I’m in a good place right now, one where I am hearing God speak to me and that is both exciting and also scary. I find it really interesting that at times I can tune in and others I just have no idea what is being said or how God is prompting me. I suppose, logically there has to be times of rest or quiet otherwise I would get exhausted from constantly hearing God’s promptings for me to change and improve.
At church on Sunday our Senior Pastor Paul was speaking on unbelief and fear, he felt God had given him a powerful message to share with us about being careful what boots we step into each day. He had a big, heavy pair of wellies on stage that he stepped into and told us that each day these ‘old faithfuls’ sat by the side of his bed waiting for him to step into. His boots have a word branded onto the bottom of each of them – on one is fear and on the other is unbelief.
It is all too easy each day for any of us to slip into the habits that we are used to, the things we find familiar and comfortable and his boots of fear and unbelief are what he could easily wear every day if he didn’t put some thought and effort into it. BUT and this is a big BUT, when Paul gave his life to Christ he got given a new pair of boots, a much better pair, those of love and faith. Of course being new boots they are not as worn-in, or as comfy and familiar as the old ones but with time they too can become our favourite boots and of course they are much better and the rewards from wearing them are much richer.
I’ve been musing over this message since I heard it and of course praying for guidance on what it is that my boots have branded onto the bottom of them. At first I thought one of mine might be fear too and there are definitely times that I suffer from unbelief but this morning as I drove home from dropping the kids to school and I was musing how the children prefer to go in the car with a different parent to me I realised that the branding on the bottom of one of my boots is rejection.
Oh my word, what a revelation. I now know for sure I suffer with a spirit of rejection and I have never knowingly realised this before. I feel rejection in my life in so many ways and it is so easy for this to make me feel negative and down. There is nothing massive that I can pinpoint and say was the crux of my problems or issues and therefore this is probably just something I have dismissed before but for me it is real and it is a big deal and I need to get past it. So I’ve ordered a book by John Eckhardt called ‘Destroying the spirit of rejection’ and I’m hoping it will help, it has great reviews and over the next few weeks I’m going to be doing some praying with a friend and immersing myself in this subject.
As I think about this more and more I realise that I’ve felt rejected in so many ways in my life and it is now probably just a lens that I view life through. It is turned on as a default setting and that is bound to steal my joy. So I have doctored my shoes and tonight when I step out the house to go to a new bible study group (ekk a little scary) I am wearing the shoes of love and acceptance as that is what my faith in God gives me.
I am OK. I am more than OK. I am good enough. I walk in love and acceptance and spirit of rejection and fear be gone in Jesus name. Amen