I woke up this morning feeling very adamant that I have to stop making excuses and I need to really get my head around being good with food and being abstinent. The day has been pretty good so far, I resisted cakes at work.
I know what my problem is at the moment: I want to lose weight first and sort out my crazy head and compulsive overeating second but I have that round the wrong way! I must rely on God more and willpower less that is when I will see the change and things will dramatically get better.
It is now 6 weeks (will weigh tomorrow morning) since I started going to my ED meetings and I just know there has not been that much weight loss but I do feel so much happier when I look in the mirror, some of that could be the exercise I have been doing - gym, aqua and crunches but it might just be that some of it is in the mind and I just feel better and thus look better. I have bought a few new clothes recently and I a convinced I look better in them and that my double chin is looking far less chunky.
So I am very happy to continue with this journey and I know that this needs to be a change for life and not just a short term diet and some weight loss that all might go back on again. I am really not sure how I move my fixation from losing weight to one of getting well. I presume it is just working with God more and undertaking more spiritual activities so I am in tune and awake to his words.
I am getting a tad fed up with myself now, of breaking my abstinence each day and hearing excuses about how much I am mentally adapting and trying and thus it is OK. No Michelle it is not OK, do not use excuses. When I feel the urge to eat and I know it is not true hunger I must pray instead.