Monday 12 March 2012

#InnerTruth - Getting Real!

Inner Truth

It has been a good week in general, I have been super busy at work and still managed to fit in some down time - I have laid on the bed and just done nothing except tune into God, I have read some great chapters of my books and I have been for my pilates class and boy didn't I know that on Saturday morning. One of the things I have been thinking about a lot this week is getting real and being honest with myself and of course this fits in perfectly with Liska's new theme for our linky #InnerTruth.

There have been a number of times this week when I have felt quite disgusted with my body, not in a dangerous self-harm kind of way but in a 'goodness, I really need to sort myself' kind of way.  I know self-loathing is not the way to go and I think I have mostly come to a place of acceptance and knowing that God loves me for who I am and forgives me for treating His temple (my body) so badly.

My stomach has got to ridiculous proportions, I am completely out of shape now. It has got silly, I have the body of a size 20 woman but the waist girth and stomach of someone who is fully 9 months gone. I assume my split stomach muscles have something to do with this and I have a distinct weakness on the right side with my tummy actually being misshapen there.

I weighed myself this morning and the scales showed 17st 7lb, this is an increase since the last time I dared weight myself at the beginning of February but it is still a loss from the beginning of January when I started this latest leg of my journey.

I need to sort it out, I cannot just keep talking about.  I annoy myself with the amount of times I have stopped and started a diet or healthy eating regime in my life and particularly in the last 6 months or so. But at I keep trying, I am a persistent little bugger and I do not want to give up.  One day the miracle will happen and I will be fit and healthy.

When I listen to my slimpods they always tell me to visualise myself as I want to be and I have immense trouble doing this. Isn't that sad? I can't see Mich nice and slim.  I have a fear of losing weight, I think because I know I may need surgery at the end of it, due to all the skin that will be left around my stomach. My rational head tells me it is bonkers to not lose weight for this fact but my emotional heart seems to hold me back. Keep on fighting Mich.

All I can do is keep trying. I have planned myself a menu for this week, as I find that so helpful. Last week I was good with my exercise and my bed times and they are positive steps forward. Never before have I managed to keep an exercise regime going so diligently for 10 weeks.

Monday -
Brekkie - 2 weetabix and milk, orange juice,
Lunch - Ham, cheese and salad wraps, yoghurt
Snack - apple
Dinner - Jacket potato with beans and tuna, sugar-free jelly

Tuesday -
Brekkie - Porridge and orange juice
Snack - Banana
Lunch - Jacket potato with beans and a little cheese
Snack - Yoghurt
Dinner - Chicken tikka, rice and naan

Wednesday -
Brekkie - Beans on 2 toast, orange juice
Snack - Melba toast and philli
Lunch - Scotch broth soup, ryvita with cheese
Snack - Apple
Dinner - Oven fish, chips and peas

Thursday -
Brekkie - Bagel and peanut butter, Banana
Lunch - Ham and salad baguette, piece of cake
Snack - Tinned fruit
Dinner - Quorn lasagne, peas, sweetcorn and garlic bread

Friday -
Brekkie - Porridge and orange juice
Snack - Banana
Lunch -  Chicken and veg soup, bread roll & butter
Snack - Carrot sticks
Dinner - Chicken casserole, new potatoes and 3 veg

Saturday & Sunday - no idea yet as we are planning to be out and about, so I will play it by ear but not let myself go.

Wishing you all well on your weight loss journeys this week.  Mich x
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