Sunday 21 June 2009

Feeling bogged down!

I am back from my hols and we had a wonderful time, I was sad to leave and come home. I had intended this first post back to be a cheerful one about what a fab time we all had - perhaps I will feel up to that post later.

At the moment I just have a busy head and I feel really bogged down. It is totally irrational and I assume I am feeling like it because it is that time of the month and my hormones are haywire but perhaps there is another reason and I am just not aware of it. I know I want to eat and that is me trying to mask feelings and worries. I do hate this crazy illness that they call compulsive overeating but I feel so lethargic to do anything about it. I know that once I can really admit I am powerless over food and that it is God who will change me and my life then things will start to turn around but I do seem to be fighting that.

My head tells me off as there is nothing to be worrying about. Why can I not just relax and enjoy a day with my family? We only came back yesterday and already the washing and ironing is up to date but here I am worrying that I need to prepare tomorrow dinner, mow the lawn, plant some flowers, do the PTA summer fete breakdown, answer emails, catch up with friends on the net, clean out the car, do some ironing and sorting for ebay, put the ebay listings up. It is completely crazy, many people can just enjoy a day with their family and be content that everyone has had a good time and that is enough of an achievement in one day for them - I would love that. I have many friends who can just do a day of being and not have to keep rushing around doing stuff all day. I know many people think I try to be superwoman with trying to get everything done but actually the truth is that I am just a complete head case!

One day I will be normal, I do believe that. God will restore me to sanity.