9 Life Lessons for my Children to Live By #ChooseToChallenge #IWD2021

It's International Women's Day tomorrow (8th March) and I try to mark this special day each year, either in real life or on my blog. It's a day when we recognise that although there have been great steps forward in terms of gender equality, we acknowledge that there is still a long way to go for there to be equal representation of women in all forums - business, the media, politics, religion and academia.

This year the theme of IWD 2021 is #ChooseToChallenge, where we are all encouraged to challenge gender bias and inequality. I think you can also take the meaning of that hashtag wider too and choose to challenge any kind of discrimination that you witness or become aware of.  Also, it's important to choose to challenge behaviour and attitudes that you don't agree with. As an outspoken and ballsy woman, it has been a journey for me to be able to challenge things in a non-threatening way. Many people find me too much, a bit forceful and for a while that shut me up, but starting to work with charities and NGOs like Save the Children and ONE Campaign changed all that and I had to start shouting about the things that upset me and I was happy to challenge once again.

As I reflected on that today I was keen for my children to know that it is OK to challenge the things that do not sit right with them. This is something I have been teaching each of them since an early age, especially Miss E as she is less forthright than the other two. Of course, with the noisy ones that are naturally more like me, I've been trying to help them soften a little and be able to put their point across in a kind way, allowing others to feel differently too. 

This reflecting led on to more thinking, as it often does with me and I ended up making up a list of the life lessons I want my children to know and understand. Things I think it is important to live by. They are, of course, very different people to me so they have to make up their own mind whether they want to live by these nuggets of wisdom or not, but I'll just do my part and pass them on.

International Day of the Girl - Advice to my Teenage Self #AdviceforGirls

Sorry for the image quality but when you are dealing with pictures taken in 1990 before the digital camera was even around, you tend to find they aren't the best quality. The above is me aged 17 years; I'm on holiday in Corfu with my (then) boyfriend. 

Today, on International Day of the Girl Compassion UK asked me to share a picture of myself aged 15 years old and I didn't have one to hand, this is as long ago as I can access, so it will have to do. The idea is to share the advice I would give to my teenage self, so here goes....

Hey Mich, You're just a teenager still and already you have been on a number of diets and berated yourself for the way you look, but come on... just take a good look at that image above, you are gorgeous, you are brilliant and you are filled with potential. 

What I want you to know is that you are so much more than a body and a face. Please don't take any notice of what you see in the magazines, what you overhear the popular girls say about you, what the boys at the youth club or at school whisper about you, or even what you hear well-meaning relatives say when they think you're not listening. You are amazing!

In Psalm 139 God tells you that He knows you, inside and out, that He sees you, that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and that most importantly, you can never escape Him or His love for you. You don't need to meet societies expectations for beauty, because you already meet Gods. 

Mich, you are enough. God knows it, you need to believe it and live it. Please don't waste your time striving to be thinner, to be browner, to fit in or to be liked. Be uniquely you Mich, that is how God made you and He doesn't make mistakes. 

Have you got any idea how well this body will serve you in life? It will carry you to Ethiopia, Belarus and Washington as an advocate and activist working to help put an end to extreme poverty. It will birth three amazing and unique little beings. It will be a friend to many and help dozens of people, as a friend, volunteer and co-worker. 

Please don't waste another minute worrying Mich. God tells you not to be anxious  but to present your requests to Him in prayer and thanksgiving (Philippians 4:6-7). So the best thing you could do, right now, aged 17 years old is turn your life over to Christ and come to know His never-ending love for you.

He's got your back Mich! Just believe it.......

Of course today, many girls the world over, are worrying about their body and their beauty, just like I did and have done for many, many years. But as well as these kinds of worries like |I had, there are also girls in so many countries who are worrying about much bigger issues, like where to get clean water or their next meal from, or perhaps who their husband will be when they marry at age 15 or 16.

Research from NGO Save the Children showed that Brazil is the worst country in South America in terms of girls development opportunities. It scores 102 out of 144 countries and the data is based on teenage marriage, teenage pregnancy and those girls completing secondary education.

Given these facts, Compassion UK chooses Brazil as the focus for their Handbook for Girls campaign, which is hoping to educate teenage girls there and change the amount of them dropping out of education early.

Image thanks to Compassion UK

Launched this summer, the campaign aims to raise £20,000 so that all 10,000 girls in Compassion's church-based projects in Brazil receive a Handbook with vital information on health, education, relationships and employment. The Handbooks are being developed by Compassion Brazil’s programme staff in partnership with child development experts, including psychologists and education professionals, and are aimed at girls aged 12-20 years.

What’s more, church partners will receive training in how best to support girls in the topics covered in the Handbook and boys will participate in workshops on the value of women. Each book costs just £2 to produce and distribute, which I think is a great use of such little money.

If you think what Compassion are doing in Brazil is important then I'd urge you to text EMPOWER to 70140 to give £4 and change the life of two girls in Brazil and visit Compassion UK for more information and the text-to-donate terms and conditions. 

