Tips on How to Handle a Disrespectful Child

Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash

 {This is a collaborative post}

Some children act disrespectful, imitating what they see in a TV show or video. Or some young children of school age may be imitating their classmates. They may roll their eyes or utter the word, ''whatever,'' when you ask them to do something. Others pretend not to hear you. In the disrespect range, these actions are quite mild. But if your child is displaying physical aggression, disregarding rules, and doing some name-calling, these are already serious issues, and you need some additional help.

Seek professional help

Whether your child is displaying mild or serious behaviour, it is vital to address the disrespectful behaviour as soon as possible. If you allow it to continue, they are likely to carry the attitude and become ruder as they grow older. Take your child to a child behaviour therapist for an evaluation to help get to the root cause of their disrespectful behaviour. Their actions may signify that they need help in learning socially appropriate ways to communicate effectively, dealing with their frustrations or managing their anger. Seeking help could be the kindest thing you do for your child if you are concerned that their behaviour is more aggressive than that of the average kid. 

What a difference a week makes...

…and the difference is me! Yes, I am humming this to the tune of ‘what a difference a day makes, 24 little hours…

This time last week I was itching to write a post about Miss M and the song that was in my head then was ‘How do you solve a problem like Miss M (or more correctly Maria)?’ Yes, I really do think in song, you can just call me Mary Poppins if you like. But you know how a post just does not make it out of your head sometimes?

Let’s roll back a week and see what was on my mind. Miss M is driving me crazy, she is up to some of her usual tricks and I just have no idea why she is such a menace. Her sense of fun seems to be a bit warped, I’m told that she is similar to me as a child but of course I cannot believe that for one moment. Already she has left the dinner table under the guise of going to the toilet and has taken a tub of clover with her to smear around the sink, then the next day she emptied my hand cream into the kitchen sink to make a picture.

Today I Made My Boy Cry

I didn't mean to but I think it had a purpose.

I have not mentioned here before but my gorgeous little man has a problem. He is totally self-absorbed and everything revolves around 'world JJ'. Now you may just think this is normal but it appears that all the other 6.5 year olds in his school have started to mature and have learnt the lessons of compromise, give and take, turn taking, empathy and the like. My little man likes to control every situation and when he can not he gets very frustrated and often, just recently, bursts into tears and can become inconsolable for quite some time.

Since he started school 2.5 years ago teachers have flagged to dh and me that he is slow on the uptake with his social and emotional skills. He has had smiley face charts, star charts, toot (talking out of turn) charts and such but there is still an issue. We do not really know what the issue is, no one has a name for JJ's behaviour but it has now got to the point where they want to have him assessed and dh and I feel it is right for this to happen. We want to give JJ the best help we can so he can develop to his full potential, whatever that may be.

It is not that he is silly, his report gives him a 2b in each of his learning areas, the average he is supposed to leave year 1 with is a 1a in each area. So he is 2 levels higher than the expected average and to some extent this makes it harder as people expect a lot of him as he is so bright.

I do not want to label JJ or place him in a box but I am keen that he does not get called naughty or bullish at school unnecessarily. JJ is a big boy, not fat, just tall and sturdy and this makes the problem worse as he can come across as a bull in a china shop. He runs into someone and knocks their teeth out (that was about a year ago - total accident but still, I felt so sorry for the little lad, thankfully the teacher was watching and knew it was an accident) but it does not even occur to him to stop say sorry and check they are OK. He shouts sorry and runs off and continues his game in World JJ.

Some of you reading this may consider what I have said as totally normal for a 6 year old but if you are with JJ for some time you start to see that his behaviour is different to those of his peers. It really saddened me to read in his referral document that JJ has no close friends as he drives people away with his need to control every situation. How to pull on a Mummy's heart strings! I could not even sign it the same day, I had to take the document home and digest the information and realise that yes a while back JJ did tell that no one plays with him at breakfast club anymore and also realise that yes, he hardly ever gets any invites to tea at peoples houses. I think I was kidding myself that was because I did not have many kids over to ours anymore but actually we have a load of un-reciprocated invites.

Luckily my little man is pretty happy in his own company and this does not seem to effect him too much but maybe things may change as he gets older and others start to go out together and he is not invited. The conversation we had this morning, that ended up with him crying was about how other people that he had considered to be his best friends hardly played with him anymore and that they had other best friends and did not seem to want to play with him anymore. I tried really hard to be sensitive in my explanation that we have to let others have a turn and to choose the game sometimes. I held him in my arms as he shed his tears and weep that his teacher had told the class not to just play with their best friends but to play with everyone and let people join in. Then he tells me the problem with that is that he does not like to play their game and wants them to play his, my soft explanations and sympathy appear to fall on deaf ears and that is why I know there is some kind of problem somewhere. You can not rationalise with JJ.

He must have some capacity to learn the lessons as we talked a lot about respect, especially respect for the responsible adults in his life. Then this morning at the park he was playing around after I had told him it was home time and when I firmly stated 'JJ, get off the slide right now' he stopped and I visibly saw him process this and jump off the slide and come to me, so obviously I gave him massive praise and told him he had showed me respect. There was also another good example of him thinking before speaking when we were out to lunch today but then this evening he decided to do what he wanted instead of listening so off he went to his room for some thinking and time out.

This parenting lark takes so much from you though, today I have had to be fully 100% switched on for the whole day to keep spotting him doing something good and to praise him for it. Generally it has been a good day.

So the school have had a speech and language therapist see him already and that person did feel there is an issue to be investigated. He has an appointment for Wednesday at the doctors for a pediatric assessment and the aim is to get him a referral to a communication disorder clinic - what that means who knows. Time will tell and I will keep you updated here.

Thanks for reading, any comments from any parents who have been in a similar situation would be most appreciated.

Progress with JJ

Yep, I am pleased to report that my lovely little man is returning. Kevin the teenager (aged 6!) is disappearing. We had a real good chat last Friday and when I went to school and discovered he had got mad at his teacher and shouted at her that was the last straw. So we started a sticker chart and we are trying to fill a santa hat before Xmas eve night and if he does that we can put a cotton wool bobble on the top of the hat and santa will know to leave his pressies. It really seems to be working. He is thinking about things, saying sorry when he needs to, trying to eat better and generally being much more loving and far less rude. It is wonderful, we had soem time together last night playing post offices as a well doen for his efforts.

He got a sticker for star of the day yesterday as his beahviour at school was so good and I spoke to his teacher this morning who said his calling out in class has been much improved. She can really see him making an effort.

So Mum, don't worry I am not bringing a little bu**er down to see you this weekend. I am bringing that little man JJ that you adore. xx