Driving and Car Safety for your Teen Driver

 

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{This is a collaborative post}

Your teen now drives. Going out with them in the car for the first time with them sitting behind the wheel is a sharp wake-up call. Your baby is no longer a baby, now they are in control of a large machine that can drive at speeds of 70mph (and that's if they are sticking to the speed limit) and can potentially cause serious harm, or even death. It's a bit scary when you put it like that, isn't it? Of course, the last thing you want to do is scare your teen but it is definitely worth having some serious conversations with them so they realise the full extent of the responsibility of driving alone on the roads. 

Here are a few pointers for discussion items that will help to give you peace of mind and to keep your teen safe -

Install a Car Tracker

Having a car tracker installed can be the ultimate peace of mind. You'll always be able to see where your teen is and if you've given them a radius of how far they can travel, you'll be able to spot (or even sent an alert if you set that feature to live) if they have breached that designated area. |As well as this, it is also important to have a tracker in case of theft and it makes the Police's job a lot easier if they know the location of your car. 

Get Black Box Insurance

Insurance can be a major cost when your teen first starts to drive, and one way to keep this cost down is to take (telematics) black box insurance. This device records how your teen is driving in regard to speed, braking distance, cornering, accelerating etc, and creates a score for their overall driving performance. If your teen knows they are being monitored and potentially their insurance premium could be impacted this will have a positive impact on their responsible driving. 

Set an Example

Once your teen is old enough to be interested in driving you should be setting a good example to them in your driving. Talk through the different maneuvers that you do, and why you make the driving decisions that you do, and also give them an awareness of how another's driving style might impact your safety. Demonstrating braking distances, using your mirrors and being aware of what is around you will make a marked difference. 

Pay for an Advanced Driver Course

Defensive driving could be the difference between an accident or not, so it is definitely worth investing in an advanced driver course for your teen. They will normally do around four sessions which will not only increase their driving confidence but also teach them a healthy respect and awareness of what is going on on the roads. Being aware of other drivers and driving to anticipate their errors is an essential life skill as far as I'm concerned. 

Discuss the Rules

This may seem very obvious but you need to have a conversation with your teen about what your expectations are for them driving, especially if you are footing the bill for their car, and associated costs.  Some people may assume their teen knows what is expected of them, but they are not mind readers. So spell out your expectations and make it really clear so there is no room for ambiguity.

• How far can they travel?
• Are there particular times they can use the car?
• Who is responsible for fuel costs and maintenance?
• Can they drive with friends in the car who are under the influence or smoking/ vaping?
• What is the maximum number of passengers they can take?
• Who will clean the interior and the exterior of the car?

Yes, it can seem a bit scary at first to have your teen driving but think of the time it will free up for you. They can become the taxi and take younger siblings places they need to go and you can make good use of this extra free time that you have gained back. Sit back, relax and enjoy the fact your teen is developing into a responsible adult. 

20 Educational (and Great) Films for Teens to Watch during Lockdown

Lockdown is lasting us a fair while and I think it is safe to say that life will not go back to normal for many months yet, so I think we'll still be having our kids home with us for long periods of time to come. If your tweens and teens are anything like mine they are happily watching a lot of TV, with box sets being high up on their hit list.

I don't mind the kids watching TV at all, but it is nice to sometimes direct their attention towards something that is educational as well as being really enjoyable to watch. Here I have collated together a list of films that I have loved over the years and all of them have great lessons to teach - whether they are about life lessons, morals or maybe just giving an insight to our history.

These all offer guilt-free screen time and (I feel) could count towards their education -

Rating PG

1.   Dead Poets Society (1989)
Run Time:  140 Minutes
Themes:  Live life to the full, challenge the norm

When an inspirational and unorthodox teacher joins the staff of the elite all-male prep school, Welton Academy the students are inspired to be different and to break away from the norm. It's amazing to see the young men realise that can break from tradition and make their own choices. Rebellion isn't always a bad thing, especially not when it allows you to seize the day!


2.   Soul Surfer (2011)
Run Time: 106 Minutes
Themes:  Perseverance, overcoming adversity, hard work

The true story of Bethany Hamilton, who was a champion teenage surfer, when a shark attack took her arm. Her faith and the support of her friends and family help her to surf again and go on to be a professional surfer.

Keeping your Teenager busy during Lockdown - Over 50 Ideas

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It looks like lockdown will go on for another few weeks yet and who knows when school will recommence. I've been gentle with my 16-year-old JJ for the last few weeks, he has had some leeway to play games online, chat to his mates and just sleep (Isn't that what teens do best?) but now I need to get tough and get him doing some different things.

He'd have me believe that because he doesn't have to take his GCSEs I should allow him to wallow in his bedroom for the next five months, but that can't be good for him, so I revisited the posts I'd already written about getting your teen off their screen/ tech (you can check them out here and here) and enlisted my girls to think about all the different tasks we could get JJ involved in.

