Too much Pressure on our Girls! It has to Stop #BeALady

Miss E - artistic, expressive, loyal, hard-working, conscientious, honest, great sense of humour,
true to herself, authentic, brave, determined, self-disciplined, diligent, caring and creative

I came across a video today and it makes for a very interesting, powerful and scary watch. The video has been created by Girls. Girls. Girls. magazine and it shows Cynthia Nixon narrating the words of Camille Rainville.

"Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. You need to lose weight. Go on a diet. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine."

To be truthful it made me feel sick, as these are the messages that I've heard for the last 46 years and my girls are hearing every day now. They are not new messages, but it is time for them to stop.

Girls, women, ladies, call us what you will. We are people, just like men are and as such we deserve to live our lives as freely as men do.

We can be who we want to be.

We can look and dress in a way that pleases us.

We do not have to conform.

We do not have to live up to your standards.

We have value and worth without doing anything.

We are lovable and likeable.

We are so much more than a body.

We deserve respect.

We are unique, every last one of us and that is exactly how God meant it to be.

Bodiam Castle - Amazing History and Great for all the Family

Amazing History

The other week after Storm Clara, my family were desperate to get out for a bit and enjoy the blue sky that had shown itself. As it was already after lunch we didn’t want to travel too far and thus decided to head just twenty minutes up the road from us to Bodiam. I hadn't been to the castle for 3 or 4 years and whilst nothing much changes at this 14th century moated castle, the views are always beautiful and there are plenty of walks local to the castle to enjoy.

Bodiam Castle is what many people refer to as a ‘proper’ castle as it’s outer walls are beautifully intact, and it sits fully surrounded by a moat. It makes for the most magnificent pictures and is fun inside too, despite being ruins. You can still climb some of the spiral staircases to go up and see how it looks from the top of the castle on a rampart and also the Posters tower, but be aware these are narrow, well-worn and spindly stone steps. If you don’t like enclosed spaces or have physical difficulties they might not be for you. I’m fully able, but was a bit nervous and took it slowly up and down the rampart staircases. However, I declined to go up the tower as that has two-way traffic on one small staircase and that was too much for me. My husband and daughter went up there and said it had amazing views though.

Put Your Home in Order – Useful Tips

Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash

For many of us, cleaning means a lot of unpleasant, time-taking hard work. However, in reality, there are some simple tips that will ease the process of cleaning, and most importantly, change your attitude to the cleaning process.

The primary cause for negative attitudes towards cleaning your house is the wrong internal motivation or even a complete lack of motivation. Often, one person does most of the cleaning work, but the whole family creates a mess. In addition, no matter how much time was spent putting everything in order, by the very next day the mess seems to have recreated as if by itself! It can feel neverending. 

Here I'll share some tips on how to make cleaning your home pleasant, easy and not burdensome.

Cleaning as you go

Urgent cleaning prevents a shallow, easily removable mess from escalating into a serious problem. For example, after cooking dinner, a few greasy spots remain on the stove, they are barely noticeable and do not bother anyone at all, you could easily leave them there. However, if you don't wipe the mess away immediately, and if you leave the dirty stove unattended every day, then a multi-layer burnt crust will form, which will require a large amount of cleaning products and hours of elbow grease, all when you could have spent just two minutes each day keeping your stovetop nice. It really is a false economy to leave it for another day.

A Gratitude Catch-Up!

Hey friends. It is time for a little catch-up, and rather than telling you about the bits that have been a bit tricky or darn-right exhausting, I'm going to share my gratitude for all the great things that have been going on over the last month or so.

• I've been pro-active with chasing up paid work and January was a really good month. February is quieter but a couple of jobs came in just before the weekend.
• Time with my boy - we spent an afternoon together at TEDx Tunbridge Wells at the beginning of the month and had a fab Prezzo meal afterwards. Even better was that I had bought a voucher from Red Letter Days for about £20 as there was a deal and money off. Three courses and a drink each for £0, I was very happy!

• I got my monthly email from Kobo and it informed me I had read for 27.5 hours in the last month.  For me, that is 27.5 hours of pure joy, as I only tend to read fiction on my e-reader.
• Every week recently, we've been having a yummy home-cooked roast dinner. I love doing a roast with loads of different veggies, that we can all sit at the table and eat together. These simple things really make a difference with teens. 

