#Mumentum - God Didn't Screw Up When He Made You!

After a weekend of mostly staying away from the computer and being kind to myself, taking time to just be, I sat there last night and wondered what on earth I was going to type for my #Mumentum post.  There is no great news to share, I have been worn out in the last week, not exercised much and eaten what I fancied. The success story is that I have still not had chocolate but I don't think that is enough to make a whole post from.

So I did what I always do when I am feeling like something is an effort, I turned the laptop off and went to bed.  One good sleep, an hours exercise and a nice shower later and I sat down and prayed, Lord what do you want me to share on the blog today?  Immediately I felt called to find a song that might convey the right words.  The tough thing there was I had no idea what the right words were, so I typed Christian Song into YouTube and after jumping around a few videos I realised I wanted to listen to a song called Our God Reigns by Delirious?.

Of course, I now realise this is where I was supposed to go and what I was supposed to listen too.  I find this song incredibly powerful, it is not particularly a comfortable song to listen to as it hightlights many of the ways that the world has fallen and broken but some words in the middle really caught me and I need to keep remembering them.

God didn't screw up when He made you,

He is a father who loves to parade you

This song reminds me to keep trying, to never give up, to lean on God and to accept and love myself for who I am right now.

Go on, have a watch.  You don't have to be a Christian, I am not trying to convert you. This is just a really interesting song with a superb message. You might be surprised to see the big audience Delirious? are playing to.  I am not sure if it is a Church or a concert.

I know this is a bit of a different post for #Mumentum but I have to post what is on my heart, as afterall this weight loss journey is for me. Thanks for reading and for your continued support.  Mich x




 

#Mumentum: Focus Shrink and Pray

 
This post will be short and sweet as I am dead tired and I need to sleep if I want to get up and exercise tomorrow morning, which I do.

The week started off as a week to shrink my stomach by eating my 3 meals a day and not snacking and also a week of remembering to pray and ask God for help when I am finding it hard.  The first part of the week was good and the weekend not so much so but I will not give up.  This is the difference I am finding at the moment, I want to keep going.  Even when things are not perfect I will not declare that it is too hard for me.  This is for the long haul and one day I will be slimmer and healthier.

#Mumentum - Life is a Learning Curve



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I think that title sums it all up pretty well really, life is one big learning curve or perhaps for me it should be like the diagram above, nice managable steps up and then all of a sudden a sheer climb which I just cannot seem to manage and I tumble back down! I seem to get the hang of something, climb the hill and then slowly forget what I have learnt and slump back down.  That sounds a bit negative dosen't it?  But here is the good news, I don't give up.  You can call me rubber band, I'll keep pinging back and I will try, try, try again.  I do have full confidence that one day the miracle will happen with regard to my weight and health related to it.

So here is my summary of the things I have learnt in the last couple of weeks.  The things I need to remember and stick with!

1. When I miss my one session of pilates in a week I find it really hard to stay on track with anything during that week.
2. When I listen to my Thinking Slimmer slimpod, I eat less.  Simple, it works, I just have to remember to...
3. go to bed at a decent hour so I remember to play it, I feel so much better for an early night and ...
4. it allows me to get up at 6am to do my exercise, which I do really enjoy.  So no excuse Mich!
5. Then lastly, I realise that I eat so much better when I have a meal plan for the week. So here is this weeks effort -

Monday
Breakfast   2 weetabix, banana
Snack   Melba toast and philli
Lunch  Ham, cheese and salad wrap, yoghurt
Snack  Crisps
Dinner   Jacket potato with tuna and beans, sugar free jelly

Tuesday
Breakfast  Porridge, OJ
Snack   Apple
Lunch  Jacket potato with beans
Snack  Melba toast and phili
Dinner  Quorn and veg stir fry

Wednesday
Breakfast  Shreddies, Banana
Snack  Carrot sticks
Lunch  Ham & salad sub, crisps
Snack  Apple
Dinner  Spinach and ricotta tortellini and tomato sauce. Rice pudding

Thursday
Breakfast  Porridge, OJ
Snack  Melba toast and Philli
Lunch  Chicken and veg soup, with ryvita and ham
Snack  Banana
Dinner  Home made chicken nuggets and wedges, sugar free jelly

Friday
Breakfast   Beans on toast, OJ
Snack  Buttered malt loaf
Lunch Tuna salad
Snack  Cup a soup
Dinner  Chicken tikka, naan bread, sag aloo and salad

Saturday & Sunday  I have no idea yet if I am honest.  I have the lovely @Seasiderclare coming to stay Friday night so who knows what we will do/ eat on the Saturday and then Sunday will probably be something good to make up for the day before!

