Saturday, 21 January 2012

Bring the Romance Back...

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I am starting to realise that I have been a bit of a fool really. Dh and I have been together for nearly 18 years now and married for 10 of those. Since we got married we bought a house that needed a decent overhaul and had 3 babies. I changed jobs to do a role which is far more convenient in terms of taking care of my family and home life but which pays considerably less, so we have not had a great deal of disposable income over the last 10 years.

Dh is a solid and practical kind of guy (just like my Dad!) and he has always been really good with money, he saved as a youngster and when we were looking to buy our first house back in 1997 he was the one that had the deposit to put down for us. I on the other hand have always been a bit useless with money and have had the attitude that it is there for spending. When dh and I decided to get married we obviously talked about finances and having a joint bank account and basically without saying in so many words, dh said I had to buck my ideas up and start to be more frugal.

I knew he was right and I want to be a good steward of the things that God has entrusted me with, so over the last 10 years I have really improved and we have lived a good life, but instead of increasing our mortgage or taking big loans we have paid for the things we needed to buy or have done to the house. As part of these cut-backs somewhere along the line dh and I stopped buying each other Christmas, valentines and birthday gifts. Stupidly I am pretty sure it was me who suggested we stop! At first we would arrange to go out together and to enjoy a meal or the theatre as our gift to each other but in the last couple of years, probably since the girls have been around and money has been at its tightest we have mostly stopped altogether and I am just realising now that I do not like this.

I am a typical hormonal female, I like to feel loved and when you have a husband who is not the most wordy of people, it is nice to receive a gift. For the first few years I really did think we had done the right thing because if there was something I needed, I would just buy it for myself but now that has lost its shine and I want to feel loved again and to know that dh is putting some thought into our relationship. I am guilty too, so I feel we need to sit down and talk this through and come to a mutual agreement of what we will do. If we set a price limit then we will have to be creative about the things we buy for each other. So if you have any valentines day gift ideas then do let me know, ones that cost less than about £20 preferably. What do you buy for the man that wants nothing? Hmm I am very stuck with that.

As for me, I am easy to sort out. I would like a Pandora bracelet and I am happy to build the charms up over time, so I need to do some hinting to dh.  Maybe if I do this via JJ that might just work! Failing that, Interflora do some lovely gifts for her and I could point dh over to them as I love the look of their personalised love heart cupcakes. Yes it may be extravagant to spend £24.99 on 9 chocolate cupcakes but I now realise that when they arrive at the door I will feel special and loved and you can’t put a price on that.

Shame dh does not read my blog isn’t it? That would save me an awkward conversation! Wish me luck....

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