Puppy Care: How To Look After Your New Furry Arrival

{This is a collaborative post}

When you decide to push the boat out and take on the responsibility of a puppy, it can be so much fun for the whole family. Dogs truly are man's best friend, so having a puppy of your own can provide you with so much positivity and joy! However, it takes dedication and effort to provide the best level of care for your new arrival, and you must take steps to ensure that your dog can be well looked after until the end of its days - a pup is for life, not just for Christmas. Having a puppy can also be a great learning experience for your children, as introducing them to animals in such a fun and enjoyable way will encourage them to form bonds and lose their fear of other species. So, what are you waiting for?

If you’ve decided to get a puppy for your family, then read on to uncover some of the best tips and tricks that can help you to provide them with the best level of care to improve their quality of life and make the most of your time together!

The Right Breed 

Choosing which dog breed is the best for family is one of the most important features of your project. Opting for the wrong kind of dog could mean that your family does not develop a positive bond with the animal, therefore resulting in a bad quality of life and eventual rehoming. You must consider the basics, such as the age of your children and the experience they have with dog handling, otherwise, they could get scared or frightened and potentially receive some kind of injury when mishandling the dog. Small pups are often much more suited to families with younger children, as they appear less intimidating and can perhaps do less damage, however, some breeds such as Jack Russell terrier are partial to nipping and barking as a larger animal might also during play.

Supporting your Friend through their Divorce

Photo by Joseph Pearson on Unsplash

{This is a collaborative post}

Whilst the number of heterosexual couples getting a divorce in 2019 may have dropped by over 10,000 from the year before, 90,871 (Source: ONS) is still an incredibly large number of people choosing to end their marriage.  As such you are bound to have friends going through this difficult period. Even if your friend is the one who instigated the divorce and was fully fed-up in their marriage, it can still be a very tough time for them and it's good to be able to offer support and let them know you are there for them.

Here are a few ideas of how to support your good friend thought their divorce -

Be available to listen

Your friend many have loads of unresolved issues and hurts that they need to get off their chest, so it is good if you are just able to be there for them and listen. You don't have to provide answers, or platitudes, just show you are interested and offer a big hug as necessary.

Don't judge or place blame

Even listening to your friend talk for hours, you may never know exactly what went on it their marriage, so make sure that you do not judge or apportion blame. No-one wants to hear that they should have listened to you and left their spouse years ago, nor that you saw this coming. Avoid bad-mouthing their ex too, as they may just get back with them again in the future and then where will you be?

Have you considered Engineered Wood Flooring?

The images are all of the newly installed engineered wood floors at Ashburnham Place where I live

{This is a collaborative post}

Growing up as a child in the seventies and eighties everyone I knew had a carpeted house, in fact, most had a shagpile in at least one room. As I grew older trends started to change, carpets got cheaper but the quality also seriously declined and it seems that due to that, and the worries about keeping them clean, as well as the rise of allergies that many people moved to a hardwood floor, more in line with what our European and American brothers were doing.

Vinyl flooring or lino was a cost-effective and easy choice for quite a while, especially in bathrooms and kitchens were traditional wood flooring was unsuitable due to the amount of moisture and potential water spills. However, as home design moved on and houses became more slick and modern, a vinyl-covered floor didn't really cut it. Thankfully we've seen the rise of the engineered wood floor over the last few decades and today it is accepted as a really good choice for flooring that looks fantastic and just like real wood (as of course, it is real wood) and is long-lasting and durable.

What is engineered wood flooring?

It is a number of layers of veneers, which are thin slices of different real woods put together and sandwiched under pressure with a high-quality glue. The top layer is the highest quality wood, giving the beautiful final appearance. Make sure you do your homework when choosing your engineered wood floor as not all engineered wood flooring is the same, it can come in a range of thicknesses from 14mm - 20mm and depending on the footfall and where the floor is placed will help you decide what is best. Ask for boards that have at least a 4-6mm top layer, to help protect from damage over time.