Does anyone have any good snacks they can share with me please?  I need something filling, ideally low GI and not too many calories.

If you have read this and are on a similar journey, don't forget to link up with Liska (click on the #Mumentum badge) and for the first time I'm linking up with Mrs M too for Meal Planning Monday.
Stay well, Mich x

           

 

Monday #Mumentum - Stretching out my Hand



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Review of the Week

This last week has been an interesting one.  It is the first week since I started my journey towards the new healthy me that I have not been to Pilates.  The logic was that at £14 a lesson I should perhaps go fortnightly as it is a lot of money, but I have really missed it and what I have learnt is that my one Pilates lesson keeps my whole week focused.  So I won't be making the mistake of missing any more. I have been much better with my food this week, I did not manage to stick to my food plan exactly but my eating has been much better and I have been really aware of what I have put in my mouth, which is a good thing.

I weighed myself this morning and the scales told me 17st 4lb, putting me back on track. I have had a 5lb loss in January, nothing major but certainly heading in the right direction, and moving down one notch on my belt was confirmation of that and gave me a smile on my face.

I have done my exercise DVD a few times and I have been good at going to bed, even indulging in one 9pm night, which for me is nothing short of a miracle.

On Thursday I had  a super chat with Sandra from Thinking Slimmer and she reassured me that my eating habits were generally just learned behaviour rather than being linked to emotional trauma, so hopefully they should be fairly easy to break with the right programming.  I am awaiting the arrival of the chocoholics slimpod and am looking forward to listening to that and feeling the effect that many others have felt - that I just do not want to eat chocolate any longer.  Wow, how freeing that will be!

Short Term Goal
Sandra reminded me that goals are really important and to make sure they are short-term as the mind likes to focus on quick wins. So my goal for the next 2 weeks, which will take me up to 20th February is to drop another belt notch. I'll keep you posted...

Daily Motivational Email
A couple of weeks ago a new blogger, Keeley, read my Mumentum post and pointed me in the direction of Crosswalk, a Christian website that emails daily or weekly devotions on many areas of life.  One of those is dieting and as a Christian I have found it really useful to be reminded each day of the Christian perspective on my struggle with food. Let me share one of the emails I received this week that really spoke to me.

Psalm 46:1

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

My grandmother had a favourite picture that showed Jesus stretching out His hand to Peter while they were walking on the sea. It gave my grandmother great comfort to know that if she ever failed in her faith, Christ would stretch out His loving hand to lift her up. Whenever she dieted, she kept that picture close at hand. When the diet got too hard for her to cope with, she looked at her picture and felt God present with her. When we attempt to sacrifice anything, it is good for us to admit that we will have a hard time doing it on our own. When we stretch forth our hand to God, He will always reach back.

Today's thought: When my diet gets toughest, God will be closest.
 
How reassuring is that? I need to remember that each time things feel tough and yes that is at least once a day if not more.  This cutting down and being healthy lark is far from easy.
 
How has your week been? Do share how you are managing to stay on track, I'd love to hear any tips.
 

 
Don't forget to link up with Liska at New Mum Online for Mums losing their Mum tums!

Monday #Mumentum - A Meal Plan Might Help?



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It got to the end of the week and I was wondering what I would be posting about today.  There was no way that I was not going to do a #Mumentum post but I had nothing really to report.  Things are much the same, my exercise is great, my sleeping is good and I am being and feeling positive but my food is still rubbish. So instead of dwelling on the past I will look forward.

I read the serenity prayer this morning and I yet again realised how applicable this simple but powerful prayer is for me.  Do you know it?

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Now I have got the acceptance bit down to pat but as for the courage to change the things I can, not so much so.  This is the one I need to work on this week.  I can change my eating, I have done it before and I WILL do it again - this week in fact.

It's about more than just weight loss... #Mumentum

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Last week I posted about my new exercise regime and I am pleased to say that things are still going well.  I am doing my walking DVD and I also went to Pilates on Thursday and yes I ached again for a couple of days.

