On being beautiful

Just recently I've written a couple of posts about beauty and being loved for who we are not what we look like. It's crazy really as I was looking through my blog archives and I found a post I wrote back in April 2011, three years ago and I was struggling then with what I still am today, accepting me as I am.

At the moment I'm trying to do some work on myself and trying to learn and believe that I am beautiful and that I can accept myself for who I am and how I look. I'm trying to embrace the philosophy of 'different being beautiful' that my wonderful friend Karen Walrond advocates.

I think if I remember to watch this 3 minute clip each day that will be a great reminder to help me along this journey.



And once you have finished watching Karen's video then I urge you to watch this 4 minute youtube clip of the Oscar winning speech from Lupita Nyong'o, who starred as Patsy in the blockbuster film '12 years a slave'. This clip has been viewed over 2.6 million times in the last two months and will inspire you and might just make you shed a tear.



The part of the clip that affected me most was when Lupita says that 'beauty is not a thing I can acquire or consume it is just something I have to be. You can't eat beauty, it won't sustain you'.  So very true and thanks so much for having the courage to remind us.

I do want to be me and I don't want to have to be photoshopped each time a picture is taken of me to be happy with it. If you want to see how crazy the world of photo enhancing has become then watch either of these short clips to see how a woman's looks can be changed in moments - this one or this one.

Last weekend when my Mum and I were away we saw a big advert in the window of M&S in Kensington and I was so happy to see it. There was a group of inspirational women who are tall, short, with real curves, some wrinkles and a baby bump and I though they looked fantastic. This is just what more stores and media need to be doing, using real women.

It is only when a whole generation of children have been bought up knowing that it is OK to look as God intended them to that we will see real change and a decline in cosmetic surgery and suicide rates. I want to be part of the solution, not the problem so no more touching up photos for me.

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Facing your insecurities - can I love me just as I am?

I've had a blog post brewing for weeks now. Do you ever find that you have something to say but you are not sure how? I just seemed to have so much information and no way of putting it together into a coherent (and not too lengthy) post but today I'm determined to do it.

In March I wrote a post called 'As a parent I am the antidote to the norms and expectations of society' this was my first attempt to try and sort my own thoughts out about how the beauty industry and society at large are making an impression on my children. JJ is now 10 and my girls are nearly 7 so there is still some time to be able to positively influence them and to help them know they are beautiful and lovable. They are worthy of love without any conditions laid on it, they are loved for who they are, not what they do or how they look. I'm so scared the media will get under their skin and dictate that they have to be very slim, with perfect hair, clothes that are the latest fashion and always sporting a smile.

But I'll be really honest here with you (and please don't judge me). What I'm super scared of, is that the media has already impacted me and that without my wanting to I have been conditioned to believe that I must lose weight and keep my newly developing wrinkles at bay. Then of course in my fight to lose weight and my own battles with how I look (even if I try to hide it) they will see it and they will know it without me ever having uttered a word.

Just a week or two ago Miss E wrapped a cardie around herself and said 'look Mummy, I look like you, you wear your cardie like this' and she is right, I do.  I wear it tightly around me so it hides my large tummy, that was a bit of a wake up call!

Then wake-up call number two came when I was on pic monkey the other night resizing some images to use for my weekly 365 post and I came across a picture my Mum had taken of me last weekend. I was thinking how much I liked it and that it was a good shot.  Here it is, what do you think?

I look at this photo and I see a warm and friendly person, someone I might like to hang out with.

This is me as I look most days, nothing has been touched up in the photo, it shows the true picture of an overweight 40 year old mother.

Then for some reason whilst I was in pic-monkey I thought it might be fun to play with the touch-up tools (Photoshop type) and see how I might look after. Here is the touched up photo -

I used the weight loss tool, gave myself a sun-kissed glow, removed my forehead and eye wrinkles, gave my lips a touch of colour, added more mascara and brightened my eyes. It got to the end of the process and I was pretty pleased with the photo and thinking I looked like a better version of me.

What is that about? Here I am worrying that my kids will not accept themselves for who they are and what they look like and I am evidently doing the same.

This parenting lark really can be difficult, you have to deal with all your own insecurities and face up to every challenge in your bid to help your kids be confident and independently equipped to deal with whatever life throws at them. I suppose I should thank them really for helping me to grow up and face my own demons.

I now need to find some ways to help me love and accept myself just as I am. Have you got any good ideas for me? I think it is going to be quite a process.

So please tell me, am I alone? Have you been conditioned by the media or have you stood firm and retained the knowledge that you are worthy of unconditional love and that you don't have to look twenty forever more?

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If you like what you have read and want to stay up-to-date then subscribe by email for free and receive blog posts directly to your in-box - just click the link Subscribe to Mummy From The Heart... by Email or perhaps you like to keep all your blog reading in one place, if that is the case you can follow me on BlogLovin too!

