Saturday, 28 July 2012

I feel ashamed, elated, humbled and excited!

I am on an emotional roller-coaster right now, if I did not know better I would be tempted to think I was pregnant and the hormones were in full-flow.  But I’ll just set the record straight from the start – I’m not. Oh no, no more babies for me. I have other work to do.

My baby making days are over and I feel I have another calling right now.  Of course I’ll continue the important work of raising my own children with my husband, that goes without saying.  I also need to continue in my paid work as practicalities dictate that we need to pay the mortgage and I do love to have enough earnings that we can continue with our charitable giving such as the 2 children we sponsor through Compassion and the monthly donation to the Hope project.

But in recent times I have wanted to do more than just give money.  I am mad at the world and especially the injustice of the way that wealth is unequally spread, it is really impacting my life.  I drove through a nice area of Hertfordshire the other day on the way to a Cub camp and I was appalled by all the large and decadent houses. Who needs to live in houses worth a couple of million?  Roll back 15 years and I would have been yearning for a house like that, now I can honestly say it makes me feel physically sick.

I do realise I am a hypocrite though, I am appalled at vast displays of wealth in people’s houses, cars and clothes but here I am a very overweight woman. One who could be said to be flaunting her wealth in all the excess weight that her body carries.  I can hear some of you now ‘ah Mich, don’t be hard on yourself’, ‘losing weight is difficult’, ‘when the time is right…’ yadda, yadda, yadda.  I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but I need a dose of tough love.

There is no excuse for being this overweight and I do feel bad about it, I just also at times, feel completely powerless over it. But I am taking positive measures – counselling, time away from blogging to free my mind space to remember to eat healthy, to exercise and to allow myself to go to bed early.

‘So where is this post going Mich, is it just another whine about you being too fat?’ I hear you thinking. While yes, I am whining about my weight, it is for a slightly different reason. Things have come to a bit of a head for me as I have had the most exciting news. One.org have invited me to travel with a group of US bloggers and one other UK Blogger, Jennifer Howze to Ethiopia in October, with the focus for the trip on agriculture and maternal and child health as part of #ONEMums. I am so humbled to have been asked and to be able to go there and see for myself both the immense problems that are there but also the wonderful inspirational success stories of families becoming sustainable and lives being saved. I cannot even begin to explain to you how I feel about going to Ethiopia, my heart is in my throat as I type this and I wonder how I will get through the next couple of months with the anticipation and expectation for what I will experience.
I feel I really must show some respect and try to shift some weight before we go, I sort of feel that going out there at this size is just like rubbing their noses in it.  However, I pray that the Lord keeps me focused on the trip agenda and not the inward struggles of being me. I am going there to learn more, have my eyes opened and to be the voice of people who are not able to reach you. I am so privileged to be able to take this trip and my desire is to share everything that I see and experience with you.  Right now I am on fire, my heart is both aching and longing to help as well as buzzing and beating with the excitement of taking such a life-changing trip.  How can I ever view things the same again after this?

I know some people wonder why people like me bother taking these trips. Isn’t the problem too vast that nothing will ever make a difference?  Well with that attitude perhaps but I believe, like really believe. I believe we can do all things through Him who gives us strength. There have been some amazing blogger charity trips in the last couple of years and now I just hope and pray that I, along with the other ONEMoms/Mums can do something amazing with ONE.org, such an inspiring advocacy and campaigning organisation.

For those cynics reading this, take a quick peek at this video, smart agriculture programs make a difference -
What I would like to know is will you take this journey with me blogger friends? Can you be on the ground tweeting and blogging while I am in Ethiopia? Will you support a friend to help get some much-needed awareness out there?

And if you have not yet signed up to support ONE (remember they want your voice not your money) please do so HERE. It takes just moments.
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