Would you Sleep Divorce your Partner?

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I have to admit that I hadn’t even heard of a sleep divorce until recently, but this could be because I am one of those really lucky (and yes, I know, annoying) people who get a good night’s sleep every night. I promise you I don’t take it for granted and on the very few nights I have had insomnia in my life, I have been in awe of those of you who cannot sleep well most nights, but still function during the day.

If sleep doesn’t come easy to you then I can totally understand why the concept of a separate bed and bedroom to your partner would be an attractive prospect, especially if they snore, fidget and move about a lot, or have a completely different time-clock to you.

Should you Sleep Divorce?

I’ve read a few articles recently where relationship experts, marital counsellors and sex therapists raise their concerns about this new trend. Apparently, 35% of Americans now sleep in a separate bedroom to their life partner (according to a March 2023 survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine) and I had to chuckle as I read multiple headlines that Cameron Diaz wants to normalize the sleep divorce.

I’m all for people doing what works for them, but I do worry that if you spend too much time apart from your partner the intimacy will go and you’ll start to be very self-sufficient and it is too easy to drift apart, and maybe lead to a full divorce.

Can a Mattress help?

Thankfully, those of you with partners whose sleep habits drive you crazy, can turn to Simba, and give their Simba’s Hybrid Original mattress a go.  The Greater Manchester-made mattress has been praised for alleviating the effects of ‘fidgety sleepers’ and ‘snoring’ partners. Giving the Hybrid Original a five-star review on Trustpilot, one reviewer, Julia G said, “Haven't had a full nights [sic] sleep for many years as my husband has a medical condition and snores dreadfully. But thanks to Simba this is a thing of the past, hasn't cured the snoring but certainly much improved and am able to get more good nights sleep [sic].”

Sounds too good to be true, right? But, 325,000 5* reviews don’t lie and even if you were a bit dubious, Simba are so confident in the comfort of their mattresses that they offer a 200-night free trial and a 10-year guarantee. I’ve been very impressed with the credentials of Simba to be honest; they are B Corp certified, which means they are interested in and actively working towards sustainability and they have a mattress recycling service, that you don’t even have to be a Simba customer to access.

Upon reading all this, my first thought was that they must be super expensive, but there is a great range of mattresses to suit all pockets. From the budget-friendly Essential line, starting at £499 through to the Ultra, you can get all UK and European size mattresses and many even come with free pillows, duvet and mattress protector at the moment.

Why Are You Feeling So Tired?

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It’s normal to feel tired some of the time, and when you do feel a little sleepy, there’s usually a good reason for it. You might not have gone to bed early enough, or perhaps you had a particularly strenuous day. No matter what, a good night’s sleep and you’ll generally feel better. 

What if you don’t, though? What if you wake up feeling just as tired as when you went to sleep? The danger is that this can become something we get used to, so we just think of it as the usual thing without wondering if there’s an underlying cause, but the fact is that constant tiredness isn’t right and shouldn’t be normalised. There will be a reason behind it, and working out what that reason is means you can fix the issue. Read on to find out more. 

 

You Don’t Get Enough Sleep

Let’s start with the most obvious reason for being tired all the time and the one that’s easiest to fix - you don’t get enough sleep. Although everyone is different, most people will need between seven and nine hours of sleep each night, and if you’re getting significantly less than that, it’s sure to account for your constant lethargy, especially if you’ve got a busy life during your waking hours. 

The issue is that lack of sleep isn’t just something that makes you feel tired; there are other consequences too. Some of the most serious include obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart problems, and stress. 

The best way to solve the issue is to know what time you have to get up in the morning and work backwards from there so you know what time you have to go to bed. If you’re having trouble getting to sleep (or staying asleep) then it’s worth discussing it with your doctor as they might have some helpful advice. 

You’re Lacking Vitamin B12

We’ve gone from a fairly vague idea of how much sleep you need to something a lot more specific; your potential lack of vitamin B12. When you have enough B12 in your diet, you’ll feel energised and awake, so a lack of it means the opposite; you’ll constantly feel tired. 