I was chatting to my instructor and he said that if he could give me one tip this week it would be to eat my carbs at lunchtime and then to have a meal full of protein and green veg for dinner.  This really struck home with me, as when I lost lots of weight in 2006 that was exactly what I did, cut back on the carbs.  I know I need to take heed and make some changes to my food.  An eating plan has not really been at the top of my list in the last couple of weeks.  Hence I won't be reporting any weight loss again this week but that is OK.  I realised I am in this race and it is a marathon and not a sprint.

I am getting a new Thinking Slimmer slimpod, the Chocoholics Cure in the next few days and that I expect to make a really good difference.  I know the value of listening to my slimpod but I do feel ready for a new one to add a bit of variety.

I have also been reading a new book the last week or so.  It is by Joyce Meyer who is a prominent US preacher and I have watched many of her sermons before and I like her style of teaching.  I am finding this book very good.  It basically says it has 12 keys to enjoying a healthy life, the title is 'Look Great. Feel Great' and that is certainly my mission. I have only read the first 3 chapters so far but my appetite is whetted and I am ready to read more.

In the first Chapter she advises that we allow God to do the heavy lifting and reminds me that I cannot deal with my weight problem/ food addiction alone.  My eating fellowship taught me the same thing and sadly I have not been remembering that on a daily basis.  The task I had to complete from this chapter was to write myself an affirmation to say each morning to remind myself that I am not alone and that I am worth it.  I'll share it with you -

Dear Lord,


I thank You that You love me and care about every aspect of my life. Please strengthen me Lord to do Your will and to be able to be the best person I can be in Christ. I know that when I turn to You and ask for something in Jesus name that You listen. Help me Lord, to remember to turn to You. When my willpower is wavering and I am tempted, remind me Lord that You are waiting and You wish to help. How beautiful it is to remember that You will never give me a burden too heavy for me to bear. When times feel tough I need to turn to You God as my Lord and master and not to food as my false idol.

Thank you for making me free through the truth of Your word and for empowering me with Your power, strength and wisdom. Help me to be all that You want me to be.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

So that is me for this week, all in all not too bad!

Exercise                                                     tick
Early nights                                                tick
Loving myself                                            tick
Reading healthy & helpful literature       tick
Balanced eating                                         to work on...
How are you doing?  If you are on a weight loss journey then link your post up with Liska at New Mum Online for #Mumentum.
 
Mich x
 

Exercise as Damage Limitation #Mumentum

Whoops, this is where I have been this week! Not the ideal place but a better one than just doing nothing. It has been a mixed bag of a week with a poor start on the food front, good on the exercise and then I was really good with food Friday and Saturday and then a trip to London and ‘that’ time of the month meant Sunday was not so good. My weigh in this morning was disappointing but to be expected I suppose, no loss this week but I refuse to be down as my weight always fluctuates around this time of the month anyway.

So I will focus on the positive and that has definitely been finding some exercise that I am enjoying. Here is what I have been up to –

Pilates

I have now been for an initial assessment and two different Pilates classes. One to try out the basic mat work, then one to be assessed and try some of the ‘torture’ looking machines. I am pleased to report that the machines are nothing like torture, I actually had fun. My sessions have been at the Perfect Balance Clinic in Hatfield and I’ll write a full review about the service I have received there later this week.

Fat and Proud? #Mumentum

Should I accept my size?
Last Wednesday evening whilst dh was out at a meeting I watched a program on Living, it was entitled Fat and Proud and was all about larger people being happy with who they are and the size they are.  I turned the program on out of sheer nosiness and at first was greeted with some super-plus size ladies (around the size 30 mark) and a special club night they went to for larger ladies and the men who fancy them. This was what I expected from the program.

What I did not expect from the program was to be greeted with some seemingly respectable people talking about the work they do to try and get society to accept that there are larger people and that we are not all lazy slobs. 'Size acceptance' they called it and one lady also talked of fat phobias and it is true, much of society has negative biased opinions already formed about people who are fat.  In honesty I have never had that much of a problem with this, my issue has always been with self-acceptance. I do not like fat on me, I do not want to be mega skinny, but I want to look good in clothes, feel nice, be healthy and active and have a great sex life.

What this program did get me thinking about was whether God intends that I should accept myself rather than keep trying to change me.  My automatic assumption has always been that God wishes for me to be slimmer and to be healthy and fit for whatever purpose he has in mind for me. I believe He forgives me for my sins of overeating but that his desire is for me to be free of this burden.  Now I am wondering how I should be free, is it free due to acceptance of myself or free by losing weight. or even a combination of the two. Having pondered on this all week I think that a combination of losing some weight to be healthier and then learning to love and accept myself, flabby bits and all is probably where I should be heading.

