Thursday 3 September 2009

You can't live your childs life for them...

I have been learning this slowly over the last couple of years since JJ has been at school. My beautiful JJ who is so vivacious and larger than life is now in year 1 (just started today) and I worry so much about whether he is liked by the class and if he will be OK. Luckily he is generally a confident boy but last night he cried as most of his mates have moved into the other class. I fully expect him to meet new friends and I want him to have a wide circle but secretly I would also like him to have a really good friend who he sees loads and they love each other and stick with each other. This has not happened yet and if I am truthful, it may not. I have to let go and let him run his life as he sees fit and allow him to make mistakes and just be there to cuddle him when he needs it.

I did not have the happiest time at primary school, I was lightly overweight (or enormous I thought) and I can remember being mildly bullied for it. I also, I am ashamed to say bullied someone else and thought it was OK as the rest of the year did as well - that poor kid. We have made our amends now thankfully, just a couple of years ago but I do so regret what happened to that lad. I would never want JJ to be so cruel and thus I am trying to ensure he has a good circle of friends and feels confident enough not to have to take his insecurities out on someone else.

Whenever I learn that some of his friends have met up and he was not there I am wounded for him. It does not seem to affect him at all, he is tough skinned and fairly deaf to what is happening around him, I wish I was like that too. I am so highly tuned to everything. We have kids for tea and then JJ does not get an invite back and I wonder if that is because they do not want him at their house as he is very loud and boisterous or because their kids are just not that fussed with him and thus want to invite someone else instead. I need to let this go and stop worrying about it.

Please Lord, I hand this issue over to you. Stop me worrying about playground politics. I do not want to be part of the silliness any more. If a kids does not invite JJ - so what, we can not live our lives pussyfooting around some in the hope that JJ will be played with and will have a good group of friends. He is generally a happy and content boy and that should be enough for me.