Getting To Grips With Everyday Technology

Image Credit: Janeb13 on Pixabay

{This is a collaborative post}

If you find that you frequently struggle to understand what you are meant to do with the technology in your life, you are not alone. A lot of people feel this way, and, likely, it will only continue to get more and more confusing and frustrating as time goes on and technology becomes more and more advanced. Of course, there is plenty that you can do to ensure that you understand it better and that you are getting to grips with it better, so that is a good thing to bear in mind. In this article, we’ll take a look at some of the essential things you can do to make this process a lot easier, so that much of your life is going to be a lot easier too. Let’s take a look at this in some detail.

Simplifying Your Usage

First of all, you should bear in mind that you only have to use technology to the degree that you want to. You should not feel as though you have to use it any more than that. If you force yourself to do that, you will only end up being more stressed, and that is not the direction we want to be moving in here. So the first thing to do is to look at the technology you use in your life every day, and ask yourself whether it might be necessary or whether you might be able to do away with it instead.

If you can apply this kind of rigorous vision to all the technology in your home, you will already find that your usage of technology is much simpler indeed. So that is something to be aware of - and likewise, you should make sure that you are not over-complicating things by trying to use as much technology as possible. If you can do that, you will find that technology becomes much less stressful over time.

When did you last check your Pension? It could be time for a Health Check

Photo by Michael Longmire on Unsplash

{This post was commissioned by Profile Pensions/ Mumsnet}

With an ever-ageing society as people live longer, it’s now quite different as a woman heading towards pensionable age. Well, I say heading towards, but I am actually quite a few years off the age to claim my state pension. As a youngster, all women could take their state retirement benefit from age 60, but now for me, as someone born in 1973, I’ll be 67 when I can take my state pension, that will be in 2040.

Will my State Pension be Enough?

If I was of the age to retire today the full level of the new state pension is £168.60 a week (£8,767.20 a year), as long as I have 35 years of NI contributions. If we assume that this raises in line with inflation, it means that when I retire this would be no-where near enough to allow me to live a comfortable lifestyle. How do you pay rent, bills, food and other living costs on around £700 a month, especially if you don’t have a council or mortgage-free house?

I input a few brief details into the Profile Pensions calculator to see how much yearly income my husband and I might need if we were to retire at age 67, whilst renting a house, and it showed that between us we’d need £24,589 per year on top of our state pension. Are our pensions operating at a level to give us that kind of yearly pay out in twenty years? I suspect not.

Planning our Travels for 2020

{This post contains gifted content}

As soon as Christmas is over, I am always keen to start planning the year ahead and plotting out when we might be getting some nights away and quality family time. We're not a family that has loads of disposable income, so I can't generally plan European short breaks and Florida summer holidays. I have to be a bit more creative with the money we have, and try to make it go as far as possible. It's also incredibly fortunate that I can secure some breaks away due to this blog.

2020 is panning out really well and I am feeling excited and looking ahead to the great times we'll have. The kids half term is next week and I'm always dubious to book anything much in the February half term as you can never tell what our weather will do. So, the kids and I will just be heading for February for a few days to spend time with my parents, and we always love doing that.

April - Spring Harvest at Butlins, Skegness
On Easter Sunday we'll head up to the in-laws to celebrate Easter and then on to Skegness for our yearly holiday at the Spring Harvest Christian festival. JJ won't be coming with us, as he will be staying with my parents and revising for his GCSEs that will start the next month.

So, it will be just the four of us and the one good point of that, is that it is cheaper, but I always miss my boy when he isn't there. I love this holiday as it is a mix of relaxation and fun, with swimming, the fun fair and chilling with my hubby, as well as great times of teaching and celebration. It is completely joyous and I haven't been to Skegness since 2011, so it will be great to experience the changes they've made there in the last decade.

Low Cost or Free February Half Term Fun in East Sussex

We're only a couple of weeks away from the February half-term and the weather can be unpredictable at this time of the year, so if you're anything like me, you'll be looking for things to do with the kids that will keep them occupied, but won't break the bank.

Check out my round-up of fun activities going on in East Sussex for February 2020 half term -

Scotney Castle, National Trust, Lamberhurst
The National Trust are amazing at catering for primary school aged children and each half-term there seems to be some great activities going on. Scotney Castle has a murder mystery trail this half-term, along with a great outdoor play area and of course the ongoing initiative of ticking off the 50 things to do before you're 11 3/4.

