Tuesday 12 April 2011

I am Beautiful

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a wonky face staring back at me,
I see sad eyes, spots, blemishes and lines,
I see tired hands, flabby bits and a woman not in her prime.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see someone who is too harsh and who judges me,
I see a woman obsessed with her size,
Programmed by the media to believe the lies.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
Occasionally I see you crying at me,
I see hate, the loathing, it’s all in my eyes,
I see myself, that comes as a surprise!

Taken this weekend
Tomorrow and forever...
I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a woman who wants to break free....
A woman who knows that beauty comes from inside,
one who cherishes honesty and will not hide!

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a natural beauty smiling at me,
I see someone with a massive heart,
that same someone who cares when you are falling apart.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a middle aged woman as happy as can be.
I see a loving and dedicated wife,
one who is willing to change her life...
I see a mother of three, a daughter to two,
aiming to please because she loves you.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see a friend to many, confidant to some,
a person who tries to love everyone.
I see a positive woman with future dreams,
someone who very much is as she seems.

I look in the mirror and what do I see?
I see an imperfect being who is trying her best,
One who knows that's enough because God does the rest!

I made a decision over the weekend that I needed to love and accept myself just as I was.  This does not mean I can not take positive steps to deal with my obesity but it means I can not allow it to define me.

We all have to remember that true beauty is not about how we look on the outside but how we are on the inside. If we are more concerned and spending more time worrying about and nurturing our outside appearance than the state of our heart then something is amiss. I have been doing a lot of pondering on this over the last couple of weeks  and am pleased to say that despite still being as fat as ever I feel OK today.  Today I am loving and accepting myself and even looking in the mirror and thinking I look pretty.  Turn back the clock a couple of weeks and I was feelling very much as the beginning of this post suggests - ugly, misshapen, shameful and useless. I was looking in the mirror and hating what I saw, I could not see anything that satisfied me and that is a sorry state of affairs.

As with all challenges I turn to the word of God and see what the bible has to offer on the matter. 1 Timothy 2:9 says that women should dress modestly and not adorn themselves with inappropriate items. I used to worry that this meant I should not be taking any outward pride in my appearance but actually it just asks us to dress appropriate to the situation and not to flaunt our beauty and wealth. In fact it is advocated that partners look appealing to each other but we must not put so much emphasis on the outside that we become obsessed and lose our humble and grateful heart.

So today I am grateful and I say thank you Lord for how beautiful I am.

I thought I would share a selection of pictures of me without any make-up showing my natural beauty (isn't it funny how time changes your perspective, when I look at the ones of me in my teenage years and early twenties I now see a young, vibrant and curvaceous woman, whereas at the time I thought that a size 16 was the most ugly and enormous size ever!)