The Thank Yous.....

I don't have any great fun way to say this, I wish I did but like always all I can do is be me and be honest. When you are at Uni or in sales or marketing or anything like that they always talk about your USP (unique selling point) and you can probably tell that I have never given mine for this blog much thought. I suppose the overriding factor of this blog is that I am honest and very open and that I do not fluff over things. If things are crap I will spell it out. I secretly wish I could be like some other bloggers and be witty and creative in my writing but lets be honest I never even took English at GCSE, this is the girl who preferred to do drama!

This blog was created as an outlet for me and created on a whim, then not used for a year! I find writing this blog completely therapeutic and in the last month I have found it very consuming as well, as I learn about all the things to do with Mummy blogging and get to know loads of wonderful new people.

So what am I wittering about here? I just want to say thank you really to lots of people and this is my way of doing so....

Sticky Fingers, Tara
Thank you for writing a blog which inspired me to be a mummy blogger rather than just a depressed overeater writing her own self-indulgent diary.

House of Twins, Jo
Thanks for being a real life twin mummy friend and for being my first (and for about a year only! lol) google follower.

It's a Mummy's Life, Holly
Thank you for being you. I feel as if I get you and you visit me regularly. That rocks!

Young and Younger, Heather and Two {become} four (is it Rebbecca?)
Thank you for being superstar twin mummies and both awarding me the lovely Sunshine award, thus making my weekend! Twin Mums rock!

Little Mummy, Erica
Thanks for your great e-bloggers course that she is sending me - for free! You can get it to if you like.

Crystal Jigsaw
Thanks for being super friendly to me and giving me helpful tips when I first dipped my toe into the sea that is twitter (I am still only ankle deep!)

The Mad House, Jen
Thanks for having wonderful creative ideas and sharing them too. Still loving those lolly flowers for valentines

The Life of the Twenty Something Mum, Claire
Thanks for tagging me for a meme when I was still very new on the scene and being really sweet and kind to me when she was having a tough bloggy time herself.

3 Bedroom Bungalow to let In Crazy Town, Kat
Dear Kat, I have only just found your blog recently but already your Dear so and so posts have made my belly hurt from laughing! Thanks, Mich x

Bringing up Charlie, The Dotterel AKA Tim
Thanks for including me in a blog post to encourage others to check out new blogs (namely mine!), thanks also for being a super friendly Daddy blogger.

To all the other people who subscribe to my blog and leave me great comments. You make my day! Thanks.

So, all you wonderful people above, consider yourself tagged for this Sunshine Award (if you have not been already). You and your blogs are inspirational and fill my world with Sunshine. I look forward to seeing who you tag and maybe discovering a new blog or two. I have also just sat here for 30 minuets or so and tracked back where this award came from and that has been an interesting journey with some new finds. Amazing how an award moves across the blogsphere!

Here are the rules for accepting this little slice of sunshine award -
• Put the Logo on your sidebar, or within a post.
• Pass the award onto 12 Bloggers that you think are ace.
• Link the nominees within your post.
• Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
• Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

A lucky Escape...

I was still mourning the loss of my weekend away last night when finally Mum and I made the decision that we would definitely not go to Pontins for the cheapo break. I am so glad we did not bother. I have just found some reviews and not really one of them says anything good, it looks like we had a lucky escape....and of course the lovely Mummy and Daddy gave me back my money so I am not out of pocket, thank you.

Anyway onto more positive things, I am totally enjoying having my holiday at home. I think as we went away to Mum and Dad's for a couple of days and I had to come back and unpack today it really felt as thought we were coming on holiday here. Mum and I drove up and started playing the game 'ohh the chalet looks nice', 'yes drive out the front and a garden at the back', 'Wow, look at the size of that TV', 'and kids toys here already - result!'. We jumped on the beds 'very nice' commented Mum and we run the water and turned the heating on. All the things I do when I get to a self catering holiday venue. Yes I am very pleasantly surprised with this particular holiday home.

We then kept with the holiday theme and after unpacking took the kids out on a bus (the first time for me in years - it costs a bomb!) and into town for a Maccy D's tea. I have bought some craft bits for some fun tomorrow and Mum and I enjoyed an Indian take away once the kid all went off to bed (beautifully as the beds were so familiar! lol).

I am determined not to come on here too much (as I would not have a PC on a real holiday) and also I am not going to do any proper cleaning until Wednesday and my Mum goes home. I will try and do exactly what we would do if on holiday. Forget my surroundings and delight in my kids. So you might not see me much in the next few days and if you do politely tell me to p**s off please!

My Ugly Valentine!

Let me take you back to 1994, I was a mere 20, about 3 dress sizes smaller, I had no lines and I was getting ready to finish my first degree. It is Easter and I am so excited as I am flying to Gran Canaria on my own to meet my boyfriend of 5 years. He is already out there working and setting things up for us so that I can join him for a summer of love as soon as I finish my finals. No point in him staying in cold blighty just waiting for me to do my studying? right, so off he goes in February to work in a club as a bar man and share a place with a friend who lives out there.

Now this is a man or should I say boy, lets call him Mr Bald Dreamer (there are numerous names I could choose for him but I like to keep my blog clean!) who has already done the dirty on me one or two times before and yes I stupidly took him back, who loves to flirt, who has lost all his money numerous times over, who lies habitually and is probably the most cheesy, friendly guy alive and I said 'yes, you go off and enjoy yourself and I will see you at Easter!' doh Can you guess where this is heading?

So I arrive in Gran Canaria and meet him (after carefully re-applying my lipstick and fluffing my hair) and I had that big reunion planned. You know the one you see on films, where the lovers run to each other and the man grabs the woman and swings her round. The world has stopped except for them and their love! No, reality check - we have a hug and a quick kiss and off we go to his car. He then informs me he has to work the whole 2 weeks I am there (every night!) but apparently that will be OK as we will have the days together, after he gets to bed at 4am that is....

I get back to his place and true to his form the first thing he wants to do is go to bed and it just is not anything special. That spark had gone, I was starting to get upset by now but holding it together that a true Brit. So off he goes to work that night and I stay in his apartment and watch some videos and read a book, apparently I can come to the bar and sit there like a sad sap if I fancy. After about 5 hours of being alone I go for the sad sap option and get all dressed up, determined to show him what he is missing. About to head off to the bar, I look at a pinboard in his room and there are loads of pictures of him with holiday makers, mostly girls but that is OK as that is the kind of guy he is. Then I see one and his arm is round her waist in exactly the way it used to be round my waist. I carefully study all the other pictures and yes they all show him with his arm around every other girls shoulders. So there she is, the new love! I am convinced of it. So convinced of it that the 20 year old me feels it is just to ramshackle his room and go through all his belongings including locked boxes. What do I find? tons of pictures and love letters from hundreds (I kid you not! and I have just had sex with this guy - stupid, stupid girl) of women and loads from this same woman who seems to think she is coming to spend the summer in Gran Canaria with him - hang on wasn't that my plan?