Scotney Castle is a great site as it has the large manor house, which you can explore inside, the old castle ruins, again you can explore inside, massive grounds, a play area and cafe.

Check out my review of Scotney Castle. We are very lucky in East Sussex as there are loads of good NT sites. I've written about Batemans, Bodium Castle, Standon, Sheffield Park, Sissinghurst Gardens and they're all fun to visit, especially if you have membership!

Top Tip: Visit the second hand bookshop where you can always pick up a great book for a donation, and whilst you're there have a look through the binoculars and see if you can spot some birds out the massive windows.

A Beautiful Lunch at the Vintage Inns Beachy Head Pub

Last week my husband and I had the pleasure of a weekday off together, so we decided to head to the Eastbourne area for a walk along the beautiful cliffs at Beachy Head and to enjoy lunch at the Beachy Head Vintage Inn pub. We’ve eaten there before so we were expecting it to be good and we certainly weren’t disappointed.

Check out the Vintage Inns App
I downloaded the app as I knew you could get some good deals via that. Straight away I saw there was a 33% off food voucher running for all of January, but noted this couldn’t be used on set menus. I booked a table via the app and this was easy and I received a confirmation quickly.

Arrival at the Beachy Head Vintage Inn
We know this area well, so it was easy for us to find the pub, and even for someone travelling there for the first time, if you follow the signs or your SatNav for Beachy Head you’ll arrive easily. Make sure you park in the pub car park behind it, so you don’t have to pay, as most local car parks up on the cliffs are local council pay and display ones.

The pub looked clean, well maintained and welcoming. When we went inside it became clear that it wasn’t the busiest day and we just grabbed a table where we fancied. There are good seating areas outside for warm weather use, at both the front and back of the building. The views from the back are breath-taking and stretch right across to the lighthouse, Birling Gap and Seven Sisters cliffs from inside the pub/ restaurant.

How to Save Money on your Family Travel

{This is a collaborative post}

Family travel! It can be one of the most fun and rewarding experiences. Unfortunately, it can also cost a lot of money, making it tough for many families to travel as much as they would like. The good news, however, is that there are some strategies you can use to travel without busting your budget. Keep reading to find out what they are -

1.  Compare prices

The great thing about booking holidays these days is that it can all be done online. The advantage of booking online is that you can compare you break with similar ones to check that you are getting the lowest price possible. However, doing so isn't quite as easy as when you are purchasing a physical product. The reason being that what vacations include and how they are displayed can often be quite different from provider to provider. 

You may have also noticed that the low price you discover when first visiting the site fluctuates and even goes up daily. Although searching again via a VPN, using an incognito page or after clearing your computer's cookies should take care of that particular problem, and you won't end up with overinflated prices.

2.  Use exclusive offers run by tour operators

Utilising the special offers that tour operators run can be very beneficial, many operators offer particular deals for families with younger children, such as free or half-price child places. These kinds of deals that can save you a significant amount of money, especially if you have a brood that is on the larger side. But remember to book early, to bag them, as there is normally a limit number of spaces available. 

5 Big Challenges That Mums May Face

Image Credit: Sasin Tipchai on Pixabay

{This is a collaborative post}

Everybody knows that being a mum is one of the hardest jobs there is, and many feel like they are out of their depth. They think that the challenges they face every single day are unique to them and that all of the other mums out there are handling things a lot better than they are. But that isn’t true at all and the reality is, it’s a steep learning curve for everybody and all mums face the same set of challenges every single day. If you are feeling overwhelmed, have a read through this list of some of the biggest challenges that mums face, and know that you aren’t the only one.

Judgment From Other Mums 

This is a big problem and even though we don’t mean it, we can all be guilty of judging people from time to time. When it comes to parenting choices, everybody has to decide what they think is best for their own child, but this can lead to a lot of judgment from other mums. Things like breastfeeding, for example, can be very controversial and mums that choose not to might feel judged. If you feel that you are constantly justifying your parenting choices, you need to change the way you think. The truth is, there is no right way to do things and if you are doing what you genuinely think is best for your child, you’re doing enough and it doesn’t matter if other people don’t agree with your parenting style. 

