Saturday 3 August 2013

If you want a different result then things need to change...

I was down in the dumps yesterday. I think the high of moving house had worn off. We went to Bexhill-on-sea on Thursday and found a lovely park, the kids had fun playing and I sat and read my book - all good it sounds. But then I started to look around and hear the chitter chatter of all the other Mums with their friends and I realised I need to go through that again and make new friends here. Sad moment number one.

Friday morning I awoke and went to have breakfast and then like a bat it whacked me, sad moment number two. I felt completely overwhelmed, it seemed as if there was so much to do - boxes to unpack, seven stone to shift, kids to parent through tricky behaviours and trials, friends to make, work to establish, blogging to be done etc etc. I really felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and could easily of had a good cry. Thankfully some great friends talked me though it and a trip out with the kids gave me back some perspective. Yes there is lots to be done but no time pressures. This is not a race I have to win in one week, I'm here for the rest of my life and things will take however long they take.

We have made a big move and I need to acknowledge that. Things will be different and at times difficult. This is the first time I have ever moved and not had to go to work, so where I make my friends will have to take a different angle. I had not realised I would be alone with the kids so much, I need to get my head around that. It is new.....  and yes exciting too. Dh has a whole different set of challenges to me, he has a very big job and needs to plan all the changes he will work with his team to implement, so his place of work becomes even better. Efficiencies he will drive and people he will nurture and develop, those are his talents but they take up a lot of head space and I need to remember that.

I went to a service last night run by the volunteers and that was the first moment I felt things click. I know it is right to be here but I have to be patient as I wait for God to reveal his plans for us, or me specifically. But as I sat amongst the 40 or so people in that room and listened to them singing together in harmony with the voices of about 30 different nations I knew I was supposed to be there. It was beautiful. We all lifted our voices in praise and thanked the Lord for what He had done for us and praised His holy name. As I listened to a young volunteer talk about how we all expect far too much happiness nowadays I knew he was right and I was taken back to that morning when I had felt so sad. The reminder that I am here to serve God and not the other way round was a poignant one.

The decision was made during that service that I need to plan and push myself and make the changes that need to happen. I want different results and thus I need to change what I do. 7am this morning saw me up and dressed, heading out the door for a walk/ slow jog round the nearest lake and it felt good. I found myself a lovely bench to be able to sit on and pray and muse and this will be my daily me time.

Feeling so much better than I did this time yesterday and getting ready to make more changes, all for the better....

Catch you soon, Mich x

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