had at bible study last night. For the great study led by Iris and her beautiful prayer. Also for the prayers and uplifting from all the members of my house group. It was a night to remember.


6. For the realisation that God loves me more than I could ever imagine, for the realisation that he is patient and does not anger with me, he will keep waiting on me to change and to submit myself to him so he can help me change. One day I will not be enclosed in the prison that is compulsive over-eating.


7. For my faith! I seriously wonder how people survive in this world full of so much evil and unhappiness when they do not have something true and steadfast to hold onto.
   

On the way to work today I was listening to one of my CD's and a song came on that I have not heard for ages but one that always makes me sit back and listen, raising the hairs on the back of my neck. I thought I would share with you. If you are a Christian friend or you have read this blog for some time you will know this song and know that I have an 'ever so small' crush on Tim!

Can you help me get some perspective please?

I am hoping you can help me. Would you mind giving me your perspective in the hope that I might actually gain some perspective on my life? Go on, pretty please.

I have blogged before that I have a problem with sitting still and relaxing, it is not something that comes naturally to me. I am very good at writing lists and achieving targets, getting things done basically. It is as if, when I am just relaxing or playing with my kids or such I do not feel there is any value in what I am doing and I start to feel as if I have achieved nothing in my day. This is bad as those play times or times of stillness might be when I teach my kids a valuable life lesson or recharge my own batteries. I can tell you what the books say; that I have to get a balance and enjoy some down times but the bit I cannot work out is what is a good balance?

I really enjoyed my weekend. The boys were away and the girls and I had a nice time. I did a few chores on Saturday morning and then we went into town to cross a few more things off my list and have lunch. Tea and bedtime was a nice relaxed affair and then my friend came over for a DVD, Indian takeaway and good chin wag. Sunday was Church in the morning and then we went to a fete and car boot before collecting the boys from camp late afternoon. See a totally chilled weekend and I enjoyed it, the girls behaved so well – probably because I was physically and mentally available to them much more than normal. Minimal chores were done, everyone was fed, washing was done and the kitchen kept clean but that was it. So what is your view – was I lazy this last weekend? Or was it good that I had a nice relax and enjoyed my kids and Church.

I suppose I ought to give you the backdrop to this question and describe a week day for you. Monday and Tuesday I work a full day and then here is my day from yesterday –

• Got up at 6.15am and showered, dressed and did my daily readings
• 7am got the kids up, gave them breakfast and got them dressed (dh helped)
• Dropped JJ to breakfast club at school, dh at the station and the girls to nursery before going to work
• Work from 8.20am – 12.30pm
• Lunch on my own – 20 mins to myself!
• Collect girls from nursery and head home
• Tidy the kitchen, full clean of the bathroom, wash all the towels, clean the downstairs toilet
• Make all the beds and tidy the kids rooms
• Did my daily bible reading
• Hemmed some work trousers
• Put another wash on
• Collected JJ from school
• Got the kids back and sorted with drinks etc, unpacked JJ’s bags
• Folded the washing and put away, put another wash on
• Spent 40 mins blogging – bliss
• Got the dinner ready
• Collected dh from the station
• Came back and finished dinner and we all ate together (then dh went out to do cubs)
• Got the dishwasher loaded and on, cleaned the table, hoovered the dining room, tided the kitchen
• Bathed the kids and did bedtime stories with them all
• Folded more washing and put it away
• Kids all asleep – yay. Went on the computer and surfed, answered emails etc (2 hours to myself)
• 10pm got the ironing out and ironed until 11pm
• Then relaxed for ½ hr with the PC and bed at 11.30pm

Now I am pretty sure that by anyone’s standards this is a busy day but this is pretty much how most week days are for me. So by writing this I think I am answering my own question, if I do nothing much on a weekend after 5 days of this full-on sh@t then I am pretty justified – right?

We don't do elegant........... but we have fun!

So after giving Miss M the love she was after (sounds a bit perv - doesn't it?, a cuddle and kiss just to clarify!) JJ announced that he really wanted to bake some cakes. So I thought why not, what else should someone who has a real problem with sweet foods do but cook some cakes on a Sunday afternoon!

We all enjoyed ourselves, the house was a mess afterwards but they did taste yummy! and soon I will sit down and watch Slumdog millionaire and enjoy the fruits of my labour.

I have linked this post up to Naturestores fab messy play carnival. Pop over and see all the other wonderful entries. Mich x

Too busy to love?