As with many things, eating a better diet can solve the issue, and ensuring that there’s plenty of vitamin B12 included in that healthy diet is a wise move. You can get this vitamin from fruit, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains, so it should be easy to get enough of it. If not, however, you can use supplements to help boost your intake. 

You Don’t Drink Enough Water

Water is such a great thing for the human body and it’s so easy to get into your daily routine - your body literally tells you when it needs more - that it shouldn’t be a surprise to know that without enough water, things start to go wrong, and among the many things that can go wrong is the fact that you won’t have any energy and you’ll feel tired. 

The best thing to do is to have a reusable water bottle with you at all times, and make sure you sip from it regularly - that’s better than chugging a load of water in one go and then forgetting to drink for another few hours. Try to make it your mission to drink a certain amount each day and gradually increase your intake, and you should feel a lot more awake.

4 Essential Solutions for a Better Night’s Sleep

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Getting a good night’s sleep is one of the best ways to improve our overall well-being. Sleep can have enormous positive effects on our life, aiding in everything from the reduction of stress and anxiety to improving our ability to concentrate and boosting our mood.

Of course, getting a good night’s sleep can be easier said than done, and many of us find ourselves lying awake at night waiting for sleep to come.

Luckily there are things that you can do to improve your sleep. So, if you’re looking for a better night’s sleep, then here are just four fantastic tips to help you get started.

1) Master Your Routine

When we talk about bedtime routines, we often think of our little ones. However, it’s not just our kids that benefit from routine and structure.

When you give yourself a bedtime that you stick to each night, you might find it easier to get to sleep in the evening.

Structure and routine will help your body to develop patterns, so having a regular bedtime can help set your body’s natural clock.

2) Create a Calming Environment

Your bedroom should be a calming retreat away from the bustle of the rest of your home – particularly if you have little ones running riot and causing chaos.

There are certain scents, such as lavender, that can help us sleep better each night.

However, many of us don’t like the idea of scented candles in the bedroom in case we fall asleep while they’re still lit.

A good alternative to the scented candle is the fragrance diffuser, with products such as those offered by Neom, you can enjoy all of your favourite sleepy scents without worrying about having an open flame.

3) Invest in a Quality Mattress

Our mattresses aren’t designed to last forever, and over time they can become so uncomfortable that they start to disrupt our sleep.

By investing in a quality mattress, you’ll find that not only will you look forward to going to bed, but you’ll wake up feeling more rested.

Experts such as Archers Sleep Centre offer a wide selection of mattresses and they can advise you on the best option to suit your sleeping patterns and positions, helping to ensure you get the best night’s sleep possible.

4) Limit Light Pollution

As the days get longer, you’ll notice that it gets lighter much earlier in the morning.

This means that you’ll often get woken up much earlier than you want to.

By investing in blackout curtains or blinds, you’ll help to ensure that you get enough sleep. Experts such as Blinds Direct offer a wide selection of made-to-measure black-out blinds to perfectly fit your bedroom windows.

By blocking out the light from entering your room in the mornings and evenings, you’ll be able to fall asleep earlier and stay asleep longer.

How have you ensured that you get a better night’s sleep? Share your tips in the comments below!

Moms Should Know These Techniques for Calming a Sick Child

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Nothing is worse than when your child is ill. All you want to do is help them in the best way so they can recover quickly. Snot and dribble are sure to get on their hands, faces, and sleeves—and most likely yours as well—because kids are still learning the fine art of coughing into their elbows and wiping their noses with a tissue. 

Add to that the emotional challenges, a mother's heart is broken more than anything else by witnessing her child in such anguish. Then it is sod's law that having a sick child in the family inevitably results in the spread of germs and just as your child starts to feel better, you are aware that you're strating to get poorly yourself, and guess what? Sick days are not permitted for parents!

Prepare yourself with these easy strategies to help your child (and yourself) make it to the other side if you find yourself submerged in a sea of your child's used tissues and hose pitful puppy eyes.