Now what would a rational person do at this point? Who knows, I can only tell you what I did. Off to the bar I went and befriended all the Spanish waiters, got very, very drunk and flirted lots. Then when he came round the bar for a kiss to do the manly territorial thing I slap him as hard as I can and throw a jug of beer over him. Can I hear you cheering? It felt really good, my heart had broken in half of course but I loved embarrassing him like that!

That was day 1 of a 2 week holiday, where we were supposed to share a room and bed! The rest of the holiday was a write off, his room mate came back to find me so pissed I was sat outside the apartments with my case packed convinced a taxi was coming to take me home. How different things would be nowadays if this happened, as a confident woman armed with a credit card I would just go home on the first plane but at age 20 with my first love in tatters I choose to stay and endure 2 weeks. My Mum tells me now of how agonising it was for her to hear me sob on the phone, hundreds of miles away.

The question I could never seem to get a decent answer to was why Mr Bald Dreamer just did not take the easy option and dump me over the phone, why make me come hundreds of miles and be all alone to deal with it.

The good news - it toughened me up, I did so much revision for my degree that I got a 2:1 and boy had I been slacking until that point, this lead to a good job which lead to me meeting my now husband in December of the same year, I also had the most fab tan and I became comfortable in my own company. So it was not all bad or ugly but it was definitely a defining moment in my life. It was the time I grew up most.

So where is Mr Bald Dreamer today? Who knows? I suppose I could google him as suggested by Its a Mummy's Life but I just can not be arsed if I am honest, he means zilch to me now. I have a wonderful man who I love and we have three amazing children who are a real mix of the two of us together. Only our special blend of love could of produced those kids and they are perfection!

So, this Valentines I will be spending it with my dh and we are starting a Christian based marriage course. Not because there is anything wrong with our marriage but because this provides us with 6 weeks of intimate dinners for 2 and the time and space to converse alone on some interesting subjects. I have heard from friends that it can be a really uplifting course and has taken their marriage to the next level..................... that I look forward to. I love you A. x

I'm having a holiday at home! and it cost me £105... bargain!

We were supposed to be going to Pontins tomorrow in Rye, Sussex and guess what? They have over a foot of snow there currently. I am supposed to be taking two 2 year olds and a 6 year old as well as my trusty helper (also known as Mum). I was so looking forward to 3 nights away with no men to pander to (come on lets be honest, as useful and lovely as they are they also take some looking after). Shopping, playing and having fun with 4 of my favourite people was going to be great but we are not going.

I am a complete woss when it comes to driving in the snow and seeing as the weather is supposed to continue to be crap there and I have now found out that Rye it is known for its strong north winds it seems crazy to drive 100 miles to perhaps spend the whole time in a budget room, sleeping on an uncomfy couch!

I booked one of the Sun deals to get this holiday, you know the one that claims it will just cost you £9.50 per person. Well this cost me £105 for 5 people when you start to add everything in and they tell me that if I do not come I can not have any money refunded, not even the linen that we will not use and they will not have to launder! doh. Why am I so diligent to pay in advance. If only I left the last £58 to pay when I got there. Lesson learnt. Lesson also learnt not to book a Sun holiday again, their online system kept crashing and took me 3 hours to book. In the end they charged me £49 x 3 and booked two duplicate holidays. This took me 12 emails which they have still never answered ! and 3 lengthy calls to Pontins to get sorted and all for nothing.

So we are at my parents at the moment and will stay here until Saturday morning and then as we were due to be away dh has booked to work and stay in London. So, me Mum and the kids will have a holiday at my house. I am looking forward to it really - not the £105 it cost me but I love the fact that I know the food is good, it is clean, there is a washing machine, a nice hot shower and good central heating - what more do I need? I have vowed to stay away from the cleaning until Mum leaves next Wednesday. We can just enjoy ourselves and go out and do all the things we would of done at Pontins. Not so long until we go to Butlins in April anyway - please Lord do not let there be snow in April!

Wordless Wednesday. A portrait of Mummy by JJ, 4.5 years

I love this drawing, it is well loved, very creased and even a little ripped now. It is normally on my wall at work but when I saw it there today I just knew I had to share with you all.

JJ drew this when he was 4.5 years and the twins were babies. I was forever saying I only have 2 hands as he always wanted things when I was busy, so he drew me a new Mummy with enough heads, arms and (bizarrely) belly buttons for all 3 of my kids.

Chasing Rainbows

God painted you a rainbow
the day that you received
His gift of love and hope and peace
the hour you first believed.

Just cling on to that rainbow
and hold his promise near
His joy will always be with you
to dry up every tear.

Each step along the journey
You'll have his hand to hold
keep your eyes fixed on that rainbow
until you reach the gold.

I was blown away when I heard this, it felt like such a powerful poem, written by a friend from Church. I knew instantly I had to share it with more people. My friend has such a talent and writes numerous poems, some simple and and beautiful like this and others wordy and complex. What do you think - does it appeal to non Christians too?

Last night I was very blessed to listen to someone do a talk on Chasing Rainbows. In a Christian context the rainbow is a sign of God's promises and it is something beautiful and positive. The talk was very much what I needed to hear and it reminded me that God has a plan for me and that all will be revealed in His time. He gives His gifts/ or fulfils His promises at the right time not at the time we believe is right. Sometimes we go through hardships or growing pains to be ready to receive the gift and sometimes it comes quickly. The knack is not to lose sight of the rainbow.

We were reminded that too many people focus on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, when what we should do is enjoy each part of the rainbow and every day can be a blessing when you live in that moment and take time to look around you. I took this on board this morning and had a swim before work and I really enjoyed feeling my arms coming in and out of the water, listening to my calm breathing and feeling the wet on my face. The sun was glistening through the window and for those 30 minutes I had my own little slice of heaven right there in the pool surrounded by people, who to me did not exist as I was just chatting to God and enjoying 'our' time.

The last thing said to us last night was 'Every grey cloud contains the promise of a rainbow'. How inspiring and psoitive is that?

Super Saturday. I'm a lucky girl...