These are things all teens (or maybe even tweens and twenties too) could do and will hopefully either enjoy, learn something new or get a sense of satisfaction from. I suspect many of them will get an eye roll and the declaration of 'lame' but still, I'm on a mission to get JJ doing some different things.

I'll start with the activities I have already managed to get him to do during this lockdown -

1. Go for a walk and chat to whoever you're with. Try a new route and discover your neighbourhood
2. Play outdoor games with the family - frisbee (#ad), football, handball
3. Teach your siblings to whittle wood and make skewers for toasting marshmallows, or create a carved walking stick
4. Light a firepit or small campfire and toast marshmallow, or make easy dough to cook on a stick
5. Play board and card games. Favourites recently have been Catan, Azul and Ticket to Ride
6. Watch a film with the family
7. Watch a theatre show with the family (The show must go on is showing an Andrew Lloyd Webber one each weekend)
8. Cook us all dinner, or lunch, or yummy waffles (we have this fabulous Waffle maker #ad)
9. Bake some treats - we've had courgette and cheese muffins, Easter chocolate cake and fruit and nut flapjack so far
10. Do housework - Empty and refill the dishwasher, hand-wash the pots, change his bed, hoover and dust his room. Of course, none of these are particularly exciting but I find he'll do them fine if we work alongside each other and chat as we go
11. Do the recycling
12. Hoover, wash and polish the car. Ours looks great now and we have nowhere to go! lol
13. Do an M.O.T on the family computers to check they are running optimally and free up space
14. Sign up for the daily newsletter from TEDed, so he has good content dropping into his inbox that will inform and engage him each day
15. Create a family music playlist. We enjoy him playing random songs and the rest of us have to be quickest to guess the song title and the artist. This was something we used to do in the car, now it is home-based. 

Be Happy, Be You - A Great Resource for your Teens Happiness #BeHappyBeYou

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I was lucky enough to receive a copy of Be Happy, Be You before Christmas and I've enjoyed reading it, sharing it with my twin girls and trying out some of the suggested tasks. Instantly when one of my 12 year old's picked the book up, she commented on how nice the cover was. Apparently it is a good font, and then upon flicking through the book, she liked the layout as it wasn't just words. So well done Becky and Penny, you've done good for pick-up appeal, but then of course you would, you're both parents of teens.

Be Happy, be You is the newest book from Penny Alexander and Becky Goddard-Hill, who also penned the inspirational Create Your Own Happy, which was designed with younger children in mind. This latest book is a positive and insightful guide for teenagers, it gives them the tools they need to build their confidence, eliminate negative feelings and boost their happiness in all areas of their life. Being a teen can bring some real challenges with it, and even more so nowadays with every part of life being on display via social media.

Even before receiving the book, I felt confident it would be a great resource as I've known both Penny and Becky for a number of years now, and between them they have a wealth of experience. Penny as a teacher and writer, and Becky as a social worker and life coach; as well as both being mothers of course.

Fancy Changing your Teens Life with NCS?

If I told you that your year 11 could develop leadership skills, build their confidence and make new friends this summer would you be interested?

Would you be even more interested if I said all this would cost you just £50 (maximum) and that your teen would be fully engaged in the most amazing outdoor team-building exercises, a residential for participants to learn ‘life skills’, a community-based social action project and an end of programme celebration event, all over a period of two to four weeks?

The National Citizen Service (NCS)
It sounds amazing, right? I'm sure you want to hear more about the National Citizen Service (NCS), the providers of all this fun. My JJ isn't even 15 yet but I am so pleased to have discovered NCS as I'll definitely be chatting to him about taking part once he has finished his GCSE's. He despairs of me sometimes as I'm forever on at him about being a good citizen; it is one of the most important values I aim to instil in JJ (and my girls to as they grow) as I feel it is far too easy in this day and age to be self-centered and to forget the value of community and working together for the greater good.

“Programmes like NCS are a good way to develop confidence and leadership skills to encourage a new generation of business and community leaders.” Sir Richard Branson

12 Ways to get your Teen off their Tech this Christmas Break

Teen with Mobile Image courtesy of Shutterstock

In 2017 I think most parents of teenagers are suffering from the same thing. Deaf ears. My son doesn't hear a word I say when he has his headphones on and is in the virtual world of game play with his mates online. Manage to get him offline and he'll wander downstairs grunt a hello and grab his phone from his pocket and be at it again. Sound familiar? Yes, I thought so but fear not as I have some great ideas for you to help get your teen off their devices for at least part of the Christmas holiday.

