Thursday, 9 July 2009

Reflecting on this weeks weight loss....

Yep you read that right, I weighed this morning and I have lost weight. This is a pure miracle as I was not joking when I posted yesterday that I have been very bad. So I was 15st 11lb on my scales today and I really do not think they are too inaccurate as I only got them about 2 months ago, they were sent to me specially to take part in some twins research, so I have to weigh and measure the girls regularly. I then popped into Boots and weighed there but with my clothes and shoes on and they had me as 16st, so all pretty accurate.

Of course I am pleased that my weight has gone down and I have thanked God but I also sort of feel a fraud as I do not deserve to of lost weight. I actually thought I would put it on. I now need to be extra good for the next week or it will catch up with me and I felt that God extends me so much grace that I have to play my part too.

It is funny to not be overjoyed to have lost weight, it feels as if it is a step further on my recovery journey. I have been so focused on weight loss and not enough on getting my head sorted and now it feels that I am realising the importance of not just eating and getting away with it but eating well and cleanly and not fooling myself or anyone else.

The 'for today' readings for the last couple of days have been good and pertinent. One spoke about honesty and how honest was I being with myself? Acknowledging that everyone has a different path to follow but that honesty is not open to interpretation and we must stop fooling ourselves. The other was about feeling your pain and getting in touch with that pain being a positive thing. I now acknowledge I have to stand head on with God to face whatever is coming my way - scary.....

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