I read a good article in Christianity magazine a few days ago and it has stayed with me. The title was 'Too busy to love?' with the gist being that research has shown 90% of people think their relationships could be improved. Could yours? I know mine could. I am not saying I am terrible but I could certainly give a little more attention to those I love dearly. For instance I am on this PC way too much!

The emphasis was that basically too many of us nowadays live our lives in the fast lane and forget the really important stuff. I read a good post earlier about the wonder that kids see in everyday life (and I would link to it, but can I find it now!!! grr).

The author says that the people who do any or all of the following are the least stressed -

• go for daily walks
• start their day in prayer, reflection, reading the bible or silent contemplation
• take their full lunch hour
• make sure one day a week is spent 'not working'
• take all their holiday allowance
• say 'no' when they have to.

Guess what? I can tick 5 out of the 6. not bad huh?

How many can you tick and are you feeling stressed by all this snow?

I feels real nice to be able to tick those off. Anyone who knows me or has read my blog for some time will know I have trouble relaxing and I love to be busy. So it is good to know that I am making some headway in my recovery and my personal growth towards being a human 'being' instead of a human who is always 'doing!'

Snowtime fun!

It has snowed here, which is not really my idea of fun but of course the kids like it! So I made an effort yesterday and let the kids play out twice and I even helped to build a snowman. Luckily they are all pretty young and do not like to be cold for too long. JJ still got to go to school so he did snowball fights there and got the boy rough stuff out of the way. Ads was at work, which is a shame as I don't think he has ever been here yet when it is snowed, it is always just me and the kids.

I am feeling pretty good and have been managing to relax the last couple of days and not being hyper busy. I have played with the girls loads and tonight will have some time with my boy (he has gone to work with Daddy today - his idea of bliss! I love it that they have such a nice relationship). Food has been pretty manageable and I am feeling positive for a Christmas without too much excessive food.

I am delighting in my kids at the moment

Need I post more than that title? We have had such a great time together since the weekend, they are all behaving much better. Who knows why, maybe it is as simple as the change in my attitude and approach to them.

Saturday we had a party, Sunday me and dh took them all to a party at a soft play and then had the Xmas tree festival at church, which they all loved. Monday was nursery for the girls, Tuesday with Daddy, Wednesday half nursery and half with me and today in a moment we are off to toddlers and the I am going to work to make up some hours from when Maddie was ill, so Daddy will have them and cook dinner! yay

I am really looking forward to our weekend. Fri and sat at my Mum and Dads for some family time and then Sunday is church and Xmas tree decorating.

Miss E has really developed in the last couple of weeks, so coy and funny. She is forever asking me 'What's that?', 'whats in there?', 'Why?' etc - very cute. It has not got to the annoying stage yet.

Calmer kids....

I have a twin mummy friend who has really chilled kids. They are happy to sit down and relax at times and I would love that. She tells me that they are chilled as she is chilled, which leads me to believe mine are hypo because I am! lol and I know really that is not far form the truth. So for the last week or so I have been trying to be more chilled and to be home more and just sit with the kids on the floor/ sofa and play, watch TV or chat and it is really worked, they seem to much more chilled out today.

The three of them are all sat on the sofa watching TV as I type, waiting in their PJ's to collect Daddy from the station in about 5 minutes (see the photo above). Yesterday me and the girls got in my bed together at 2pm and watched TV for an hour to relax, it seems a sensible solution to them having given up their daytime nap - they at least get to relax and be calm.

Being childlike....

JJ just reminded me today what fun it can be when we adults act like a kid! When away at Rivercamp last weekend we stumbled across a deserted park which was just lovely. What a strange mood I was in as I thoroughly enjoyed the swings, see saw, slide and climbing apparatus. JJ and I run and bounced around like kids (of course he actually is one!) and I laughed like I have not done for a very long time. It was excellent! That same day we had also been waltzing in a very crowded park whilst the brass band played - again I had not a care in the world and did not worry at all what people thought. Ohh to be like that all the time. For once I was just being and not doing - nothing was achieved except a sense of fun and a fab time! I think we even gave dh a laugh as he watched us chuckle away.

We went to the park today and JJ asked if we could go back without the girls and just play together again, 'as that was great fun wasn't it Mum?'. So next time dh is about we will get him to look after the girls and JJ and I can really let loose.

Jesus talks of the importance of us all being humble like children. Maybe this is a great step for me towards that.

My recovery today

As I have mentioned every day is to be treated as a new entity and I should only really be thinking about and living for that day and do you know what? I am getting better at it! yay I feel as if I am making some steps forward in my recovery in general and that my emotional health is improving. I am still not abstinent, I had one really good abstinent day and the others over the last couple of weeks have just been OK, not terrible but still with many foods/ snacks that I did not need/ should not of had. I weighed yesterday morning as I had no real idea where I was weight wise and I was 16st 1lb, so much better than a week ago but not as low as I have been. Since being back home I have got straight back into doing my crunches in the morning as well.

