Spending Time with my Girl at Arlington Bluebell Walk, East Sussex

A couple of years ago we visited Arlington bluebell walk as it a family. It was mid-May and the bluebell season was coming to an end but we loved our visit and I've been meaning to go back ever since. This year I was ahead of the game and we visited on 20th April just as the bluebells were really coming into their own, but there was still evidence of the beautiful white wood anemones. So it made for some interesting pictures with both the white and blue flowers.

This year the bluebell walk and farm trail is open from 11th April to 19th May (10am - 5pm each day). I'd definitely recommend a visit, and it is so much more than just pretty woods with lots of bluebells.  You can choose from five walks of differing lengths, and each has a unique view and some pass through local working farms so you may see horses, cows, sheep and chickens. The walks are really varied with lake views, fields, rivers, woodland and farms.

Talking Body Shapes and Size

Image Credit: Fat & Lean woman

I think it's been really good for my girls spending lots of time by the pool during our holiday in Spain, they have seen people (and let's be honest by people, I mean women) of all shapes and sizes wearing whatever it is that pleases them and of course that is how it should be. We are all different and our character and style is unique, so my desire to wear a one piece bathing suit is different to someone else's desire to wear a g-string.

There have been some strange comments like 'Mum, do you think all these people know how big they are and they are wearing bikinis?', 'you look really big in that Mummy' and 'can you swim if you are that fat?' I've been challenged by each of these statements both as a mother and a larger lady but pleased that they have presented the opportunity to again talk with my girls. The conversations have gone along the lines of people being able to wear whatever makes them happy, that bikinis are not just for super slim women, that I am more than just my size and that people of all shapes and sizes can swim really well.

It does trouble me where they have both got this body size obsession from. You might jump to the conclusion if you've seen me that it is down to me as I'm large but I never express dissatisfaction with my body size/ shape in front of them and I have never commented on others either. I am really open with the girls, I acknowledge that I am overweight, but I do not flinch when they touch me, they see me exercise and they have seen me eating more healthily as they know it is not ideal to be as big as me. However, I have always been really clear that it is not 'bad' to be fat but it can cause health issues and that is why I should try to be healthier. I tend to talk in health and fitness terms rather than size or weight as I feel it is much more important.

Perhaps just my being fat is enough to have scarred them? Maybe they are scared of ending up the same way as me? Maybe the cruel playground comments about me have upset them? Or perhaps it is the things I allow them to eat, the way I allow them to live their life that will lead to them being fat? I don't know, parenting and trying to navigate the minefield that is raising kids is immensely hard and like everyone else I'm just trying to do my imperfect best. Yes it worries the inner me if I see there is more weight on their little bodies than I think is ideal but I never give them any indication of this and I remember that each one of my three children is growing and changing and puberty is approaching and their bodies now will not at all be indicative of their bodies as adults. I would never ask them to change or diet.

What is it about living in the UK that makes people obsessed with how women look? The hotel where we were staying had people from all nations and us Brits were very much in the minority but I noticed it was only the British women that sat there with their arms crossed over their tummy and wearing a one piece swimsuit. The Russians, the Germans and the Spanish, to name just a few of the many nationalities were all in bikinis and as brown as berries. Maybe that is it, they are more used to the sun and having their skin on show?

I don't really have any answers, that is the difficult thing. All I know is that I need to keep encouraging my girls to accept themselves just as they are and when they are older if they decide for any reason that they don't like what they see when they look in the mirror then they need to take positive steps towards change or acceptance. They just have to be careful not to allow their bodies to become an obsession.

My prayer for them both is that they will be brave and bold enough to just be the wonderful and unique person that God created them to be, it makes no odds if that person is a size 10, 14 or 22.

Just look at them, aren't they fabulous?

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What Does He See When He Looks At Me?

Just look at that picture. Is there anything as gorgeous as a child fully at rest, peacefully sleeping? It's all the more precious when that child is a live wire and you have had to coax and train her to be able to fall off to sleep without a fight.

Last week dh and I went out for the evening and when we got back I went in to check on each of the kids as I always do, but this time I stopped and really looked at Miss M and captured this picture. In that moment I remembered how important it is to focus on the good in a person, every person.

It goes without saying that I love Miss M, adore her in fact. She is so like me but that doesn't necessarily make things easy. It makes them harder if anything, as all those little traits I don't like about myself, well she has them too and all those rough edges I've been working on and smoothing out over the last few years since deepening my relationship with Christ, yep they are evident as well.

Looking through different eyes #FitandFree

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see Michelle staring back at me.

I see her blond hair, her crowing glory,
I see the lines round her eyes telling her story.

I see a smile, a grin, a bit one-sided,
It's OK though, it's grown on me. I refuse to hide it.

I see a body that's big and out of shape,
But it has born three beautiful children and isn't that great?

Hello, Do I know you?

You do look very familiar, there is something very accustomed about you but I just can not put my finger on it. Is it the hair, I definitely feel like I recognise the hair.

Have we met before?  Am I imagining this?  or are you on my tail?

Each time I turn around, you are there at the moment.  I sort of feel as if you are living my life.

I walk down the street and I catch glimpses of you in the shop windows.

Mummy, I like your boobies!

Can you believe that this is actually quite a common phrase in our house? One of my 3 year olds is obsessed with growing up and already she tells me she is a teenager and she cannot wait to be 5 years old. She often tells her twin that she is bigger and more grown up than her. Why she has this idea and where she has gained this want to grow older I have no idea. What lays ahead for me as her parent you may well wonder? I won’t lie to you; I am completely terrified of the thought of Miss M and Miss E, my beloved twins growing up far too quickly. I posted recently about how I think little girls are being made to grow up before their time. From the response I received to that post it seems I am not alone, many parents are worried about this very area.

Still very much my little girls!