Being Ignored 

Kids all go through those stages where they will ignore whatever you say, and it’s so frustrating. A lot of mums worry that it’s their bad parenting and they haven’t done enough to discipline their child, but that's not the case, kids are just difficult sometimes. Check out this list of funny things that mums say to their kids and you’ll realise that you aren’t the only one that is constantly saying the same things over and over, only to have it fall on deaf ears. It’s so frustrating, but you just have to keep going and eventually, you will get through to them. They all grow up in the end!

10 Top Tips for Dating when you're Divorced

Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

{This is a collaborative post}

I have to be honest I am well out of the game when it comes to dating; it is like another world now, as the last time I dated was in 1994 and that's quite some years ago! However, just because I'm not dating (I don't think my husband would approve), doesn't mean that many of you aren't. I know from my local friends that there are many people my age who are now in the second stage of life and divorced dating. So I thought it was high time that I chatted to a few of those friends and put together some tips for anyone who is now dating after a divorce.

1. Take it slowly at first
Even if your divorce comes as the end to the worst marriage on the planet there is still bound to be a sense of loss tied up in the relief, and as such it is important to allow yourself some time to breath, and even grieve before you dash straight back into full-on dating. Make sure you have some quiet time focusing on you and thinking about how you want your next relationship to look. What is important to you, and how can you be a better partner next time?

2.  Decide what you're looking for
I don't mean draw up a massive list of what this partner of your dreams must look like or do. Just have a good think about what is important to you. We are all different and it doesn't matter if your friend Sally will only date a man with his own home, or a full head of hair. What are your non-negotiables? Mine would be, that he'd have to be kind and good around my kids.

Supporting your Child through their GCSEs

Photo by Green Chameleon on Unsplash

It’s January and when you have a child in year 11 and getting ready to sit their GCSE examinations in the summer, that means mock exams time at most schools. My son is right in the middle of his, he had three in November and now the rest of them in a three-week block in January. So far, he has sat eight of them and whilst he’d happily go without the mocks, I am really pleased the schools do them.

When I’ve asked secondary school teacher friends what the best way to revise is, they have all said that the best thing your child can do is complete past papers. This doesn’t actually give them new knowledge or even revise what they know already but it allows them to recall their learning, to give exam-style structure in the answers and to gain valuable feedback from the person marking it, as to where they could improve and gain valuable points. An extra point or two on a paper could be the difference between grades, and thus a pass or a fail.

Let me share with you how I am supporting JJ in the run-up to his GCSEs -

1.  Being available - have you noticed that teenagers never want to talk to you when you make yourself available? My JJs favourite times to chat to me are as soon as he walks in from school and I’m working, or around 11.15pm, when he should be sleeping! Yes, it can be annoying, but I’ve learnt it is far more important to stop what I’m doing and give him 15 minutes to download his concerns, thoughts or questions. This is particularly important during the actual exam period, then if your child feels as if an exam went wrong it’s good to be able to talk about it and externalise the associated feelings.

2.  Let them set the agenda - your child is now 15 or 16 years old and as such we have to give them a level of trust. Allow them to choose what they will study and when, of course, we can offer advice, but it is really important that we don’t continually badger them to do things our way. I know that if I asked JJ too much about his revising he would clam up and probably do less as he’d be annoyed at me.  Let’s afford them the level of trust they deserve, and of course, each child is different. 

What to Wear When You Work From Home (Aside From Pyjamas)

Photo by AllGo  on Unsplash

{This is a collaborative post}

Now, more than ever, many people are working from home or via a remote location, which has sparked many discussions on workplace productivity, diversity and mental health. But where is the discussion about how working from home affects workplace fashion? Well, we are about to have it right here.

The number of people telecommuting or working remotely has grown by 159 per cent over the last 12 years, according to a study conducted by Global Workplace Analytics. This has provided both employees and employers with more flexibility in all aspects of business, and it has virtually eliminated workplace dress codes.

