So here I am, one week after joining the super #MumenTum ladies on our journey towards being slimmer and more healthy (or whatever people's chosen goals are) and I am not even going to weigh myself today as I have not been good this week! I know this, so what is the point of standing on the scales and confirming this? My problem would be, if I got on the scales and they said more weight I would be depressed, even though it is justified, I just ate this, of course it would be justified -
but if the scales said less, then that is even more dangerous, as the way I have eaten this week I do not deserve to have lost weight and thus if I have by some freak accident I would use that as my proof to keep eating excessively. My eating is so psychologically mucked up it is untrue.
I had a conversation with a good friend of mine a few weeks back and she said I was just like her sister with my eating, that we eat on our emotions (which is true) and we punish ourselves. 'No' said I, 'I don't do that'. and I did not think another thing about it. Roll forward about 3 weeks and I am down scrubbing the kitchen floor (good exercise don't you know?) when I am thinking about a conversation I had with someone recently. Her marriage had broken up and she was with another guy now and she said 'please don't judge me'. I of course replied along the lines of 'who was I to judge, only God had the right to judge' and bam, thunderbolt moment.
There was me saying only God has the right to judge and I realised that I judge myself all the time. If I have a bad day and shout at the kids I judge, if I eat too much, I judge, if I drive badly, I judge. But do I ever judge others? no not really, I learnt that lesson a while back. I clearly heard the message that I had to stop condemning myself. Then it got me thinking if I judge and condemn myself and then feel bad that is one of the times I reach for the food - am I punishing myself? Yes I think perhaps I am. What a great big realisation!
The next day, who do I find myself talking to again, but the original friend, the one with the sister the same as me and this time she tells me about how well her sister is doing with her weight loss as she is sleeping more and it is proven that a lack of sleep will make weight loss harder. Oh bugger, why did I not know this? Realisation dawns yet again.
I am completely grateful to have realised these two things, as knowing means I can do something about them. As you know I have a big task ahead of me, about 7 stone needs to be shifted, so small but firm steps are needed. I know that once I am on the right path the weight loss will follow, so here are this weeks aims to help me towards my new healthier self -
- Laptop off by 10pm every night and in bed to sleep by 11pm every night for at least the first week
- Record what I have eaten every day, so I can see a true picture of what is going in my mouth, when and what I was feeling at the time will also be noted
How about the rest of you #MumenTum ladies? You doing OK? I sincerely hope so.
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