The quick and simple answer is that I have no idea. I do not know what the future holds or what I am supposed to be doing. All will be revealed in God's good timing and I must have patience to wait and see.
That is pretty frustrating though, as of course I want to make things happen, to change the world and to stop injustice. I want to jump on it and make it happen now, not tomorrow, not next month and certainly not in five years time. I see what others are doing and my actions feel inadequate but we are not supposed to compare ourselves to others, that helps no-one. We must just follow our own personal path.
I've mentioned many times that I do not like resolutions as I feel they are made to be broken but I do see the value in setting goals and having forward vision. To some extent it is difficult to set long-term goals as I truly want to be open to what God has in store for me and I don't want to be too busy off on a tangent that is not part of his plan.
So I find myself in a bit of a tough place. Submission I suppose some would call it, If I was being honest and unkind to myself I would probably label it as stagnant. But, I do not wish to rest in inertia. I want to be ready and able to take on whatever the next step is and that means that even though I am in this place where I do not know what the big picture is, there are actions I can be taking.
I need to be ready.
I need to be fit for purpose
In fact, I just need to be fit. Full stop.
Then once I am fit, I'm pretty sure that will allow me to be free.
Like the song says - Free to live, free to give, free to be and free to love you.
So I am back in this place again, the same place I have been in so many times before. I need to lose weight and I need to get fit. I'm not going to lie to you or to myself, I don't enjoy it. I don't want to cut down on the food I eat or cut out the really enjoyable stuff and I certainly don't want to go running in the dark or go to the gym any more than once a week but I need to stop whinging and making excuses and I need to just do it.
I can only be free once I am fit. I don't actually need to be slim, this is not about aesthetics and being beautiful, this is about being healthy and fit for purpose. Ready to take on the role that God wants me to take on and realistically that might not be much different to now, He may want me to be volunteering, mothering and keeping house. That might be where I am best used but I will only be free to really enjoy it and immerse myself when I am fit.
So here is to 2015, the year to be fit and free!
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