Thursday 10 October 2019

But don't you get lonely Mum?

Woman with take away coffee, out walking
Heading out on my own for a walk and pray around the grounds of my home

Earlier this week I was booked in for a spa day at our local Bannatynes. You can get really good deals on Wowcher and I decided at the beginning of this year that at least a couple of times a year I would treat myself to a day spa. A few treatments, time in the gym, steam room, swim, massive jacuzzi and a nice lunch with a good book. Oh and not forgetting some downtime on the hot stone relaxation beds.

I'd been really looking forward to my day spa and I hadn't let any appointments or tasks get in the way. As I was getting ready in the morning Miss E asked me who I was going with. I told her I was going alone and she looked so concerned and said 'but won't you get lonely mum?' This got me pondering and thinking about my friendships and yes there are definitely times when I get lonely, but to be honest, at the day spa isn't one of them.

Call me selfish but I love to be able to suit myself. I did the activities in the order I wanted, I ate when I was hungry, if I was later than planned in the morning it didn't matter and when I had lunch I could absorb myself in my book. I had moments of longing as I saw so many friends and couples, there for the day together, looking comfortable in each others company and chatting away, but ultimately I decided I really was OK there on my own.

Since we moved to East Sussex over six years ago I haven't had the easiest time making friends. There are lots of people I know and would happily chat to, there are even a couple I've had really deep conversations with and enjoyed special times with but I haven't made that best friend. The one who knows me so well and we just hang out and do life together. I do get sad about that sometimes.

You'll often find me spending time in prayer asking God where my good friend is, when will she appear, but I get the feeling that at the moment I am supposed to be working on my friendship with my husband and making God my best friend. After all it is only when I am truly reliant on Him that everything falls in to place.

Trying to make friends when you are 46 is a funny old business, as everyone already has their friends and there is no school gate anymore to chat to other lonely mums. I've joined evening classes, I've been to the WI, I'm doing the village panto at the moment and I even started a job in June. All these things I've enjoyed but there has always been the small hope that I might find some like-minded friends.

As of yet, there is no-one who lives just round the corner and I can nip in to see anytime I fancy. I think, honestly, I'd love my Mum and Dad around the corner. That would be great, as they know all my quirks and accept me as I am.

I was wondering the other day if I just don't have enough time or head space for this longed for friend. Would I make enough effort to see them? I am so task orientated that things often get in the way of relationships. The only ones that seem to survive the test of time are my family, I love having time with them, either all together or just one on one.

I see some of my old uni friends too, but only a couple of times a year for a few hours to catch up. I'm not great when people live some distance from me, I really don't enjoy travelling and I have a husband who isn't the most talkative, so couple friends don't really work.

Truthfully, I am very much looking forward to my girls being older and hopefully having the same relationship with them as I do with my Mum. When it gets to that point, I'll probably be a Grandma and won't have enough time for any more friends!

It's been interesting pondering this topic. Maybe finding a friend is like finding a boyfriend, when I was younger - the moment you stop looking, they come along!

We'll see.......

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Friendship pin

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