Tuesday 21 August 2012

Twin Mum = Supermum? Guest post from Trouble Doubled

I am really pleased to welcome Troubles Mum who blogs over at Trouble Doubled and Parenting on the Front Line here to my blog today. This twin mum is refreshingly honest and as a Mum of four girls she comes with a dose of good old common sense, for this reason I always enjoy her blog. She has been blogging since the beginning of 2011 and like many quickly became a blogging addict. She is a pleasure to chat to on Twitter (@trouble_doubled), I'd highly recommend you go and hi say.

Since I’ve had the twins, I’ve noticed a marked increase in people in real life who come to me for advice, or who say they think I must be Superwoman in disguise. This is a bit strange for me. I’ve never been seen as some parenting oracle or superhero before. What has caused this sudden change? I know it’s because I have twins as well as two older children and others think, rightly or wrongly, that I am all of a sudden, the go-to mum in the playground.

I can’t be the only twin mum that feels a bit of a fraud about this situation. Yes, us twin mums tend to stick together and talk about how mums of only one baby at a time would not understand. While there may be some truth in this, I certainly have my tongue firmly in my cheek when I say things like how I feel now I’ve had twins, I can deal with anything. Because I don’t at all believe that this is correct.

To the outside, us twin mums look a fearsome bunch. Online, we have been accused of seeing ourselves as superior to other parents. Again, this is not true. What could certainly be true is that our in-built parenting skills have been tested that little bit more than other parents, and we have still come out smiling. From this comes an increased confidence, and a better understanding of our own limitations. This may make us look outwardly confident to others, and attractive to those who feel their own parenting confidence is lacking somewhat. Maybe. I’m no psychologist.

As a twin mum, I am in awe (read fear) of other twin mums myself. Yes, I got through a full-term, double-7lb-baby pregnancy and that takes some physical stamina, if not mental. But I didn’t go through any of the problems that too many other twin mums go through, or faced my babies being born prematurely. At my twins group, there are women who had twins after years of IVF treatment, and one mum whose babies were born so prematurely, the doctors wrote her babies off. They are now crawling about quite happily, but believe me when I say, you don’t cross that mum! A friend of mine carried twins to full-term knowing that one of them would die soon after birth. She continued with the pregnancy in order to save his otherwise healthy twin brother. How she got through that, I can not understand, and hopefully will never have to.

And don’t forget about all those twin dads. My husband may not have carried and given birth to those babies, or sat up half the night trying to establish dual breast-feeding, but he has changed  numerous nappies, pushed that double buggy to school and back so I can catch up on sleep, and been heavily involved in every other task he is capable of doing. He is as much as a superhero as I am yet no-one asks him about his parenting skills and knowledge.

But for all our strength and courage as parents, us twin mums and dads are not super or special. We can’t do X-ray vision or have super stretchy arms (although I wish we could as it would help) any more than any other parent. We are simply human beings who have been faced with a special parenting challenge, and that could happen to anyone, even Superwoman.

I can certainly relate to people asking me for advice and treating me as if I am bit of a parenting oracle.  It is quite humorous really!  Thanks love for this super post, Mich x

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