Listening to God and Knowing My Calling will Come

I've been enjoying a spot of colouring today as I prayed and pondered on the season I'm in right now. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Gods definitely been asking me to be patient and wait on him. I listened to an excellent podcast from @godcenteredmom with @sarahagertywrites yesterday that really resonated with me. I don't have to seek out my purpose just to feel useful. ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻 He's getting me ready! Who knows what for but I'm excited to find out...

A post shared by Michelle Pannell (@michelletwinmum) on Oct 6, 2017 at 11:27am PDT

You know sometimes there is something brewing inside you and you're not even really sure what it is? Well God's been speaking to me and I've been trying really hard to listen and to understand what He has been saying. In fact I've been trying to write this blog post for days but it just hasn't flowed and I think that is because I've been absorbing and allowing His message and words to fall deep within me.

I've always known that God is more interested in my character than my comfort. He never created me to live a blessed life and to have things my way. I'm not here to get what I want out of life, I am here to serve His purpose and to be a disciple of Jesus, showing others the way to a better life by knowing Him. Of course this isn't always easy though as by my very flawed nature as a human I am selfish and think of me first. I want what I want.

Recently I've been seeking a job, something to give me satisfaction and where I can feel useful but the only interview that I went to didn't work out and I have to say I was surprised but a few weeks down the line and I'm not at all, I now see it is for the best. I was trying to fill a round hole with a square peg. I don't just need any old job, I need whatever it is that God has planned for me and it may well not fall into my timing but when His timing comes it will be so good, of that I'm sure.

I'm learning to Ignore the inner voices, the ones in my head that say I should be working, I should be busy, I shouldn't be enjoying my life as much as I am and I'm tuning in to God's voice. The one that says spend time with me Michelle, slow down, enjoy life, smell the roses and take care of yourself. I keep hearing the word abide, and abide means to accept or to act in accordance with, so when I look at the verse below I remember I have to be fully immersed in my relationship with God to be able to produce fruit.

"Abide in me, and I will abide in you. Just as the branch cannot produce fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me." John 15:4

Coming Through the Hard Times and Making Space

There is nothing boring about being a Christian, just as you feel happy and settled I find that the Lord has something new in store for you and bang, along comes a new challenge! It’s good of course but it does make for some interesting times, ones that are not perhaps comfortable and not even very welcome.

My husband and I have been having a really challenging time of late, from mid-April to mid-June was particularly awful. I won’t go into all the details but suffice to say we felt at the end of our tether and had to cling on to each other and to the Lord very tightly. It would have been all too easy to just shout ‘No, I can’t go on’ but of course we can go on. He is our rock and we must turn to Him.

“He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:2 (NLT)

Things are looking up now, we are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and we’ve even booked a summer holiday for us all to look forward to. Truth be told after the time we’ve had we needed to do something different to give us a positive future focal point.

A friend reminded me today that it is in our tribulations we experience the most spiritual growth. It is not when we are sat happy and content on the mountain top that our character evolves and matures but when we are at the bottom of the pit and we are placing our faith in the Lord and saying ‘your will be done’. I can definitely see this for my husband, some good has come from a horrid situation but of course it is harder to discern for myself, so I can’t tell you that I’ve changed but I do trust that good will come.

“These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” 1 Peter 1:7

What I do know is that God is changing things for me. He is clearing the decks and opening up space for the future. I have to admit that I feel a little lazy right now, like a lady of leisure. The only thing I can sense God asking me to do at the moment is to connect with people and to be there for them. It is very nice having coffee and time with lots of different people but it also feels a tad decadent, like I’m slacking off. But I suppose it goes back to the message that God has consistently been giving me for over a decade now – to be and not to do.

Of course in just three short weeks the school summer break will be here and then I’ll be busy with my three children and it is definitely right to focus on them and to make sure they are supported and encouraged over the summer. We have lots planned already and at least two or three weeks with nothing at all. I do throughly believe that kids need the space to break through the boredom barrier, this can be when some of the most fun times happen. JJ will be 13 in the Autumn and I want to ensure that he still acts like a child this summer and has some crazy fun with his sisters.

People keep asking me what I’ll be doing once the summer is over and I have no idea. God has asked me to step back from volunteering at the conference centre where I live, I’ve finished life coaching (for now) and you’ll have noticed I’m blogging far less. So there is time available, I have space to take on new ventures. Just this weekend I am training with TLG follow(Transforming Lives for Good) to become a coach working with a child who is having a tough time at school. I feel so encouraged that from September I’ll be able to help at least one child explore their behaviour and improve their level of learning but that is only a couple of hours a week.

There are plenty more hours in the week to fill but I do feel that it is not my place to do so. If I fill my time just for the sake of it, God won’t have the space to allow His (perfect) plan to work out and thus what I’ll do in September is sit and wait. I’ll take steps to exercise and get outside so I’m looking after my physical wellbeing. I’ll read, pray and soak so I look after my spiritual wellbeing and I’ll invest in my important relationships so I’m looking after my emotional wellbeing. If I manage to do all three of those things in good measure I’ll be looking at a balanced life and a productive and happy Mich.

It sounds good.

On Being Bold

Being bold isn’t my everyday prayer but perhaps it should be. It is so important to be able to shout out my love for Jesus and tell of the way my relationship with Him changes my life.

Of course there are ups and downs, things I still need to work on and change but I feel sure that had I continued on my past road of self that I would have been in a very different place right now. Yes, sure I might have had a large house, more money in the bank and abroad holidays but would I have had all this time with my children? Would I really know them in the way I do now? Would I have appreciated every day and looked for the beauty in nature? Would I be volunteering and helping other people? Or would I still have been selfish, had a bad attitude and been too prideful?

Life is better this way for sure and this is only the beginning. I have all of eternity to look forward to….

I don’t want to waste a day, so I need to be bold and as the verse from Proverbs (28:1 NLT) states I need to be connected and Godly to be bold, so this lion wants to repent of her sins and say no more. To do a u-turn and change my ways so I can be bold for Jesus.

The wicked run away when no one is chasing them, but the godly are as bold as lions.

I need to listen to his prompt and act on it.

Get out of self and rely on Him.

Last week when I sang the solo for a performance a group of us did as part of our community day I was bold and brave. I’d not sung alone in front of a crowd for at least a decade but I loved it and it was to glorify God, so it was perfect.

Then the next day I felt God’s prompt again to be bold and I went and prayed with a friend by her house. If I was listening to my inner voice I might have felt silly and not done it but no, I wanted to be obedient and tuned into Him and I could feel the prod, so off we went to pray in public.

I think it is worth taking a risk when you feel the prod is from God and let’s be honest sometimes you start to question yourself, is this me or is this Him and if whatever you are feeling/ thinking aligns with God’s word in the bible and won’t hurt anyone then go for it. Does it mater if you feel a little vulnerable doing it? God can use that.

In fact God can use anything and He loves obedience. So let’s tune into Him and pray for boldness as we can achieve anything when we listen and act.

Mich x