My how times change when we have kids, or they certainly have for me. Go back 6.5 years and you may find me enjoying a Saturday in London, spending money in the shops, having a lovely lunch at a swanky restaurant, meeting friends or dh, perhaps the theatre in the evening, another meal and maybe even stay over in a nice 4 or 5*. Not so any more, the money is not there and that is Ok as we consciously made the decision to have far less money and far more time with the children.

So what makes me feel like a lucky girl today? Well it is those simple things -

• dh getting up at 5am with pesky Miss M who wanted the toilet, her dummy, water, milk and anything else she could muster the strength to ask for
• getting cuddles with all 3 kids in my bed (whilst poor dh has gone to work)
• taking an hour to read a good book (in bed) whilst the kids played and did some drawing on the floor
• doing my toe and finger nails (in bed, can you see a theme for this morning??) with the girls trying to help me ('my help you mummy', 'ohh painting', 'pink, pretty!' etc)
• having a lovely shower and hair wash in peace whilst the kids all made music together (yes a bit of a din but at least they were not arguing)
• pottering about the house and getting the bathroom cleaned, my bed changed, upstairs tided, dishes sorted, washing on, all with double mini assistance (*ahem*)
• now we are off out for lunch at pizza hut (if the 50% off voucher ever arrives by email! grr)
• then tonight dh and I are off to a murder, mystery evening which should be good fun.

I am very grateful for my Saturdays. They used to be a busy day as I got up and dashed about in the same way that I do all 6 of the other days in the week. JJ went to a sports club and had to be there for 9am and as dh works on a Saturday that meant the girls had to be ready too. Now he does football after school and Beavers and has dropped this club and I am so pleased. I may never let anything steal my Saturday space again. I think everyone needs one chilled day per week. I know many do this on a Sunday but as we enjoy going to Church and it is the only day we are all together we tend to do things then.

I always said I would not be one of those Mums whose kids went to tons of clubs and they run round like loonies to accommodate the kids. I think what I specifically did not like was the competitive mums (you know the ones!) that had their children doing a club every day of the week - French Club, then maths tuition, then swimming, then violin lessons, then ballet and then a day of drama on Saturday. At one point JJ was doing Beavers and Boys Brigade on an evening and Sports Club on a Saturday morning and this felt like too much. When was his time just to play in the garden? and when was my time to just cuddle up with the kids? I think some of the problem comes that you get home from school at 3.40pm and then the club starts at 5.15pm so madly I cook dinner and shove it down their throats to rush out to drop off and then by 6.25pm I am out again to pick JJ up.

I dread when both girls want to go to clubs as well and then I will have 3 children to try and get to numerous places. Call me selfish but I think I will try and limit their activities to ensure there is a balance of getting the extra curricular fun and then taking time at home to be kids and to play.

How do you feel about the chasing around for clubs?

Potty Tastic!!

I am having a PMM (Proud Mummy Moment) Just when the potty training was getting on my nerves as the girls still seemed to have at least one accident each per day we have had a really great day of it so far.

I dragged them out the house at 8.40am to drop JJ to school and then we came back and went to toddlers, we have been out from then until now, having stopped at KFC for lunch and nipped into Morrisons for supplies and here we are with both girls with the first knickers of the day still on! yay It is clicking! Luckily so, as I forgot to take the change bag with me today so if there had of been an accident we would of been 9 miles from home with no spare knicks, tights or nappies! So pleased you answered my prayers today Lord! Thank you.

What has me even more happy is the fact that the girls (both of them) have actually asked me to take them to the loo. So far if we have been out, it has been me asking every half hour and marching them off to the loo. Today they have both asked me on separate occasions and then performed accordingly. Now I know you do not need to know this, but the things that make us Mums proud are amazing! Miss M asked me for the toilet in Morrisons and off we went and she did a poo too.

Hopefully we are on a roll now, it is day eight today. Sometime soon I hope for a totally dry day and a few hours where I can stop thinking about it.

That well known cure!

I have discovered a great new website (Things my Child Says) and in honour of this I thought I would post about a conversation I had in the car this morning with the twinnies. Do go and visit this site and give yourself a good chuckle.

There we are driving to work and nursery and.....

Miss M - 'My tummy hurts' (nothing new there, she is a drama queen and has been trying to throw sickies from nursery since she was about 18 months)

Miss E - 'My hurt too mummy'

Me - 'Oh dear, What are we going to do with you two?'

Miss E - 'Puzzles Mummy!'

So there we have it, the very well known cure for stomach problems. Do some puzzles with your Mummy and all will be resolved. LOL I think my afternoon is mapped out for me now.

My life in Music

I read a blog post last week by the inspirational Mummy Nickie at Typecast. She challenged her readers to open their music library, put it on shuffle, press play and write down for every question, the song that's playing. I have been wanting to do this since and just trying to find the time and seeing as I am avoiding organising Friday nights quiz, what better time than to listen to some tunes!

Oh and one other thing - she reminds us, don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...just type it! I wasn't going to.......honest

So here is mine -

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

Opening Credits: Nothing compares to You, Sinead O'Connor

Waking Up: Where the streets have no name, Pet Shop Boys (yes this is dh's!)

First Day At School: Love plus one, Haircut 100

Falling In Love: Holy, Holy, Tim Hughes

Losing Virginity: One Love, Bob Marley (well that fits!!)

Fight Song: Wild World, Cat Stevens (I do not even know who he is - another of dh's!)

Breaking Up: I'll be missing you, 112 featuring Faith Evans (Gosh this song ricks!)

Prom: Love shine a light, Katrina and the waves (oh dear dh, were did your taste in music come from??)

Life: The only way is Up, Yazz

Mental Breakdown: Brown eyed girl, Van Morrison (with a breakdown? is that because my eyes are blue?)

Driving: I will Survive, Gloria Gaynor

Flashback: Hand in my pocket, Alanis Morissette

Getting Back Together: Mickey, Toni Basil (oh that so should of been my flashback tune, age 9ish flashing my knickers at school!)

Wedding: Now is the time, Delirious?

Birth of Child: We will rock you, Queen (well I did have twins the second time round!! lol)

Final Battle: Someday I'll be Saturday Night, Bon Jovi

Death Scene: We come to be with you today, Gareth Robinson (very appropriate, as the song is about being with Jesus)

Funeral Song: Things can only get better, Dream (another apt choice for me as a believer that the ultimate life is after death)

credits: The Timewarp, From the Rocky Horror Picture Show

Some funny and appropriate ones in there. I have got to have a good listen to some songs I have not heard in an age and a few I will be quite happy not to hear again. That is the problem with the itunes actually being dh's and I just tag on!

