It has been a really uncomfortable week, you know the kind - just nothing sits quite right and you don’t really feel your normal contented self.
Logically I know all is OK, I’m on track in life and I’m where God wants me to be right now. I don’t have all the answers and I have no idea where I‘m heading but that is OK, I’m willing to trust and know that the right things will come in time.
I believe it is one of those weeks when God is working on you, refining you, revealing to you the parts you need to work on, those that are still of the flesh and full of sin. I’m reminded of something I once read - that God is more concerned with your character than your comfort and that is exactly how this week has been - uncomfortable.
I’ve not been inspired to write and that is so unlike me, in fact I’ve not wanted to do much, I’ve just felt blur and at odds with myself. I went to a session last Monday evening about life coaching and this really opened me up to some serious self-examination. In fact it threw up in the air some things I thought I knew about myself.
It reminded me of traits I don’t like about myself. Like my desire to be liked, to feel needed, to be respected, to be able to help and to be seen rather than invisible. I have no idea quite why I’m so needy, I really do need to examine that or give it a poke as Antonia would say.
For many years now God has been telling me to stop ‘doing’ and to start ‘being’ and I think I have done quite well with that over the last six months or so since we moved but I’ve got to a point where I feel I need to be doing more and making more of an impact but actually this week God has been telling me that what I need to do is work on accepting me for who I am and not worrying about doing so much. I need to rely on God more and look to Him for affirmation and guidance, rather than worrying that I don’t fit in here, that no-one likes my kids or that I’m a fat slob.
I need to find that perfect balance of doing enough to enable me to become the person God wants me to be and coming to a place where I just love and accept me for being me. Not having to accomplish anything, just liking Mich and knowing I’m OK.
There is work to be done here....... but it is all a journey and I'll get there in His good time.
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