Dear bloggers - be careful what you wish for....

In terms of the UK blogging scene I feel a bit like a Grandma now.  I have been hanging round like a bad smell since 2009 and this means I have been through quite a number of (both personal and bloggy) ups and down and seen lots of phases, linkys, memes, awards, spats and all the other stuff too.

You are probably aware that one human year is the equivalent to seven dog years, well I have a new ratio for you - one human year is the equivalent to 10 blog years. So, if you mature by 10 years for each year you have been around the blogging scene and I started blogging at age 36 that makes me now in excess of 70 years old and much wiser with it!

I thought it was high time I shared some of this worldly blogger wisdom with you and the biggest thing I want to share is to be careful what you wish for.  It is really easy as a new blogger to believe that the grass is greener on the side of the established blogger.

We often see new bloggers wishing that they -

• could receive loads of comments on every post published
• have thousands of page views per day
• could hit the top of the parenting ranking charts
• have an inbox full of PR emails
• could attend the best events
• are noticed on twitter by everyone and his dog, this of course results in a Klout score of about 92

But guess what? Blogging is a double edged sword.  For every plus that comes with one of those things listed above, there are the polar opposites too. And I have to be honest and say I get very fed up of those newer bloggers whining about the downsides of blogging once they start to get what they wished for. No-one promised roses remember!

We (me included in the early days and still sometimes when my insecurities raise their head) wish for the heady heights of blogger stardom. We want to be the best blog out there, the one that everyone loves to visit and chat about, we want to attend the glam parties with the big fish but I personally find it is all incredibly hard work and it takes a lot of effort to sustain.

It might be your bag to work your arse off to have the best blog out there and if it is, fair play, stop reading now as this is not for you.

If however, blogging is a great hobby - where you meet some friends, showcase your work, record wonderful family memories, receive a few perks and it does not dominate your life then keep on remembering that being really popular is bloody hard work. I promise you that if you get too tied up in the pursuit of bloggy stardom without thinking through the consequences then you might just end up very unhappy.

Image Credit

Let me share the other edge of the knife with you, the realism of the dream if you like -
         

You desire….	It feels ….
100's of comments	like hard work, they all need responding to  & you should reciprocate. How many blogs can you get round in 2 hours do you reckon?  Pressure!
1000's of pageviews	bloody good.... but you then have a taste for it and YOU MUST BLOG EVERY DAY!
to be top of the charts	like even more work, you need to work out a plan & every day no fail - tweet, join in linkys, Triberr, google +, stumble, digg, pin, LAB & promote even more…  Oh and don't forget to help other bloggers, offer advice, write for other sites and offer your time for events too!
to receive all the best PR pitches	1. demoralising - as many address you as 'hey you', 'Dear Sylvia' (who is Slyvia?) etc & it takes hours to answer them all, as you want to remain professional.     2. like even more pressure as you end up over committing yourself and then resent the free crap you were sent and have to write about (OK it might not be crap, it might be worth £150 but do you need it?/ Will it make you happy?)
to attend the best events	like it can't be achieved - you need to work, walk the dog, cook meals, look after the kids, do school drops and get in and out of London every other day - arrgghh!
to be the top tweeter out there	like you can never have a holiday, as if you do your Klout score may just go down.  Oh well, who needs a rest anyway?

                           
OK maybe I exaggerate a bit, but you get my point, yes?  Please don't moan about something that you desired. If it is making you unhappy and it is not for you then make a change. Take your name off lists, make it clear you do not want PR pitches, remove yourself from a ranking. Do what it takes to make yourself feel good and balanced again but please don't litter the places I visit with your unhappy or sarky posts about how PR's ought to read your blog before approaching you and how few people have commented on your blog recently.

Just stop and think to yourself what you can do about this because you cannot change them, only your reaction.

Blogging is a brilliant thing but it can take over your life and sometimes we all need to stand back and reflect. January will be my month for reflection and time out.

Anything you need to step away from right now?

Moving your blog to the next level....

Last Friday I was at BritMums Live and by this time of night I was well and truly merry!  Well that is the polite way of putting it, I was the worse for wear but luckily I am a fun and giggly drunk and I tend to still know exactly what I am up to but I lose my inhibitions.  If only I could master being that relaxed in everyday life……. maybe...... one day!

Earlier in the evening I had not been so relaxed if I am honest, I think my tweet of about 4.30pm to @Nickie72, @HerMelness, @NorthernMum1 and @RedTedArt was ‘that I was crapping myself’.  Logically I should have been fine about speaking as part of the blogger studio (Crossing the chasm – moving your blog to the next level). My paid job is as a trainer and I regularly stand up and present and facilitate training courses for between 8 – 50 people.  I write those courses and have lots of fun but speaking at BritMums Live felt like a different kettle of fish.