Why not have a go yourself?

Grace in Small Things

Feeling grateful today, 5 little things I have to be happy about -

1. I am abstinent today, no overeating for me! yay
2. I did OK with the interviews this morning, there was no need to have stressed.
3. I have nearly finished all the organisation for the quiz night I am running Friday night.
4. My babes are all wonderful and went to sleep lovely tonight, no fuss.
5. I am about to watch Hustle and enjoy a nice cuppa before an early night.

What are you happy about? leave me a comment....

Wishing the week away!

I know I should not and I am so pleased I caught myself doing it earlier and I am now posting this as a reminder to myself to stop projecting and thinking ahead too much. I was sat in Church waiting for the service to start when I started thinking 'oh I wish it was next week and then loads of stuff will be out of the way'.

This is completely stupid as logically I know this week will be fine but I am feeling a bit apprehensive. Shall I share with you my apprehensions? I think I will as it will put them in perspective and remind me there is nothing to fear. I just need to remain positive, pray and trust in God. He will make things as they should be. Stop being so willful Mich !

Tomorrow at work I am on an internal panel, it is the first academic interviews I have sat on and I am stressing about questions. Shall I remind myself how needless this is? For 5 years I managed a recruitment agency and every day I interviewed people and found them jobs, I was well respected and earned a lot of money as I was good at my job! Just because it is not something I have done for a while does not mean I have deteriorated at it. The last person I interviewed and employed is diamond and still works for me.

Tuesday I need to leave work early so that I can look after the kids as dh is off to a conference in Birmingham. I am stressing that work will be pissed off with me for leaving early as I was off sick for 1.5 days last week. Totally not related and we work flexitime, so again there is nothing for me to fear.

Then dh is away 2 nights and this means I need to get the 3 kids ready to leave the house for 7.30am on Wednesday morning to get to work. Now no offense babe if you are reading this, I do appreciate your help on my work mornings but we both know I could do it alone so again - why is it worrying me?

If I allow my scatty brain to get the better of me I could then start stressing about whether I should go to the gym before work on Tuesday morning or if I should go into work early and make up those 2 hours I will be off in the afternoon. Decisions, decisions... My sensible head says that because I am interviewing Monday ad can not do my aqua class then I must go to the gym in the morning and get my dose of exercise. My needs are important too.

Then my last worry, which I think is the one which is creating the rest of this crap is that I am organising and running a quiz night at JJ's school on Friday night. We have 115 people coming and 17 teams. I have never run a quiz night before and I am worrying about the babysitting getting her eon time, dh getting back form work to help me, the level of the questions, the food arriving on time, there being enough drink, remembering to organise everything, getting enough tables in the hall to hold everyone, the PA equipment working etc etc My spiritual gifts are administration and organisation, so I should not even be having this stress. My plans have been done for months. Many of the PTA poo pooed a quiz night and said it would not work, I knew it would and had faith and now we are on track for about £500 made for the school.

So that is what I need now, a good dose of faith please Lord. Help me put these stupid worries to bed and to hand them all over to you. I will play my part and diligently work to organise as best I can. The rest is your business. Amen

Today, I have mostly been saying...

'Who wants a wee wee?' in this high pitched sing song voice!

I must of said it at least 24 times in the last 12 hours (about every half hour to be precise) and the amount of potties I have emptied, well that is nobodies business. Potty training (PT) two at a time is bad enough. Can you imagine having quads or sextuplets and PTing all of them???

It has not been a bad day today in regards to the PTing. Peppa Pig has taken a battering though with 2 wet pairs from Miss E and 1 pooey pair from Miss M. Wet I can take, pooed pants is just, well gross! We did go out for lunch though and then did some shopping and that was when the accidents happened, I think sometimes it is just too exciting when out and about to go for a boring wee wee!

I am not entirely sure which way to play it though and to tell them off for doing it in their pants or to do the oh well (Mummy can cope) type voice and just change them no fuss. I suppose I will go with the oh well approach for a while as this is only their 4th day of being in pants all day and it is not as if I have altered life and got them to stay home and master it. We are still out and about doing stuff.

So wish us luck, tomorrow is another day and hopefully all number 1's and 2's will be on the potty or toilet tomorrow!

For today...

....I am living in the day.

I am not stressing about yesterday or worrying what tomorrow will hold or not. I am not planning every moment of my life. I am enjoying the right here and right now. At the moment Miss M is stood behind me on the chair and hugging my neck, her hands are cold playing with my necklace and her little chubby body is all warm, she is saying 'hayo (hello) Mummy, lube (love) you' and boy do I love her back.

I am abstinent right now, there is no food fog to try and see out of. I can think straight and I can be whoever I want to be and today I am Happy Mummy!

Potty Training - yay!

Well I did not think I would be posting about successful potty training in the middle of our cold winter! After the failed attempt with Miss M in October I assumed I would leave things until Spring and the better weather but like always my girls have their own ideas!

Over Xmas and the snow we stayed in lots and the girls just got used to using their potty's and sorting themselves out. So when nursery told me two weeks ago that they had been using the potty and toilet I was not surprised. Nursery suggested they would like them out of nappies as soon as I was ready. errr never! So off they went to nursery with their knickers and from 8am - 5.15pm Miss M had no accidents and Miss E just got a bit wet as she attempted to use the potty. The Wednesday morning there were no accidents and this week Monday they were both dry and clean from 8am - bedtime with no nappies and no accidents. Yay we are getting somewhere.

Like with everything they are chalk and cheese, Miss E likes the potty and Miss M wants to be a big girl and use the toilet. E has no interest in hand washing and M has an overactive interest (read soap everywhere and covered in water!).

So when I collected them from nursery at 1pm on Weds and there had been no accidents, I decided I could not stall their development any more and Mummy just had to be a big girl and accept they were ready. We drove to the the shops, shopped, collected JJ from school and went to Wild Wednesday (a church based club) and back home to see Daddy - all with no accidents. Well done my big girls!

Any tips for those of you having to embark on this soon? not really, just what I always say. Trust your mummy instincts, you know best for your little one. Read a book if it makes you feel better and give their method a go but if something does not sit right with you - adapt it. Do not worry, stay calm and stress free and your kiddies will follow. For about the last 4 months my girls have been between knickers, pull ups and nappies and it has not confused them or scared them like many authors warn.

Just go with the flow......

I'm not just fat, I have a problem...

That's right I am fat, I am very overweight.