Also on Wednesday last week during my day at work, one of my colleagues was talking to me and she basically said she was not sure why I worried.  I can not recall her exact words but I think the sentiment was that I was fine the way I was and that I just needed to accept myself adding weight to my thoughts that I have some work to do on self-loving and acceptance.

So how has this week been?
It has been a good week in all.  I have not been perfectly good with my food and that is OK but the best thing is that I have not beat myself up about this.  I am aiming for 3 meals a day with a maximum of 2 healthy snacks. Sometimes I have eaten outside of this and that is OK as this is something I need to sustain for life.  No fads this time or regimes I can't keep to.

My weight this morning was 17st 5lb and that is a 4lb loss and I am very pleased with that.

Welcome to the world of Exercise
I have enjoyed exercising this week, it has not felt like a hardship.  Isn't that a turn up for the books?  I did my Leslie Sansom walking DVD on Tues and Weds and then by Thurs I had to have a break as my muscles had been awakened.  Saturday I went for my first Pilate's session and again I am feeling that.  I had no idea I had any muscles at my middle.  I am then genuinely looking forward to doing my walking DVD again tomorrow morning.  Getting up at 6am on a weekday to exercise before the kids awake is working perfectly.

So I am in a good place. Today God delivered me the most perfect gift.  I have spent the whole day not wanting food.  I did not have any cravings and I was able to say no to muffins at Church and snacks when the kids had them. Thank you Lord that are are walking with me and holding my hand.

How are you all doing #Mumentum friends?

Hop on over to Liska's and join up with the other #Mumentum participants.

2012, The Start of a New Beginning #Mumentum

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2012, a brand new year and a great time to make changes. Not to make resolutions you understand, they are too easily broken but to make changes that will stay with me forever, sensible ones that are long overdue.

I am feeling good at the start of this new year, any worries I had about being depressed have been blown out the water by a couple of weeks at home with my family. Downtime and a lack of pressure have had a marked positive impact on me. It has finally dawned on me that in 2013 I will be 40 and that at 40 I should be fit and healthy. If I do not take control of my eating by then I may never and that is too scary to comprehend.

I have some superb goals to aim towards with regard to sorting my weight out. At the end of June this year I will speak at BritMums live and whilst I am a confident person, a trainer even by profession. The thought of this is a bit scary and that is a good thing as I always do well when I am apprehensive. I have vision of me in a dress standing there confident and feeling great.

Then in August 2013 both dh and I will turn 40 and I am hoping that my lovely parents will come and look after our kids for a week so dh and I can concentrate on a wonderful week alone as a couple. I just need to imagine how great this alone time will be if I am slimmer and feeling good about myself – watch out dh, you may find you are married to a 40 year old hottie (oh, you have to poke fun at yourself don’t you?).

So what changes am I making? Simple ones, the kind that I can keep up and that will stay with me:

• I want to eat 3 balanced meals a day and if I feel the need to snack in between they need to be simple and healthy at about 100 calories max.

• I will keep to around 1200 – 1500 calories per day. So nothing too drastic but enough of a cut that the weight will start to move.

• I want to cut down on the amount of carbs I eat. It does not feel right for me to follow the Dukan or Aitkens diets as I want a way of eating that I can establish for life but I have seen before that when I eat less carbs and have more protein and veg I see better results and feel a lot more energy.

• A superb friend that shaped up a couple of years ago has lent me a walking exercise DVD by Leslie Sanson and it looks really good. I am actually interested to start using it. I have bought my stretch band to use too.

• I will listen to my Thinking Slimmer slimpod each night as I know that when I do that my thought processes change and I want to eat better.

• I will pray and hand my problems over to God. I have to believe that my weight is a big enough issue that He cares about it and will help me.

• I need to go to bed at a decent time most nights.  The more tired I am the harder I find it to lose weight, so the obvious thing is to make me a priority and get enough sleep.

In 2012 I do not want to follow any fads or drop a large amount of weight in next to no time. I want to do this right and be able to sustain it. Today I weight 17st 9lb and am a size 22/24, then by BritMums Live I want to be a neat size 18 and whatever weight that brings. I suspect it will be a drop of around 4 stone. So 56lbs to lose in 25 weeks that is roughly averaging 2lb a week, which I know is realistic and healthy.

Rock on Mich…… and good luck to anyone else joining me on this #Mumentum or should I say gargantuan journey! I’ll be posting each Monday and keeping you abreast of my progress.

