Wednesday 23 October 2019

Looking After Me! #R2BC

HAPPINESS IS... // A morning at the spa on your own, totally chilling. ✨🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️ . A week ago I cricked my neck and it's been so tight and painful. Then last night I was full of stress as I backed out of an unproductive situation. 🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️✨ . Today, I've had a fabulous massage, the most divine Elemis facial and now I'm chilling on the hot stone relaxation beds. ✨🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️ . Whenever I feel ready it will be a swim, steam and jacuzzi, followed by lunch. Then it's back to normality as I have work to do, ready to go to Spain at the weekend. 🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️✨ . I'm feeling quite anxious about our trip though, for many reasons. So I'm trying to replace negative and anxious thoughts with positive ones. ✨🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️✨🏵️ . Anyway I just thought I'd share this pic as I don't think this 46 year old looks too bad without any filters!
A post shared by Michelle Pannell (@michelletwinmum) on

I’ve been looking after myself recently and that why there’s not been many blog posts, or not ones that take emotional energy anyway. I haven’t felt like I’ve had much to say and now the kids are 12, 12 and 16 it’s so hard to share my parenting tales, as they (quite rightly) don't want their lives broadcast for all to read. Peer pressure and casual bullying are too rife sadly!

I made a choice a long time ago that I’d share the good, bad and ugly of my life as a way of connecting, helping others and showing that Christians are regular, flawed people too. Even this, now, has become more difficult as so much of my life involves my husband and I’ve never shared on his behalf. He’s a very private man and wouldn’t want his life ‘out’ there.

So blogging really does seem to be changing for me, it’s becoming less personal and more a way I earn money. Now, I’m trying to decide if I’m OK with that. Of course the money in the bank is very helpful, and not too difficult to earn, but do I want Mummy from the Heart to be a commercial entity?

I think, to be honest, it is the reality of where I am right now. I’ll still do personal posts when the moment takes me and I have something to say but I’m not going to beat myself up for earning a living and being able to pay for a holiday for our family.

As I sat in the day spa yesterday I was feeling proud of myself. Proud that I seem to have found that elusive balance that everyone seeks - I’m employed, I’m self-employed, I’m mum, I’m wife and I’m Michelle too. I’m getting time for things I enjoy and I’m not feeling run ragged.

Some of it is down to the kids being older, but much of it is down to my head being in the right place and being able to accept who people are and what their limitations are. As well as being able to reconcile that I cannot do everything. I just have to choose what is most important and focus on those things.

This update post will serve as my regular reasons to be cheerful post, where I share what is making me feel happy and grateful right now.

·         Time at the spa alone, I had a massage, facial, time on the hot stone relaxation beds, swim, steam and Jacuzzi. Pure bliss!
·         I’m loving being part of the village panto. I have just volunteered for the chorus this year and I’ve even backed out of one dance as my hurting foot won’t tolerate the moves, but I am loving the singing.
·         I’ve been spending time in the prayer centre to just be and wait on God, which is never time wasted.
·         We’ve joined a new church and I wake up each Sunday wanting to go and I come away inspired and wanting to do better. I haven’t had that for a while now, so it is so welcome.
·         I made a choice this week to walk away from a work situation that was upsetting me and I have cut all ties with the source of anxiety.
·         I’m not entirely satisfied with the job I started back in June, but it was good last week to be really honest with my manager and to make her aware that I wasn’t sure if it was the right job for me.  We’re working together to see where it goes.
·         I’ve been doing some boring but necessary jobs, like sorting out the thousands of photos I take. Many are of Ashburnham Place where I live and I use them for their social and promotional work. They are now all sorted into files of image type.
·         This week has been busy, every moment has been planned for, but even in that I am managing to swim twice this week and I’m not beating myself up for lack of gym visits. They’ll get back on track once I return from holiday.
·         And there is the last reason, we go off on holiday Saturday for a few days to Spain. I’m hoping for lots of relaxation, walks, swims, good food and book reading. JJ isn’t coming with us, he has the grandparents coming to stay and is looking after the cat, but he’ll enjoy that just as much. It will be strange without my boy though.

Now, over to you. How are you doing? I’d love to know, Mich xx