Making Progress...

Myself and my friend Rachel (Mid Life Single Mum) agreed we'd post every couple of weeks to stay accountable for how we are doing in relation to the changes we want to make to our lives. She suggested we do a Slimming Sunday post, as that was something we both used to do and I thought, yes great idea but then I've been thinking about posting yesterday and today and not feeling at all motivated.

As I mused why, I realised that my focus isn't on slimming. Yes, of course I need to lose a serious amount of weight, but that isn't so I'll be slim. Being slim and being able to dress in whichever clothes I fancy will be a nice bonus, but the main thing is to lose weight to improve my health and get rid of the many ailments I currently have.

On Friday 6th September I started to make choices that would lead to better health for me and I want to celebrate those good choices. There have been times, even days in the last week or so when I haven't been great, when my choice has perhaps been a poor one, but I don't want to linger on those times and beat myself up, I want to focus on the good and as such I'll link this post up with Reasons to be Cheerful as I am seriously grateful for the good choices I have been making, some of which will seem so silly to many but for me they are steps in the right direction - progress.

• I faced the music and went to see my doctor to get weighed and to have my blood pressure checked. I was super pleased to find I was only 0.5kg more than when I last saw her about six months ago and my BP was fine.
• I've had some great days food wise, making good choices and not feeling deprived because of them
• I've been eating fruit. This might not sound much to many, but fruit I've always regarded as a waste of calories and I've chosen an apple, bananas and plums this week
• I even muttered the words 'no, I'm not hungry' when offered something by JJ
• I restarted at the gym and had a gym and a swimming session last week, at two different places. My membership gives me access to about six clubs and I intend to explore them all
• I've been choosing to drink tea over coffee as this saves me milk and sugar in every cup
• My water intake has been good and I've been remembering to hydrate
• I haven't been allowing other peoples negative moods impact on me
• I contacted my coach and we set up a meeting to talk and this always helps me to clear my thoughts and to be sure of where I am heading
• I've been making more time to read and pray each each

It's been an acceptable start to making better choices and improving my life for the better. There is four years until I hit 50 and that feels like a great milestone to head towards.

Onwards and upwards!

Linking up with Becky at Lakes Single Mum

I want to be a Firework!

The last couple of weeks I have had a post going round and round in my head.  I keep wanting to ask you dear readers, How do I learn to love myself?  Do not get me wrong, I do not hate myself and there are no worries about me doing anything rash like self-harming but I have realised of late that I do not love and treasure myself as much as I should.  I can easily find fault with myself and when I am not performing at my optimum I am very hard on myself and seem to find it impossible to accept that my best for that day is good enough.

I am completely a woman of contrasts, I will happily tell you all that it is right to try your best and that good enough is just that but apply that logic to myself and I go deaf.

What is even more sad is that I know this, deep down I know this and am able to write it in this post but I just do not feel it.  I have wondered if I need to look in the mirror and start to tell myself that I like what I see.  I like my hair, I like the colour of my eyes.... there is a start!

I think I am a bit lost on my journey through life at the moment if I am honest.  I am not necessarily unhappy and certainly not depressed but I just get confused about what is right and what is good enough.  Many people would say that I need to give myself a break.  I am not interested in comparing myself to other people, I know I measure up on that count, it is about how I measure up to my own standards and expectations that I have a problem with.  Of course, realistically these are too high and it could be that character defect 'perfectionism' at fault here.  The great ED (Eating Disorder) workshop that I went on recently was titled Progress not Perfection and I do think that is an excellent sentiment, if only I could buy into it with my heart and whole being.

So there I was pondering this today and I sat down for 5 minutes to fold the washing and Katy Perry came onto the music channel.  She started to sing and I thought 'ohh I love this song, I had no idea it was her or that those were the words'.  What really struck me though was watching the video that goes with it.  It is truly amazing and I have now been inspired to be a firework.  What particularly struck a cord with me was the curvy young woman stripping off to her bikini and joining in with the fun at the pool party.  Life is for living and in that split second she seemed to realise that and put all her self-conscious feelings aside.

Now, if only I could follow suit and know that I am a firework and love myself enough to stop stuffing my face with unnecessary food.  I kid myself that it is a comfort or a treat but I know that deep down I eat to stay fat.  What I do not yet know is why, but one day I will find this out and for now I know that progress on this journey is enough....