I wouldn't recommend a full tech-free fortnight though as I think we need to be realistic as parents and nowadays our teens very much live in the digital world. Some online time is fine, that's how many of them stay connected to their friends when there isn't any school but we know that a full-day online is too much and they will just end up withdrawing even more than usual. A good balance is what we're after.

You might find it a little hard to implement changes if you've never restricted your teens tech access before but perseverance and open conversations go a very long way. Make sure you share your concerns about excess screen time with your child so they know why you are doing this and be willing to limit your own time online too, so you are setting a good example.

Try to give your teen the choice of what tasks they want to do instead of dictating to them as they will buy in to it more if they feel they have choices. I always find that once my son gets in to other tasks and puts his tech down he actually ends up enjoying them and starts self-regulating himself on his tech anyway.

How often are you praising your teenager?

Fab backpack from Millets, as shown in my Hard to Buy for Mans Christmas gift guide but modelled by JJ

A couple of weeks ago on my parenting teens course we were exploring the topic of getting your teenager to cooperate and there were some interesting stories of teens being sullen and not wanting to participate in family life. I think those of us with a teenage child have experienced this desire by the teen to just be let alone in their own little world, whatever that may be - gaming, reading, shopping or relaxing with friends.

The course leaders encouraged us to think about praise and instead of keep pulling our teens up for the things they weren't doing or the negative behaviours they were showing, to actually turn things on their head and to start encouraging them more. I think many of us worked to a system of motivation by praise when our kids were toddlers or preschoolers. I recall early parenting courses telling me to encourage the behaviour I did want to see, instead of picking up on the poor behaviour that I wanted to discourage.

It makes sense really as teenagers are very much like their toddler counterparts. Their brains are developing at an amazing rate but things are changing for them and they don't retain all the information they have learnt over the first 13-17 years of their life. The new neuro pathways are all being laid down ready for their adult life and their brain is being pruned, to just retain the information they use regularly. This is why we go back to seeing outbursts or tantrums when they are stressed or can't process the situation.

10 Ways to Improve your Relationship with your Teen

It's hard to believe that the hulking big lad of 14 who won't come out of your son's bedroom without a suitable enticement is the same little boy who used to hold onto your legs and cry when you left him, right? Well, fear not, as your little soldier is still hiding in there and you just need to employ a few tactics to help him (or her, this isn't limited to boys only) be able to show that he still loves you.

1.  Stop underestimating your teen
Your child is more capable, more resilient and more full of ideas than you have ever considered. I think that most parents are guilty of underestimating their child. We see a problem and we want to solve it for them. We have a problem of our own and we try to hide it from them. They show a few emotions and we tiptoe around them. of course, we do these things with the very best of intentions but we actually end up robbing them of important opportunities to learn the skill of problem-solving, to be able to feel useful and to be fully seen, acknowledged and accepted.

6 Top Tips for a Great #TeenTalk #Ad

Mother and Daughter image from Shutterstock

I know some people cringe at the thought of the conversations they need to have with their children as they grow up but I've actually found that having a very honest and open relationship with my children is the making of it. Unlike the 68% of parents (1) who find it hard to broach the subject of puberty I just dove right in and had a really successful chat with my near 10 year old twin girls a few months back.

I don't recall many conversations with my own Mum about growing up; how my body would change, getting periods, having the ability to do anything I put my mind to, choosing to say no, about becoming sexually active, about being responsible with money and all those sorts of things. This seems strange when I think back as I have a really great relationship with my Mum but thinking about it now I don't think she had anyone to do it with her and she wasn't the sort to read parenting manuals etc.

On the other hand, I love to read and to find out information and thankfully I like to talk as well, so I thought it would be useful to share six of my top tips for having those 'can-be' awkward #teentalks.

1.  Talk to your child shoulder to shoulder rather than face to face
I learnt this trick with JJ when he was younger, he would always open up when we were driving in the car. So I used this to my advantage and had some of the more tricky conversations whilst we were driving along.

The first one I can recall was picking him up from Scouts about three years ago (so he'd have been around 11) and there was a bumper sticker on a car that said something about pornography and he was laughing at it. I then asked him if he knew what it was and he mumbled 'not really', so I told him, in language that was appropriate to his age and he was really shocked but this then led on to a conversation about how his body will change and his mind and that one day he will start to find girls attractive. It was all going well and about 15 minutes in he said 'Mum, can we talk about something else now?' and that leads me into my second point

12 Signs You're Doing OK as a Parent of a Teenager

My JJ is now 13 and as tall as many kids 2 or 3 years older than him. He is also very intelligent, quite wise and great fun to be around. Yes there are the odd 'Kevin' (of Kevin and Perry fame) moments but generally he is a sound lad and will do what is asked of him.

Who knows if we have all the troublesome years ahead of us, maybe we are just getting away with it easy now and the future will be a nightmare but I won't start worrying about that just yet.