Accepting Yourself as You Are #TheSelfieTalk

Image Credit: Dove

I was very interested to see that Dove have a new campaign, the #reverseselfie where they take an image that has been shared on social media and roll back the time, removing any filters, edits etc.

When you arrive at their webpage, titled “building self-esteem in the social media age” the first statistic that greets you is “by age 13, 80% of girls distort the way they look online” and as you read that you might feel pretty shocked, sickened or saddened. I know I did. Why? I thought to myself, why do they feel the need to edit their pictures and make themselves look different? Just look at those images above, that young girl on the right is almost unrecognisable by the distortions to the image on the left, and a 13 year old has become 20. That's truly what you call a lost youth. 

As I mused on this for a few days, I started to wonder if the problem really is as big as many adults assume? Are young girls intrinsically unhappy with the way they look and feeling pressure to be different? Also, Is it any different now to when I was 13, 34 years ago, before the age of social media? When I was at school I remember there being girls who wouldn’t come to school without a full face of make-up or their hair pristine. Isn't this just a newer version of that?

I suppose the big difference now, is that back in my day if you had bad hair, maybe 100 people saw it at school (if they even noticed you) but now if you post a bad hair day picture on social media there is an infinite amount of people who could look at it and it could go on being viewed for days, weeks or even months. Nowadays you have keyboard warriors too, those who want to share their opinion, even if it is negative. Believing that by sharing a photo, you invited their criticism or comment. 

So when I found myself in the car with my twin 13-year-old girls last week I asked them about posting pictures on social media and how they feel about it as I've noticed they both rarely post anything to their Instagram grid preferring to share stories instead. There are also a lot of filters and specific poses or effects used. For instance, I notice they like to take photos of themselves in the mirror, so it is a reflective look and maybe their tongue will poke to the side, or they make a sign with their hands. I'm pleased to say none of the trout pout or porno style shots has been in evidence from my girls. 

One pointed out to me that many of the filters or apps she uses are for fun, they aren’t about looking more beautiful or perfect. They might be a selfie in a face mask, or with silly big eyes, they are just a bit of fun, a way of expressing herself with her friends.

The other said she didn’t know anyone who actually took the time to use a photo editor to slim their body, change nose shape, elongate their neck etc. So that felt encouraging. She said that young people just want to post a photo they are happy with on social media and to show their best self. How is this any different to many adults, she questioned? And she is right, I wouldn't put a photo up where I felt I looked awful. For me, it won't be about a full face of make-up, but it might be about hiding my crooked smile, left from when I had Bells Palsy, or making my huge tummy not look so big. We each have our insecurities and just because I do not share photos of them on social media, does not mean I am tricking the world. I'm just posting what I am happy with and that is about me, and not you.

Embrace Autumn - Our Walk at Home #CountryKids

Now I realise not everyone is as lucky as us and doesn't have this kind of walk on their doorstep but literally everywhere is beautiful in the Autumn.  Even in massive cities there are public parks and green spaces where the leaves are changing colours and falling from the trees.

I swore when we moved to our unique home 27 months ago that I would never take the beauty of this place for granted and I don't think I have but our walk yesterday did make me realise I have also not been making the best of it and getting out enough.

It is probably six weeks since I have last been for a really long walk and taken my camera with me. The girls and I rediscovered the grounds at our home on this Autumnal walk and had loads of fun too. All these photos are taken around the estate that we live in.

As a parent I am the antidote to the norms and expectations of society

It's been a funny old week on social media, loads of bare-faced (ie: no make-up) selfie snaps have started to crop up on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. What I've seen is lots of women getting on board and doing this (hurting no one I must add) and then a whole load of other people slating them for doing it. What right has anyone to judge another's actions when they are causing no harm?

For the record I'm not big on the viral campaigns that happen on social media every so often and I choose not to get involved. Declaring what bra colour I'm wearing and being cryptic to all the men on Facebook does not appeal to me but I just quietly decline and carry on donating and raising awareness for the charities that ignite my passion.

However many people are completely for cancer related charities and I get that and they want to do their bit to help. So posting a no-make photo on a social media channel won't change the world but it might help one women think about checking her breasts, or a guy his balls for a lump. That's good, right?

I feel mad as anything that after all the animosity people now seem to feel they have to justify why they are posting a selfie picture and we are now seeing lots of images of confirmation of text donations to Cancer Research. People, you do not have to justify your actions to the social media police. You are an adult, do what suits you, we all make our own decisions. Post a photo if you want, post a link to Cancer Research, post a link to how to check for signs of cancer or make a donation, it is completely down to you.

What I have been really pleased to see this week is lots of conversations about women, about our faces without make-up, about our laughter lines, about societies expectations of us and how we should look. These are great conversations. When I see things like my SIL showing her 17 year old daughter that it is OK to go out in public without make-up and feel good about it, my heart lifts a bit.

As mother I feel I need to try and offer the antidote to the norms and expectations that society, TV program's, glossy magazines and advertising are placing on my children. I regularly go without make-up. Why? Because I want to? Sometimes I can't be arsed, sometimes I want to give my skin a rest and other times it might just be too hot in the summer to worry.

This doesn't mean that I'm lucky and I have no spots or lines. I'm 40 years old and about 7 stone overweight, I have my issues, which you will clearly realise if you have ever read this blog before but I do feel passionate that even though there are parts we want to change, we must not get hung-up with what is expected of us. We can tell our children all sorts of wonderful things and encourage them to live different to us but you know what will stay with them? Your actions, they watch you and learn from you and when you flinch when they cuddle your flab they see that and subconsciously register 'fat is bad'. So in the same ilk when you refuse to never go bare-faced they register that and the subconscious says 'ladies must wear make-up every day'.

You might read that and get mad at me, what am I putting on you? All these responsibilities that you hold as a parent, they just feel too much to bare and how will you cope? But you will, we all do. We won't do parenting and modelling perfectly but we will do it good enough and we need to give ourselves a break and recognise that we are good enough and real. perfection does not exist!

And there ends my rant. What is your take on this?

Oh and if you feel like donating to Cancer Research then I'll make it easy for you and here's the link - http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/

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