Thanks for getting involved friends. It might not seem a lot we can do from the comfort of our warm homes here in the UK, but as I always maintain, every small action adds up and creates a ripple of change that one day will be so big it makes a monumental difference.

It has to be said - #PovertyisSexist

This is Judi, from Kenya.

When she was 15, her father tried to force her to marry an older man. Her future suddenly looked very bleak. No secondary education, no career and little hope of earning her own money. 

But Judi’s stepmother wanted a different life for her so they left and headed for the Umoja community of women. Judi stayed on at school and learnt to speak English. Now aged 21 years she works in the museum within her community teaching about the Samburu people, using her language skills to talk with the tourists who come to stay . 

Judi is a success story, she has a strong stepmother who stood up for her and fought for her. We all need someone like that in our lives and in fact we can all be that woman (or man). I've never met Judi and as much as I'd like to chances are I never will but I can fight for her. I can speak up about injustice and I can spread awareness and lobby for change. I am that strong woman.

Why do more Daddies go to work than Mummies?

This was the question my 10 year old JJ asked me the other day.

"I'm not sure babe" was my response. "I suppose it is because the mummies are the ones who physically have the baby and then it just happens that they stay home for a while, often they are breastfeeding. Also in our country they get paid to take leave and stay home whereas the daddy can only have paid leave 20 weeks after the baby has been born and even then it is only if the mummy goes back to work, the government are not making easy for the dads to stay at home".

This wasn't enough for him though and he carried on "but things are changing aren't they mummy? When you were a little girl no dads ever dropped their kids off to school did they and some do now? It is OK for daddies to stay at home and for mums to go to work instead now isn't it?".

This of course opened up a great conversation about how it was more than OK for women to be working nowadays and to be doing all the things that men do and vice versa. Thank goodness things are progressing here in the UK and whilst our legislation in regard to maternity and paternity pay is slow to get to the standard it needs to be it is at least moving in the right direction.

Sadly the same can not be said for every country the world over and there are still many countries were the sexes are treated completely differently. One thing that does seem to stand out across the world sadly is that poverty is affecting women and girls disproportionately. Of course poverty in this country is not quite the same as poverty in third world nations but never the less there are far too many women going without food so they can offer the very little they have to their children.

Photo Credit - Karen Walrond/ONE

The NGO (non-governmental organisation) that I travelled to Ethiopia with in October 2012 have launched a fabulous new resource for anyone who has an interest in seeing an end to extreme poverty and particularly for those who have an interest in girls and women's affairs. Click on the link to go and visit the ONE Girls & Women initiative. Each month there is a guest curator who will tell you a little of their story and also introduce some great reads, videos, play lists or photos that have spoken to them. It is a great place to stay in touch with what is happening  in the fight against extreme poverty. ONE work with all the big charities and aid agencies so if you already have a favourite charity that you support you do not need to feel compromised by supporting the campaigning and advocacy work that ONE do too. Some of my favourite web pages of ONE are the Living Proof ones where you can read about the success stories and how progress is being made and change is happening in the fight against extreme poverty.

As per always with ONE, they will never ask for money from you, what they want is your voice. We know that when we collectively come together people in positions of power start to listen and change can happen, so why don't you sign up and add your voice. This month they are asking people to add their name to a petition to show that we believe those living in Sub-Saharan Africa also have a right to electricity. Currently 7 out of 10 people in Sub-Saharan Africa do not and they will give birth by candlelight or eat food which could not be refrigerated adequately. Read more about why it is important that people can be lifted out of energy poverty here.

You might not have heard of the ONE Campaign before if you live in the UK, as sadly the profile here is fairly low but don't let that put you off. Take a look, find out who ONE are and realise they are credible and have nearly 6 million members across the world. Do you want to sign up too? Go on, it is easy and will mean that the latest information arrives direct to your inbox.

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If you like what you have read and want to stay up-to-date then subscribe by email for free and receive blog posts directly to your in-box - just click the link Subscribe to Mummy From The Heart... by Email or perhaps you like to keep all your blog reading in one place, if that is the case you can follow me on BlogLovin too!

As a parent I am the antidote to the norms and expectations of society

It's been a funny old week on social media, loads of bare-faced (ie: no make-up) selfie snaps have started to crop up on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. What I've seen is lots of women getting on board and doing this (hurting no one I must add) and then a whole load of other people slating them for doing it. What right has anyone to judge another's actions when they are causing no harm?

For the record I'm not big on the viral campaigns that happen on social media every so often and I choose not to get involved. Declaring what bra colour I'm wearing and being cryptic to all the men on Facebook does not appeal to me but I just quietly decline and carry on donating and raising awareness for the charities that ignite my passion.

However many people are completely for cancer related charities and I get that and they want to do their bit to help. So posting a no-make photo on a social media channel won't change the world but it might help one women think about checking her breasts, or a guy his balls for a lump. That's good, right?