Currently I am about 15 1/2 stone (I say about as I have no scales at the moment but the belt notch feels about that weight!). At one point I was what they classed as 'morbidly obese' but I am about 2 stone lighter than that now, so I am probably 'very obese'. One day with the grace of God I hope to be just purely overweight. I have no secret longing to be a size 10, I just want to be a healthy weight, a good role model to my kids and living a full life without a crazy obsession with food and weight.

You see that is what my problem is, I am an addict. I do have a very real addiction to food and also to the comfort and release that eating, stuffing my face and stifling my emotions gives. Every day I obsess on food - where my next meal will come from, what will it look like, will it fill me up, how many calories are in it, does it add to my 5 a day etc etc.

It really is not as simple as joining a weight loss club and just losing some weight. People like me who have lost stones and then regained them numerous times in their lives have a problem. A problem which keeps drawing us back to the food. Every time we move away from the day to day feeling of normal life, be it that we have a high or a low we want to celebrate or commiserate with food. So I vow now never to fool myself again and to start a diet, that I just will not keep to.

I expect some people may read this and laugh and wonder what I am on about. Food an addiction? Yes, in exactly the same way as drugs, alcohol, sex, self-harm, shopping, spending, love, soaps on the TV, trash mags or anything else can be. Most of us have some kind of prop in life - mine is food. Some would say it is far less harmful than drugs, at least I won't kill myself - but won't I? What about heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, to name but a few.

It really does take some time to admit to yourself and be ready to say 'Hi my name is Michelle and I am an addict, a compulsive overeater'. I was going to say it is not something I am proud of but actually the fact that I am being brave enough to face up and take this journey does make me proud. For the last 6 weeks or so I have lost the plot, I have rejected most things recommended by the program of addiction recovery that I am following. From this moment on I am back on track and I pray for God to help me, it is through Him that this will work. You do not have to be a Christian like me for this program to work for you, you just need to believe that you are out of control and that there is a stronger being/ higher power in the Universe. For me this is God, for you it might mother nature, Buddha, or your recovery fellowship.

I do get incredibly fed up with the stereotype of a fat lazy person and I want people to see the real me inside, that thin person struggling to get out. Rather than seeing the fat first and the person second. I suppose that is our culture today so much based on image and looks, how can I blame anyone for thinking that I have let myself go and that I am slowly killing myself by being too lazy to get up off my bum and do some exercise.

So here are a few truths which may set the record a bit straighter -

• I do at times eat too much, I have been known to binge but generally my eating is getting better.
• I adore food and just love new tastes and the excitement that comes with knowing I am going out for a nice meal. You see that is the addict in me, food = love and stability and happiness.
• I run around after three kiddies when I am not at work. I have ants in my pants and rarely sit down - always doing something - housework, ironing, gardening, out to shop etc
• I exercise a couple of times per week, I go to the gym or aqua or swim and I enjoy it (once I am there!)

So that is my 'fat story' so far...............................to be continued

This post was written in reposen to writing workshop number 11. Prompt two asked - What do people always wrongly assume about you?

Wordless Wednesday

Trying to get to Grandad.....

Shiny Happy People Meme

I think Miss M and truly had enough of Miss E's chatter that day!

I am such a sucker for twins now, I love seeing piccies of two little people together!
Look at their joy!

and this...... is my little man JJ and yes, sorry babe you are wearing a dress and a pink hat! lmao. I used to sell second hand clothes and thus he got dressed up!

I have been tagged for another meme (yay), the super Claire at The Life of the 20 Something Mum has asked this new girl to have a go at Rose Scribble's Shiny Happy people Meme. The rules of this meme are -

Name a song that makes you happy - a song you would listen to if you needed a sudden injection of happiness.

Post an image that makes you smile, it can be anything - a silly photo, an image taken from the internet, anything at all that puts a smile on your face (and isn't too rude!)

So, I have had another chance to trawl through all my photos and think about some that make me really happy. My first thought was a piccie of JJ and then ones of the girls came to mind, so I have posted a few images of the kids that really make me smile. (I really am such a Mummy now, the first thought = the kids!). Disclaimer: I know that pictures of my kids is the obvious choice and not the most witty or clever response but I never claimed to be any good at this blogging lark, I just enjoy being a mum and having a chance to share.

As for the song, it is a Christian one but a funky worship song. If you have not listened to modern Christian worship music before - give it a go and even if you hate the song Tim Hughes so so yummy to look at (yes, I do have a 'not so secret' crush on him and yes dh is aware!) Go on then, leave me a comment - what do you think? dishy or not? I think it is his voice, those dimples and the idea of him as a lovely Christian Daddy and husband..


I done it again and forgot to tag people! doh -

So a new blog I just found, a fellow twin mummy, Careyannie
and Mellow Mummy, whose blog I have been enjoying

We don't do elegant........... but we have fun!

So after giving Miss M the love she was after (sounds a bit perv - doesn't it?, a cuddle and kiss just to clarify!) JJ announced that he really wanted to bake some cakes. So I thought why not, what else should someone who has a real problem with sweet foods do but cook some cakes on a Sunday afternoon!

We all enjoyed ourselves, the house was a mess afterwards but they did taste yummy! and soon I will sit down and watch Slumdog millionaire and enjoy the fruits of my labour.

I have linked this post up to Naturestores fab messy play carnival. Pop over and see all the other wonderful entries. Mich x

Time to get off the PC...

I have not been on here long so far today, about 20 minutes but I have let dh go out as he was feeling pretty down so I knew a trip to a great Church in London would cheer him up. This leaves me here alone, feeling a bit poo with the kids. I thought I would have a quick catch up with the blogging world and a little lady (Miss M) has just come and crept onto my lap, wrapped her arms around me and announced 'Love me'. How can I refuse? I am off to play Fisher Price!!

Catch you later when the tiny people are in bed.

Songs and Stories Meme

Another meme (I love them - are you fed up with them yet?), this one is to try and identify a song which tells a story for me, one that takes me back in time to a certain place. I was tagged by Sandy at Baby Baby for this meme which originated from Fraught Mummy. Have I mentioned Sandy's blog before? It is one of the earlier ones that I found and it is excellent, I really like her style - very honest and fully inclusive.

This was not an easy meme for me, as I mentioned the other day I am not really an objects person. Much more so that I rely on my memories and songs always form a big part of those. So when faced with choosing just one song it has taken me days to think about this - literally!