Consider Hydration 

Keeping kids hydrated is essential at all times, but it's crucial during illness. Children who are sick with a fever, diarrhoea, or vomiting lose a lot of salt and fluids that they need to replace.

Try liquid-heavy foods like a warm cup of chicken soup if water isn't their thing. Cool drinks and popsicles will hydrate your child and help them feel better if they have a sore throat, and it still feels like they're having a treat. This is the one time that you don't mind what your child is eating or drinking, as long as they are.

Combining symptom relief with a mother's gentle touch 

Children's coughs and colds may be particularly challenging to treat because there aren't many solutions available to them. Children who have a persistent cough may also have trouble falling or staying asleep, which is a nightmare for everyone! Your presence with them can be very calming and a towel under their pillow can help to raise their head and relieve their cough a bit.

It's important to think about ways how to bring temperature down, such as taking medication, wearing fewer layers of clothing, or sponging them with tepid water.

Relax the limitations on screen time

For good reason, the majority of us worry about exposing our kids to too much screen time. But while they're sick is not the time to be a stickler for the rules. You want to take their attention away from how they are feeling and help them have a bit of light relief and feel better.

Your sick child needs to rest and falling asleep with a movie on their iPad is no crime.

Look after their skin

Children's noses are typically red, raw, and painful when they have recently recovered from a cold. This is because using regular tissues to clean their nose may irritate their skin, which is painful for them. Instead of using a dry tissue, parents can reduce this irritation by using a warm, damp towel and gently applying petroleum jelly around the nostrils can help to heal this sore area.

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Tips for Helping with the Back to School Sleep Routine

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My kids went back to school yesterday and I know I was supposed to have got them back in a routine of going to bed earlier and being ready to wake for the early mornings and I had good intentions, honestly, I did! But it just didn't seem to fall into place this year. I blame where we live, there is just too many fun things going on and the girls, in particular, want to be involved in everything.

Thankfully they all got up fine for their first morning back and I am determined to help them get back on track over the weekend. I assume there are other parents like me who didn't manage to get their kids back on track this last week so I thought it might be useful to share my tips for helping your child have a good nights sleep -

1.  Check out your child's bed and mattress. I spent a night on Miss M's bed recently as she was poorly and had fallen asleep in my bed. I thought I'd be kind and leave her there for the night but boy did I regret it as her mattress is horrible, even though it is fairly new. You really are worth investing in a good mattress, so why not take a look at the beds from Bed Guru.

2.  Keep sleep and wake times constant, even on the weekend. I've had to lay down the law with my 12-year-olds and tell them there is no more sitting quietly on the sofa and hoping to be forgotten, they need to be in bed by 9.30pm at the latest.

Getting a Better Nights Sleep to Help your Mental Health

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{This post has been commissioned by TEMPUR®}

The average British adult gets 6 hours and 42 minutes sleep per night (1), making me very much average. I had to chuckle when I looked at my FitBit and saw that lasts weeks average was 6 hours and 46 minutes, and yet I still feel tired many days. I’m not alone though, as we Brits are trying all sorts to help us improve our sleep quality – meditation, exercise or seeking professional help for our mental health or sleep issues.  In fact, there is no shortage of products to help aid a restful nights sleep with people trying everything from CBD oil to specially designed skincare products.

Mental health is an area of keen interest now, and I am so pleased to find that some of the stigma and secrecy is being shed. It is of course OK to admit you have depression, anxiety or any other number of mental health disorders, and to seek help for them. As someone who had late-onset postnatal depression after having my twins and occasionally suffers from bouts of anxiety, I know that I feel much better and more in control I feel when I am sleeping well. The benefits of good quality sleep really can’t be under-estimated, and it’s easy to recognise when I am deficient in sleep as I am irritable, lack concentration and the simplest things can phase me.

This week is the UK’s Mental Health Awareness week (13 – 19^th May 2019) and this year they have chosen to focus on mental health and body image. Another hot topic, and in this image-driven society, one that can be challenging. I was interested to read the findings of the mental health survey commissioned by TEMPUR®, which found that only 38% of Brits say the quality of their sleep is good or excellent (1) and 30% recognise that poor quality sleep impacts their mental health.

