Last week the girls and I were sat in our lounge. Miss E and I cuddled up on one sofa watching a DIY program and Miss M sat on the other playing with her tablet and chatting away to us. It was an easy family hour, all content in each others company; we were relaxing and letting the busyness of the day fade.
Then all of a sudden Miss M looked at me and said 'Mummy, M, R and L at school all say you are fat' and she looked sad. Great, thought I, the nasty comments from other kids has started already, they are only 7 but remaining calm I quietly asked 'Oh what did you say to them?'
As quick as anything Miss E butts in 'you're not fat mummy, you're skinny'. This is of course ludicrous as I'm a size 22 and definitely a larger lady but I love Miss E's loyalty and desire to defend me.
Miss M is still looking sad, in fact looking like she wishes she had never bought the conversation up in the first place. I don't want her to be put in this position so I speak 'you know I'm fat babe, but does that make me a bad person?'. 'No Mummy, you are lovely, they made me sad saying you are fat' Miss M quietly comments.
'I know darling but you don't have to be sad because someone talked about me, it is none of their business, they obviously don't have anything better to talk about' I reassure her. 'So what did you say to them Miss M?'. Shyly she looks up and says 'I told them you are still my mummy and I love you'.
'Good, you did the right thing, don't get into an argument. Just play with other people if they make you sad'. All the while Miss E has been wittering on in her worried little nervous style, about how I'm not fat, I'm her lovely mummy. The three of us then progress to have the same conversation we have had many times before, that being fat does not define who a person is. They will have the same personality whatever size they are and it is not wrong to be fat. What is important is being fit and healthy, some larger people have excellent diets and run marathons and some very thin people eat junk food all the time.
We cannot judge a book by it's cover and really, is it any of our business what anyone else does or how they look? Both girls agree that no, it is not anything to do with other people and we end the conversation with Miss M looking less worry laden.
Following this conversation, the subject of me being very fat is again at the forefront of my mind. Hang on, who am I kidding? The fact that I'm obese never leaves my mind, as much as I wish to be able to accept this is who I am and the way I am, I just can't do it. I don't want to be this size, I know I look 8 months pregnant and I'm not happy with that.
This of course means I need to do something about it. I need to drop the excuses and practise what I preach, it is time to hand my issue to the Lord and have confidence that He will help me beat this.
It is not just about me anymore, it is about all those I love and how it affects them too. Please Father, help me I beg you.
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