But I'll tell you how it feels... like I've lost my way...
I used to be so sure, I knew where I was at,
But then life changed direction and now I just feel fat.
I had goals and dreams and a direction I was heading,
now what I do is mop-up spills, cook dinner and change the bedding.
Don't get me wrong this is what I wanted,
to move here, to stop the chaos and to be confronted....
with the reality of not having a career anymore.
The truth is I feel a bit useless, I hop from one thing to the next,
wondering where to find satisfaction and seeking rest....
from the demon that says 'you offer nothing right now Mich'.
There are different seasons and times when we should do jobs,
I know this, I tell people this, but for me I just feel at odds.
Life is good and I am blessed,
and I truly wish that I could sort out my head...
to believe that I am good enough to stay home.
But today I'm focusing on the failed fancy dress,
the clubs that my kids don't attend and my life, which feels a mess.
I just need to find the new way,
the rhythm to my new kind of day.
Seek to believe that I have worth in who I am,
and not constantly strive to achieve all I can.
For constantly 'doing' is tiring and it's not want God wants,
I need to wait on Him for revelation, that must be my response.
The truth is I'm being over dramatic,
this isn't serious. Life is fantastic!
After a day of trying to make a fancy dress outfit and doing a pretty terrible job and then letting someone down I feel totally crap today but I do realise that much of this is my hormones. Being a woman stinks sometimes and getting my feelings out really helps me to move on and have a better day. So Mum if you are reading, stay chilled I'm fine. I've just got too many small things on the go at the moment and I need to see where I should be focusing my attentions.
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