Come on, who is with me?  There must be quite a few of us trying to start shifting the pounds or getting fit.  I am hoping the lovely Liska will be keeping the #Mumentum linky going in 2012. 

Just to keep reminding myself of the need for this. It is the awful starting pictures again. Ohh delightful - every lump and bump is shown in these.  My idea is I will get photographed in the same outfit ongoing so I can see the success.

I Can't Give Up On Me...

What do you think when you look at those awful fingers?  Ouch, they look painful?  That is certainly how I feel, yes that disgusting excuse for a hand is mine and today it looks even worse.  In a moment I'll have to get myself a plaster as my middle finger is so raw and frayed that it is snagging on everything.  Do you recall I told you a while back that you can always tell what kind of state I am in by how my fingernails look?  Well, I will give you one guess how I feel right now!

Now don't go getting worried there is nothing so bad that I can't get through it or that I'll collapse in a heap but I do feel very low at the moment, I am having big pockets of unhappiness and being on the laptop seems to be make it worse.  This will be why you have not seen me on twitter or such lately.  Doing real life stuff, keeping busy, getting ready for Christmas is helping me loads though.  I even have a few hours of happiness and feeling light when I go out with the kids and just relax.

So what is making me feel like this? I'm not 100 % sure but I think it is down to my weight and my poor body image. I have some horrid feelings of self loathing at the moment.  Truth be told I just want to give up on myself and give in and say 'I can't do it, it is too hard' but I am sensible enough to know this is not an option.  So I am hoping that this crap I am feeling is my personal low, that one you have to hit to be able to claw your way back up to the top.  It seems that everyone who has a successful recovery has hit rock bottom and I have always known that I have never got there.  Some people in my eating disorders group have told me I am lucky, I have found help before I hit that low and I need never get there and that would be fabulous if it was true, but sadly I feel that until I hit that low I will still keep pissing around losing weight one week and giving up on my good work the next. I find myself boring, so who knows how you feel!

I must be honest and say that I do wonder if I am a bit depressed at the moment.  I feel different to how I did back in 2008 when I had PND, back then I wanted the world to leave me alone and I just wanted to sleep.  This time around I just feel sad a fair amount of the time.  I recognised this back in October when I decided to take a bloggy break and in the main nothing much has changed for me. I get these waves of sadness and I feel like the super unpopular girl at school.  I read too much in to everything and I wonder why I cannot seem to get it right.

I know there is a way through this, I just have to keep searching and I'll find it.....

Thanks for being there, reading and supporting me. I expect some of you wonder why I blurb so much personal stuff onto this blog but I made a commitment to myself to join up on a Monday each week with the #Mumentum blog hop that Liska hosts and even though I am not losing weight and being focused at the moment I figure if I can keep talking and thinking through my sh*t to do with my weight then at least I am keeping that discipline and will be ready to tackle it all again soon.

16 is the Magic Number! #Mumentum

Another week and here I am again, no slimmer I am afraid but I will be taking full opportunity to post every week about my battle with my weight!  There is a lot of be said for being disciplined.

An article caught my eye this week on my homepage, about Ruth Jones (girlfriend of James Cordon) and her weight loss journey.  In the online article I read it said she had lost 4.5 stones and gone down to a size 16, I see the Daily Mail says a size 12, whatever, she looks fabulous and I would love to emulate her success.  Some weight loss stories I look at and they do nothing for me but looking at Ruth I feel motivated and how did she do it? The age old method of taking in less calories than those she was losing. As we say at my eating disorders group, simple really.  Not easy but simple!


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Looking at the most recent picture of Ruth made me think about being a  size 16 and I was trying to recall the last time I was that size. 1998 was probably it, I had slimmed down from a size 20 and remained at a 16 for about a year, then like always the weight crept back on. In the hope of reminding me that I look good and healthy at a size 16 I have dug out some old photos.  They are not the best quality as they are all photos of photos but hopefully they will do something towards motivating me.

Look at those curves and toned arms.....  if only!

Practically no tummy, my first LBD. Age 19

Size 14 in this one. Unheard of to be that flat under my bust!

I recall feeling so good in this size 16 dress

1998

So whilst I have not actually lost any weight this week I will look for the good and say that I am pleased to have recognised that I need to stay focused on the goal. The overridding goal is that I want to be a size 16 next year when I speak at Britmums.