I feel mad as anything that after all the animosity people now seem to feel they have to justify why they are posting a selfie picture and we are now seeing lots of images of confirmation of text donations to Cancer Research. People, you do not have to justify your actions to the social media police. You are an adult, do what suits you, we all make our own decisions. Post a photo if you want, post a link to Cancer Research, post a link to how to check for signs of cancer or make a donation, it is completely down to you.

What I have been really pleased to see this week is lots of conversations about women, about our faces without make-up, about our laughter lines, about societies expectations of us and how we should look. These are great conversations. When I see things like my SIL showing her 17 year old daughter that it is OK to go out in public without make-up and feel good about it, my heart lifts a bit.

As mother I feel I need to try and offer the antidote to the norms and expectations that society, TV program's, glossy magazines and advertising are placing on my children. I regularly go without make-up. Why? Because I want to? Sometimes I can't be arsed, sometimes I want to give my skin a rest and other times it might just be too hot in the summer to worry.

This doesn't mean that I'm lucky and I have no spots or lines. I'm 40 years old and about 7 stone overweight, I have my issues, which you will clearly realise if you have ever read this blog before but I do feel passionate that even though there are parts we want to change, we must not get hung-up with what is expected of us. We can tell our children all sorts of wonderful things and encourage them to live different to us but you know what will stay with them? Your actions, they watch you and learn from you and when you flinch when they cuddle your flab they see that and subconsciously register 'fat is bad'. So in the same ilk when you refuse to never go bare-faced they register that and the subconscious says 'ladies must wear make-up every day'.

You might read that and get mad at me, what am I putting on you? All these responsibilities that you hold as a parent, they just feel too much to bare and how will you cope? But you will, we all do. We won't do parenting and modelling perfectly but we will do it good enough and we need to give ourselves a break and recognise that we are good enough and real. perfection does not exist!

And there ends my rant. What is your take on this?

Oh and if you feel like donating to Cancer Research then I'll make it easy for you and here's the link - http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/

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If you like what you have read and want to stay up-to-date then subscribe by email for free and receive blog posts directly to your in-box - just click the link Subscribe to Mummy From The Heart... by Email or perhaps you like to keep all your blog reading in one place, if that is the case you can follow me on BlogLovin too!

Beautifully Different...... Yes all of us women

Before I say too much, have a watch of this video. It was made by a friend of mine and has no sales or charity angle.  This is just about you, as a woman.... go on, it is 3 minutes of your life that you won't regret...



I only watched this video yesterday for the first time but it had an effect on me straight away.  It is truly awesome (said in my best American accent).

Last week I was in Ethiopia and our official trip photographer was Karen Walrond, wife (to an English man), Mom, blogger, author, public speaker and all round amazing lady.  This woman oozes confidence and beauty and is a perfect ambassador for her philosophy that 'what makes us different makes us beautiful'. Look at that stunning smile, you can imagine what a wicked sense of humour she has.  She was one of the first people to greet Jen and I as we arrived in Addis Ababa and there could have been no-one better as instantly we were hugged and welcomed.

I did not come to a full realisation until last week what an issue I have with the way I look.  Since having Bells Palsy in 2006 I hate my smile in photos, all I see is an asymmetrical smile and I never feel happy with it.  Karen does not see that and I need to learn to see myself as she does. This lady knows that every face tells a unique and fascinating story.

A couple of times last week I recall thinking about the gorgeous smiles of the women we met in Ethiopia, women that might have been in the sex trade, that could have known true hunger or that have so many facial lines from working hard in the harsh sunlight all their lives.  But I did not look at them and think they were ugly or anything else derogatory, I just saw their joy and happiness and the way that translated into their smiles and faces. I saw beauty.

I really loved the fact that they had no vanity and did not worry what the photos might come out like.

I need to take a leaf from their book, I need my joy to translate to my face, so there is something for me to work on, less vanity and more enjoyment of life.  To the right is a picture that Karen took of me and I need to embrace that photo and see the beauty in it don't I? If I'm completely honest what I see right now is double chins, an eye that does not open properly on the right and the asymmetrical smile. So many occasions last week people said to me 'smile Michelle' and that was my smile. I've obviously got used to masking.

It was a real eye opener when a number of the women I travelled with felt the need to affirm me and comment on how I was beautiful or compassionate or the owner of a unique voice. It sure did make me realise that I disrespect myself a fair amount.  I need to stop putting me down and start being my number one champion!

I once wrote a post called I am Beautiful - I think I'll go and re-read that now.  It might be very helpful.

Yes indeed I am sure it will, I truly had no idea that this was even an issue for me, let alone one that has made me sit here and cry as I write this. I could make a flip comment now and put it down to tiredness and time of the month but actually I need to accept this is an issue for me and I need to work on that.

What about you?  What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Image Credit for picture of Karen Walrond: Maile Wilson

Image credit for picture of me:  Karen Walrond