The dictionary tells us that the definition of repent is 'to feel sorry, self-reproachful or contrite for past conduct' and this of course is true. When we do wrong, we need to recognise it and as a Christian I must say sorry but it is not enough to just apologise and carry on with the sin or wrong-doing. Biblical repentance is about turning from sin and waking away from that past behaviour, thoughts or whatever it was. I am so lucky to have a perfect and loving God who has already paid the price for all the sins I have. So it is imperative that I do my part and try to live a life that Jesus would be proud of. You all know I'm fallible, I tell you enough on here and my blog strap line is about my imperfect journey but I cannot just rest on my laurels.
For years I have struggled with my weight and there is so much tied up in this problem. I know my overeating is sinful, I am full of greed and a glutton at times and until I am ready to give the issue to God it will remain with me, as it is far bigger than I am and I don't seem able to tackle it alone.
It was a revelation to me this week though that other areas of my life were filled with glutinous behaviour too. I have been tidying out some of the cupboards ready for our move and I started on my wardrobe and considering I have cleared it twice in the last year and given away probably at least 50 items of clothing, I was still able this time to clear about another 50 items. Great for the charity shop but why did I have that much to start with? Sinful instant gratification is much of the answer, some things I gave away had labels and others were worn once and it does not end there, I know I have a large vacuum pack of clothes in the loft as well that still need sorting.
I gave away all this -
and Lord I want to turn away from the excess that has been in my life. I don't need to stuff my face with food or spend money to stifle my emotions or to try and deal with stuff I do not even consciously acknowledge is happening.
I desire to be content and to be able to talk about my feelings, emotions, fears etc and then to deal with them. No more food or shopping is necessary. As I write this it is late at night and when I wake tomorrow morning I pray Lord that you will help me to stay in the moment and to be really present so that I do not 'forget' that I am turning away from these sins Lord. Please draw me close and keep me there, help me to stay strong even if this is really uncomfortable. I must remember to rely on you Lord. Holy Spirit come and fill me so there is no room left that I am trying to fill with anything other than you.
Lord I pray the Anglican prayer of confession -
Almighty God, our heavenly Father,
we have sinned against you
and against our neighbour
in thought and word and deed,
through negligence, through weakness,
through our own deliberate fault.
We are truly sorry,
and repent of all our sins.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
who died for us,
forgive us all that is past;
and grant that we may serve you in newness of life
to the glory of your name.
Tomorrow is a new day and one I look forward to with a sense of anticipation and expectation. The Lord can work miracles and I ask for one to help me be more Christlike.
Anyone been in the same boat and got any encouraging words for me please?
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