I need to keep my eyes to heaven and not on the nitty gritty of everyday life.  If I allow the detail to get in the way of the big plan then I will never succeed.  Life is full of ups and downs and I have to take them as they come, deal as best I can with them and keep on going......  Thank you Jesus for walking with me!

I am linking this post up with Liska's #Mumentum.

Notes from the Heart... The #Mumentum Edition

Scales,

Do you have to be so honest with me? What is a little lie between friends. I was dong so well when I lost 10lb in one week, how have I managed to put 5lb of that back on. What? It was the cakes and sweets that I have started to eat again. OK point taken, you could be right. I need to cut those out this week.

Cheers from the one who has been found out.
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Dear Camera Makers,

Have any of you ever considered making a camera which can knock a couple of stone off a person when it takes a photo?  What about an adjustable gage so you can say how much weight to knock off the person when the photo is taken.

I have looked at the photos from the MADS last Friday and whilst I felt I looked good (yes fat, but good) when I looked in the mirror, I see the photos and they tell me another story.

Posing with Ruth, Geek Mummy and Nickie, Typecast

Hey Slimavite,

Where are my shakes?  I am really looking forward to starting my diet with you and getting going but I need the shakes here to be able to do that.

With anticipation, Mich x
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Dear Self,

Are you really looking forward to starting your diet again?  Come on be honest.  If you can not be honest with yourself then we do not have a lot of hope.

Remember it will be hard work and at times it may be boring but it will be so worth it if you can just apply yourself and keep with it, look how stunning Lou looked when you saw her Friday, use that as your motivation to know Slimavite works.

From straight talking Mich
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Dear Bed,

Thank you so much for being cosy, I really love you and at the moment you are doing a great job of enticing me in at a decent time.  This is making a difference and I feel refreshed.  Long may this last.

From sleepy head
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Dear addict,

I hate you, go away!  I will conquer you.  One day soon I will no longer find it hard to resist all the things that I know are bad for me.  I will feel able to deal with what life throws at me without turning to you to comfort me and stifle my emotions, pushing away any bad feelings that I have.  I intend to grow stronger and to handle my life without you......  Be Gone!

From the one who will conquer
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You get the picture?  I am not on form at the moment.  I had every intention to be good again today and had my slimfast for breakfast and then by 10am I was starving and the time of the month hit me yet again and that was it, I gave in.  I did not even really try to resist if I am honest.  Tomorrow I must remember to get up and pray and ask for help, for I can not do this alone.

Looking After Mich

What use are we to other people when we are not taking care of ourselves? That is the question I have been asking myself just recently and the truth is not a lot.  We think we are doing the right thing by putting the emphasis on them and looking after their needs but in the end we lose out. I know for me I just end up tired, crabby and bitter.  Hmm that sounds like a Mich you all want to hang out with doesn't it?

So I was pleased this week to have yet again realised that I must look after myself. More for myself than anyone else, I am listing the areas that I must look after  -

1. Sleep.  I need to make sure I am getting more of this.  I have made headway in the last week, there has not been a night that I have stayed up later than 11.30pm and that is good but not good enough. I need some early nights and to start feeling refreshed.  Dh got up this morning and I had a lie in and it was bliss, so needed. 
2. Exercise. I rejoined the sports village at work last week (yes it really is as spectacular as it sounds, it hosts loads of training Olympians and me, lol!) and I have been to the gym a couple of times and also swam.  My inner thighs are telling me they hate me right now in fact.  I am feeling really good for some exercise and aim to do soem at least 3 times each week.
3. Food. The last week has been bad, I have not been making a concerted effort but I was super chuffed to be asked by Slimavite to be a trailist for them.  So in about a week I will be starting on their bite plan diet and blogging about it so you can all follow my success, for that is what it will be.
4. Saying No. I promise to keep time for myself, to stop saying yes to things and offering to do things.  I must keep some time to myself to just be.  To read and to enjoy my life, not allow it to float past me.

You see that photo there, that is one I use online, it was taken in 2010, when I was about 2 stone lighter than I am now.  I was still far too big but I think I look good and I want to look that happy with the way I look again.

So this is where I am.  I have not weighed for a couple of weeks.  I figure why bother when I am not being particularly good.  I'll weight when I start my new diet plans with Slimavite but for now I have the MADs on Friday and a lovely new outfit from M&S to wear for it - I can't wait!

I am linking this post up for Liska's #Mumentum.  Come and join in if you are a Mum and are trying to lose your mum Tum.