6 Things Every Woman in Her 40's Should Do

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We’ve all heard that 40 is the new 30 and I think it is true that as a nation we are staying younger for longer. People are working for more years, having babies later in life and today's woman is expected to have it all but truly, we can only function well if we are looking after ourselves.

As a woman who really enjoyed her twenties and thirties but didn’t make enough time to look after herself, now is the last-ditch attempt to ensure that I go into middle-aged feeling well. I want to share with you five things that every 40-year-old woman should be doing (me included!).

1.   Get enough sleep

This one seems so simple and of course, we all know that we function and look our best when we have had enough sleep but did you know that getting enough sleep will also boost your memory, reduce inflammation and avoid accidents?

Amazing isn’t it? Sleep can make such a difference, it can even increase our performance, as shown by a 2011 study from the Stanford University School of Medicine. The study discovered that elite athletes were able to improve their best times when they had more sleep each night over a lengthened period.

Not only is it important to get enough sleep though, more recent studies show that you should adopt a regular pattern of sleep. Your bed and wake times need to be pretty consistent to ensure that your circadian rhythm operates at its peak. The circadian clock ensures that hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are released about an hour before you need to wake up and your body will have moved into the less deep REM sleep so that when you make you feel good and ready to go.

Helping Your Baby Twins to Sleep at Night

I was very lucky with JJ and he slept through from an early age, some would say this was purely down to luck but I am pretty sure some of it was due to me being very persistent and also consistent. I just knew I was a horrid Mummy when I lacked sleep and therefore it was worth my effort to get him to sleep through. I know many parents believe that it is wrong or cruel to do controlled crying and to start sleep training too young but my personal experience is that if you start it young (around 6 weeks) then you as the parent never get to the point where you are too tired or worn down to be able to do it will your full commitment.

Roll forward nearly 4 years and I have the twins and boy that makes things a bit different. Two babes rather than one add a whole new dimension. Some of what I had learnt with JJ stood me in good stead but there was a whole new learning curve too. One of the first decisions you have to make when thinking about how your twins will sleep is will you sleep them together or apart? This is a completely personal decision. I know many twin mummy friends whose babes slept together for months and they would cite the advantages as the babies feeling secure and warm, just like they did in the womb and they swear that their babies slept better because of it. Personally, mine slept together for a short time and then I found that they were too big to share the moses basket any longer and also that Miss E tended to wake Miss M as she had reflux and was often uncomfortable.

The sleep pattern that worked for us was the girls sharing their ‘fishbowl’ in the hospital (far easier to have one to push around). Upon arriving home we decided that the girls would share a moses basket as practically this was good for space and also the twins seemed to like to be close together. I used to love the little hands touching each other. This lasted for a whole 3 weeks as Miss M grew quickly and soon they were a bit squashed together. Unless you already have a moses basket or are given a couple of good quality ones then I feel they really are a luxury rather than necessity as babes grow out of them so quickly.

Luckily we had a couple of donated moses baskets and thus moved the girls into separate ones until they were about 8 weeks, then moving them in to share a large cot (one at each end) for about two weeks. This did not work for us at all and the babes woke each other and generally seemed unhappy. So into separate cots they went and even separate rooms at approximate age 3 months. This felt like a really big move at the time as my hormones were still raging so I started to wonder if I was keeping the one I loved more in my room. Of course that was not was the truth; practicality prevailed and we kept Miss E in our room as she required night feeds for a longer period than Miss M. Once our girls were separated we found that they both started to sleep soundly and it was the start of their good sleeping habits.

So how did I manage to get two babes to sleep well at such a young age? Here are my tips for helping younger babes to sleep (be it singletons or multipes) –

• Swaddle new-born babies, leaving one hand out by their face. A stretchy cloth wrapped tightly around babe can work wonders for them feeling secure and it stifles the startle reflex too.

• Once your babe is about three months and is more wriggly, they are probably ready to be moved into a baby sleeping bag.

