Monday, 4 May 2009

Devil on my shoulder

Well the last few days have not been great. Foodwise they have been a real struggle. My Mum has been here staying with me and that is great, we have a lovely time together but I think it also lessens my resistance, having someone else around to eat with - not that she has the same issues as me, she is 5 stone lighter for a start.

Last night dh suggested I was in denial as I was choosing to have some chocolate and now thinking back on it, he may well be right. Last night I felt I was in control and I had just made a conscious decision to have some chocolate and that it would be fine. I thought that because I was not feeling hurt/ angry/ lonely/ worried or any other type of negative emotion that it was OK to have it. I now just think the devil was tapping away at me and helping me to be naughty. Slowly over the last few days I have had more and more naughty things (things I have no control over).

Yesterday I ate - weetabix and milk for breakfast, roast pork in a roll for lunch. All fine to here, then things went to pot! Piece of coffee cake, 2 choc chip cookies, 1 chocolate mini roll, 1 tiny brownie, few chipstick crisps, packet of chocolate, half tub Ben and Jerrys ice cream and a beef roast dinner with yorkshires. Oh what a day!

I have prayed hard this morning and I will endeavour to pray throughout the day to ensure that I do not have such a rubbish day again. No one said this abstinence and getting my eating in order would be easy - did they?

Onwards and upwards, feeling positive at the moment, sitting at 16 stone right now, so really hope that by my Thursday weigh in, I will be down in the 15's and back at a weight I have not been at since 2006.

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