Living your Children’s Lives

JJ at his happiest, with a big pizza in front of him!

Sometimes it can be really tricky not to try and impose your world view and to live your child’s life for them. And I don’t mean the extremes, we all know parents who are a failed musician or weren’t encouraged in their desire to be a model and now have a child who is excelling in that hobby or career.

I’ve always been keen for my children to be unique, just the way God created them to be. So whilst in my heart I had this desire that JJ would be an amazing musician and would lead worship in our church, I knew from an early age it probably wouldn’t happen as he didn’t show any interest in playing an instrument. I could have signed him up for lessons and bought a guitar or keyboard, putting all my energy into him mastering his craft, but that would have been about me, not him, and that’s not fair.

So despite my unfulfilled aspirations (singer, runner, artist) I let my kids be and waited to see where their personalities would take them. If you asked me I’d probably have told you that I had this part of parenting nailed, I wasn’t projecting my desires onto the kids and they were free to do what they fancied.

However, as I was chatting with JJ during the recent Easter break I realised this isn’t quite true. I do have expectations and norms that I was subconsciously expecting them to conform to. Not to attend clubs, master hobbies or attain beyond their means but just in regard to how their life might look, how they spend their time. I’ll explain.

Should I be concerned for the future?

I hate the thought of labeling one of my children as naughty or challenging but the truth is that one of them is just so much more spirited than the other two. I have to say I like feisty and I always prayed prior to having my children that I would not get boring and submissive children.  Of course now I'm regretting that, as an obedient child would be much easier, not half as much fun but definitely easier.

Don't get me wrong we are now past the stage where every day is an issue, in fact we can go weeks without her getting in trouble but she does just look for the ways to be minxy! Touching the things she should not touch, going against what you say, telling fibs, making up stories and dreaming of being so much older than she is. When will I let her have high heels, when can she get the bus into town with her friends? Have I mentioned she is not yet 6 years old.

If God was not on my side, I'd seriousness be worrying for the future. Take today for example - in the car on the way to pick Daddy up from the station she asked me what it means to be grounded. We talked about it and I ended by saying 'but you hopefully won't get grounded, as your behaviour will be good'. 'Oh OK Mummy' she says 'but I can't wait to be old enough for detention. Do you know what detention is Mummy?' 'Yes babe I know about detention you don't want that though, it is just for kids who are naughty at school'. 'No Mum, it is really fun, me and my friends are going to all go together and we can whisper and stuff'.

Oh dear, where do you go from that?

Phasing out the American pre-teen TV series I think!

Oh how I love this little madam, just look at her. My precious poppet.

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What is your greatest parenting challenge?

Last Friday I met with some other mums and we sat around a table and mused about what challenge is the greatest facing us as parents today. There was probably only one surprise in there for me and it was really enlightening to hear one blogger talk about how heart wrenching she finds the divide between those 'who have' and 'those who don't'.  She showed us this image from the Guardian, depicting a family in Greece who are now living and begging on the streets. I have to say I had not given this much thought as a parenting issue (in general, yes) but she is right, I can remember at school knowing which kids lived in the council estate or those whose parents could not afford the trendy clothes and I am not casting any dispersions on those families but there were visible differences that even young kids can discern.

The other topics discussed were pretty much what I would term as the usual suspects.  I bought up the issue of technology and the impact it has on our children. Trying to limit the time spent on screen media is a job in itself, I know my JJ would happily sit at his PC for the day long and it always make me smile that when I tell him his time is up he thinks perhaps he can get his DS and play on that instead.  Err no, go jump on the trampoline boy!

Which leads me nicely into the next challenge; helping your children to live a healthy life and make wise choices with their food.  In this era of convenience foods and quick fixes it would be really easy for children to inadvertently learn that instant gratification is the name of the game where food is concerned. In opposition to this, another challenge is the worry that our children are growing up in a time where the media is portraying and promoting children to have an unhealthy body image. I have written before about my friends anorexic 10 year old.  Doesn't that make your heart ache? Do I ever want my children to believe that they need to be stick thing with an enormous bust? I think you know the answer to that.

At least three of the six of us at this market research session cited money as their biggest challenge.  I heard about large mortgages committed to whilst both parents are working, families taking big pay cuts to allow more family time and overall less stress and generally about how family life can change and cause massive money worries. Family can take on many different guises these days and this presents loads of unique situations. How do you provide what your child needs and pay all the bills without working yourself to death in 2012?

Many other issues were talked about but I won't give everything away, because what I would love to do is encourage you to share what is the big challenge that you face as a parent?  In this day and age there are so many pressures, which take you to boiling point?

It might be the same as one of those I have mentioned or it could be completely different.  There is no wrong answers, this is about you. The market research company that I met with today with love to hear from more parents about their challenges and for your time taken commenting, you will be entered into a draw to win a £25 voucher for Amazon.

So come on and tell me - 'what is the single biggest parenting challenge facing you today?' 

To enter - Just leave me a comment answering the above question and let me know the ages of your child/ children.

Giveaway Terms and Conditions

* The giveaway will close at 12 noon 6th July 2012
* The winner will be picked within 4 working days of the end time
* You need to respond within 7 days or I will choose another winner
* One valid comment will be picked at random
* I will organise a £25 Amazon gift voucher for the winner
* The prize is not transferable and there is no cash alternative



Disclaimer:  I attended a market research session and have been asked to blog on the subject of parenting challenges. I have not at all been instructed what to write.

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net