Monday #Mumentum - The Journey Continues...

Well it has been a tough old week. It would be great to come on here and report another massive loss but that is not going to happen. I would say I have had three good days out of the seven. One day has been pretty bingeful and the others have just been off plan. Nothing major but not great.  Today has been good though, so I can continue in this way and hope to lose more than 1 lb next week.  Oh well 1 lb still has me at 11 lb lost in the last two weeks and that is OK.

So what has caused this then? I think some of it is tiredness, I have gone to bed far too late a few nights and my resilience is low when I lack sleep. I also think it might be that time of the month but really I have no idea as since having a coil the months just roll into one without any significant differences just perhaps me feeling more emotional and not knowing why at particular points. I suppose I should journal it and then I would have a fair shot at preparing myself for the harder parts of the month.

Monday #Mumentum - So how much have I lost?

Week one of my new diet is practically over and it has been a good week, you always expect a decent loss in the first week but the 10lb I have lost is beyond my wildest dreams.  Now before anyone starts to get worried that I have starved myself let me share with you an average days food.

8am Breakfast - Glass of water and Slimfast shake
Cup of tea
About 11am - 2 Ryvita with clover and ham, water
About 1.30pm - Glass of water and Slimfast shake
3.45pm - Cup of tea and some strawberries
6pm dinner - Baked salmon in a herb and lemon butter sauce and a huge mountain of vegetables, more water
More water
9pm - Cup of tea and chocolate penguin biscuit

That is hardly starving myself is it?  Can you imagine what I must have been eating before for that to result in a good loss. I think the really big differences are cutting out bread, limiting most carbohydrates and chocolate and allowing myself a 100 calorie (ish) treat in the evening.  When I worked it out I am having about 1500 calories a day, so I would expect that may be a drop of about half my daily calories from before.

Shall I share with you what I think the key to my success is this time around?

I believe I can do it, I truly and utterly feel positive that the time is right. That it is God's will for me to lose weight and be fit for the purpose he has for me. Can I just say that all the time you believe you cannot do it then you won’t.  You will always stifle your effort, that is what I have done for years.  This time I believe I can do it, I am worth doing it.  This is why I will succeed.  My fear of being slim has left me and I pray that is a permanent change. I really do feel I have my Thinking Slimmer slimpod to thank for this thinking change (along with God of course).

Along with self-belief here are my other top dieting tips

• Drink lots of water.  I always say the more you drink, the more you shrink! This will not bloat you as many think, your body needs a certain amount of water and if you drink too little it retains it, whereas if you drink lots like me it flushes the system.
• Make sure you know why you are losing weight. What is the reason?  Who are you doing it for? anyone but yourself and you risk it all going very wrong.
• Visualise your goals, make sure you break them down into small manageable chunks, my first goal is one stone by 30th September when I will attend the MAD Blog Awards and wear my gorgeous new outfit as provided by Marks and Spencer
• Take things one day at a time, one minute at a time if you need to. Think positive and know you can get through that next minute.  If you feel as if your willpower has left you then find something else to take strength in, for me it is God and I pray when I have a weak moment, for others you could talk to a friend, read some positive literature or write your feelings down to get rid of them.
• Live with your hunger for a short while, it won't kill you.  Each time you get past a bout of hunger it will be so much easier next time.
• Remember it is YOUR diet, people keep asking me if I can have that, or go there and I remind them I can do what I fancy.  I am a grown up, if I wish to flex my diet and have a meal for lunch and a shake for dinner I can do that and I know I can stay on track as I am focused and motivated.

So over and out, next week I'll get the tape measure out and see how I have done since starting.  Why don't you pop over and visit Liska at New Mum Online, she is our #Mumentum host and is starting her diet today.  Good luck Lisa, I believe in you. x

Making Sensible Choices...

So I bet that post title made you want to come on over and read didn't it?  Super sexy hey, but I am pleased to say that in the last week or so I have been making some sensible choices and the honesty is that they are not super sexy but they are so necessary for my sanity.

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Let me give you just a couple of examples of the kind of good choices I have made recently -

• I needed to buy bread, milk and fruit, nothing else and normally I would pop into Asda as I drive home (I can go right past it) but I realised that if I went in there with the girls I would want to look at (and buy) clothes that we do not need and the girls may well con me into buying them a comic or something. So we went to Morrisons where I find nothing interesting and just bought the three needed items.
• I was buying myself a new book the other day, just a nice easy read and the deal was £3.99 for one of £10 for three.  Well my bargain hunters brain clicked in and said 'yes good saving, do it!' but thankfully the more sensible part of me recalled all the books I have at home that have not yet been read and just bought the one I needed for that day.