As a parent I am the antidote to the norms and expectations of society

It's been a funny old week on social media, loads of bare-faced (ie: no make-up) selfie snaps have started to crop up on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. What I've seen is lots of women getting on board and doing this (hurting no one I must add) and then a whole load of other people slating them for doing it. What right has anyone to judge another's actions when they are causing no harm?

For the record I'm not big on the viral campaigns that happen on social media every so often and I choose not to get involved. Declaring what bra colour I'm wearing and being cryptic to all the men on Facebook does not appeal to me but I just quietly decline and carry on donating and raising awareness for the charities that ignite my passion.

However many people are completely for cancer related charities and I get that and they want to do their bit to help. So posting a no-make photo on a social media channel won't change the world but it might help one women think about checking her breasts, or a guy his balls for a lump. That's good, right?

I feel mad as anything that after all the animosity people now seem to feel they have to justify why they are posting a selfie picture and we are now seeing lots of images of confirmation of text donations to Cancer Research. People, you do not have to justify your actions to the social media police. You are an adult, do what suits you, we all make our own decisions. Post a photo if you want, post a link to Cancer Research, post a link to how to check for signs of cancer or make a donation, it is completely down to you.

What I have been really pleased to see this week is lots of conversations about women, about our faces without make-up, about our laughter lines, about societies expectations of us and how we should look. These are great conversations. When I see things like my SIL showing her 17 year old daughter that it is OK to go out in public without make-up and feel good about it, my heart lifts a bit.

As mother I feel I need to try and offer the antidote to the norms and expectations that society, TV program's, glossy magazines and advertising are placing on my children. I regularly go without make-up. Why? Because I want to? Sometimes I can't be arsed, sometimes I want to give my skin a rest and other times it might just be too hot in the summer to worry.

This doesn't mean that I'm lucky and I have no spots or lines. I'm 40 years old and about 7 stone overweight, I have my issues, which you will clearly realise if you have ever read this blog before but I do feel passionate that even though there are parts we want to change, we must not get hung-up with what is expected of us. We can tell our children all sorts of wonderful things and encourage them to live different to us but you know what will stay with them? Your actions, they watch you and learn from you and when you flinch when they cuddle your flab they see that and subconsciously register 'fat is bad'. So in the same ilk when you refuse to never go bare-faced they register that and the subconscious says 'ladies must wear make-up every day'.

You might read that and get mad at me, what am I putting on you? All these responsibilities that you hold as a parent, they just feel too much to bare and how will you cope? But you will, we all do. We won't do parenting and modelling perfectly but we will do it good enough and we need to give ourselves a break and recognise that we are good enough and real. perfection does not exist!

And there ends my rant. What is your take on this?

Oh and if you feel like donating to Cancer Research then I'll make it easy for you and here's the link - http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/

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If you like what you have read and want to stay up-to-date then subscribe by email for free and receive blog posts directly to your in-box - just click the link Subscribe to Mummy From The Heart... by Email or perhaps you like to keep all your blog reading in one place, if that is the case you can follow me on BlogLovin too!

Last night I dreamt about sex!

Image Credit

Yes really I did and it was a good dream.  Very good!  It is not often I dream anymore but for some reason last night I had a vivid dream about pretty rampant sex! It's OK though I can tell you, it was only a dream after all and it was my husband that it involved - so all is above board.

So why is Mich telling us this? Has she lost her marbles? Is she that in need of hits on her blog that she has to stoop to sex stories?  No, it's OK it is none of those.  I just thought I would share my realisation with you.  I have been pondering all day why I dreamt about impromptu, stand-up sex with my husband in a house that was not ours where we were practically caught!

I think this dream was the next step in my 'I am beautiful' quest.  You may have read my recent post about believing I am beautiful and loving and accepting myself even when I do not look how I want to, well the message that sits with me from this dream is that my husband also loves and accepts me just as I am.  That Mich in the dream who had no hang ups and was not worrying about flabby bits being on show or squashing her husband when she is on top (yes I really do have that fear) is the one that dh finds sexy.  She is the one he wants to be with and as he is one of the nicest men on the universe there is no way he will ever say anything derogatory to me and as such, 'why do I worry?'.

Have I told dh about my dream yet?  No, that will be tomorrow and I think we need to set a date night up! We have some unfinished business....

How about you, do you dream?  Don't worry I am not asking you to tell me about your risque dreams!

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 - Week 15

Welcome it's week 15!  My, how quick times flies when you are having fun!

Miss M with her precious handbag!

Lots to be grateful for as always....