Nickie was our facilitator for this session or ‘Master’ as we fondly came to know her. She advised me I had to do a 5 minute introduction on myself and talk about how my blog is at the next level. All 5 speakers would do this and then we would field questions from the floor. I have to say it was a tad hard to follow Melinda as she had prepared a checklist of 10 super sensible points to consider and basically she stole the show, but that is OK as she is pretty darn amazing.

So after being nagged it's time for me to share with you what I had planned to say and I have no idea now what I actually did say.  I have had some very good comments though and even a few people tell me they were inspired or touched by what I said and that is perfect.

So who am I?

I started out by making the point that I am just an average woman and I have never had a desire to be a writer or be famous.  The reasons I blog are for personal therapy, to demonstrate that Christians can be normal too and we don’t all wear socks and sandals and because I love it. My blog was born in 2008 out of a desire to record my life with my kids, but that was far too ambitious with 7 month old twins and a 4 year old so it sat on the bloggy shelf for a year and festered.  Then in 2009 I returned to it with a renewed hunger and posted most every day.

Slow starter that I am, I kept my blog private for all of 2009 and then in early 2010 started to find the parenting blogging community and joined in….. very slowly! I just dipped my toe and then ran away from the big bad sea of bloggers for most of 2010 but it was like a drug I could not keep away from and I kept coming back for more. By the end of 2010 I was pretty well known and was ranking in the top 50 in the Tots100 and I started to find my feet and feel good about what I was doing.

January 2011 was when I started to feel like I had stopped being a newbie.  I took a regular feature from my blog ‘Grace in small things’ and made it assessable to people of all faiths or none by turning it into Reasons to be Cheerful, I still run that linky 77 weeks later. A few weeks later I held the first new bloggers fortnight and established a name for myself as someone who would reach out to new bloggers and take the time to help them and read their blogs.

You can call me marmite!

I may have been a slow starter but today I am happy with my loyal readers.  I call myself a marmite blogger, as people either seem to love or hate me and that is OK, as it is better to be that way than just bland. The most important thing I say to any blogger is to be you.  Your own unique voice is so important and it is what makes your blog readable. In blogging never imitate. Remember you don’t have to do what everyone else does to be a success.  It is good to be bold and to do something different. Find your path and your voice.

For me I realise that -

I can’t be funny like Jane is,

Nor provoke debate and have strong opinions like Nickie does

Nor create an empire like the mighty Maggy

And I don’t have an ounce of the natural talented that Melinda has but that is OK and I don’t have to.  I am me and that’s unique and many people like that. Blogging should be fun and that is individual.

Prior to this event one blogger commented to me that she would say hello if she could get through my throng of admirers and this really did make me laugh out loud, as I am just me.  A normal and average mum.

What makes someone an established blogger?

I finished by saying that for me being an established blogger is about your state of mind. Act successful and believe you have something good to offer and people will buy into it.  It sure worked for me!

All the time you believe you are new or inexperienced you will believe it and everyone else around you will believe it. Change your mindset and take a risk, step out from your norm and become known.

I read a post the other day which said that our session was vague to say the least as none of us knew what we meant by the next level and firstly let me say that I love the fact a newer blogger said what she honestly thought of the conference and made some good suggestions for next time. But let me also say we all knew what we meant by the next level but just because what we believe is different to you does not make us wrong.  Like most things in blogging there is no one right answer.  All five of us before the conference spoke about what the next level was for us and each one of us had a different idea, be it outstanding content, strong readerships, stats, state of mind, being published or whatever.

The session was billed as ‘a chance to sit down with your favourite bloggers and to pick their brains’ and yes I think BritMums were perhaps a bit ambitious when they thought that the 150 odd bloggers that attended our session might have the time to pick our brains. 45 minutes goes very quickly indeed, perhaps five bloggers is too many for a panel? Something for BritMums to ponder for next time.

To conclude -

Wouldn’t life be simple if there were published advancement points, just like there is at my work, when I reach X amount of service time or X level of competence I move up the pay scale? Blogging, like much of life is not like that, some shakers rock up and take the world by storm in 3 months and others like me take 3 years but that makes blogging rich and varied and we should treasure the diversity in our community.

It is great to move to the next level of blogging, the one where you feel good about what you are doing and you are comfortable in your own skin.  That is real success in my book.

Image Credit:  Shamelessly stolen from Her Melness Speaks