Saturday 7 February 2015

JJ, I love you

So I've posted about Miss M and Miss E recently and thus it must be the turn of JJ, my first born, my one and only boy baby.  I can't really call him a baby anymore though as he is now 11 years old and about 5ft tall.

I was talking Sunday at our community celebration and JJ was there listening and he learnt tonight that growing up and all through my single years I never wanted children.  I didn't see the point and I didn't feel maternal and then dh and I got married and things changed. I suppose you just know when you have met the right partner and children become part of the plan.

We decided to try for a baby on our honeymoon in October 2002 and on New Years Eve 2002 I fell pregnant with JJ. I can remember the elation I felt when I realised the extreme tiredness I felt at work meant I needed to go and buy a pregnancy test (or four) and they all confirmed JJ was on his way.

It was a stress free pregnancy right up until the tenth hour when I developed pre-eclampsia and they decided to induce me. That didn't go well and I ended up with a crash section under general anaesthetic and to be honest I felt traumatised for quite some time. I came around after the section and recall asking dh who the baby was that he was holding as I hadn't given birth so it couldn't be my baby.

That first night in hospital, attached to the bed, I held JJ for the whole night and he fed and snuggled. The midwives told me to put him in his cot but I didn't want to, I couldn't let him go and that night I fell in love with the little baby that I could hardly believe was mine. We spent the night together in perfect bliss and I didn't get an hours sleep but there was no better feeling than knowing he was mine.

Lots has changed over the years, the girls have come along and I wondered if I had fallen out of love with him as he got so naughty but that was never going to happen as he is too precious to me. I decided to have a look through this blog and see what I had written about JJ, I have 117 posted tagged with JJ and some of the earliest ones in 2008 are about him. I particularly smiled at a post about the end of his reception year and felt a flush of pride as I read about how he was changing.

It is easy to forget all the trials we go through as parents and that is where a blog comes in very useful. I've read about how I made JJ cry 5 years ago and worries about him being assessed for a communications disorder. Then it was good to read posts to celebrate his 7th birthday and roll forward to his 10th birthday and probably my favourite post I've re-read is the one from his 11th birthday just four months ago. It sums up exactly how I still feel now.

JJ is great fun, fast witted, highly intelligent and all mine! I love you big boy xx

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