Saturday 17 July 2010

Lets Talk About Sex Baby...

...Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let's talk about sex......

Ok enough, enough. Can you picture me dancing round the living room singing that out, big, buxom blond (can I be called buxom? no I think that means big boobed, so scrap that!) doing dodgy dance moves to a cheesy 80’s pop song. I was having fun but it was only meant to be a post title not an ode to the song.

Anyway Let’s talk about sex. Not my sex life you understand. If you were lured over here with the idea that I might reveal all the lurid details you will be sadly disappointed. I have to say that area needs some work right now. An unexpected pregnancy, miscarriage, excessive bleeding and recently fitted coil have not added up to the best rumpy pumpy ever!

What I actually wanted to talk about was sex and children. Sex education if you like. When to do it and in what form? If there are any teachers reading then do let me know what the schools advocate.

This post was inspired by a conversation I had with JJ a few days ago. He was getting ready for the shower and called me into the bathroom

JJ: ‘Mummy, is this a willy pea?’

Me: ‘A what darling?’

JJ: A willy pea, see there is a lump in my willy.

There he was holding his scrotum and showing me one of his balls (not so much the size of a pea, more a marble. On the subject can you tell what size they might have when older? I just wonder as this kid of about the same age stripped off in the changing room for swimming the other day and his willy was about twice the length of JJ’s. Anyway back to our bathroom conversation...)

Me: That is one of your balls JJ.

JJ: What does a ball do Mummy?

Me: Quick think, what do I say now?? Oh bugger, bugger! Why is dh not here to talk to him about these things. Then I remember the parenting course I am doing at the moment and they say to tell them the truth but in information chunks broken down to be age appropriate. Now JJ is 6.5 years, so what on earth is appropriate?

‘When you are bigger, a man, your balls will help you to help a lady make a baby. They are very special’.

JJ: ‘Oh, OK. Is that called marriage Mummy?’

Me: ‘Yes darling it is’ and off I walk quite satisfied that went well.

20 minutes or so later he follows me and asks the question every Mummy dreads ‘When can I start making babies Mummy?’. Ohh a very long time from now my little man.

We have then had follow up conversations over the last two days about how 2 men who are in love cannot make a baby and how 2 women who are in love cannot make a baby ‘as they have no balls Mum!’. Yes that is right babe but perhaps don’t shout that at any lesbians you meet!

I have also been asked when his sisters will start having eggs that can make babies and how the egg gets inside their tummy. Basically to this one I told him that when he is older we will chat about all this but for now he knows as much as 6 year old needs to know and he seemed quite happy with that.

Tonight he happily walked up to me, pulled down his pants and announced 'Look I have two balls Mum!'. Super, great, glad to see the full tackle is there!

How scary, I dread to think what my next question from him might be.

So here is my question for you. Especially those of you with older kids. When is it right to talk about the real ins and outs of this subject and not to just gloss over the details and how did you successfully do it? Any advice will be greatly appreciated as I enter this new minefield!
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