I wish I had a laptop over the last week as I have done so much thinking and realisation and now I sit at the PC, it is hard to remember it all and capture it. I have moved onto step 2, I think no 1 is now in hand and I have truly realised and come to believe that I am powerless over food. I am now working on step 2 which is coming to believing that a higher power can restore me to sanity. This other ED meeting I went to this week was good as it appeared there were alot of long term members there and loads of recovery in the room. I think I need to get out and see some more ED meetings and be inspired by people with long term recovery. My group is a fairly new one and lacks people who are able to become my sponsor.

Whilst at Mum and Dad's I went to church (one which I really love and have visited many times) and again I got that message to do less and be more. I had some realisation that whilst I appear to be a good student of my ED literature I was not actually doing anything with the info I was reading. The stuff is only useful if you actually absorb it, think on it and perhaps apply some of it to your own life. I realised that I do not allow myself any time for thinking.

Whilst at church I wrote some notes and I have just seen that one of them was that I would dump any to do lists. Realistically they just stress me out and make me want to do more. shhh, don't tell anyone but I actually think sometimes I just write things on them to feel needed and also to feel as if I have achieved something. I have been known to write things on them that are already done, just so I can put the line through that thing. Crazy!

I also put down that I would ensure I take 1/2 hour every day to just be with God and focus. This should not be just before I go to bed as then I end up falling asleep. Thinking about it I did do this each day whilst away, I also took time to go down on my knees at the end of each day to thank God and chat to him. Since I have been back home I have not done this, so I must make a special effort tomorrow.

My last item I wrote about was the need to turn more over to God and to stop trying to trust my own or the worlds wisdom. Only God knows the perfect plan for me and often it will be very different to my own but I truly know it will fulfil all my needs and be the best for me.

So I am going to sign off now, as I am getting very tired and it would be nice to half hour mindless TV before I head up to bed to pray and sleep.

For today: Just Being

I was reading my 'for today' book this morning and the days reading really appealed to me. I did not realise it would at first as it was talking about the knowledge that I possess being available to others but that my heart is just my own. It then went on to say that the 12 steps open my heart, free my mind and release my God-given potential for the peaceful enjoyment of just being.

I am sure you may have read me banging on about how much I 'do' and how little I spend time just 'being' so this really spoke to me. Yet again I feel that God has reinforced that he wants me to slow down and spend time really getting to know him and also myself. For someone like me this is so liberating - it is OK to play with my kids, lay on a bed to think and just wonder around alone.

Human beings NOT human doings.....

I keep over and over receiving the message that I should be 'being' rather than 'doing'. Do you understand what I mean? Have you seen Evan Almighty, where the Lord is trying to get his attention and everything he comes into contact with is Gen 6:14, as the Lord is really trying to get him to hear and accept that message. In the end Evan has to listen, as the way the message is being delivered is more and more outrageous.

Well, back in 2006 when I got struck by Bells Palsy I understood that this was God asking me to stop and take a look at my life. I was being too much of a headless chicken and running around in circles and he wanted me to 'be' and appreciate things more. I then was prayed for by a wonderful lady called Rita and her prayer was for me to start being and stop doing. I started to slowly get rid of all the things that were clogging up my life and started to take time to just be with my family, alone or with God.

When I started going to City Church last year I started to feel that I should probably start to get involved with things there, although I did feel hesitant. I then received a phone call and card from a lovely lady Choe, who I had seen but never met before. She told me that God had laid me on her heart and provided the following scripture - John 6:28-29. This was about all God asking that I trusted in the one whom he sent and that I relied on Jesus. She spoke about how this was my season for bringing up small children and that was all that was required of me. I found this so encouraging and a 'pass' not to have take on too many obligations. Of course I must still serve but at the moment my service is as a mother and wife.

I cleaned upstairs yesterday and felt so much better for having achieved (done) something tangible that day and then I realised that I am still aiming to do too much. I must stop defining myself by the things I do and searching for fulfilment in those things.

I have really been trying to be better at being and not doing so much but this is hard for someone like me, whose nature is 'to do'. Yesterday I was reading Christianity and the first article I came across by John Buckerridge was about being more and doing less., so it appears I am not the only one who struggles with this.

As mentioned before, this Christianity lark is a journey so I will keep on trying and travelling........