Sunday, 30 December 2018

Marching into 2019 with Hope and Love

It's that time of year when so many people are thinking about what lies ahead for them in the next year. I really like this time, when it feels like you have a blank canvas ahead of you and whatever you do feels exciting and new. However for me, it is the keeping it going beyond the first couple of weeks, or even the whole of January (if I'm lucky) that is the tricky bit.

Years back I used to make resolutions, and then always felt bad when they went to pot, so I put that to bed and in December 2013 I published a list of expectations for the year ahead and looking back now, I like that. It was full of positivity and to be honest if I re-published the same list for 2019, I wouldn't go far wrong.

2014 expectations list
2014's list of expectations
2015 was supposed to be the year that I got #FitandFree, I used that hashtag for a while and the aim was to get fit and lose weight. Guess what?  It didn't happen.

At the beginning of 2016 I wrote about the goals I'd like to achieve that year, and with the exception of the big one that has been evading me forever (the weight loss) I did well.

It appears that I didn't write an end of year, or start of year post for 2017 but I remember this was the year I changed to having a guiding word. My choice of word was Trust and this was about trusting God and trusting myself. Then for 2018, I did the same and chose a word, this time it was Believe - I had to believe I could do it. What was the it?  Lose weight of course.

Believe christmas lights in brighton

As I read over these old posts, it is very sad to see that my main goal at the end of every year is to be healthier and fitter, by losing weight and exercising more. It would be so easy to throw the towel in and say that I'm never going to do this, that experience shows I give up easily.

But I refuse to give up. 

In last years post, I said by the end of the year I would be far more healthier and lighter than I was starting the year. If I just look at that, then it would be a fail, but I've always maintained that you don't fail, you win or you learn in life and if I look into that post further, I see that I published a list of what I would believe in. It is when you read these that I know I won last year, I made great progress, yes my outside body still looks fat and my physical health isn't great but my spiritual health is so much better. I do believe I am worth it, I believe I'm loved and that I make a difference and I end the year already a gym member who is actually using her membership each week and knowing that in 2019 I will lose weight. I start slimming world on New Years Day.

Here is the list I published this time last year -

  • I need to believe I am significant and worthy of good outcomes
  • I need to believe I can make the right choices with food
  • I need to believe that exercising is necessary and can be enjoyable
  • I need to believe I will lose weight
  • I need to believe I am loved
  • I need to believe my actions make a difference
  • I need to believe the best of others
  • I need to believe I have the time to spend with God each day

Today a spent a good couple of hours in the prayer centre as I was trying to focus on what my mantra should be for 2019. Now I know some Christians don't like the word mantra, but I'm not getting hung up on this. A lady I follow on Instagram - Ysette Guevara has been talking about mantras recently, and her first one was 'to rest in the palm of God' and this spoke so loudly to me. So I've been asking God where my focus should be and how do I tune into Him more and keep moving forward.

The first mantra, or phrase that came to me was
"rest in Me child"
and I was feeling very positive with that and ready to move forward with it, as it spoke to me about getting rest, having quiet time with God, sleeping well, giving God the control and acknowledging I am a child who needs to be guided and is loved.

Then tonight I went to a couple of short workshops and the one on being free from fear really grabbed me and I came away, after doing the session in the dark with just the odd candle, believing that I have to step into the light, or live in the light, and then the words of the well-known song came to me
"marching in the light of love"
and this feels right for me too, as marching is doing and I need to be actively putting in to my exercise and weight loss journey, the light is God and I must rely on Him and He is love, so feeling supported and appreciated as I take these steps that have proved so difficult for over three decades!

So here I am right now, with two mantras and I don't know if that will work or naturally over the next few days as I pray and wait on God if one will make itself clear as my guide for the next year ahead. Whichever, it doesn't matter as I'm feeling positive and I know there is hope....

Hope christmas lights in brighton

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Guiding mantra post

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