1. I am on holiday, by the time you read this I will be at Butlins in Skegness at the Christian festival Spring Harvest and I always have an amazing time here, as do all my family.  We get to spend lots of time together, worship God and be fully refreshed - where there is 3 reasons to be cheerful rolled into one (oh and burglars if you are thinking of raiding my house, don't bother my brother is there with his girliefriend doing some electrics for me!)
2. Today I am feeling comfortable in my own skin. I am larger than I have been in a long time but I am looking in the mirror and liking the Mich that looks back at me, she has grown so much as a person over the last 10 years and no longer is she a harsh person who does not tolerate weakness in others. One day when I really do feel brave I will post about that Mich, she had some very big character defects.  I am praying I can hand my eating issues over to God at Spring Harvest and then not only will I like the Mich I see in the mirror, I will also like the body I see that houses her.
3. Miss M has been listening to me. This is a biggie!  If you know my blond bombshell you will know that she is a very independent and willful young lady, whilst also being immensely funny and beautiful. We had a grown up chat about 5 days ago about how she does not like me to shout at her and I explained that I only shout when she does not listen and respond to my requests.  It is not perfect, but we have made massive progress.....  long may it continue!
4. I have been nominated in 3 categories for the Mummy & Daddy Blogger Awards (MADS) and this is making my day.  I know blogging is not that important in the big scheme of things but for me my blog is my Church and it is where I get to share myself and do a little bit of good.  If you fancy nominating me too, then hop over to my MADS post and have a read...  Cheers x

So share with us all your reasons?  What is making you have a smile from ear to ear this week?

As I am on holiday and am trying to remain offline - Can I please ask you all to try extra hard to comment on each others posts and to retweet.  I know that some of you are amazing and read & comment on every post and I thank you very dearly. Yes, Kate this is you I am referring to!

..and before you go, I must remember to point you over to Maxabella's I'm Grateful for... link up.  Join up your reasons post there and make some new Aussie friends. It is live on our Friday.

Of course Jen's Blog gems is still open too. Link up every other Sunday and air your archives.

I am Beautiful

Today

I look in the mirror and what do I see?

I see a wonky face staring back at me,

I see sad eyes, spots, blemishes and lines,

I see tired hands, flabby bits and a woman not in her prime.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?

I see someone who is too harsh and who judges me,

I see a woman obsessed with her size,

Programmed by the media to believe the lies.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?

Occasionally I see you crying at me,

I see hate, the loathing, it’s all in my eyes,

I see myself, that comes as a surprise!

Taken this weekend

Tomorrow and forever...

I look in the mirror and what do I see?

I see a woman who wants to break free....

A woman who knows that beauty comes from inside,

one who cherishes honesty and will not hide!

I look in the mirror and what do I see?

I see a natural beauty smiling at me,

I see someone with a massive heart,

that same someone who cares when you are falling apart.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?

I see a middle aged woman as happy as can be.

I see a loving and dedicated wife,

one who is willing to change her life...

I see a mother of three, a daughter to two,

aiming to please because she loves you.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?

I see a friend to many, confidant to some,

a person who tries to love everyone.

I see a positive woman with future dreams,

someone who very much is as she seems.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?

I see an imperfect being who is trying her best,

One who knows that's enough because God does the rest!

I made a decision over the weekend that I needed to love and accept myself just as I was.  This does not mean I can not take positive steps to deal with my obesity but it means I can not allow it to define me.

We all have to remember that true beauty is not about how we look on the outside but how we are on the inside. If we are more concerned and spending more time worrying about and nurturing our outside appearance than the state of our heart then something is amiss. I have been doing a lot of pondering on this over the last couple of weeks  and am pleased to say that despite still being as fat as ever I feel OK today.  Today I am loving and accepting myself and even looking in the mirror and thinking I look pretty.  Turn back the clock a couple of weeks and I was feelling very much as the beginning of this post suggests - ugly, misshapen, shameful and useless. I was looking in the mirror and hating what I saw, I could not see anything that satisfied me and that is a sorry state of affairs.

As with all challenges I turn to the word of God and see what the bible has to offer on the matter. 1 Timothy 2:9 says that women should dress modestly and not adorn themselves with inappropriate items. I used to worry that this meant I should not be taking any outward pride in my appearance but actually it just asks us to dress appropriate to the situation and not to flaunt our beauty and wealth. In fact it is advocated that partners look appealing to each other but we must not put so much emphasis on the outside that we become obsessed and lose our humble and grateful heart.

So today I am grateful and I say thank you Lord for how beautiful I am.

I thought I would share a selection of pictures of me without any make-up showing my natural beauty (isn't it funny how time changes your perspective, when I look at the ones of me in my teenage years and early twenties I now see a young, vibrant and curvaceous woman, whereas at the time I thought that a size 16 was the most ugly and enormous size ever!)