• Put your babes in a darkened room for their sleeps, thus setting up clues that it is time for sleep. I had black out curtains in the girl’s room. I never made the room pitch black as I needed them to be versatile to sleep at others houses and on holiday etc. I did nearly always try to have them sleep in their bedroom though.

• Use a dummy if you have a sucky baby. Dummies can be taken away and thumbs cannot. I have successfully removed 3 dummies at age 2 years and none of mine have any interest in them now. This is very much a personal choice but for me dummies work, especially when it is 3am and you are single handily trying to feed two hungry babies.

• For us it was very rare to replace dummies in the night. My children learnt that if they woke in the night they would not have their dummy replaced and thus we avoided this common pitfall.

• If your baby starts to whine or cry a little in the night, let them for a short while. Sometimes they are just waking and complaining that they do not want to be awake. With twins it is good for them to get used to the sound of the other and not to be affected by the other ones noise.

• Set up a routine very early on with your babes. Bath, massage, feed in a dimly lit room and then down to bed. One of mine used to like me to gently pat her tummy while making a ‘shh, shh, shh’ noise. I would do this for about 5 minutes and then slow it down and eventually stop, always before she fell asleep, so they actually do fall asleep on their own and without aid. This is important as then when the child wakes in the night they learn to sooth themselves back to sleep.

• Miss M always liked me to sling a Muslin over her face, just gently and not covering her nose but it was as if she liked me blocking the visual stimulation so she could sleep, especially in the pushchair.

• If your older baby is over-tired or getting overwrought and you find they cannot sleep then I used to rock my babies practically to sleep. I can use this technique successfully on even the most screamy and cranky baby. Many friends have been astounded at this! I hold the babe with their body towards me, with one arm through the middle of their legs and patting their back with my hand of that arm and the other cuddles them close to me with their arms tucked in tight to my body. I sling a muslin lightly over their face towards my body and give them their dummy if they have one. I then rock them up and down while ssshhing pretty loudly and maybe also saying ‘there, there, there’. I stop this just as they are falling off, place them back in their cot and continue with the patting and ssshhing but more quietly.

• If (or should I say when) your babe wakes in the night reassure them in a low voice ‘Mummy is here, it is all OK’ but do not pick them up. I used to pat gently on the tummy or stroke on the face, anything that let my babies know I was there for them but would not be picking them up. There are no rewards in our house for babies waking. Of course if your baby is ill this is a different matter.

Remember that every baby and every parent is different. You need to do what feels right for you and your family. There is no definite wrong or right, what is right is what makes you all as happy as can be. It is only when you are unhappy that you need to question any of the methods and perhaps try something else.

If you are the type of person to feel compelled to read the text books then go ahead but remember to add a good dose of common sense to whatever you read. My method for helping babes sleep was mastered with time and from some tips from Gina Ford, and the Baby Whisperer Tracy Hogg.

Good luck, I hope your babes sleep peacefully for you.  Mich x

Helping your Older Baby/ Toddler to Sleep

You may have read from my earlier post that I was able to get all three of my children to sleep fairly soundly from an early age.  This does not, however mean that my children’s sleep has always been trouble free…  no, far from it.

JJ and Miss E have not presented me with a problem; they both enjoy their sleep and continue to sleep soundly through the night.  JJ learnt to sleep through very easily, gave up his day time naps at 20 months and I cannot recall ever having a problem with him.  He took a long time to be dry at night (practically 6 years) but children all take a different amount of time to develop the trigger in their brain to wake when they need to pee in the night.  This is one side-effect of sleeping very soundly, perhaps he has inherited his good sleep gene from dh and I, we can both snooze for Britain.

Miss E will be 5 in July and she would love to still have her daytime naps, given half the chance in the car, off she falls to sleep.  At 7 or 7.30pm when her head hits the pillow she snoozes away and her night waking is minimal, just when she is ill or at the moment she seems to wake and cry very quietly that she needs the toilet.

