Friday 16 September 2011

Building Trust in your Family

Trust. It is quite a word, a big word, one with importance, not one that I use that easily I would say.  Ask me who or what I have complete trust in and I may be pushed to think of that many things:  my husband, my parents, my own abilities, some friends, some aspects of what my children do.  Maybe not about whether they will tell me fibs! I don't think they yet understand the significance of those lies for me to trust that they will not do it.

Trust has to be earned I feel, I would not automatically leave my children in the care of a new friend but I would with a friend that I have grown to know over a period of time and seen they are worthy of my trust.  So how strange it is it that I would leave my kids with a registered childminder, that is putting my trust in a system and believing they will have been vetted properly and have the right skill and attention to look after them.  I am pretty sure my gut/ intuition would have something to do with my willingness in that case as well. So many factors go into building a case for trust.

It seems funny to me that I say trust has to be earned when actually I am trying to adopt a philosophy of believing the best of everyone, of trusting them from the start.  This is where there are varying level of trust, it is a very fluid thing.  Nothing set in stone.  I can trust a new friend with some personal details about me but not my deepest secret nor the care of my kids.  Common sense has to come into it or you would always be mistrusting and never reach any great relationship depths with anyone.  Taking calculated risks (with forethought) is a great thing as it can lead to many super outcomes. I do think it is really important to trust that people are not out to hurt you or let you down though, if we think positive we will be rewarded 99% of the time.

Trust is something that is pretty tricky to teach your kids if you were looking to do it from a totally logical standpoint.  It is one of those things that fall into the 'children learn what they live philosphy'.  If we as parents show them we can be trusted with their concerns and confidences, if we model a positive relationship with our partners and if we leave them with other trusted adults then we start to instill that value of trust in them.

This month Vosene Families are focusing on the concept of trust in the family. They say that trust is part of keeping our families calm and conflict free, helping everyone to be honest and able to express their feelings. This is a really great reminder for me, as Miss E is a bit of a whinger and I am always tempted to just tell her to stop whinging when actually what works best is for me to ask her what is wrong and then to listen to her concern and that normally cures it.  Yes it takes me a little longer but she feels validated, it has to be a better outcome doesn't it?

I have entered the Vosene competition for this month and submitted the above photo of my Mum and Dad long with the girls and their dog as the ultimate picture capturing Trust.  There is not one area in life that I would not trust my parents with and that makes me so blessed. If my children feel like that about dh and I when they are grown up then I will know I have done an amazing job as a parent.

If you would like to vote for us, just click on this link and enter your name and email address.  You won't get sent any spam I promise.  It just takes a few minutes.

Thanks, Mich x

This is not a sponsored post, I have not been asked to write this.
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