These are small things but they are small things that I have noticed happening and they have pleased me. They are minor miracles for a spendthrift like me. I believe that everything in life is a choice, we do not get where we are by chance.  Every action has a consequence, this was one of the reasons I started the Reasons to be Cheerful linky, I wanted to give myself a better than average chance of happiness by choosing to be grateful and delighting in the things I had.

Love the life you live they say! 

The secret is to want what you already have and then cherish it. So 2011 is all about that for me and I really think some of it is sinking in now.  I do not know if perhaps my listening to my Thinking Slimmer slimpod each night is also helping with my change in thinking and choices too. What I am hoping is that by starting to make sane choices generally in my life I can carry this over to my eating habits.  Then in the future when faced with the choice to eat unnecessarily or not, I can choose not to.  What bliss that freedom from food obsession will be!

Thank you Lord that I have again connected with you in the last week, reading my bible each day, praying and going to Church makes a massive difference in my ability to rely on you and hand over the tough stuff.  I am eternally grateful.

Linking up with Liska for the Monday #Mumentum linky.

Yes, Yes I Realise I have been Neglectful!

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No, not of my children you will be pleased to hear but neglectful of myself.

It is a hard position you find yourself in when you become a parent, my gut and heart tell me to put the kids first, they are my number 1 priority and then I go to the eating disorders meeting and that preaches that I must put myself first, what use am I to others if I am not well looked after?  I find so much common sense and truth in that, but I do not seem to be doing it.

A #MumenTum Week in Tweets

Here I sum up my week as if I am tweeting a daily update.  A way of trying to keep me to the point!

#Monday
Arrgghh, Brain overload. Moth infestation, work too busy, head is spinning! Can't cope, want to go to bed & sleep.

#Tuesday
My boss is fairy Godmother, sorting work for me. Good Birthday party for my girls. Feeling positive, Mich can cope with anything!

#Mumentum Reflections from the Week

It is Monday and it is #Mumentum time. So here are the things I have been thinking and reflecting on in the last couple of weeks with regard to all things weight and size wise:

• Your feet get fat too!  Yes, I mean it, honest. You have never seriously put on weight if your feet have stayed the same size, it must be to do with the width.  I got my summer work sandals out of the wardrobe and 3 pairs do not fit me. I don't want to have to buy more...
• My stomach has got to ridiculous proportions, my clothes are getting tighter but strangely I am less weight that I have been before.  It seems that after children when you have split stomach muscles (like I do, properly separated) it is extremely hard to get the size of your tummy down. I am bigger than many pregnant women, that is not something to be proud of.

Mich has found her mojo! Monday #Mumentum

I think the title says it all - do I need to spell it out for you? Oh OK...

Yes it is Monday, so this is my (now) regular post dedicated to all things weight/ diet/ food/ self image related and 'whoop di doody' things have clicked into place!  Mich has found her mojo again, I am not sure where it had gone but it went AWOL for quite some time and we have had a lovely reunion again.

I set myself 2 targets last week - to be off the laptop by 10pm and in bed for 11pm and to record my food every day. I have done OK with the food recording, so I am getting into that swing but the sleep only started on Thursday night and I am feeling so much better for getting some serious shut-eye.  I think I had burnt myself practically out with all this staying up late.

I have also remembered to take my multi-vits and glucosamine tablets every day, which probably helps. Then Friday night I went out for a meal with a good friend and decided not to bother with the wine or the dessert and yesterday I woke up feeling completely motivated and this has carried through to today as well.

I am praying this lasts,  for me I have to hand my food issues over to the Lord and ask him to sort this out for me, for I find it far too hard to do under my own steam.  That said, I must say a massive thank you to the #Mumentum ladies and also Midlife Singlemum who have been on hand to champion me as I re-start this journey again to find out what my natural size is.

Today I feel positive for the future and all I need to do is take one day at a time.....

This week I must continue with the food diary, sleeping by 11pm, taking the vitamins and also I need to add in some exercise this week....  I will leave it open as to what I do, but I must do something strenuous every day, even if only for 5 minutes.

From small acorns, mighty oaks grow!  Or in my case we can hopefully reverse that, from a might oak Mich will reduce into a nice manageable sapling! lol