If you work from home, it may be easy to stay in your pyjamas all day, not brush your teeth until 5 p.m. or work from the comfort of your own bed. And statistically, while those who work remotely are more productive than their counterparts who work in an office, all of those factors above could lead to a loss in productivity, creativity and motivation while on the job. Working from home should be, first of all, comfortable for you in all aspects and if you are looking for remote opportunities in London, then you are in luck as there are plenty of opportunities available. 

If you’re looking to revamp or improve your work from home wardrobe, consider this style advice and these hacks that will have you looking fabulous while feeling comfortable.

Tops Perfect for Remote Workers

If you work from home, you could stay in your favourite oversized t-shirt all day. But what happens when you have to video conference in or run to a quick meeting at a local coffee shop? That t-shirt isn’t going to cut it. Think about bold plus size blouses that will have you feeling motivated and on your A-game.

●      Flowy Tops –Of course, no one wants to be wearing a blazer while they work from home because that’s just simply not comfortable. But when you opt for a flowy blouse with unique embellishments, you’re pairing comfort with style, which should make you feel great about your remote look.

●      Opt for Black –Black will always be a sharp colour that can make even the most comfortable clothing look like it belongs in an office. Whether you choose a blouse made out of a soft, stretchy jersey material or a more structured blouse, if it’s black, you will feel put together and chic.

●      Printapalooza –If you still need a “pick me up” after your first cup of coffee in the morning, throw a blouse on that has a bold pattern or vibrant colour to wake you up. According to colour theory, warmer bright colours can positively impact your mood, and if you’re feeling confident and happy, you are more likely to be more productive.

Another dose of Thankfulness

I feel like I have had the most amazing week. Some of that is because there have been some great times, but I think the rest is just that I am grateful for my life. I don't really share any of the tough times on here anymore, some of them are not just mine to share and others are just too private. As the children grow older and near adults, I can't share their stuff, it's not mine.

Does that mean I am not being authentic on my blog anymore? I do worry about that, but it is what it is. I can't and won't share parts of my life, they're private, but what I do still share is the overall feeling of my life and that is that I am grateful and so fortunate to have good people around me.

So no, I don't feel like I am faking it, or being overly positive as a mask for the less good things that happen, or the ongoing situations that make me sad.  I am sharing everything I feel I can share, those things that are mine alone. Maybe one day, when I write my book, I'll be able to share some of the others.

This week a few of the things that have made me really happy are attending a conference at my home this weekend and having a great session about serving in your community and not continually seeking the next move.

Be Happy, Be You - A Great Resource for your Teens Happiness #BeHappyBeYou

{This post contains an affilate link - as an Amazon Associate I earn from 

qualifying purchases, any affiliiate links will be marked with #ad}

I was lucky enough to receive a copy of Be Happy, Be You before Christmas and I've enjoyed reading it, sharing it with my twin girls and trying out some of the suggested tasks. Instantly when one of my 12 year old's picked the book up, she commented on how nice the cover was. Apparently it is a good font, and then upon flicking through the book, she liked the layout as it wasn't just words. So well done Becky and Penny, you've done good for pick-up appeal, but then of course you would, you're both parents of teens.

Be Happy, be You is the newest book from Penny Alexander and Becky Goddard-Hill, who also penned the inspirational Create Your Own Happy, which was designed with younger children in mind. This latest book is a positive and insightful guide for teenagers, it gives them the tools they need to build their confidence, eliminate negative feelings and boost their happiness in all areas of their life. Being a teen can bring some real challenges with it, and even more so nowadays with every part of life being on display via social media.

Even before receiving the book, I felt confident it would be a great resource as I've known both Penny and Becky for a number of years now, and between them they have a wealth of experience. Penny as a teacher and writer, and Becky as a social worker and life coach; as well as both being mothers of course.

Christmas at Bateman's National Trust, East Sussex

Bateman's is the former home of the renowned author Rudyard Kipling. It is a beautiful sandstone house surrounded by gardens, farmland and the beautiful rolling East Sussex countryside. I love that you can acess most of the house and get a real feel for how Rudyard must have lived. Walking through his study is particularly special. 

Christmas Theme 2019

The theme for Christmas 2019 was Rudyards book series, the 'Just So Stories' which were aimed at younger children. Each room was themed around a particular story and this worked really well. I have visited Bateman's a couple of times before and this special theming added an extra something for this visit.