I have literally taken another walk through my life the last few days thinking of all different songs. Here is a brief summary -

• Adam and the Ants, Stand and deliver - my first record purchase
• Wham, Bad Boys - in my friend Mandy's bedroom dreaming of meeting George Michael!
• Pet Shop Boys, West End Girls, age 14 hanging out with the girls who lived in West End! lol We thought that was so cool, a song about their village!
• Sister Sledge, We are Family - with all my best girl friends at Uni
• Bon Jovi, I will always love you - the first time my heart was seriously broken
• Otis Redding, Sitting on the Dock of the Bay - 1994/5 - listening to this in the dark at night, cuddling my boyfriend (now dh) after a very long hard day working in a hotel
• Tina Turner, Simply the Best - my karaoke song. I adore singing!
• Will Smith, Men in Black - a fab Holiday to Spain with dh in the early days
• Eric Clapton, You look wonderful tonight - the first song at our wedding, sang to me by dh as we danced
• John Lennon, Beautiful Boy - for my baby JJ, born 2003
• and I can not think of a tune for my girls - I will have to ponder on that

So after lots of thinking the song I decided to choose is Cliff Richard's Living Doll. This is another song played at my wedding and danced to by my Dad and I. As a small kid we always had music on a Sunday night and we danced together and this is a song that symbolises my Dad and me. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and I am very lucky to have them. I think it goes without saying that many women have a great relationship with their Mum and are close but I am lucky enough to also be really close to my Dad. As a child I was often referred to as Doll, Doll Doll, or Dolly and now my Miss M get called the same and as she has been told it was my childhood name she also calls me Doll Doll sometimes - very cute.

My Object Meme

I was tagged a few days ago by Young Mummy (my first tag, how exciting is that!) to join in with the my object meme. This was started by The Dotterel (Bringing up Charlie) as a response to the BBC's new programme The History of the World.

So, the idea is that I pick a single object that tells the story of me or my family in some way. It can be anything: a ring, a piece of clothing, an old teddy; anything as long as it says something special about me or my family.

I have been thinking long and hard on this and not having much joy. What I have learnt is that I am not much of a possessions person, I have hardly anything that I have kept for years and years and has special meaning. A few pieces of jewellery, a million photos, oh and a husband too ;)! I am much more into memories, places, songs and people, than things.

I thought to myself 'if there was a fire - what would I save?' and not much comes to mind - just those photos again and the really special jewellery, which I tend to normally be wearing anyway. I nearly ended up taking a photo of my camera and video camera as they are the key to my treasures but I figured that would just be sad!

In the end I thought I would share with you a picture drawn by a special little girl, Miss B. She was just 5 when she drew it and it is a picture of my twinnies, I love how they are holding hands and hope they will always be such good friends.

Wordless Wednesday

18+5 weeks PG

28+5 weeks PG

31+5 weeks PG

33+1 weeks PG


The end is near..... 36+5 weeks PG!

A twin pregnancy journey. Boy - do I never want to be that big again!!

If only I could bottle it.

I was driving to work this morning and thinking about how yummy my kids are at the moment. Specifically I was thinking about the chatting that Miss M and Miss E do now. Their speech is coming on leaps and bounds and they can really have a chat now. I picked them up from nursery yesterday and rather than asking the staff if they slept in the day I asked them and it amazed me that they could give me a good description of what had gone on in the day.

Miss E calls me darling. Have I mentioned that before? I adore it. It is something she started a few months ago, mimicking me and now I even ask her to call me it as it just melts me. She has this funny little voice and sounds Mediterranean, yesterday I was even 'my darling'. I really hope I am always her darling.

It is that special feeling of wonder and amazement that you get when your children do something for the first time. You know, your heart swells, life feels just a little lighter and you give them a big bear hug........ that is what I want to bottle. I felt a little sad this morning that my girls were growing up and soon their speech would be non stop and would probably annoy the h*** out of me and I would not get to stop and look on in awe as they chatter away together. That is the beauty of twins, everything that a small child does as they grow is exaggerated and you get to watch it happening in stereo.

I realise I must not be sad as every age has something special for you to learn and go through with your child. I think it is just far easier to notice their development when they are little like my twinnies but not so easy to see their emotional or spiritual development when they are bigger like JJ. I must remember to take time to reflect on the kids more and to enjoy those special moments that pass so quickly. In the car earlier I listened to Snow Patrol and Chasing cars and that line 'if I just lay here' struck me and yes that is what I need to do sometimes, stop and pause..

18 Jan - Worst day of the year?

I was listening to Heart radio on the way to work this morning and Jamie Theakson said that 18 Jan is reported to be the worst day of the year - what with the aftermath of Xmas, debt, weather etc etc and I was just sat there thinking 'not for me!'. I feel good today!

I thought I would just do a little update on my personal recovery journey, as I think I have been being a bit of an ostrich just recently and burying my head in the sand. Not really sure when the last time I blogged about my food obsession was!

The year started well and I was abstinent for the first 2 days of Jan and then things slipped, I was being lazy and I think the devil got the better of me and I just started to eat what I fancied and when. I know I have had too much food, not completely excessive amounts but far more than a moderate and healthful diet needs and I have also been eating my trigger foods such as chocolate and biscuits.

I got a kick up the bum when my food sponsor emailed me last week and asked if I still wanted her to continue as I was being lazy and trying to work my own way round the program (my words not hers) rather than just following the simple guidelines of abstinence and 301. This was a shock to the system, I really admire my food sponsor and value her input so this made me think about what I was up to. I have spent the last week or so in thought and prayer and come back to that same conclusion again that nothing really is as important to me as recovering. It is the key to living a normal life and helping my kids grow up to be rounded too. To diet and obsess all my life is just not helpful. So yes I feel I probably have gained some weight in the last couple of weeks - no idea how much as I have no scales now! but my clothes still do up, so that is a good sign.

Yesterday was a wonderful day, I spent an hour in bed in the morning praying and reading and I did some of my steps workbook. I am currently working through step 3 which is turning my will over to God and following His will instead. I am finding this hard but do know it is necessary so I am praying for willingness. I went to Church in the morning and evening and spent some lovely time playing with my kids and dh cooked us a roast, he even cleared up afterwards while I was out - little things make such a difference to me and make me feel more in love. I am such a woman, my love language is definitely that of 'acts of service'. Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? It is an interesting topic.

So I am committed to finding myself a proper sponsor to take me through the steps and hold me accountable. I will start to attend another ED meeting in March and onwards so I can find someone suitable and maybe someone will show up to the workshop at the end of Feb.

I will call my food sponsor tomorrow lunchtime and talk through with her and ask her to continue and we will set some guidelines so I am accountable rather than just 'flying by the seat of my pants!'.

I also commit to start reaching out and calling ED friends and asking for help when I need it, I know it is what could make the difference and I must choose to do it.

