Look for the light....

Quite a while back I watched this Youtube clip from a TEDx conference held in Houston last year. The talk is given by my lovely friend Karen Walrond who writes the uber blog Chookooloonks and she has to be watched to be believed. I've written about Karen before as she is the author of a fabulous book too - The Beauty of Different and this TEDx talks expands on her theme that we are all beautiful and that it is our difference that gives us that beauty. This time Karen asks us all to 'look for the light' but don't believe me that she is good. Believe the 83,383 views that this clip has had in the last six months. It is about 15 minutes long but worth it I believe.



So I mentioned that Karen asks us all to look for the light within a person, not to just disregard them based on the prejudices that society has taught us. In her talk she shares lots of pictures from our shared trip to Ethiopia and then asks people what they see. Take this picture I took (not half as good as Karen's but you'll get the idea). If you saw this person walking down the street in the UK what would you think?

Tattoos on the face and neck - she must be part of a gang?
Very young - bad mother?
Child with runny nose/ dirty clothes - neglectful mother?
Poorly dressed - benefits scrounger/ on drugs?
Large cross around her neck - with a cult? brain washed?

We are all guilty of making snap judgements at times and that is when we forget to look for what is good in a person, or that special light. Karen urges each one of us to go about our day and to look for familiarity, sameness, resonance in everything we see. I know from being in Ethiopia that the lady pictured above was a very loving mother and was far older than you could imagine. As we interacted with her with all felt that bond of motherhood and there was much the same about us, despite how different it appears on the surface.

Since Karen opened my eyes to this, I have to admit I've been looking for the light in people. Not every day, I'm not perfect, I don't always remember but when I do I am richly rewarded. I see my new neighbour next door who is full of light, so much so that she practically glows but I also see it in my kids as they annoy me and act out. I noticed it Friday night in the lady that came and sat next to me at a service, we had never met before but we got talking and as part of the service we were asked to write down our impressions of each other and to pass those over. These were proper first impressions and the word that encompassed this lady for me was beautiful. Beautiful and in love with Jesus.

I was so blessed when she gave me her impressions on what she saw in me -

Kind, warm, generous, friendly, sincere, non-judgemental.
Pragmatic and practical, more concerned with deeper, more meaningful issues than with the superficial.
A good friend to have in difficult and good times.

How amazing is it to hear those things from a stranger? We had chatted for barely 10 minutes and she saw all this in me. This lady certainly had the gift to look for the light.

I'm not telling you this so you can hear how great I am, I'm mentioning it as it is so important to look for our own light as well as that of others. I have always tried to adopt the life stance that I'll think well of others until proved otherwise and this light searching fits right in with that, but it dares to go one step further.

Before we talked about our impressions of each other we had to write down how we saw ourself. The first word I wrote? Well fat of course, as sadly I allow that label to dominate me and much of the rest was pretty negative too. I knew I had potential but I did not build myself up and compliment me as I might have others, why is it we are so self-critical?

I dearly need to look for my light and recognise it every day. I'm OK. In fact I'm better than OK, I'm great.

Here is a 20 minute short film we watched as part of the service last Friday. It is mind-blowing, I've never heard of it before but I had been missing out. My favourite line from the film is 'the greater the struggle the more glorious the triumph'. When you have some time, I'd urge you to have a watch, it fits right in with the looking for the light philosophy.

I've got myself a new task to add to my list for the rest of my life - I must look for the light. Do you fancy joining me?

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Beautifully Different...... Yes all of us women

Before I say too much, have a watch of this video. It was made by a friend of mine and has no sales or charity angle.  This is just about you, as a woman.... go on, it is 3 minutes of your life that you won't regret...



I only watched this video yesterday for the first time but it had an effect on me straight away.  It is truly awesome (said in my best American accent).

Last week I was in Ethiopia and our official trip photographer was Karen Walrond, wife (to an English man), Mom, blogger, author, public speaker and all round amazing lady.  This woman oozes confidence and beauty and is a perfect ambassador for her philosophy that 'what makes us different makes us beautiful'. Look at that stunning smile, you can imagine what a wicked sense of humour she has.  She was one of the first people to greet Jen and I as we arrived in Addis Ababa and there could have been no-one better as instantly we were hugged and welcomed.

I did not come to a full realisation until last week what an issue I have with the way I look.  Since having Bells Palsy in 2006 I hate my smile in photos, all I see is an asymmetrical smile and I never feel happy with it.  Karen does not see that and I need to learn to see myself as she does. This lady knows that every face tells a unique and fascinating story.

A couple of times last week I recall thinking about the gorgeous smiles of the women we met in Ethiopia, women that might have been in the sex trade, that could have known true hunger or that have so many facial lines from working hard in the harsh sunlight all their lives.  But I did not look at them and think they were ugly or anything else derogatory, I just saw their joy and happiness and the way that translated into their smiles and faces. I saw beauty.

I really loved the fact that they had no vanity and did not worry what the photos might come out like.

I need to take a leaf from their book, I need my joy to translate to my face, so there is something for me to work on, less vanity and more enjoyment of life.  To the right is a picture that Karen took of me and I need to embrace that photo and see the beauty in it don't I? If I'm completely honest what I see right now is double chins, an eye that does not open properly on the right and the asymmetrical smile. So many occasions last week people said to me 'smile Michelle' and that was my smile. I've obviously got used to masking.

It was a real eye opener when a number of the women I travelled with felt the need to affirm me and comment on how I was beautiful or compassionate or the owner of a unique voice. It sure did make me realise that I disrespect myself a fair amount.  I need to stop putting me down and start being my number one champion!

I once wrote a post called I am Beautiful - I think I'll go and re-read that now.  It might be very helpful.

Yes indeed I am sure it will, I truly had no idea that this was even an issue for me, let alone one that has made me sit here and cry as I write this. I could make a flip comment now and put it down to tiredness and time of the month but actually I need to accept this is an issue for me and I need to work on that.

What about you?  What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Image Credit for picture of Karen Walrond: Maile Wilson

Image credit for picture of me:  Karen Walrond