Saturday 19 May 2012

If Twin Mums Ruled the World...

I was cleaning out the car the other day and for no good reason at all I started to think about how different things would be if all parents had twins.  So here is my take on what might be different if twin mums (or triplet, quad et al) ruled the world -

*    There would be a law against people stopping you when they see you with a double buggy and two tiny babies inside.  Yes that stressed look on your face and the double set of screams does mean they are hungry and you are avidly dashing to John Lewis to find the only place in town that is private enough for you to tandem feed two babies.
Look at the lengths I went to, to avoid unwanted attention.  Yes,  I used to take my twinnies out in a single buggy together.  I figured they were happy and used to be snuggled up together!

*    Never again would the words 'Ohh you've got double trouble'  or 'you've got your hands full' or 'two for the price of one' be uttered, as if they were then the twin mummy police would quickly be there to arrest the responsible person and to throw them into 'stupid statement' jail!

*    Then in the same vein it would become a crime punishable by public humiliation to ask a twin mum if her babies were conceived naturally. 'ohh are they real?' would never again have to be heard and endured.

*    When you are pregnant and you find out that you are expecting twins, as well as growing the babies you would miraculously grow an extra set of arms or even two sets if you have children already. Then you would never need to be the boring mum who finds herself telling her children to wait a moment as you only have one set of hands!

*    Not only do you grow an extra pair of hands but you manage to acquire a second husband.  All us women know it is impossible for men to multi-task and thus we just need to take a second one to ensure the extra work is fairly shared!  (Gosh, will I get lynched for this one?)

*    The world would be quite a different place as every pavement would be double width and all shops would have massive isles. Tandem buggies are very wide don't you know and if you are anything like me you will drift towards your other twin mummy friends and then a walk into town becomes a real battle when you have two double buggies trying to move together.

The smallest buggy of all the twins I owned!

*    Pilate's and tena lady would of course be available on the NHS and be offered as standard for all multiple mums. Not very glamorous you might think but have you seen the proportions that our stomachs get to when carrying more than one baby at a time, we need all the help we can get to recognise those muscles again and to get them in check.

*    On a person note I would rule that all cute clothing is either sold in a two pack or there are two versions available of the same thing.  Who would have known that tough old Mich would turn out to be so twee but I loved my twinnies in the same outfit but just slightly different.

*    Then with all major purchases it would just be common sense that you would buy one and either get the second free or at least receive a 50% discount. Parenting twins or more is ridiculously expensive so we could do with a break.

That was about where my thoughts stopped, so I tweeted the question and asked other twin mums, what might be different if they ruled the world and here is what they said -

Dara at Mum of all trades was with me and wanted an extra set of arms. Just after my twins were born my JJ did a portrait for me with his dream of how I should look now I had three children -

Debbie at the Johnson babies said that the Government should offer project management training rather than antenatal classes and I love that one, it is so true.  You become a master of planning, organisation and precision as a twin mummy.

Childcare would be much, much cheaper was the comment from Jane who blogs at In a Different Voice.  So true, I know how crippling it was while my babes were young and I was paying £100 a day for nursery.You can tell how much I needed my work fix because I certainly was not earning enough to pay that!

Karen at Tales of a Twin Mum made me laugh with her input 'pre-school would start at 10am instead of 8.30am'.  8.30am what kind of time is that???  lmao. See, that was how much I loved work, I used to leave home at 7.30am with them all ready and having eaten to drop at breakfast club, the station and nursery to then start work at 8.30am.  Boy am I glad those days are over, makes a 8.50am start at school and work after that seem like a lie in.

I really was chuckling away at Rebecca, she tweeted '..all shopping trolleys would be double and all doors would be extra big (for the pram you know not because we eat for 2)'. I had forgotten how entertaining she is over on her blog Here come the girls, I must go and visit more often....  if only there was more time.  She then went on to say '...people would have to pay a pound every time they say "you've got your hands full"'.  Oh yes, that is a fine idea, even better than my idea to lock them up, let's make some money out of the ones that drive us crazy!

And there I'll leave you, do feel free to add your own addition.  If twin mums rulds the world....