So there you go, this is where I am right now. Feeling good, currently abstinent and looking forward to a night out with some girlfriends tonight.

Bloggers Haiti Appeal

The blogging community is coming together to make a donation to buy some shelterboxes for the affected people in Haiti. Isn't that wonderful! I love to hear of good human nature winning over and people coming together to do something selfless. Unfortunately I won't be able to make a contribution to this worthy appeal as dh and I have already made a substantial contribution to the aid supplies in Haiti via Compassion, and I would urge you to make a donation, it does not matter where (as long as you know it to be a trustworthy charity!) but just help how you can and if you cannot financially donate then please pray.

Here is the link for the bloggers for Haiti just giving page, this has been running about 24 hours and already there is in excess of £1300 donated. A superb effort and well done to EnglishMum and the other bloggers who created the page and had this great idea.

I am so sad about the situation in Haiti and feel completely powerless, all I can do is pray and make a monetary contribution. Our family sponsors a child in Haiti (through Compassion - hence the instant donation when this happened) and we write to him and pray for him and his family. Carl Henri lives only 4km from the centre of the capital so it is pretty sure that he will have been affected by this disaster in some way. At the top is a couple of pictures of Carl Henri, the one on the left is when we started to sponsor him 4 years ago and the one on the right is the one we last received from him a couple of months ago. Each month we have a standing order and our £21 is very well spent ensuring that Carl Henri can attend a church based community project and develop spiritually, emotionally, physically and emotionally. Why don't you check out Compassion and see if you might like to sponsor a child, it is a fab way for us to teach our own children how privileged and lucky they are. JJ enjoys writing to Carl Henri and drawing him pictures and it is always nice to hear that our birthday or Christmas additional gift has bought him a Pig, football or pair of shoes.

Blog Comments - respond or not?

One question -

Do you respond to the comments left on your blog? What is the done thing?

I know I feel 'left out' or 'like the little kids still in the playground' when I see that others have been responded to and not me but then quite often I am commenting on blogs with 20 - 40 comments and I can not a) ever imagine getting that many comments or b) imagine having enough time to respond to everyone.

The best people to respond so far seem to be those with very busy blogs.

I am trying to respond to those who comment as I really appreciate their input and it is very nice to feel read and understood but equally I do not want to appear patronising and respond to something that does not require it - IFYWIM?

Oh, what to do?

What do you do?

Today - I look out the window and what do I see?

I look out the window and what do I see?
Green, green grass,
I am as happy as can be!

Good bye snow!

Just my thought this morning as I looked out to no snow and no ice - my idea of bliss.

What makes me Mummy......

(This equally could apply to Daddy too as we do have a very good Daddy in this house but seeing as I am writing this then it is all about me, me, me!!)

1. sewing badges on JJ's beaver outfit
2. kissing the small people when they get hurt and putting on the special cream/ plaster
3. praying for them to grow up to be happy and rounded people
4. being a taxi driver and dropping JJ to clubs and parties
5. getting the best cuddles from the kids
6. going into their rooms at night once they are sleeping and tucking them in, giving them the final kiss while they look all tranquil
7. having to discipline them when they go off the rails and wishing I could ignore it but knowing I am doing them no favours if I do
8. and of course having given birth of them. They came from this still large and flabby tummy, at least something good came from it.

Too busy to love?

I read a good article in Christianity magazine a few days ago and it has stayed with me. The title was 'Too busy to love?' with the gist being that research has shown 90% of people think their relationships could be improved. Could yours? I know mine could. I am not saying I am terrible but I could certainly give a little more attention to those I love dearly. For instance I am on this PC way too much!

The emphasis was that basically too many of us nowadays live our lives in the fast lane and forget the really important stuff. I read a good post earlier about the wonder that kids see in everyday life (and I would link to it, but can I find it now!!! grr).

The author says that the people who do any or all of the following are the least stressed -

• go for daily walks
• start their day in prayer, reflection, reading the bible or silent contemplation
• take their full lunch hour
• make sure one day a week is spent 'not working'
• take all their holiday allowance
• say 'no' when they have to.

Guess what? I can tick 5 out of the 6. not bad huh?

How many can you tick and are you feeling stressed by all this snow?

I feels real nice to be able to tick those off. Anyone who knows me or has read my blog for some time will know I have trouble relaxing and I love to be busy. So it is good to know that I am making some headway in my recovery and my personal growth towards being a human 'being' instead of a human who is always 'doing!'

Grace in Small Things

I have just visited Cool Zebras blog and read on her lovely post on the simple joys. It reminded me that I have not done a grace post in a while. So here are 5 wonderful things that make me smile -

1. Miss E smiling at Daddy and saying she is a 'Lucky girl' as he let her share his drink, such a cheeky face
2. Smelling the roast dinner cooking as I type
3. Spending a few hours this weekend making card for my friends and family
4. The wonderful joy of dh and I dancing with the kids at Church this morning. We all had a ball!
5. The super day in yesterday me and the kids had, I have attached a couple of pics of the girls in the afternoon. All that relaxing wears you out don't you know?

Today my eyes are open!

I have had a lovely morning so far today. I was awoken by a small voice shouting 'Mummy I need you', which when you think about it is just super. We all love to be needed and the little ones that need me are just divine. The silly thing is some mornings that might just annoy me if I had gone to bed too late or been woken in the night but I really must keep at the forefront of my mind how much I adore my little people.

Once I had dealt with my twinnies and they were happily playing together my big boy got up and came for a snuggle in my bed, he then went off downstairs to play on the PC and enjoy his lego games. I stayed in bed for about 40 minutes and listened to the giggles coming from the girls rooms and just chatted with them through the wall while I prayed, read some of my ED literature and generally pondered my life (Does that make me a selfish/ bad Mummy?). It was bliss and a way I would love to start each day but realistically as a working mother it won't happen. So I must treasure the times it does. It has set me up into such a good mood for today and this is why I say my eyes are open today as I have been enjoying the little things. For example:

Once I got up at about 8.30am I went in to see the girls again and we sat and read and then they decided that their Alfie teddies would like to be zipped into Mummies PJ top, I smiled at this game but what really got me laughing was when Miss M came and sat on my lap and said 'My in there Mummy'. So yes, M got zipped in my top with me and we snuggled. Miss E declined to join us but found it very funny and kept poking her Alfie in with Miss M and I.

We then went into the bathroom to brush our teeth. They watched me first and then did theirs and it amused me to watch Miss M clean the sink afterwards in just the way Mummy does!

