18 Jan - Worst day of the year?

I was listening to Heart radio on the way to work this morning and Jamie Theakson said that 18 Jan is reported to be the worst day of the year - what with the aftermath of Xmas, debt, weather etc etc and I was just sat there thinking 'not for me!'. I feel good today!

I thought I would just do a little update on my personal recovery journey, as I think I have been being a bit of an ostrich just recently and burying my head in the sand. Not really sure when the last time I blogged about my food obsession was!

The year started well and I was abstinent for the first 2 days of Jan and then things slipped, I was being lazy and I think the devil got the better of me and I just started to eat what I fancied and when. I know I have had too much food, not completely excessive amounts but far more than a moderate and healthful diet needs and I have also been eating my trigger foods such as chocolate and biscuits.

I got a kick up the bum when my food sponsor emailed me last week and asked if I still wanted her to continue as I was being lazy and trying to work my own way round the program (my words not hers) rather than just following the simple guidelines of abstinence and 301. This was a shock to the system, I really admire my food sponsor and value her input so this made me think about what I was up to. I have spent the last week or so in thought and prayer and come back to that same conclusion again that nothing really is as important to me as recovering. It is the key to living a normal life and helping my kids grow up to be rounded too. To diet and obsess all my life is just not helpful. So yes I feel I probably have gained some weight in the last couple of weeks - no idea how much as I have no scales now! but my clothes still do up, so that is a good sign.

Yesterday was a wonderful day, I spent an hour in bed in the morning praying and reading and I did some of my steps workbook. I am currently working through step 3 which is turning my will over to God and following His will instead. I am finding this hard but do know it is necessary so I am praying for willingness. I went to Church in the morning and evening and spent some lovely time playing with my kids and dh cooked us a roast, he even cleared up afterwards while I was out - little things make such a difference to me and make me feel more in love. I am such a woman, my love language is definitely that of 'acts of service'. Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? It is an interesting topic.

So I am committed to finding myself a proper sponsor to take me through the steps and hold me accountable. I will start to attend another ED meeting in March and onwards so I can find someone suitable and maybe someone will show up to the workshop at the end of Feb.

I will call my food sponsor tomorrow lunchtime and talk through with her and ask her to continue and we will set some guidelines so I am accountable rather than just 'flying by the seat of my pants!'.

I also commit to start reaching out and calling ED friends and asking for help when I need it, I know it is what could make the difference and I must choose to do it.

So there you go, this is where I am right now. Feeling good, currently abstinent and looking forward to a night out with some girlfriends tonight.

A few good days

I am feeling pretty happy right now. I have had a couple of really good days. I met a friend in recovery on Thursday and that has been such a great help to me. Thursday and Friday I did what my meetings term as 301 - 3 meals a day, nothing in between and taking 1 day at a time. My food sponsor is also such an inspiration to me, giving me such invaluable advice and coaching each day. I think that is wonderful that someone is willing to give me 10 minutes every day to help me along the road to recovery. One day I will be able to offer that help to someone else and that is why this program of fellowship works. Have you seen the film 'pay it forward'? No, you should it is such a feel good film and if everyone worked that system in real life we would have no problems. Such an idealist! lol

The new meeting I have been going to the last few weeks also has lady there who could be a potential sponsor. I need to have a chat with her and take things as they come. I have accepted that God was obviously shutting the door to the treatment centre that I called. There must be other people who need it more........ but that is OK as I am doing fine right now and all I have to focus on is today. It is when I start to project and worry ahead that things go tits up!

Quick update

I really need to go to bed....it is late and there is football playing in the background! arrgghh how did that happen?

As the title says I wanted to do a quick update. At ED on Thursday I asked one of the ladies to be my food sponsor and I text her my food plan each day and have to tell her when I go off track. It is helping so far. I feel far less obsessed today and have not been picking. So many times today I have remembered not to eat just for the sake of it, or without thinking. Last night I went out to the pub and avoided wine and crisps all night - I was very encouraged by that too.

GLORY TO GOD! for it is him doing it, rather than I.

I pray this continues and I can start to be healed of this disease and start to loose some weight and become more healthy and less of an obese death trap.