You soon realise that there is no such thing as normal in the realms of parenting. While JJ and Miss E have been problem free Miss M has presented me with enough challenges to keep me going for a lifetime. Some of the challenges we have had to overcome include -

Looking After Mich

What use are we to other people when we are not taking care of ourselves? That is the question I have been asking myself just recently and the truth is not a lot.  We think we are doing the right thing by putting the emphasis on them and looking after their needs but in the end we lose out. I know for me I just end up tired, crabby and bitter.  Hmm that sounds like a Mich you all want to hang out with doesn't it?

So I was pleased this week to have yet again realised that I must look after myself. More for myself than anyone else, I am listing the areas that I must look after  -

1. Sleep.  I need to make sure I am getting more of this.  I have made headway in the last week, there has not been a night that I have stayed up later than 11.30pm and that is good but not good enough. I need some early nights and to start feeling refreshed.  Dh got up this morning and I had a lie in and it was bliss, so needed. 
2. Exercise. I rejoined the sports village at work last week (yes it really is as spectacular as it sounds, it hosts loads of training Olympians and me, lol!) and I have been to the gym a couple of times and also swam.  My inner thighs are telling me they hate me right now in fact.  I am feeling really good for some exercise and aim to do soem at least 3 times each week.
3. Food. The last week has been bad, I have not been making a concerted effort but I was super chuffed to be asked by Slimavite to be a trailist for them.  So in about a week I will be starting on their bite plan diet and blogging about it so you can all follow my success, for that is what it will be.
4. Saying No. I promise to keep time for myself, to stop saying yes to things and offering to do things.  I must keep some time to myself to just be.  To read and to enjoy my life, not allow it to float past me.

You see that photo there, that is one I use online, it was taken in 2010, when I was about 2 stone lighter than I am now.  I was still far too big but I think I look good and I want to look that happy with the way I look again.

So this is where I am.  I have not weighed for a couple of weeks.  I figure why bother when I am not being particularly good.  I'll weight when I start my new diet plans with Slimavite but for now I have the MADs on Friday and a lovely new outfit from M&S to wear for it - I can't wait!

I am linking this post up for Liska's #Mumentum.  Come and join in if you are a Mum and are trying to lose your mum Tum.

Good Morning

Morning. Here I am blogging very early in the morning, which is unusual but quite nice. We are down at my Mum and Dad's at the moment and all the kids have decided to wake pretty early, but after a good nights sleep I can not really complain. The girls have decided that in the main afternoon naps are not for them anymore and thus have been going to bed earlier the last few nights - in fact asleep by 7pm, rather than the 8pm it had seemed to have stretched too without any effort from A or I. Of course the consequences of them being asleep by 7pm if that they are then pretty much awake by 6am.

Last night me and the girls slept in a double bed all together and it worked OK. I would of slept on the floor if I needed to but luckily I am good at sleeping on my side on the edge of the bed. As I said they slept right through and seemed happy to be close to their mummy. My original plan had been to have the girls top and tail in a single bed but that was definitely too much to expect of just 2 year olds.

The night before Miss E fell asleep in the single bed and Miss M fell asleep in the double bed, so I slept with M and she woke me numerous times! and poor little E also woke numerous times and cried out, this is really unlike her and it was only much later yesterday that I realised this is the first time E has ever slept on her own. I expect she awoke and did not hear any breathing from anyone else and wondered what was going on. I suppose it must be daunting to sleep in a room on your own if you have never done it. Having JJ I am used to one of my kids sleeping on their own and did not have second thought about it but for the girls it must be a big deal.

So now my brother is back living at home with my parents for a while, this is the future of our sleeping arrangements, me feeling bad as Mum and Dad have been kicked downstairs onto a blow up bed (although it does look very comfy). The girls and I all snuggled up together and JJ in his normal bed. It has worked far better than I thought it would. I was really looking forward to coming to see my parents but there was some anxiety about how the sleeping arrangements would work out and like everything I should of known just to trust the Lord and that it will all come good.

So no idea what the day has in store for us. May try and find a soft play somewhere so the kids can run some energy off as the weather looks pretty drab. Back to see dh tonight and JJ has his first Brigade parade tomorrow at our local church. Lets hope that is good.