While putting on their dressing gowns, Miss M announced that she was now Nanny and pulled out a hanky from her pocket, one I had no idea was there. My Mum stays every so often and always dresses up snug in her dressing gown and has tissues in her pocket, so it was very special to see them trying to be Nanny as well as Mummy. Normally they are me dressed in high heels with a handbag, announcing 'My going to work!'.

Then once downstairs after our porridge Miss E said she wanted to do a Noddy puzzle. I got it out and put it on the floor as I needed to do some organisation for a quiz I am organising for the school PTA. I did not expect the girls to get far as they are not even 2.5 years yet and it is a 35 piece puzzle. I kept looking as them as they wondered off came back together and slowly pieced their puzzle together. I was very proud to see that they did get the puzzle together. It just shows what twins can achieve together. I am such a proud mummy that I have posted a picture of all the kids playing nicely and of the finished puzzle. I suppose I now ought to dress the girls and think about what we might do this afternoon, it is still snowy here - will I venture out to the shops - who knows!

I am now listening to 'My done a wee, wee' in a sing song voice and then an extra chorus of 'my done a big one' from Miss E. Again another proud mummy moment that only another Mum could understand. Roll on Spring and I can properly potty training these beautiful little ladies..... they are nearly there already!

(I only know at the moment how to get pictures at the top of my post, that will be my next thing to learn, how to insert them at the appropriate place in the blog entry! - It is all a journey).

Scary Stuff!

I find this blogging lark very enjoyable and definitely therapeutic. It has been a really good outlet for me to rant and let off steam. In recent months more and more people that I know have started to read and this feels quiet difficult. On the one hand I would really like a good readership and would love some comments, on the other I am very conscious that my blog is completely self-absorbed and was aimed at being for my benefit so actually it might be really quite rubbish for others to read.

Quite a few months back I found out a really good friend of mine in NZ was reading it regularly and I had to block this knowledge out as every time I whinged or wrote something revealing I just felt stupid, exposed and embarrassed. I managed to overcome that. Then mentally a couple of months ago I gave my Mum my blog URL and now she and may Dad read it and again I feel quite exposed. I often want to explain to her that just because I write a 'feeling down' post, it does not mean I am ready to slit my wrists. It is just a one moment feeling and it passes but it helped me to write about it.

Now I have started to read loads more peoples blogs (although where some of these fab Mummy bloggers get the time to comment on 101 blogs I have no idea!) and leaving comments allows people to link to my blog and I had not consciously recognised that at first. So I expect there are people popping in here that I do not even know about, or maybe not as I am not really getting any comments. I wish I knew if my blog was OK but I am too scared to ask. I have joined British Mummy Bloggers if the hope of getting some good advice. I could just ask people there to pop in and look but not sure I am ready yet.

So I am in that position of 'do I want people to follow my blog, read it and comment on it?' or is that just too scary and I want to be left alone to whinge to the world! I suppose like everything I should just give it up to God and not try to orchestrate things and see how it goes.

Favourite Photo Meme

I love photos and have millions of them, I am forever taking them and I am not particularly good or arty but I just adore the memories that they hold. I needed some cheering up after my crappy walk home so have been looking back and here is the favourite pic I came up with (well for today anyway!).

On my wedding day (I am the bride!) with my three best friends from Uni, one of which has now deserted me and gone away to NZ and I miss her loads and loads xxx)

Sticky Fingers is creating a gallery of loads of bloggers favourite photos, so I have been brave and will add mine in too. All this sharing of my blog is giving me heart palpitations!

I just want to say thanks to New Mummy Tips who showed me how to do this clever linking and Mad Mummy who pointed me there for help.

Snow, snow go away. Never come back another day!

I am fed up of the snow already and most people I speak to are as well - even the kids! I suppose us Southerners are just not used to or prepared for this kind of weather and whilst the novelty is there for 48 hours, beyond that it is a pain! I walked JJ to school and back today as his Head Teacher is ace and one of the very few who keeps her school open as much as she can but on route I saw just one snowman. Before Xmas when we had snow nearly every garden had a snowman and this time - just the one, that must tell a story.

Anyway I have had a pretty nice day at home today with the twinnies. JJ's school was open between 10.30 - 2.30 so he got to run off some energy and I only had 2 to annoy each other rather than 3. Actually, the girls behaved really quite well but did manage to wet themselves about 6 times in a matter of 2 hours - yes nappies safely back on now. No accidents yesterday and then this - they are so unpredictable and all the time this very cold weather is here I won't be officially potty training for a while yet.

The reason I want the snow to go away is that it is so hard to get out. On the journey to school this morning I took the girls in their tandem buggy and the wheels creaked under the inches of snow and it was so heavy to push - they are about 4.5 stone between them now, my back felt like it might break. So I decided I really must not do that again this afternoon and took the girls walking to school in the snow. This was too much of a novelty and they kept touching the snow and I knew that Miss M would melt down at any minute as she was cold and that stressed me out (isn't it funny how the thought of things stresses us out rather than when it actually happens we go into 'I am British I can cope mode!' lol). We had both girls fall falt on there face at least once, cheeks were blue, hands were bright red (the gloves kept getting removed) but we did manage to get home with no one crying. There was just one shouty Mummy who had used the bribe of chuppa Chups lollies to get the kids to walk home next to me and not to run onto the road, which of course just looks like the path at the moment.

I am seriously considering whether I will send JJ to school tomorrow, don't know if I can take the stress. Oh why do my parents not live just round the corner? I can hear my Mum saying now it was me who moved away............

What to do when it is snowing?..............

.....that was the question for us earlier. Work closed, nursery closed and school closed. Decision made; we will stay in for the day and play!

but anyone who knows me will know how hard that will be. I just do not do staying in for a full day. I want to be good at snuggling on a sofa and watching TV but I find it hard. So to break up the day we had a chip shop picnic and we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves!

The walk (or trudge as it really was - back ache - oh yes I have that now after pushing a double buggy in 6" of snow!) broke up the day nicely and got us out for an hour of so. The rest of the day has been doing puzzles, playing games, stickers and JJ on the PC.

In 2010 I will......

* Fall in love with my husband all over again

* Spend lots of fun and frivolous time with my kids

* Worry less about cleaning the house

* Continue my journey of recovery from the disease of compulsive overeating

* Live one day at a time and try to enjoy every moment

* Hand my problems over to God, they are his to deal with - I just need faith!

All this thinking back to 2009 also got me thinking forward and I received a good email from one of my friends with the moral being 'Know where you're going in life...
you may already be there'. Money really does not buy everything you want, I have to remember that!